April 25, 2005

• I had a friend in high school, got his jaw broke by some"greasers", what we called them at the time. He was a really small guy, but he took Akido lessons, and a couple times I saw him subdue guys twice his size in two flowing moves. Very impressive. From what I understand that`s what Akido is all about, redirection of other people's energy. And it changed his whole outlook in life. He became a flute virtuoso, anything Ian Anderson could play, he had it down to every note, hehe, gasp and grunt.
• i second retank's suggestion. the basic principle of akido is something like - when they pull, you push. when they push, you pull. seems a perfect match.
• I'll third the comment; Aikido or possibly one of the combat variants of Tai Chi Chuan would be ideal for what you're describing. Be aware technique is critical in Aikido, and it has a relatively high injury rate as a result; it can also take a long time to feel like you're getting anywhere with it. Finally, there are quite a few variants amongst the Aikido schools, ranging from "soft" techniques with a heavy focus on the religious elements often associated with the art, through to harder, fighting oriented forms that run competitive tournaments. It can be worth spending time at different dojos to get a feel for what's right for you if there's a choice in your area.
• It sounds like you're talking about Aikido. The explanation retank offers is about right - no punching or kicking, lots of throws and rolls. I studied karate for about a year and really liked it. The style I studied, seido-juku, was pretty cool in that actual fighting wasn't really stressed that much. The emphasis was more on developing yourself physically and mentally as a decent person. Make no mistake, a seido person would defiantly be able to lay down a beating, but folks were constantly discouraged from full contact, even in tournaments. I looked in to starting aikido after stopping karate (I stopped because of a move). Someone skilled in aikido could defiantly handle himself and I found a good place to study, but ultimately decided that I had no interest in participating in a fight. I figured that taking any kind of physical action in an argument would only be escalating a situation and having the ability to punch someone so hard that they puke (karate) or break some bones (akikdo) would be a good way to get criminal charges pressed against you, even if the other guy started it. For me, I think that self-defense is not a good reason to study a martial art. When you have skills you are actually dangerous and could really hurt somebody. AFAIK, in most adult societies there aren't a whole lot of fist fights still going on.
• I always thought that martial arts was not something supposed to be learned for fighting, but mastery of one's own physical abilities while focussing the mind. Then again, I've never done martial arts. Most probably because I would have lost it in a pub and killed some douchebag long before now.
• Chyren, depending on the particular martial art, and the particular dojo, some of them will be quite focussed on beating up the other person, and others will be more body-knowledge focussed (tai chi being the obvious example). I'm looking for the type of martial art where you get a bit more in tune with your body mechanics, where you can block, deflect and subdue instead of thump, kick and overcome-by-force. A little read of wikipedia:aikido does make it sound like what i'm after. However, I'm interested to hear about people's experiences with all martial arts. For example, from the outside, karate seems to be very much a hard martial art with focus on arse-kicking (conrary to what Mr Miyagi said). I'm sure practitioners of karate (and others) can enlighten me.
• As rogerd mentioned, taijiquan would fit the bill too. I studied it here in Beijing for a few years when I was a student, both Chen and Wu styles. Great for strength and flexibility and you can keep practising all your life. there's a set of preparatory exercises called 八段锦 (baduanjin) which are good general health exercises in themselves and fairly quick to learn. Seen some fairly wacky kung fu antics here over the years - one of our neighbours where I used to work introduced me to his master who taught 点穴 (dian xue), where they just touch one of your pressure points and you go all limp. I used to be a sceptic 'til he demonstrated on me. Also remember watching some 90 year old bloke giving a hair-raising demonstration of sickle-and-chain fighting in one of the parks. I know you said you're not into the weapon forms, but I always thought taiji spear forms looked great (I only ever learned a bit of sword) more for the balance and strength benefits than as an actual weapon.
• abiezer, taijiquan (took me a wiki lookup to realise this is tai chi) also looks like my cup of tea. I've only ever witnessed the morning-exercises-in-the-park version of tai chi, and I've always been skeptical of it being a good self-defense technique. And while not being into weapons forms, I have to say that seeing someone wield a blade with proficiency is visual poetry (albeit, very dangerous poetry).
• I'm a judoka, but nowadays it has become more of a sport than a martial art, at least in the west. The principles of judo are fairly soft- using your partner's reactions and actions against them, and there's nothing particularly esoteric taught, so you end up practising a lot and not having to pull your punches (or throws in this case). As a sport though, some of the finesse disappears and can often become a bit more like wrestling. I think judo is useful though for conditioning and possibly most importantly for teaching you how to fall safely and absorb the impact with your body. After that, the ideas of efficient movement and application of force are also good general lessons. The specific applications are neat, but as mexican says, someone could get hurt in the real world- the option to subdue and cause pain without permanent damage is good but not foolproof. I don't think there's any single martial art that's best for self-defence- maybe running, so you can get away from a situation. Perhaps the best skill to be gained from any is that of self-confidence, so that you know that you can handle yourself within reason- I like to believe that you're less of a target that way. Unfortunately I have been in some situations where confrontation has taken place. In one, the ability to put someone in a choke was pretty useful, as was the practice in deflecting a body charge by side-stepping (there were two guys). In the other, the controlled nature of competition and training was a bit of a disadvantage, as you don't prepare for drunk people with no sense of fair play (unless you're training for street fights or specifically for self-defence). In both, I think that mental calmness and concentration were advantageous, and gained from having prepared through training and knowing what you're capable of. No-one ended up seriously hurt from either, which may have happened if I'd just charged in there without thinking. After these incidents I got to thinking what consituted reasonable self-defence. It was something the cops had no answer for and that still bugs me, at least I'm happy that I did the right thing in those cases. Anyway, to answer the initial (but secondary) non-question, I think aikido is pretty neat and what you're looking for. Make sure you find a good dojo with a good sensei. Whatever you choose, if you're patient and disciplined you'll get a lot out of it.
• I'm not much for the fighting lamearse, but the few scuffles I've got mixed up in over the years I've found the balance and ability to stay calm that I got off tai chi (sorry for going all pinyin on you) were definitely assets to getting out of things relatively unscathed and without doing anything (too) stupid myself. The sword form was a great strength exercise, because you're doing it slow and even quite a light practise sword is a fair heft at full extension. Plus, like you, i just like the poetry of it. I've been slacking off this last year or two though - this post is a timely reminder to get my arse out of bed of a morning and get practising again.
• Thanks lamearse and everyone - great thread. I've been wanting to do something martial-arty as well, and reading this is very useful.
• Chyren: If you aren't learning to fight to some degree, you aren't doing a martial art. That's where the “martial” bit comes in. Also, be aware there's a risk of injury in pretty much any martial art, says the man who's 4 months in to recovering from a spiral fracture of the humerus, with another couple of months to go.
• I'm looking for grace, beauty, suppleness, subtleness and a zen-like state that will lift me to the next level of consciousness. You can't get this from a martial art. You can train in a martial art where it is required that you find this within yourself. I have done aikido and that might be one path to get where you want to go.
• I took one of those marital art classes but my wife still beats the shit outta me every night.
• 12 years of Aikido here. It's gotten my ass out of trouble more than once.
• *adds note to Surlyboi Fan Club biography page*
• I took Tae Kwan Doh for a semester once with my kids. I got a white belt! And I learned to defend myself against Frankenstein and the One Armed Man. ;-) See, if anyone very slow lurches up behind me and grabs my neck, I can get away from him! And, if anyone with one hand grabs my wrist, I can turn it and get away from him. So useful.
• I've trained in Aikido for 7yrs (one year off since my son was born.) Aikido can be what you describe in your curious george question, but not neccessarily. The advice I always give to people who are thinking about starting in a martial art is -- visit the schools in your area. No two schools are alike, and you are not going to stick with the training if you don't like your surroundings. Talk to the teacher, see what his/her personality is like. You don't need to be buddy-buddy with your teacher (in some cases that might not be a good idea at all) but you also don't want to go around thinking he/she is an asshole. For Aikido dojo, try this directory Feel free to email me with questions about schools or anything else Aikido related. By the way, yes, injuries can happen -- 1 broken clavicle, and several shoulder dislocations for me.
• I was a karateka for 2 years, shito-ryu style (stopped last year for various reasons), and I loved it. I've been looking for a way to get back into it, or else find a different martial art to explore. But karate is very hard and aggressive; we did full-contact sparring with no padding, and I wore my many contusions and abrasions with pride. However, many dojos require padding. At any rate, I don't think karate is what you're looking for. Seems to me akido or tai chi is what you're after.
• It seems the common response is akido or taijiquan, (most probably Wu style). However, from personal experience, this isn't something you can just add to your weekly routine. Indeed, expect it to supplant your weekly routine. I am sure I am misunderstanding your post, but studying a martial art is not something you can just pick up a little at a time. If you can not dedicate time for lessons at least twice, preferably three times a week, the only benefit you may get is the physical workout.
• What? 20 responses and no one has suggested Monkey Boxing?!?! You should be ashamed of yourselves!
• I've always found Karateka or Gymkata to be the two most effective martial arts. It also helps to be the biggest guy in the room...genetics, sorry.
• I took Shotokan karate for two years. It was fun. It is a hard style. You can get injured even if you're careful. The most dangerous folks in the dojo seem to be ironically, the beginners, especially those who are uncoordinated, misunderstand instructions or who ad lib during structured exercises. (Count me as being in the first category but thankfully I didn't hurt anyone). Second WPDK's comment, about 2-3 times a week committment. By the way, one of the downsides of the martial arts training is that it makes you *too* confident. You think you can take care of yourself but if you're dojo trained and you're facing a smart streetfighter, i dunno. Running is the finest defense. I don't know much about it personally but one of the most effective fighting styles is reputedly Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu . Royce Gracie, BJJ's popularizer defeated all-comers (and all sizes) in the infamous Ultimate Fighting Championships in the 1990s.
• My greatest moment was in a taekwondo class where I managed to jam every bone in my foot except for my toes when I lost control of a kick. A week later, I came within a millimeter of blowing out my knee in a modern dance class. That and six sprained ankles pretty much ended any aspirations to being the next Jackie Chan. I am the worst case scenario.
• Has anyone ever tried krav maga? I'm not a spiritual guy, nor do I have a lot of time, but in extremis I would still like kick enough ass to keep from getting punked by some dope-fuelled teens. Krav maga seems both pragmatic, hard-hitting and pefectly tailored for the innately weaselly - thoughts?
• Some of you have mentioned injuries. How did they come about and could they have been prevented? Or, at the least, what could you have done to minimize the damage? Cuts, scrapes, bruises... no big deal. Broken bones? That's when I get concerned. I've been interested in studying something since I was a wee child, but I also don't like injury. One of these days I'll have that magic combo of extra money and free time. Sadly I used to live a block away from a well respected dojo, back when I had the time, but no spare money. Damn my fiscal conservatism! And damn it all that I didn't get to study violin either when I was nine.
• Not what you want but still the most fun
• Why not try Kung-Fu fighting? Pros: Fists move fast as lightning. You'll have expert timing. Cons: It's kind of frightning. /thanks to i feel unusual et al.
• I know that you are looking for the "zen experience" of something like akido, but when I took my first class, my akido teacher did a little experiment where he held his arm out and told us to see if we could bend it. Several other senior students could not bend his arm, but when I went up I was able to bend it. Needless to say, I was not his favorite student from then on. I would always be corrected far more than the others... I have taken a couple of classes in krav maga, a form of down and dirty, do what ever you have to to kick their asses before they do you, self defence developed in Israel by their military and found it to be very, very effective. Not the zen thing that you might desire, but if what you want to do is take someone out before they take you out, you might want to consider it.
• Many of my bruises came from practicing with children (my dojo had adults and kids combined 1 day a week). The kids usually don't follow directions well, hit as hard as they can, and have no control. When they get frustrated, they tend to flail wildly. The beginners are the most dangerous, as StoryBored said. Having to practice with kids was one of the reasons I quit my dojo.
• Drunken Monkey Style "Monkeys can become intoxicated when they drink. When the monkey appears to be drunk, his enemies attack, thinking to take advantage of his condition. But the monkey is very elusive and hard to catch. He hides, and then counterattacks with deadly precision. His footwork consists of low stances and tricky acrobatics, giving the appearance of drunkenness."

• lamearse: However, I'm interested to hear about people's experiences with all martial arts. For example, from the outside, karate seems to be very much a hard martial art with focus on arse-kicking [...]. I'm sure practitioners of karate (and others) can enlighten me.

  That's essentially right, but most modern karate schools don't actually make you kick any arse as part of your training. Sparring is always heavily controlled. Karate has very little of the Zen philosophy that permeates judo, aikido, kendo, etc. If you look at its history, karate was developed by street-fighting peasants in the Ryukyuan kingdoms (modern day Okinawa), and despite the efforts of people like Funakoshi, it remains pretty solidly an art designed to inflict the maximum damage as quickly as possible. You won't find too many moves designed to "use the opponent's force against him" or "flow like water" or whatever. Karate will teach you a wide array of kicks and punches, and help you identify and perfect your strongest attacks. Another thing you should note is that the so-called "hard" and "soft" arts often make very poor assumptions about each other. If a good karateka were to meet a good judoka, the karateka's punch or kick will be much faster and more accurate than the judoka will expect, and the judoka's subsequent takedown and ground action will be far more thorough than anything the karateka has learned to defend against. After some fifteen odd years of karate training, I can hold my own against another karateka, but I would be wary of even beginners in Judo.
• lamearse, have you considered capoeira? It's a kind of Brazialian martial arts/dance, which would defintely give you the physical benefits of martial arts training without needing to hit anyone. For the zen-like state though, my suggestion would be to do yoga. And that's coming from someone who's studied both karate and tai kwon do.
• squidranch: unbendable arm is a pretty lame trick, IMO. Nevertheless it does show the beginner how relaxing can make you stronger than getting tense. At my dojo, we never did unbendable arm. Ishiyama-sensei had way more bizarre things to show us.
• Link fixed: Vancouver West Aikikai.
• I've done some research into this myself, for when I might eventually find the time to pursue it, and come to some general conclusions. It might be interesting to hear what some of the more experienced monkeys in this thread think... Karate - you generally know what you're going to get. Kicks, punches, a few throws, lots of katas (practice forms). The difference between dojos comes down to how emphasized they are on expecting to actually fight. The forms you learn are still basically the same. Judo - much more a sport than a system of self-defense, and deliberately meant to be. Relatively high rate of injury, because participants compete full-out, as with any sport. Aikido - deliberately designed for maximum effectiveness with minimum aggressiveness. Strong spiritual component. Downsides are the very steep learning curve and need to spend a very extended period as a 'beginner' mastering very basic forms that all moves are built on top of, before moving on to movements that are actually effective. The art of choice if you had maximum time and maximum patience to learn. Ju-Jitsu - seems very balanced between effectiveness and time commitment to learn, ju-jitsu's trickiness lies in it's wide range of schools. The type of movements taught and the amount of focus on spirituality varies widely from school to school in ju-jitsu. Gracie ju-jitsu, for example, seems to be highly focused on ground fighting (wrestling) and real-world fighting, with little spirituality. Boxing - not to be under-estimated, I've talked to a number of martial artists who have respect for traditional boxing and it's health benefits. Boxing's downsides seem to lie in it's requirement for good physical conditioning in order to be effective, and that it is distinctly a 'martial' art, that will inevitably involve hitting people. Thai Boxing - possibly the most effective real world style, as practiced by psychos everywhere, because it has been honed by decades of real-world application in competition. Combines boxing's conditioning with karate/ju-jitsu arm and leg strikes. Extremely martial and focused on real-world sparring. For those with a lot of time and an obsession with beating people up. Aikido's opposite number.
• As verbose has pointed out, there's lots of dubious claims out there. Is it really bushido or is it bullshido? . Here is one story of a McDojo. I admit to being interested in Krav Maga which promises high effectiveness with minimal mumbo jumbo. I haven't taken any classes but the complaint i've heard about KM is that they have a lax instructor accreditation cycle. So caveat emptor.
• I can't tell you which style to pursue, lamearse, but I studied karate for a while way back when, in a school that was focused primarily on self-defense for women. They weren't really big into the tournament thing but would occasionally go to them just for fun. I can tell you two things: First, it's a big time commitment. If you want to really get it, you'll need to reserve time to practice daily. (This is why I eventually quit- I didn't have the time to do it justice.) Second, you state as your reason "So I won't have to fight"- other Monkeys may disagree with me, but the specific style may not matter- the folks I know who are highly proficient in one of a variety of martial arts (i.e., karate, capoeira, or judo) carry themselves in a way that broadcasts that they are not to be messed with. It's not an aggressive thing, it's an energy, the way they hold themselves, the way they walk. A solid, quiet confidence. The advice on looking around and exploring a variety of dojos is very good. It may be that finding the right sensei is the most critical thing.
• Ju-jutsu, please. (Or juu-jutsu, if you want to be a purist.)
• ..and not ju-jubes which is totally different although tasty.
• Go with Aikido, Tai Chi, or a real form of "kung-fu" (which I currently take). The Thai boxing idea is also a good, though I'm not sure how this would fit with your own idea. Basically, I would just stay away from Karate, Tae Kwon Do, and similar styles. They're not effective and the teaching style (of belts and such) generally doesn't work. Besides...once you learn part of another form of a better martial art, you realize Karate is easily beaten. I'm not sure about Ju-jitsu/jutsu....but I've learned some simple moves that can counter much of the basics of it. With whatever you decide on, make sure the teacher is good (their technique, their teaching style), devoted, isn't obsessed with competing/sparring (at least until it seems fitting), and make sure they teach you the philosophy behind the style. Trying to remember moves in a fight can cause you to lose—if you know the philosophy and thinking behind the style you learn, your body should just do it on it's own (that's the goal at least). Good luck finding a style you like! I'm a few months into learning mine, and I love it!
• Camel is right. Karate is "easily beaten". Please learn something else.
• Wow, I completely skipped the part about describing the different styles. I've only read about/seen Aikido, Tai Chi, and Thai Boxing, so I can't add much there. Depending on the style you pick for "kung-fu"/wushu, you'll learn different things (that's obvious, I guess). I'm currently learning 3 styles simultaneously. One is an evasive form--it looks for weaknesses, and it catches the opponent off guard. The second style is the opposite, it attacks, getting to the opponent's back, and is concerned with beating them quickly. The third style is similar to this...it's goal is to end the fight in 2 or 3 moves. All 3 come from the same area in China, most likely from one original form. Any style of kung fu will use the same basics. Their philosophies are what's different.
• Kendo has always interested me, but the place in my city wasn't very good. The equipment is most likely pretty expensive, too. I doubt this is what you're looking for, but still, I'd consider it.
• I've studied ITF taekwon do for six years, and I take exception to the statement that it's just not effective. If this were another place on the internet, I'd think that statement was flamebait. When talking about TKD, it is important to realise that there are two _very_ distinct styles -- ITF and WTF. Broadly speaking, WTF is the "sport" (it's what you see in the Olympics), ITF is the "art". Wikipedia has a good entry explaining some of the differences. There is a lot of trash TKD out there, on both sides -- Karate isn't the only art to be tarnished with McDojo's. A good, authentic ITF school will teach you a lot of kicking and punching, but will also emphasise ground-work, throws, holds, locks, chokes, etc. In fact, there's a lot of it which seems to have been taken directly from Aikido. That being said, Taekwon Do probably isn't what lamearse is looking for, as it is a "hard" martial art. There is a lot of punching, and kicking, and the techniques are very hard-hitting without being "powerful" (that is, techniques develop power through developing speed, not strength). Hrrm. Methinks I may be ranting somewhat. Apologies all.
• Ok. I've studied Aikido and Judo, and would recommend Aikido, taijiquan, kendo or bagwa for you (even though I enjoyed Judo much more). The reason? Well, you seem to be looking for something meditative, not something combative. So, what's best for you are technical katas (forms) that value precision over power and that you can do on your own. Taiji is particularly peaceful, though if you understand the martial underpinnings you get a whole new respect for the art (like that the swooping upwards turn is really to deflect a blow and then stab your fingers into their armpit, crushing an artery). With Aikido (which is essentially Kendo without the sword), you're learning to use fencing techniques without a blade, and there are endless exercises that ae abstract from martial acts while being very calming. Bagwa is a lesser-known chinese art, which uses circles as its focus. It's similar to taiji, but has much more emphasis in being "rooted." I don't really buy into the "chi" sort of stuff, but I've seen pretty amazing things done with bagwa. It's interesting because if things are done correctly, there's almost no perceptable movement on the part of the bagwa artist. If you're looking for something light, go with taiji. You can practice in the park on Saturdays. If you're looking for a lifestyle, go Aikido and don't look back. If you're looking for something a little bit more personal and rooted, go with bagwa. If you like the trappings of swordfighting, go with kendo. If you like martial arts as sports, go with judo. Of all of these, taiji is the least likely to injure you, because it's the least likely to involve training in antagonistic ways.
• I was under the impression that Kendo was not particularly effective because it is highly subjective. That large areas of potentially movement are off-limits because they are considered un-sporting or dishonourable, and that judging of kendo moves was based as much on their supposed artistry as their effectiveness. Ala figureskating. Not sure if there are different schools of kendo with different emphases.
• Karate is "easily beaten". That sounds like a challenge! You cannot beat my shito-ryu style!! *flails madly through several half-assed stances, pokes self in eye* OW!!! make sure the teacher is good [...] devoted, isn't obsessed with competing/sparring That's good advice too. My sensei was obsessed with competing and sparring. He also liked to slice watermelons with a samurai sword at tournaments. *cringe* Now that I think about it, my sensei was a bit of a nitwit. Nice guy, but not all there upstairs.
• Thanks monkeys. Great advice and stories from everyone. Aikido seems to be the front-runner for my needs - and there are quite a number of places for that in my city. Tai Chi also seems to have some components of what I'm looking for. As some people have pointed out, a serious committment to lessons/practice is essential to prgress. This may be a problem at present as I'm running 3 times a week and swimming at least 4times (and enjoying this type of exercise *a lot*). Making time may be hard unless I start getting up *gasp* early in the morning! Thanks all.
• I'll try to speak a little to the injuries question. For any of the punch-kick kinds of things you will eventually be punching or kicking things that are hard (like wood, concrete or stone) and other people. With control and good technique you should be able to come away with nothing more that bruises while you toughen up your fists and legs. If you or someone you're working with has bad form it's pretty easy to wind up with a concussion or broken bones. For the throws-holds-rolls group like aikido or judo you spend a lot of time rolling around or stepping about people who are rolling around. You also wind up using parts of you body as levers quite often. Joint dislocations and bone fractures are common. Actually, the reason I decided not to pursue aikido was that after watching a practice session I decided that it looked like an excellent way to break your wrist.
• Generally, showy martial arts are the only styles that punch stone/wood/etc. I would actually stay away from these, because, like I said, it's just for show. Their kicks and punches don't really work in real fights, or fights with better martial arts. As for toughening up, I personally don't like the ideas of toughening up based on hitting objects--what you get from this is an unnatural form of toughening up of the skin and muscles and bones. It should occur with normal contact, plus some lighter forms of hitting yourself, actually (you can buy mixtures of roots, etc that aid in this) As for injuries, they can happen, but they really shouldn't happen often at all, especially if you're only learning/training. They may occur during sparring, but generally they shouldn't occur often even then. Unless you're going at it so hard that your goal is to hurt the other. Generally training-sparring isn't this. Basically, I'm trying to push Kung-fu/wushu, Aikido, Tai Chi, or Thai Boxing.
• You expect to find zen-ness? It isn't something you can find by looking for. I'm no scholar but it won't come from a 'zen school' of arts but rather the concentrated practice of that school. Fact is, you can make tennis pretty zen if you allow yourself. Maybe consider martial tennis?
• Muay Thai is far from passive. (my ex is a competitive kickboxer) and Kendo is about as practical in matters of self defense as fencing. (I spent a little time studying that too) My friend's mom used to throw him around the room with the Tai Chi she knew, and well, Wushu is just all sorts of badass.
• Fifteen years in, and I've still never punched stone. Wood, sure. Stick a makiwara in your backyard, and punch the hell out of it. Much more effective than a hanging sandbag. I also have to object to some statements made here. Proper karate is probably the least flashy of the martial styles. There are no silly stances or funny flourishes. Karate is not martial dancing. The prized elements are speed and focus; the best practitioners have a quiet understatement in their moves. A kata is graded on how much it makes you, as a trained fighter, fear to share the same space as the performer, not on how elegant the hand movements are or whatever. Ignore the nonsense you see in movies. Also, all these suggestions suck. If you want to learn really practical martial arts, I recommend (a) running, (b) handling handguns, and (c) the noble but little understood art of not presenting yourself as a target.
• I love how we view eastern culture with such reverence that we call a stick in the ground a "makiwara" just to sound cool.

• ActuallySettle: I love how we view eastern culture with such reverence that we call a stick in the ground a "makiwara" just to sound cool.

  That would be a scathing rebuke if (a) it weren't a technical term, and (b) I weren't Japanese. Sorry. Don't worry, I am sure your next comment will be incisive.
• I love capoeira, but I don't think it meets the requirements above. Far too energetic, although it definitely promotes flow and zen. Aikido, or a soft kung fu style, as recommended above.
• Fuyu, don't feed the bakemono.
• Jumping in late, but what the hey. 9 years of Choi (sometimes Choy) Li (sometimes Lee) Fut (usually Fut) Kung Fu, but from what you've described I'd also recommend Aikido. There's enough variation in Aikido to make choosing a dojo interesting. Yoshinkan, for example, is considered to be a "hard" style, with more linear movements, while Ki Society seems to be considered a softer style, with more circular movements, and there are any number of variations in between. Others you might consider are Sambo, a Russian self-defense which borrows from a wide variety of other martial arts. Hapkido might also be worth considering. It's a Korean martial art that has been heavily influenced by Aikido and blends Tae Kwon Do principles. In that sense it's a reasonably good all-round style, since you learn a variety of hard and soft techniques. As someone else has mentioned, Gracie or Brazilian Ju-Jutsu is considered to be an effective martial art, and maybe you can achieve a zen-like state from oxygen deprivation while someone's trying to choke you out? It gains its reputation from the taciturn observation that "most fights go to the floor", and BJJ (and perhaps other forms of Ju-Jutsu?) excel at floor grappling. Personally, I enjoyed Choi Li Fut, since it synchretizes to some extent both northern and southern Chinese styles, but if I were to consider taking up another martial art, it would probably be Aikido, and probably Yoshinkan style.
• The Ultimate Fighting Anarchist
• That cheered me right up homunculus
• The description is exactly how I picture the Werzog.