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March 08, 2005

Bored? Faking your own death should fix that.

Unless you're really stupid.

Stupid really doesn't seem to adequately cover that last one; not unless I stretch it really really thin at least.

Gosh.

Eh, most people seem to be faking their own lives, so a little fake death should be a welcome reprieve from all the inanity.

On a related note, I have two cakes in my kitchen right now: a devil's food chocolate one and an orange cardamom cake. Time for a hot cup of coffee and a slice or two of manna.

Orange cardamom cake sounds much better than faking my own death. I'll have that.

Orange cardamom cake...

If you go into the kitchen and find only an empty plate on the counter and some strategically placed crumbs on the floor and maybe a smear of icing, you'll know what happened.

Orange cardamon cake is well known for its slyness and devil-may-care attitude...

I'll try faking my death after I finish making and eating this delicious rhubarb and apple crumble.

I know a guy who faked his death. Left his bloodstained wallet in his car, which he abandoned by the side of a cliff by the ocean. When found, the coppers threatened him with a bill for the cost of the investigation.

I could link to this, but I think he's suffered enough ridicule already.

*waits for obligatory faked little death comment*

Damn your distracting and delicious foodstuff!

Dang...I'm getting out the cookbooks...

Aw, I thought they'd faked their own death in a manner that got themselves killed. Now I am disappointed, and strangely hungry.

The third link was very helpful. I'm seriously considering a change of identity and location and some of the suggestions were helpful. Thanks, moneyjane!

Always glad to aid in a felony.

I was planning to do it legally.

Ah, but the orange cardamom cake was not iced, so your scheme has been defeated, moneyjane. Though I did melt a little bittersweet chocolate to pour over it -- I suppose you could smear that around.

legally?

That's no fun!

I said "was" didn't I? ;)

I'm sure putting bittersweat chocolate drizzle all over that cake would be either illegal or fattening.

*holds fork in anticipation

"your scheme has been defeated"

@&%@#$!!!

I photoshopped my own death once.

Best quote from Channel 11 Noon News ever...

"He did not have a personality conducive to living."

Source referring to the leader of a branch of the Renegades bike gang who, having just made bail, and due in court in a few days regarding a big coke bust, was found shot dead in a burned car behind a burning house.

Best quote from Channel 11 Noon News ever...

"He did not have a personality conducive to living."

Source referring to the leader of a branch of the Renegades bike gang who, having just made bail, and due in court in a few days regarding a big coke bust, was found shot dead in a burned car behind a burning house.

Sorry for the double...kept timing out on me >:(

That reminds me of one of the first TV news stories I saw when I moved to LA:
A commercial trailer truck jackknifed on an overpass and dropped onto the feeway below. Amazingly, only one car was directly impacted. The driver and passenger were killed instantly. The fluffy blond newsreader ended the story with this profound comment: "The passenger in the car was not wearing a seatbelt.

I've been faking my life for a while now, so this seems like a logical step.

I only fake orgasms.

"The passenger in the car was not wearing a seatbelt.

Therefore, we know that they didn't go directly to hell.

Faking your own death is not generally illegal, so long as you don't do it in order to profit.
And Mexico is the land of fake documents.
Since most people don't have fingerprints on any file, and DNA testing is expensive, you can reappear pretty easily too, under a fake name. Again, getting documents in Mexico is a good start.
Just in case any of you were looking into this,
"Juan Sanchez"

I knew someone who faked his own death too. Left a pile of his clothes on a ill-frequented beach and his car parked nearby.

Turned up in the paper after being caught robbing a postoffice, interstate.

Petty criminals...so smart, and yet so unlucky...

"@&%@#$!!!"

Ø æ ¿  ♣ Ç £ ® Å ¬ ≠

I recently read a book on how to disappear, and the advice given inside was that it was best just to leave, and not bother faking your own death.

And thanks polychrome, that was great.

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