May 19, 2005
Blatant self link.
If I had to listen to only the Go-Go's or the Bangles for the rest of my life, I think that I would choose the Bangles.
I realize how controversial that statement is, but I thought this might be an appropriate place to make it.
Blasphemer!!! Vacation so rocks harder than Different Light.
I question not the rockingness of Vacation (or Head Over Heels, for that matter). I just think that the four lead singers of the Bangle might drive me insane less quickly than hearing Belinda Carlisle, Belinda Carlisle, Belinda Carlisle, and Belinda Carlisle.
Now Belinda Carlisle solo effort is a different story...I'd listen to all of the Enigma albums back to back than just one verse of "Circle in the Sand".
Bangles are awesome and much underrated. Check out "Crash and Burn" - hell of a tune.
LA to Reno
Checking out the scene-o
(Just showing off)
What?! Now there is two of you? Go-Go's rox and Bangles sux...'nuf said!!!
I think the real question is- would you rather:
a) listen to the Bangles
b) watch the Bengals play football or
c) wear bangles
pulling into Reno/
checking out the scene-oh/
feeling so mean-oh/
sometimes, I wish I could,/
Crasj and Burn
maybe she did say "L.A. to Reno" actually...
drjimmy11, you are going to have to turn in your Debi Peterson fanclub membership immediately.
Ohhh, the Bengals were a good team (on Tecmo).
As for the quiz, I would go with A by default.
B is not a good choice as most seasons the Bengals would not be able to win a football game against the Bangles.
C is not a good choice because I once had to make an Emergency Room visit after having an skin-pinching accident while wearing bangles while masturbating.
With a pickle mine/ we kicked the nipple beer/
Steady as we go/ we're flying over trout/
Ghetto down the highway/ at the speed of light/
All I wanna feel now/ is the wind in my eyes/
Sack of monkeys in my pocket!
My sister's ready to go!
Is that one the Bangles?
♫ It's just another manic Wednesday...♫
way oh, way oh, way oh/
walk with an erection
I don't think that the Bangles could beat the Bengals unless the Bangles signed Lita Ford and Wendy O. Williams.
Joan Jett can kick all their asses.
yeah, but only polly jean brings the awesome and the sexy.
i am prepared to be wrong on this...
I will support Joan jett until the ends of this thread.
And I dont give a damn about my bad reputation.
Oh no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
not me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me
NOT ME!
My all rock-chick football team to take on the Bengals:
Offensive Line
Mama Cass
Carnie Wilson
Any three blackup singers used by late 80's rock bands
Tight Ends
RuPaul
Aimee Mann
Wide Receiver
Grace Jones
Fullback
Tracy Chapman
Tailback
Ani DiFranco
Quarterback
Joni Mitchell
Where is the D?
We'll run a 4-3 with a cover 2
Linemen..err people
Aretha Franklin
Ann Wilson (pre-surgery)
Carnie Wilson (also pre-surgery)
Rosemary Clooney (the wiley vet)
Linebackers
Liz Phair
Mia Zapata
Victoria Williams
Defensive Backfield
L7
couldnt Ani Difranco be on both offense and defense? Because... well.. you know...
I insist on uniforms of red checked flannel shirts
Oh sure, bernockle. A white quarterback. Perpetuate the myth, why dontcha?
So who's the kicker?
Bjork.
Circle in the sand... (go round and round)
ObIdleThought: Anyone ever seen Melissa Sue Anderson of Little House on the Prairie fame and Belinda Carlisle in the same room? I ask because they is teh hotness and, well, just askin'.
I would like to sleep with Susanna Hoff circa '86 while listening to the Go gos. Maybe even now, it's just been awhile since I've seen her. I woulda like to have slept with Joan Jett too, but I'm a little afraid she'd kick my butt.
Bjork the kicker? No way!!! Bjork can return kicks. Kick returners are REAL players...kickers were always shunned by the rest of the team in my playing days. Kicker would be Britney Spears-Federline and the Punter would be Ashley Simpson.
A comment. On a blog. Holy hell.
I was going to let Ella Fitgerald quarterback, but I didn't think that she fit the rock mode. Still, I agree that I have perpetuated a stereotype.
I agree with grover96's thoughtful comments about kickers and returners. Those are good calls.
I can't believe tracy deleted this post. It contained my most thoughtful comments ever.
I have never felt so strongly about a post. If I had a blog I'd self link the Bengals vs Bangles part...if I only had a brain.
OK, first: Bangles. Michael Steele on bass. The rest of the bangles are lovely girls, but Ms. Steele is a woman. AND she was in the Runaways, with your Ms. Jett and Lita. Fucking. Ford.
Then: rock chick football (which is soooo cool)
OFFENSE:
Offensive Line: Lady Sovereign, Amy Grant, Neneh Cherry and Nina Gordon (who toegether are affectionately known by not very bright sportwriters as "the double nina"!) and the bass player from Smashing Pumpkins whose name escapes me just the second.
Tight End: Jill Cunniff from Luscious Jackson
Wide Receivers: Whitney Houston (crazy at the corner, baby!) and Kathleen Edwards (she's a tough country girl with legs like a colt, that's why!)
Running Backs: Agent M from Tsunami Bomb and Linda Ronstadt (those thighs aren't aren't just for holding biscuits, boys)
Quarterback: COURTNEY LOVE! (pre-dead Kurt, when she was hard and acidic and didn't give a shit)
And yeah, Bjork's kicking.
DEFENSE: I like a linebacker-heavy secondary, but that means I need some real badasses on the defensive line, so:
Lineladies: The aforementioned Lita Ford, Donna A (singer from The Donnas) and Aretha Franklin.
middle linebackers: The Indigo Girls
outside linebackers: Chaka Khan and Ya Kid K
Cornerbacks: Wendy O Williams and Pink.
Free safety: The girl from Evanescence
Strong Safety: Joan Osbourne
Punt Return: Janet Jackson ca. "Black Cat"
on preview: DELETED?????
Can we continue adding to deleted thread?
http://monkeyfilter.com/link.php/8519
Yes!
Fes: Amy Grant on the line? I played D-line and would salivate at the chance at blowing that toothpick up. She has neither the speed to pickup out side speed rushers (ala Liz Phair) or the strength to stop a bull rusher (Carnie Wilson).
This thread must live, dammit! Rock chick fantasy football must survive!!
Amy Grant has potential, Grover my friend. Don't think for a moment that she can't mix it up - she's rangy and nimble. The offensive line's not all about bulk.
Plus she has God on her side.
I am with grover on the Amy Grant issue.
If her strength is having God on her side, then she might be more suited for wide receiver when they are running the Hail Mary.
C'mon, I've got a light-n-sweet offensive line all the way round - this is a mobile offense, not some gang of ex-Denny's waitresses making a garage for your QB to throw out of. Courtney's out of the shotgun 24/7, and you know that when that pocket folds she's going to run it herself - she loves the glory sprint, and she's a scrapper who can take a hit. I'm standing behnind my Amy, gents.
Is there a place for Linda Ronstadt on that offensive line?
She's my fullback, my bulldozer!
Fes: Also, Ms.Love can't QB. Doesn't she spend most of the time on her back?
Joan Osbourne can't play DB...she's a ONE HIT WONDER (rimshot)
Bjork is a real talent. Don't make her kick. Maybe as a bullet on special teams like Steve Tasker.
Courtney does have some vicarious experience with the shotgun, I will give yuo that.
Whoa, I just thought...where does Pat Benatar play?
Given what Jan Stenerud did for the game, I think I'd have to go back to the Norwegian well for my placekicker: Sondre Lerche fits the bill.
Pat Benetar has to be a linebacker. "Hit Me With Your Best Shot"
I want Sheena Easton in the slot.
Grover: Courtney's antics are due in most part to a lack of direction for her obviously prodigious drives - but you can't argue with her leadership skills and her innate toughness. Love her or other, when I see her in action I can't help but be reminded of a young Mac Davis in North Dallas Forty.
Joan, on the other hand, has just the right level of cool under pressure I need to keep my corners in check, and you just know that she'll work well with my inside linebackers.
No way I'd put Bjork on special teams, she'll be on and off the DL for EVA. I want her safe and healthy, but what's more I want her where she can score points, and that's at Kicker. Don't forget, that position is historically a haven for funny-named Europeans (to wit: Rolf Benirschke).
The good news is that K.D. Lang's agent just called and says she insists on playing quarterback. The bad news is now nobody wants to play center.
The bad news is now nobody wants to play center.
Sir? The Fesville Fesmeisters select as their first draft pick for 2005....
... Me'shell Ndegeocello.
Ohhh crappola...the Grover96 Buccs with the second pick in the 2005 Chickoball draft select (dramatic pause) Lil' Kim.
Mel Kiper: Out of Brooklyn, NY this feisty minx will either suck or blow the Bengals...errr Boomer?
... Me'shell Ndegeocello
Hits hard and low, an excellent choice.
Where the fuck is Fesville? Google turned up nothing.
I want to know where my squad is going to have to play.
Be quick bernockle, with franchises going fast you don't want to be stuck with a small market team. The only free-agents you will be able to draw will be from the little known Indie League or maybe a ex-Four Non Blonde.
Good news. Melissa Etheridge wants to play on K.D.'s team.
Fesville, Illinois. Motto: "Not 'Salem's Lot' Since 1981!"
You should know that Daisy May Memorial Stadium sports ONLY natural turf.
That goes for my players, too.
I'm recommending Grace Slick for free safety.
But really? Fesville is in the heart of all of us.
I've got dibbs on Chaka Khan, Queen Latifah, and Anita Baker.
Too late! Ms. Khan starts at right outside linebacker for the Fesmeisters.
Grace Slick, hell yes!!! I mean if she built this city she can definately pickup the tightend or crowd the line in a run situation.
Can we talk trade?
I have changed my mind and I want Sheila E. at quarterback.
My receivers will be Destiny's Child. They will all go over the middle, if you know what I mean.
I have yet to announce my defense. It all begins with inside linebackers, and it will all begin with Salt n Pepa for my as yet untitled team.
I've got Macy Gray and Enya at the corners, but I feel a little vulnerable there.
I stayed away from other teams' players, with one exception. And I say my team will kick your team's ass.
QB: Chrissie Hynde. Her hard-nosed style, spontaneity, ability to move outside the pocket, and natural leadership ability make her reminiscent of Ken "the Snake" Stabler.
Fullback: Kim Deal. Gets all up in defenders' grills.
Tailback: Lauryn Hill. Smooth, with open-field moves that make defenders look like their feet are encased in cement blocks.
Wide receivers: Kim Gordon (takes good advantage of her height on timing patterns to the corners of the end zone), Patti Smith (scrappy possession receiver)
Tight end: Mary J. Blige
Offensive Line: Mahalia Jackson (her music moves mountains, and her blocking moves the chains), Deborah Iyall (of Romeo Void), Dolly Parton, Ma Rainey (who's entering her final season), and, at center, Tina Weymouth (small, but quite mobile and very consistent and intelligent)
Defensive line: Janis Joplin, Alicia Keys, Queen Latifah. (Sorry, but I already signed her -- and you should see her bull-rush the QB. I also like to use her on offense in short-yardage situations, a la Refrigerator Perry.)
Linebackers (we're running a 3-4): Shirley Manson, Kristin Hersh, Tina Turner (untouchable when it comes to lateral pursuit), Exene Cervenka
Defensive Backfield: Gwen Stefani (the Neon Deion of my team), Kat Bjelland, and Carrie Brownstein and Corin Tucker, a.k.a. the Tombstone Twins -- the hardest hitters in the business.
Kicker: Nina Hagen
This is the best thread ever. And I've just bought season tickets to the Fesmeisters. Because wherever I hang my hat, my heart is in Fesville.
Your seats have been upgraded, sir.
*leads the Hat down to the 50 yeard line, wipes dust off seat with a swiffer, hands him a freshly deepfried bacon dog and a cold Pabst*
Gimme an F! Gimme an E! Gimme an S! Gimme an M! Gimme an E! Gimme an I... ah hell with it.
For some strange reason, now I'm longing for the return of the Battle of the Network Stars.
I love you guys. Just wanted to say that. Best thread ever. Carry on.
The coldest winter I ever knew was the summer I spent in Fesville.
Head to head Chickoball matchup! Fesmeisters (offense) vs. 96'ers (defense)
Running game: as stated before, the Fesmeisters' smaller, highly mobile offensive line inevitably leads to a fast moving offense whose tendency is going to be a running game primarily used in support of a general short-yardage passing strategy. In goal line situations, the Fesmeisters are going to go with Ronstadt, whose unquestioned experience and so-so conditioning hides a vigor that translates well to the game. The 96'ers, though, are uniquely suited against the middle punch - Franklin, Wilson, Wilson and Clooney form a solid wall of soulful streetfighters who, in my opinion, will significantly reduce Ronstadt's effectiveness in short-yardage scoring opportunities. And while Fesmeister tailback Agent M has the blinding speed and manueverability of youth? The 96'er defensive line should prove up to the task of slowing her down, especially the underrated and hungry Carnie Wilson. Advantage: 96'ers.
Passing Game: Love's a scrapper, and she's fleet and agile in the pocket - she has to be. With her time from snap-to-crap far shorter than most offensive teams in the league, Love tends to go to the air in two ways - short screens to the tight end Cunniff, and middle range, 10-15 yard tosses to the corners. Cunniff is slow for a TE, but once she gets the train moving she's hard to stop; averaging 3.6 yards a catch and bolstering the offensive line, she's going to be a player, and neither Phair nor Williams has much chance of keeping her locked up unless they act in concert, which they historically have not. I predict that Cunniff will get 50 yards receiving in this contest.
On the other side of the coin, Houston and Edwards are going to have a bit more resistance from L7. Both the Fesmeister WR's are tall and fast, and while Love prefers to go to the occasionally erratic Houston, Edwards is the perfect change-up and loves to run. L7, however, is tough, experienced and known for their aggressiveness. If Love keeps Houston under control, avoids turnovers and remains flexible and unpredictable in the pocket, the Fesmeisters should do well. If, however, Houston has an off day, (which, admittedly, have comore more often recently than they would care to see) Love will begin calling audibles and that will likely hurt the Fesmeisters' chances. Advantage: Fesmeisters.
What? No Sheryl Crow? She's tougher than she looks, baby! A good free agent DB for anyone looking to shore up their backfield.
We need some more teams in this league, rocket - you could make her your defensive captain...?
I don't know much about yer gridiron, but I'd like to suggest a few of my clients for those of y'all that do. As their agent I shall only be demanding a 50% finders fee on top of any contract deals.
Agnetha Faltskog - Wasn't she at some point voted the best rear in pop? That would make her a good tight end, no? (fnar)
Sporty Spice - She is, you know, sporty. A good all-rounder.
Kelis - Her milkshake enables her to gain great yardage, she says. At least, I think that's what she said.
OK...The Rockets starting defence:
Tackles: Bonnie Bramlett, Alison Moyet, and Melissa Etheridge. (All tough as nails)
Defensive Ends: Bif Naked, Lydia Lunch. (QB's will cower in fear)
Linebackers: Alanis Morisette and Mariah Carey (Being insane is an asset!)
Backfield: Sheryl Crow, Macy Gray, Lady Kier from Dee-Lite. (All-round speed and size)
The problem with Alanis is that she would get an inetrception in the Super Bowl, then return it the wrong way.
Bramlett and Naked are going to be tough, no question.
I can't believe no one other than bernockle wants Grace Jones. Seriously, any ref tries to flag her, she'll rape him right there on the field.
I want Liz Phair to work in ticket sales- she's awesome at selling out.
drjimmy11 wins!
My dad and I just had that conversation about Liz Phair this Christmas. He's over her now, and has moved on to Aimee Mann.
Can I arrange for male rocker cheerleader squads? David Lee Roth does a massive jump kick.
I see Courtney Love folding under the intense pressure she'll be facing from Janis Joplin coming at her from the blind side, mouth foaming. I predict a halftime overdose. Victory: Wingoettes.
I went to high school with Grace Jones' younger brother, Randy. He was taller but looked just like her. She would come to some of the home games.
Just find me someone to hike her the ball and she could win with Karen Carpenter on her offensive line.
Grace Jones=Michael Vick, for sure. You pull up to her bumper, she's gonna make you look silly.
The only player on Fes's team I'm really worried about is Wendy O. Williams, who hits like Ronnie Lott. WR is where the Wingoettes are a bit weak.
best. thread. ever. carry on.
I hurriedly announced my team early in the thread. I did not provide any explantation. I shall now.
My offensive line will have Mama Cass and Carnie Wilson as the tackles. Tackles do not have to be as mobile. It is much more important that they have some size to them. These two fit the bill. I am taking the three blackup singers from the Rolling Stones on their Steel Wheels tour in 1989. They moved well, they worked well together, and they had some size. I like the teamwork and size/mobility combination of them.
Tight end is where I am strongest. I am going with a double tight end formation. I am looking for tall with good hands. Aimee Mann is 6'0". RuPaul is a foot or so taller, though I am not sure if she can play in seven inch heels. They will be easy tartets to find over the middle. Mann has also recently taken up boxing, which can't hurt her in the blocking department.
Grace Jones at wide receiver should indeed strike terror into the hearts of defenses. She is ridiculously toned, quick, and fast. She also is likely to slap the face of anyone who tries to stare her down from across the line.
At fullback I have Tracy Chapman. She is simple, strong, smart, and silent. Those are damn good qualities in a fullback. She will be more than happy to do the dirty work while someone else gets the glory.
Ani DiFranco at tailback will get that glory. I have seen her in concert now three times. She is incredibly fit. She has tremendous endurance. And she can move. I see her being a Barry Sanders type tailback in this offense. We run sweeps with Ani, throw short crossing patterns to Mann and RuPaul, and run the reverse with Jones along with the occassional long ball.
My quarterback is Sheila E. Have you actually seen her arms? I need her to be able to throw the long ball to Jones. There is no doubt that she has tremendous arm speed. I think that this would easily transfer to a strong throwing arm.
My offense will run, run, run, throw to the tight ends for first downs, and go long twice a quarter to give Jones a chance to open things up.
This thread should go on the sidebar and in the FAQ, everywhere.
The problem with Alanis is that she would get an inetrception in the Super Bowl, then return it the wrong way.
Now THAT would be ironic!
Everyone's all "Grace Jones this" and "Grace Jones that." But Jones has not been the picture of longetivity or of consistency, and she has never faced anything but minor-league competition. Wait'll she tries to come across the middle and Tina Turner lays some hurt on her, sending her river deep, mountain high. Love won't have anything to do with it, and love won't be enough of a drug for Ms. Jones then.
How could Gladys Knight go undrafted?
Gladys Knight plays RUGBY!
Good point. But no team owner in his right mind would want to have deal with her entourage.
Fucking pips.
right now my mom is talking to me on the phone
blah blah blah
Are you all ready for the new season? I just signed that crazy foreign kicker with the soccer-style kick, Shakira. Also, Ashlee Simpson tried out for my team, but was caught using someone else's pee when the league took urine samples.
Also, Lawrence Taylor, Marcus Allen, and William "the Refrigerator" Perry have agreed to long-term contracts with my cheerleading squad, "Hawthorne's Hotties." Top that, bitches.
You know Joni Mitchell would just end up running it everytime. I hate to say it - really hate to say it, but Madonna may be your man for QB.
Has anyone considered Diamanda Galas for running back?
And Fes, I'm pretty sure the uniforms require jerseys. So that's gonna cut into your cost-savings plan, but there you go.
How the crap did I miss this gem of a thread????
And can I just say Fes totally has the best team evar!!!
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