April 20, 2005

• ?
• I have worn a cow suit and stood in front of a butchers mooing. I once spent several hours with my whole face covered with pegs at a end-of-tournament function. I voted in a State election dressed in an Elvis suit. I made the fatal mistake of thinking Leninists had a sense of humour.
• ahaha! i love your style, squiddy... hm. my silly things include - doing the "heel and toe polka" (a simple, yet highly energetic folk dance i learned in primary school) on pub dancefloors on any 'dancing at the pub' night. also to sforzando but that's appropriate (check out the mp3's!) - also on the dancing floor, the traditional howls of "You see that floor, you bastard?! IT'S MINE! ALL MINE! MINE!" - embarrassing dances to music in public places. - talking to cats in 'meow' i'm sure there's more.
• Some friends and I back in highschool once walked along the train tracks, until we found ourselves at the middle of a train bridge. We joked about tying someone to the tracks, when all of a sudden lights shone on the horizon--the 10pm train. We were too far from land to get off the tracks, and the bridge itself was only the width of the train...so we hung off the sides of the bridge. The sparks were awesome.
• i humped the john hancock building in downtown chicago.
• I humped John Hancock.
• I, uh, drank a Monkey Brain.
• When I was 14 I had my first real boyfriend, who was 19. (ah, older men) I used to sneak out of the house at night to see him. Man, am I lucky he was as much of a social misfit as I was - nothing serious ever happened. We even got stopped by the cops once, but my much cooler best friend talked our way out of that situation. In general I find I don't like to reminisce about the stupid stuff anymore. All I can think of is, how did I avoid getting injured/killed?
• File under stupid, silly and weird: I joined the Church of Satan when I was sixteen. I had heard there were orgies. There weren't. I quit.
• I got a ton of em, but the stupidest ever was driving a 5 foot tall drug dealer and his bodyguard friend 20 miles across town to deliver a sawed-off mossberg shotgun to a buyer. A close second would be trying to drive my El Camino up a flight of stairs.
• Stupidest thing evar: taking pictures of my friends as we stuck our heads out the window of a train moving through Russia in the dark dark night. We were 15. Thankfully, no heads were lost. But damn, that's stupid.
• weird: me and my friend [who's grandfather conveniently ran the local funeral home] would take the big 'ol black herse out for cruises around town late at night and freak the hell out of everyone and yes, it did freak out more than a few people silly: wore a real jack-o-lantern on my head for halloween stupid: drove 2-and-half hours for the mere purpose of hearing "Waffle House Family" on a Waffle House jukebox in Raleigh NC and then ran out of gas at 3:00 in-the-morning on the way back home and almost got killed by two drunken hillbillies with shotguns - true!
• /searches unsuccesfully for analogue thread, back in pre-cataclism MoFi archives Weird: NYC really brings out my weird side. The *one* involved a blanket, stale club sandwiches, a crappy hotel room, the teletubbies singing on the tv... *shudder* Stupid: mmmhh... too many to tell. Doing the very thing I was told no to do in my very first good job, and not getting caught by sheer miracle would rank as the very worst one. We're talking a teenager commiting life-wrecking-grade stuff... I must have depleted my luck supply that one time. Getting out of a car and approaching a police officer that had stopped my friend and me, riding on a convertible with the backseat stacked to the brims with boxes full of electronics (stuff we had paid for; we were running late to the airport). In Texas. That *was* stupid. That, and snorkeling alone in an unfamiliar area. And that time, attempting to help a friend move his family's cars, while buzzed out of my skull... and... oh, so many. And saying 'I love you' that one time. That was... quite stupid.
• sooooo many things that i will never admit to... except, i, too, moo at cows, bark at puppies and meow at kitties.
• dj: fatal? for who? That must be an interesting story. As for myself: climbing a ziggurat-shaped building with a single ladder-- up one story, lift up the ladder behind you, repeat-- late at night. Half-heartedly hitting on a girl I liked by email while drunk. That was awkward. A nerd I shall ever remain. Barreling down the hill into downtown on a bicycle on Post St. in San Francisco-- look ma, no hands. Stupid? I still do it.
• Stupid Traveling through Baja on a motorcycle ...stopping at a small town..talking to the waitress...finding out her name was Felicia...meeting Felicia after she got off work...taking her down to the beach and screwing out brains out...Driving her back into town...being greeted by her husband (unknown to me) and four of his brothers in a pick up truck...he was mad for some reason...felicia getting off the bike and telling me go go go....being chased over 60 miles of hellacious road before they finally gave up....realizing later I was missing most of my money...gracias Silly Flirting with someone on monkeyfilter and failing miserably. Weird saving photos of other peoples happy families and pretending they're my relatives
• We used to play a game that we simply called "Danger". It involved getting ourselves in a situation as deep as possible and then seeing if we could make it out in one piece. One particularly vivid memory is of a field of grass waving gently in the light of a full moon as two forms glide across it silently. It was such a peaceful sight it took precious moments to realize that they were german shephards. That's what you get for infiltrating a junk yard down by the tracks. And I did so many stupid things in Asia I sometimes can't believe I'm still here.
• I moo too.
• I'll never tell. I've leared that more stupid than doing stupid/ weird/ illegal things is admitting to them afterwards.
• I'm with Skrik on this one, if you can tell someone about it, it ain't that strange, weird, silly, stupid... the truly unspeakable events will remain unspoken.... This does bring to mind, however, the steam bath scene from "Your Friends and Neighbors"....
• Stupid: I drove all night to get to you Silly: I, along with a good friend, purposely got ourselves kicked out of Denny's restaurants in every state we could. The methods we used, I will not divulge. Weird: I joined this online thing that apparently filters monkeys.
• Silly thing, when I was a teen, picking a leaf off a tree when in a crowd of people, then holding it on my head dancing and singing "I'm and elf, what magic and fun can we have?" I just did it to see the looks on peoples faces. Stupid thing, when I was 19 I got married to someone I did not love. Took my five minutes to get into that and 3 1/2 years to get out of that. I still kick myself for it. Weird thing, well never mind, I am with Skirk on this one also,too weird to tell. I also speak "Meow" and I have mooed back at cows.
• I've licked my cat before. Right between his ears. He licked me, so I figured I would return the compliment. Cats taste sort of dusty. That was silly. I also once shared a cookie with my cat. I was eating it and he seemed interested, so I stuck out my tongue at him, with cookie on it, to tease him. He started licking the cookie off of my tongue. I guess that's a little weird. I once stuck a huge gob of pine sap in my mouth, as I had heard you could chew it and it would sort of turn into gum. Well, this is apparently true, but only if you get the whitish crystallized sap. The black sap turns into tar in your mouth, tar that tastes like turpentine and will not come off of your teeth without a lot of scrubbing. What makes it even better is that my young cousin was watching me, and she said "I'm going to eat sap too!" I replied, "No, I don't think you want to do that," and she said "Too late. Sap tastes yucky." That was pretty stupid. I think Skrik has a point on some of this, but surely there are things you divulge and things you don't. Like, for example, I might tell people about the time my brother and I peed off of the edge of the Grand Canyon, but I won't share any details about things for which the statute of limitations has yet to run out. :Þ
• silly: in high school, my friends and I used to ask employees at mcdonald's what grimace was supposed to be (considering the other micky d characters had such clear cut roles). if the employee didn't have an answer, we'd ask for the manager. stupid: i have a tendancy to start chants of USA at shuttle launches and bikini contests and so on. dangerous: lets just say it involved what i'm sure was either a stalking homosexual or an undercover cop. weird: when i was in elementary school, i bought an ollie north for president shirt (which i'm sure must have freaked out my teachers). aside to argh: holy shit - that baja story!!! it's like something out of The Game. have you made a T-Shirt yet?
• my first marriage. weird, stupid, dangerous.
• I bark at kitties. This is either weird or stupid.
• Rorschach has got that whole 'Apocolypse Now' (Redux) thing going on. Don't sneak up on him...
• Pretty much my entire life up to this point has been silly, weird or stupid. As for dangerous: just after high school, walking home drunk from a party at which I was nearly date-raped, and throwing a half-full cup of beer at the windshield of an approaching car. Miraculously, no one was injured. Walking home alone across the BU campus late at night on more occasions than I can count. Driving through a blizzard in a really unreliable car to buy weed (we knew we'd be snowed in for a few days and wanted to be prepared). Etc., etc.
• Stupid: surfing porn at one of my first IT jobs, called upon by my bosses (offsite, looking into the proxy server logs) to track down the IP address of this offending employee who was spending all his time on the porn sites, scrambling madly to cover my tracks, changing my ip and even going into taped server backups to erase evidence that the ip had ever been mine. (In the IT shop when we deployed a new machine we would assign it an ip from the range of addresses we had available, and keep a record of which machine had which ip in a text file on the server. Luckily for me, we didn't always do this, and the guy who had been running the shop for years had quit a few months before, so the ip list was notoriously unreliable. We also had a not-best-practices approved habit of, when wiping the hard drive on a machine, forgetting to note the ip address and just assigning it a random new one. Sometimes we would have to go through the list pinging to see which ones were actually live.) Also luckily for me, about the same time the server crashed (I didn't do it, I swear, it was someone dialing in from California who un-mounted the drive--this was an industrial/factory shop and IT was kind of low on the totem pole, so our support wasn't the best.) So I had the added excuse of trying to get the server back up and running so that my bosses didn't get too upset that I wasn't actively hounding down the porn dog. Eventually they insisted that I and a couple of temps they'd hired (previous to this many long-timers had quit, leaving me and one other dude as the most senior IT guys, with about 5 years of exp. between us--him 4 and me 1) went from machine to machine around the factory checking IPs, looking for the offending culprit. Mysteriously, it never turned up. The other senior IT guy--who knew of my plight and was just as guilty as I--presented the bosses with the idea that we had a pc savvy employee out there gaming the system, randomly picking ips for his nefarious purposes (nothing was locked down). They bought it and insisted we keep better records in the future. When word got out we were looking for pornmeisters, porn use on site dwindled to next to nothing. We could claim the sting operation a qualified success. I found a new job and moved on about a month after this. Since then I've often been amazed that I still have a career in IT. A young and stupid mistake that might have cost me big, but I was lucky. If you call being allowed to be a cog in the corporate machine lucky. Now I do all my porn surfing at home.
• I bet a friend that if he could make milk come out of his nose I would catch it in a cup and drink it. He did it, so i drank it.
• I accidentally tried to brush my teeth with anti-itch cream a month or so ago. The tubes are similar shape and since I use paste toothpaste they look kind of the same. They don't taste the same though...
• Stupid: Okay, when you're on one of those probably-odious packaged bus tours, and the tour company takes your luggage from the bus, they are going to deliver it to your room shortly. Stay clothed when you get to your room. No matter how tired you are. Trust me.
• Most of my "stupid" are just so dumb, I can't bring myself to share them. I did eat ice cream a strange man purchased for me when I was a kid; he was apparently the father of a friend but man, didn't even tell my parents where we were going. Classic. I'm very amused that squidranch brought up mooing at cows; I was in Ireland with a friend and we got off a train in pretty much the middle of nowhere. My friend decided to taunt the cows, and they were pretty much ready to kill us. And it wasn't like we could run anywhere, since we were in the middle of nowhere. The rest are between me and my overactive sense of shame and guilt. ;)
• At fifteen I attempted to masturbate with Crest toothpaste. Dumb, dumb, dumb.
• Gosh, people are so timid. Not one case of "unprotected sex" as a stupid/dangerous thing yet. Or does that one just go without saying? How about unprotected sex with a partner you knew for a fact had herpes, just making sure to miss the outbreaks? How about continuing such practice for the length of the relationship, over 6 months? How do you get through stupidity of that scale WITHOUT contracting said disease? (It's true, I've checked.) What amazes me more than my stupidity is my dumb luck.
• Oh I got silly and cows in one... Knock Knock: (Who's there?) The Interrupting Cow (The Interrup...) moo
• Here is the related thread, Flagpole, I think. It's the mooing that made me think of it, so I suspect that may be what made you think of.
• come on people! is there anything in the world more foolish than applying lip balm then kissing yr cat???? I will tell no more (except that I, too, moo at cows, must be some primal impulse...)
• I will never confess. You can torture me with chicken feathers, and I will NEVER confess. MonkeyFilter: I joined this online thing that apparently filters monkeys. I love you, Flagpole.
• Oh damn, Waraw...
• Raced a Porsche 911S at 130+mph in my turbo Miata with the top down on the way to work. (I "won", neener-neener.)
• Squidranch and Medusa moo at nearby cows. When I drive by farms, I roll down the window and moo at cows. And horses. And sheep. And other livestock, in order to confuse them.
• I stood on top of a narrow safety rail right at the edge of Niagara Falls and took a leak over the edge of the falls (It was 3AM). It was to be the first stage in my plan to urinate on all of the natural wonders of the world. I can't even chalk that up to youth as I was definitely old enough to know better.
• Ohhh, candy from strangers. Stupid, again: I took a ride home from school from a stranger when I was in kindergarten. Said they were a neighbor of a neighbor. And I was scared, but the "do what grownups tell you" training won out over the "stranger danger" training. As far as I know it was just fine, but it's kind of scary in retrospect.
• So much stupid stuff, so little time! I moo at cows, and I also must honk my horn going through tunnels. However, I think the height of my brilliance was putting a crapload of bubble bath into a jacuzzi tub at a hotel then walking away. When I came back, the bubbles were up to the ceiling. It took me running the shower for 30 minutes to beat the bubbles into submission.... then the next day, I did the same thing. I swore that I used less bubble bath, but it had the same net result.
• Two nights ago I tried to clean my guinea pigs' cage using a mixture of vinegar and bleach. Fortunately, it was warm enough to run around the house opening all the windows, and the pigs were in another room. The smell is almost gone. Cows must be mooed at. Although I drive past a large quantity every day on my way to work, and am getting jaded.
• Waraw: WRT masturbating with Crest toothpaste. Sure, that was stupid, but it could have been one hell of a lot worse. EXTREME WARNING! Above link is to a short story, language/subject matter NSFW nor for those with weak or even fairly okay stomachs. If you have heart conditions, are pregnant or may become pregnant, or have ever masturbated in stupid ways in the past, please do not click that link. You must be this tall to ride. Besides, who DOESN'T masturbate with stupid things? Let me see...shaving cream, the vinyl seat cushions of a couch, IcyHot (don't laugh...now now they've got a different name for it)...the list goes on...
• I have read that story as well. If you are the least bit squeamish, DO NOT EVEN THINK about clicking that. I'm serious. It will haunt you.
• Then again, MCT is a puss...
• Heh, I had a friend who admitted to frequently masturbating with a banana peel wrapped in duct tape
• *whips out notepad, scribbles madly*
• Is there anybody who *doesn't* moo at cows?
• I don't moo at cows, just push them over in the middle of the night... South Dakota farm fun!
• Stupid: Age five: visiting farm, forgot how to say boo to goose*, convulsing my two oldest brothers who were NO HELP AT ALL. Age seven: stuck tip of metal screwdriver into electrical outlet just to see what would happen. Age eight: Jammed foot home in stirrup, got dumped landing after jumping a fence and was dragged about a quarter of a mile by pony. Took off quite a few freckles but they all eventually grew back along with my skin. Age nine: climbed onto rofo to rescue my cousin Ann's kitten and on way back down started sliding -- fell one story, hit lower roof, slid down that and off, to land on the kitchen porch roof and slid off that into lilac bushes. Kitten was fine -- I broke a collarbone and my left arm. Age ten -- discovered why throwing rocks at wasps' nest is a bad idea. Didn't throw the rocks myself -- I was watching my imbecilic older brothers (age sixteen and eighteen, the bastards ran off and left me to my fate). Age eleven -- riding my bike down street near home, became absorbed looking down at the way my shadow travelled over the rough asphalt -- and ran into a parked car, landing on windshield. Got down, discovered front tire wedged under car fender, unable to get it loose, so walked home to get help where mother and an aunt screamed -- sixteen stitches to repair damage to scalp. Age twelve -- while with my older brothers -- oh, hell this is too depressing. I survived. Miraculous, really.
• TenaciousPettle: oh wow. oh.
• I don't know if I've become desensitized or if I just read too much awful stuff, but that story didn't seem very far out of typical Chuck Palahniuk style to me.
• Chuck Palahniuk is one sick fuck.
• Oh. "Guts". Mmhhgg... ha, it wasn't enough for Chuck to spoil clam chowder for everybody... the calamari, the CALAMARI!! I moot at cows. Bark at (small) dogs. 'Kitty kitty' equivalent and long, lustful 'meooooows' at cats. Chatter at parrots'. Try to imitate horses' lip scoffing, monkeys crazy, teeth-baring laughter... in fact, any animal that has the non-pleasure of getting near me can be guaranteed to be preplexed by my puerile attempts at interspecies communication. Ah, I love you too, BlueHorse. *sound of horse's lips*
• ...I don't moo at cows. It would be self-parody at that point. But I do make chinchilla noises at chinchillas. Because they are cute. (It's a little "snk snk snk" sound.) ...oh, but I do meow at cats and mimic my sister's dog's "mrararargh" vocalizations. So that makes up for it. Stupid/vile: I copied the inscription from a graduation card I got into another graduation card that I gave. I thought it was inspiring, and stuff. Also, I sucked and apparently had no morals. ...I don't think I've ever admitted that.
• speaking of cows, anybody ever let a little one suck on your fingers? they have warm velvety tongues! it's very fun. (i mooooooo tooooooo)
• Totally STUPID: Last Spring I went on a "cleansing" juice fast for 40 straight days and lost 34 pounds. I ended up weighing just 87 pounds. I almost cleansed myself off the planet.
• yikes, hikik, glad you're still with us. and hope you're a tad plumper now.
• Jumped off the michigan ave. bridge into the Chicago River.
• I never ever want to think about pool filters again.
• Thanks, SideDish. I'm at 118 and holding now. *whew*
• Silly: Similar to chimaera, I make inappropriate animal noises at animals. Usually, I make cat sounds at 'em, regardless of species. I've noticed that cows don't mind, so I think they're bilingual. Stupid: Going to a fully-residential all-male military high school. Woo-hoo. Waraw, doesn't everyone try this at some point? Although I think Icy Hot is much, much worse. I mean, hypothetically. Not that I would ever try that. Nope. Never.
• Silly: I make songs to and about my cats constantly. I also substitute "meow meow meow" for any lyrics to which I don't know the words. It's so bad, I don't realize I'm doing it anymore. I'm amazed I still have friends. Stupid: When I was a teenager, I used to drive my stickshift with my feet crossed over, so left foot on the gas, right foot on the clutch. Thank god for those flat Midwest highways! Weird: Years ago, I named my boobs George and Lefty (as a spoof on men naming their penises) (and yes, Lefty is the right one!) and have made past boyfriends actually refer to them as such when first introducing them.
• I named my boobs George and Lefty I tell clients mine are named Ren & Stimpy.
• I'm so glad to hear someone else has given their boobs names! Any other Monkeys do this? 'Fess up!
• I'm thinking of naming mine Xena and Gabrielle or Mulder and Scully. Not sure if naming them is a good idea though, they might get all uppity. But then, that might be a good thing.
• aside to argh: holy shit - that baja story!!! it's like something out of The Game. have you made a T-Shirt yet? Yeah, it says "I fucked a mexican waitress on the beach and got away from her husband and 4 brothers after a 60 mile motorcycle chase and all I got was this lousy t-shirt (and crabs)." i make the weasel noise pauly shore makes in encino man.
• I tell clients mine are named Ren & Stimpy. /Vacant stare for 20 full seconds... *mind explodes*
• I either moo at cows or holler "HI, COW!" at them. I also make up songs and sing them to my dog, which makes him very nervous (he's half chihuahua, so everything makes him nervous, but still...). Most of the songs go something along the lines of "Steve is a very good dog/because he's made of piiiiiiie!" I call my friend's answering machines and leave messages for their pets. I attempt to inject a little bit of the surreal in everyday experiences, such as buying a "Happy Mother's Day" card for a guy friend's birthdy. When you get right down to it, I think I'm made of 75% water, 25% silly -- without sillyness, life is just no fun.
• I also make up songs to sing to the cat, and so does my husband. We also have about 35 different nicknames for her. We never call her by her real name. She thinks we're the stupidest big cats in the whole world.
• Stupid -- Falling asleep at the wheel of a moving automobile(there was a headon collision, noone died). Falling asleep in the Hoffbrau Haus in Munich(luckily nothing was stolen).
• I think one of the stupider things I did once was go out to a marsh a bit after midnight to search for owls. I thought I saw one overhead and in order to lure it in closer I made a squeaking mouse sound through my teeth. It worked all to well as it whipped around and dove at my head, narrowly missing me. I could hear the wings a few inches from my head as it passed over.
• Mk1gti: That's is way cool. I'll have to try it. It would be so worth having your hair raised to get that close to a big owl.
• Stupid: Putting too much anti-algae in a cooling tower and having nasty smelling bubbles (gross bubble bath like) float off the roof and down 7 floors in downtown Denver. People on sidewalk not happy. Stupid: Smoking bong water mold (very strange effect and stupid) Stupid: Hiking without water...drinking from a little seep, yum. Then we climbed above and found the half submerged deer corpse, blek. However Mooing at cows is normal.
• Stupid: *deciding at age 7, that capitalism was evil and thus i was entitled to that pack of cherry-flavored gum in the corner store for free. The owner stoppped me and I only managed to get out of it through dumb luck. Shared sh*tless though not straight. *deciding at age 10, to create the world's most powerful electromagnet. I had a little science kit where you could make a little electromagnet with a battery, and an iron core wrapped with wire. I figured why not take it to the max and poked the wire loop into an electric socket. Blew out the fuse. Lucky not to have been electrocuted.
• Apologizing to broccoli I drop on the floor when cooking; not sure if that's weird or just Canadian. Drinking electric Kool-aid by myself, then thinking it wasn't working and drinking more. Getting married in Vegas. Getting into an insult-slinging shouting match in Spanish with a drunk business man on a main drag in Guadalajara. Being the kind of person to whom strange slags at bus-stops casually say shit like, "Whoa...I just stabbed that chick". The correct response to that is, "Oh yeah? Huh. I can catch the #10 here, right?" Spitting on a guy right in front of two cops; jumping up and down in the middle of the street at 6 am giving the Italian-style finger for the hell of it to a car that turned out to be a ghost car. Answering a ringing pay phone and after being asked by an enraged screechy woman, replying, "Why yes! There is a brown truck with ****** on the license plate in the hooker hotel parking lot yonder!" I believe that all wild animal's proper names are sounds repeated twice; skunks are Shi-shi; racoons are Meecha-meecha. I also believe cats are smiling at you when they look at you and slowly close both eyes and open them.
• I'm gonna start calling my boobs the three stooges (since I have an extranumery nipple.) And that thing about cats, moneyjane, you are spot on.
• A smile? I always interpreted that cat maneuver to mean "I love you."
• I always interpreted that cat blinking to mean, "Crap, she's still there, singing dumb songs at me."
• The "eye-squeezing" is an "I love you" message to cats. I've used it a number of times to calm down feral cats who thought I was a menace. THey always look so surprised!
• ooh, just remembered. i forget things when i'm drunk. mostly in voicemail messages. i was reminded of this when a friend made me listen to one. Me: Richard! Richard. richardrichardrichard. This is your voicemail. Me. Um. Where am i? Carpark. Where's the carpark? You didn't answer the phone and now I'm in a carpark... Yesssssssssssss. Where am I? Oh, carpark. Your voicemail is a c***. Second voicemail, two minutes later. Me: I was at the pub.
• oh, and punching a tramstop last night after discovering my bike had been stolen outside the pub. my hand really hurts now.
• Not normal: I argue with myself. Out loud. Stupid: I once dropped my glasses over the side of Hoover Dam to see what would happen. I forgot I was driving. Had to catch a bus to Las Vegas. Weird: I used to keep my hamster in the bathroom, but I was convinced it was spying on me. So I moved the cage to the laundry room.
• LSD at a job interview. They asked "how do you think you especially are better suited than the other candidates?". Cracked me up. I managed "umm, well this is a difficult question as it forces one to look inward." No dice.
• For further stupid things perpetrated by Monkeys, try here. Someone mentioned another thread along those lines, and I remembered it and couldn't find it on search, or remember who posted it. Which meant it became an obsession to find it. Such obsessions are often one of the stupid things I do. As for the naming of the boobs, thanks to an ex-boyfriend better left forgotten, I wound up with Cain and Abel. Which is no worse, I suppose, than the time I shouted across a crowded restaurant that I only have one breast and part it down the middle in response to a question shouted at me.
• Ah, the kitty songs. I rather enjoy making up songs to pets and inanimate things. I usually (if not making it up as I go along) substitute the incorrect words to the song on the radio. I'm fairly certain that my cat likes it, not so sure what my wife thinks. Plus I make the "rat noise" to other animals. High pitched squeak made by pursing the lips and sucking sharply inward. My rat used to like it. I have also been known to imitate the gulping HUUUURK! HUUURK! noise that a cat will make prior to barfing, just because that sound makes my wife's cousin almost pee herself (she hates that sound, she knows that I know that she hates it, and she ends up disgusted and laughing at the same time). If only my little brother were a member here. He's done some amazingly stupid things. Many of his best stories end with "and so that's why I did a week of community service..."
• Silly: I moo at cows, make fun of my Polly cat cuz she's getting fat & looks funny (but still adorable!), and have conversations with Gizmo when he meows like crazy while I'm in the kitchen. And I love kitty socks. And every once in a while I go nuts - standing on my head, tickling Mr. Minda till he gets mad, and generally being a four year-old. Weird: I have given myself slight multiple personality disorder (seriously). I am one way, but I know intellectually that I should be/act a completely different way. I often get in arguments with myself over this. I'm also often very angry with myself. Stupid: Got married without the highly recommended counseling. The marriage is going very badly and I have no idea how to make it better. I, too, never want to think about pool filters again. That was just awful.
• Wow, between these & the thread that was linked from Dec, I was actually laughing out loud at work today. That's a rarity. I'm sure I've got a million of these but the one that came to mind first was...during college I lived in a frat house about 10 miles from the school. Well, during lunch there was always the mad dash back to the house on a 2 x 2 road called Beecher (hence the name "The Beecher 500"). For whatever reason it was important to win Beecher 500's by any means possible. I had an '86 two-door Grand Prix with a dog of a 305 putting me at a disadvantage to most everyone else. I compensated by driving like a complete nut. Quite often we'd have guys driving in all 4 lanes (two of which were going against traffic), swerving between cars like madmen! Beecher ended at a stoplight where you had to turn left and go past a Consumer's Power station before turning left into the house parking lot. Well, being a few cars back from the lead one time, with a car full of freshman that we were taking back for lunch--it was Rush--I decided that swerving across all four lanes with a hard jerk left on the wheel, hopping the curb, and barrelling through the lawns of Consumer's Power & the house was my only way to win...unfortunately I failed to notice the cop sitting at the light before I swerved. It didn't take long before I was in handcuffs trying to explain what had possessed me to do such a thing. Worst part was the fines and the money it cost to replace my exhaust system which I had snagged and torn off of the car from the catalytic converter back somewhere between the curb and the offroading. Plus I've accidentally set myself on fire 5 times & counting...
• Five times?! Please, do tell!
• "I lived in a frat house..." say no more.
• Silly: Every time I see a dog I say, "Doggers!" Every time I see a cat I say, "Mitten!" Stupid: Sooo many things in the life-threateningly stupid category from my teenage years. I grew up in a pissant little town. Used to sneak out a lot in the summer when I was 13 and 14, which was usually extremely fun. There was a curfew for people under 18, and the cops, if they picked me up, would take me home and wake up my parents at 3am--a drag for everyone. So I would often get into cars with strange men, just to get off the street (me all tarted up in late 80s make-up and spandex, sex kitten wear). The offer of drugs or alcohol made the choice to get in a stranger's car all the more appealing. Surprisingly, I only had to fight off one would-be rapist. I hit him in the head with a wine cooler bottle and ran like hell. Weird: I feel "lucky" when wearing blue toenail polish. I feel empathy for inanimate objects. When I was a kid, I'd pick up horse chestnuts off the sidewalk on my way home from school and wash them in the bathroom sink and give them names. I don't really believe in Jesus, but sometimes I thank him for parking spots.
• Every time I see a dog I say, "Doggers!" Every time I see a cat I say, "Mitten!" For me it's; Hello puppy! regardless of age or size, and; Keeeeedy! in a sort of cat-friendly sing-song. Also, God knows how, I got into the habit of saying hello to all robins, and also assessing their size, as in; "Hello robin! You are....medium!" Robins come in small, medium, and large. One day all the large robins are going to get together and robinpile me for being so silly.
• Silly: Too many things to mention. My only allegiance is to The Silly. The most public of this may be when I was proud to be seen with a man who led a polka band and wore a gold lamé sort of penishosen. Stupid: Stupidest would be thinking that if I was arrested first out of a crowd of thousands, I'd be processed out first. Big mistake. Wierd: As a kid, if I crushed an ant in my bed, I imagined that all the other ants in the vicinity would gather for a funeral at that exact spot.
• Moneyjane, you are too funny, and you inspire silliness in me!
• you inspire silliness in me! Heh...my plan is working. Actually, I think we owe it to the universe to be absurd. The forces of evil shriek like schoolgirls when confronted with the Superpower of Silly.
• <3s moneyjane
• STUPID: When I was in second grade my best friend and I were at lunch talking about who knows what, and somehow we got to talking about our penises. We didn't really know that taking them out of our pants and comparing them right in the lunchroom was inappropriate. It was. Many girls screamed. My principal got red in the face. I imagine I did too. DANGEROUS: I used to ride my bike onto a 2 lane highway and try and run over as many of the reflectors embedded in the asphalt before a car came around the hard-to-see curve. A conscientious neighbour called my parents about that one. WEIRD: I used to raise chickens. When the chicks would grow old enough, I put each one through an initiation process, in which I would toss them into the air as high as I could, and judge them based on how far they could flap 'n' glide. From then on, my treatment of them was based on how well they performed in the initiation.
• Hello puppy! regardless of age or size Me too. I also talk to crows. Just crows. I feel they're a much maligned bird, and must feel lonely and bitter. I always say, "hello, crow!" in a creaky, old lady voice.
• Hello puppy! regardless of age or size Me too. I also talk to crows. Just crows. I feel they're a much maligned bird, and must feel lonely and bitter. I always say, "hello, crow!" in a creaky, old lady voice.
• Whoa, I swear I only hit the button once!
• More from Rancho Calamari. Stupid: A couple of friends and I were lighting off tiny firecrackers in a nearby grapefruit grove. I showed my friend Danny Roman that if you tossed the firecracker into the weeds, the fuse would catch the weeds on fire, but the resulting explosion would blow the fire out. He took me quite literally and when one firecracker lit the fire but didn't explode, he tossed in a whole handful of firecrackers into the resulting blaze which by that point was beyond control. The whole place went up in a ball of flame. We hopped on our skateboards and took off like lighting. The silver lining in this story was that a few years later my dad told me that the owner of the property was going to tear the trees down anyway to build a housing development on the property (which indeed happened just a couple of months after the fire) and was able to collect insurance on his trees. Weird: I used to think that traffic lights were programmed just to piss me off, in that it knew when I was in a hurry and would change just when I showed up at the light. This doesn't fit in to any of the catagories (Silly, Stupid, Dangerous) but I once sold an ounce of pot to the dean of my art school, and he wrote me a check which I scribbled in the memo area "marijuana".
• Not sure what this is - but it just occurred to me that if I can blender up big chunks of frozen fruit, I can blender up apples in my smoothies too. Which I did, and it was yum, leaving me confused as to their apparent low status as smoothie fodder. Apple juice sure, but apples not so much. I didn't even have to peel them.
• Squid, my brother, I sold my eighth-grade science teacher dollar joints of weed stolen from my babysitting job! That's a 1970s SoCal enterprising preteenager for ya.