November 28, 2003

• There's something faintly disturbing about the fact that ducks have any kind of sex life at all, let alone necrophiliac homosexual tendencies.
• Those ducks better watch out - Necrophilia is no longer legal in the UK.
• Among the reeds Beside the lake The duck sits on her eggs And waits. If they're to hatch She must. She sits. And sits. Perhaps she meditates. Life, though ducky, is unjust! For now behold, the faithless drake Whose life is one consuming lust, This dastard scoots To ravish Helpless little coots.
• *weeps at fate of poor ickle duckies*
• From this week's Popbitch ... California has just banned necrophilia this week, making it punishable by up to eight years in jail. The law was introduced after a case in San Francisco last year where a 46-year-old man was found passed out drunk, with his pants round his ankle, on top of an elderly woman's corpse in a funeral home. Catherine Zeta-Jones must be getting a bit nervous about a police visit... (FYI: Catherine should come back to the UK to have sex. Corpse-fuckers in the UK only face a maximum two years jail time.)
• Who is harmed by an act of necrophilia? Who is the victim? Is it a victimless crime?
• Hmm... the dignity of the departed? The distress of family members and friends of the departed? If necrophilia is a victimless crime, then so is cannibalism (although the 'butcher' may be considered a murderer, not the diners).
• Well, in the case of cannibalism, a suspicion will often arise that the comsumed/departed may have been killed in order to provide food for the survivors. In the case Wolof mentions, killing would not appear to be a factor. Assuming a dead (and unmurdered) body is just lying around, distasteful though either action may be, I can't see there's real grounds for punishing people. Think it reasonable to scrutinize severity of punishment/laws in such cases. Such laws to be holdovers from earlier times.
• The victims are the family, etc. That's pretty clear. But on the cannibalism side, it's also not very healthy - too many diseases could pass that way. (Also why we should never eat monkeys - too close to us for safety.)
• In way are the family the victims? What did the family lose or have damaged or whatever that justitifies this idiot or someone like him being given an an eight year sentence as a felon? And if family are the victims, would that mean that committing an act of necrophilia with a corpse lacking relatives would not be a crime? Things are not clear here. The dead woman seems to have lost nothing -- or nothing provable in most western courts of crimnal law. So I'm wondering what did the family lose that justifies such severity? In short, who is the victim? What damage was done, what loss was incurred, etc. Frankly, I can see a civil suit resulting from this a lot more easily than treating it as a criminal act. Perhaps a suit brought by the funeral home rather than the relatives of the deceased if the man broke and entered the establishment or something, then there could be some grounds for a criminal action against him. But I don't understand why necrophilia per se should be criminalized. It's a culturally distasteful thing to do, but is it really a criminal act?
• There are many such crimes that have no victim, but are nonetheless crimes of vice, or violating the morals of society. Prostitution, gambling, drug use, and necrophilia are just a few.
• rocket88, you are right about these still being on the books in many places as crimes. (Prohibition in the States used to be one of these 'crimes of vice', I believe.) But not all of these are considered crimes in all cultures or even in all places in the same culture. Which makes these laws and their inconsistent applications seem more whimsical than otherwise. And as such fit subject for more serious scrutiny.
• Sometimes the line between victimless crimes and not is very fine - one could argue that prostitution (between consenting adults) does not have a victim, but is pimping a victimless crime? maybe you have the answer, beeswacky - perhaps it is something that should be dealt with in a civil suit. But at the same time, many families might be too upset to face the person who had done that, especially when in grief. Imagine if the woman had been a mother, just lost, or a wife? It would be horrifying. That may have been some of the reason behind the increased sentance. Actually, I don't think it is just the family, though they are the ones most immediately hurt. Even if you don't believe that corpses feel, I know that if I have any part that goes beyind death, I would be very upset at that kind of violation. And the thought of someone using my body as a sex toy bothers me while I am living. I think that is the reason that people want to make it a crime - they want to protect themselves after death. It bothers them when people's bodies are violated, even when they didn't know them - because it is still part of a person (though not as shocking and horrifying as it would be to see it happen to a loved one). If someone asked for this to happen in their will, that is a different story. As for length of sentances, that is always in debate. Personally, I think penitentiaries are a failed 19th religious experiment, and we should end incarceration for all but those deemed too dangerous to be out. Punishment is always a mix of trying to deter (often failing) with a hefty dose of revenge.
• Absolutely, and many jurisdictions (mostly outside the US) are relaxing most of these laws, due to changes in public morals. Necrophilia, however, still disgusts the vast majority, and will probably never be legalized.
• Very much agree with you on the subject of penitentiaries being failures, jb. At this time, in the States, they seem to serve as respositories for a number of diseases such as TB and AIDS as well as places of incarceration. Inconsistent application of laws disturbs me. And disturbs me enough that I tend to call it injustice when uneven applications occur. And if I don't speak out when I can see the inherent contradictions, who will?
• And you're quite right about the element of revenge, too, jb.
• The 'victim' in any criminal act is the State - that is why it is the State that exacts the punishment, and why there can be a civil suit and a criminal trial for the same acts. Necrophilia is a violation of generally accepted morals, like other vice acts, and opens the actor to criminal sanctions. The consequences of not penalising such acts may be trivial for some people (a spate of grave-robbing, necrophlia and thousands of extraordinarily distraught family members?), but for some (the majority I think) these are things worthy of preventing. Myself, cremation. Avoids the whole issue.
• Grave robbing is a crime though, theft of property. I suppose necrophilia could fall under vandalism.
• Wot Mr. Bumble said. And I say this law is all too whimsical. Seems as if it would be saner to make necrophiliac behaviour grounds for medical/psychological treatment and/or re-socialization of the perp instead of using the flimsy retionale that a punitive law is going to inhibit those who want to do such a thing from doing it. Have there been any studies of why people actually obey/disobey laws? Do punitive laws really inhibit people from acting?
• bees, I agree, but right now sentencing isn't for rehabilitation, at least where I live.
• Lesbian cows. Inside the mind of the gay sheep.
• We men can learn a lot of things from sheep now severak sheepish studies are complete. "Bah! No! I don't want to go near that man!" "Aye, one glance and ye can tell he isn't out for fun." "I can't abide a grumpy one!" "Don't like the way he's glaring with his eyes so squinted and beady -- puts me off me feed the way he keeps on staring!" Yes, it seems that sheep can somehow tell a human visage, scowling, may bode ill. Sheep recognize the faces of their friends. Photos of their absent ones can bring sheep on the run. And now to bring this sheepish saga to an end, it seems gay rams are gay not because they choose to be so but because they're born that way.
• A bird, s man, a loaded gun. No bird, dead man, Thy will be done. -- Anonymous
• The Duck I hope you may have better luck Then to be bitten by the duck. This bird is generally tame, But he is dangerous all the same. And though he looks so small and weak He has a very powerful beak. Between the hours of twelve and two You never know what he may do. And sometimes he plays awkward tricks From half-past four to half-past six. And any hour of the day It's best to keep out of his way. -- Lord Alfred Douglas, "The Duck"
• Oscar liked to be cosy with Bosie. Then Bosie's dad got awfully mad. After a while there was a trial. When Oscar left gaol and was finally free he had to live in gay Paris due to his notoriety.
• *applause*
• over the marsh bitterns spread gravelled voices
• at dawn duck hopes for a nest eggs but the drake craves duckness
• Her Royal Duckness?
• Probably my clumsy fingers -- eliminated a space above eggs. Far more surreal than I was expecting, BlueHorse. /going quackers now!
• Ah, warm eggs. But the ducks are swimming In my pool.
• sparrows pick seeds from Buddha's hand
• An other drake mallard raped the corpse almost continuously for 75 minutes. Wow, that's stamina for you.
• a drake did ravish the corpse of his duck, till one said to him stop it you sick fuck
• this drake deprived of duck and coot attempts to ravish a wilting cabbage an old felt hat a dripping boot upon the foot of the wildlife photographer during a shoot
• You're the bee's knees, beeswacky!
• In today's Guardian...
• Wow!
• I will never look at ducks the same way again.
• Also of interest is this later thread discussing ducky peck-adillos.
• The deeds of drakes are various, but some are more nefarious -- it seemed in springtime drakes were mad to act as human laws forbade.
• they are not to blame drakes say they only obey biological imperatives embedded in every yolk by the Great Egg from which the universe first hatched who would guess drakes think thoughts like that?
• down down down with dictators! ducktators go down because they duck
• Ah...one of our first beeswacky poetry threads. If anyone's interested in publishing the poems, I'm still available for proofing and basic editing.
• I've still got all the beeswacky poetry and comments that tracicle sent me. Unfortunately, I have them on a hard drive that doesn't feel like working, on a computer that I also currently can't use until I get some adapters. Fun fun.
• When did old beesy first show up anyway? These comments are relatively recent.
• Good question. btw, I think we should produce a Beeswacky coffeetable book. Perhaps a series.
• I must remember to add filtering functionality to the new MoFi when it's done, so it's easier to filter out bees' poems or Chy's rants or quid's dadaesque comments. For example.
• Good lord no!!! You should filter everything ELSE out!!!
• oooh, oooh, oooh!! Can you filter out the taglines? I really really like the taglines.
• Who is there now to mourn for Daisy May? And why did Turkmenbashi so swiftly slip away? O where now those golden threads of yesterday?
• O wretched unresisting duck these days it's plain you're out of luck for what's as rare as Butthole Bear or the dung-bedecked kitty with Things in its hair?
• In winter I grow more contrary as any hive-bound grumbling bee hoping for Spring when waterfowl wing to the marshy shores of our nearby lake -- until I recall the Lust-Driven Drake. And now I'm more resigned to winter ice and dingy slush knowing I'm still unlikely to find a brown duck lifeless in the brush.
• Well, you're certainly a dismal lot!
• Nash will help! Behold the duck It does not cluck. A cluck it lacks. It quacks. It is special fond Of a puddle or a pond. When it dines or sups, It bottoms ups. Hey! HEY! Bottoms up is how a duck FEEDS, you preverts! *sheesh*
• Don't feed the ducks! via myccr
• "Look at me, boys, I'm a parrot - squawk, squawk, squawk!"
• An encroaching drake will quickly take advantage of a duck or a lady who's run out of breadcrusts and luck. Entertaining pictures, Northern Exposed!
• Hail! lovely spring when ducks grow amorous and drakes accost the duckie glamorous soon tales of drakes in lust we'll hear of attempted copulations 'twixt drakes and moose, or bear once her eggs are laid the matron duck prefers to sit but overstimulated drakes can't bring themselves to quit
• Recipe for Geese: 1. Initiate cataclysmic explosion of infinitely dense matter. 2. Wait 11 to 15 billion years. 3. Geese. Recipe for Ducks: 1. Make geese. 2. Look nearby. (not original, do not know source)
• When did old beesy first show up anyway? Signed up on November 23, 2003, the same day the_bone first posted this thread. so far this year is strange, I find, with nothing but bears grabbing the headlines have there been errors? where are the ducks and drakes? their nest? are these birds really doing their best? or should I sing the sad demise of every duckling?
• a (presumably) young black swan's attracted to a plastic pedal-boat I see no happy outcome to this fowl mismatch and hope he'll soon outgrow it (the swanboat's five times as big as he) look! it's spring, ye dullards spring! the songbirds screech from every tree o wot delight to walk around my long-familiar stomping-ground wondering which bird or critter will be next to seem unhinged or madly vexed
• List of fictional ducks. One reason of many I <3 Wikipedia.
• In the Storm Some black ducks were shrugged up on the shore. It was snowing hard, from the east, and the sea was in disorder. Then some sanderlings, five inches long with beaks like wire, flew in, snowflakes on their backs, and settled in a row behind the ducks— whose backs were also covered with snow— so close they were all but touching, they were all but under the roof of the ducks' tails, so the wind, pretty much, blew over them. They stayed that way, motionless, for maybe an hour, then the sanderlings, each a handful of feathers, shifted, and were blown away out over the water which was still raging. But, somehow, they came back and again the ducks, like a feathered hedge, let them crouch there, and live. If someone you didn't know told you this, as I am telling you this, would you believe it? Belief isn't always easy. But this much I have learned— if not enough else— to live with my eyes open. I know what everyone wants is a miracle. This wasn't a miracle. Unless, of course, kindness— as now and again some rare person has suggested— is a miracle. As surely it is. -- Mary Oliver
• A duck in the US state of Florida has survived gunshot wounds and a two-day stint in a refrigerator.
• Rasputin the duck.
• Badger is the mallard capital of Minnesota, don't-you-know.
• Shocking inter-racial sex scenes
• Lo! the French Farmer's Worm Cure for ducks revealed. Hi, ducks!...er...High ducks?
• Yes, he was arrested, but on the flip side, he doesn't have worms. In his younger, wilder days, Mr. BH had a big, hairy, antisocial biker friend. The BF (BIKER friend) had a stereotypical fragile, tiny, old mum who wore flowered hats, furnished her house in doilies, and kept canaries. Naturally, canaries sing best if their diet is supplemented with cannabis seed. Mr. BH had to make bail for the FTO mum after she was busted along with 15 of the BF's gang. When he arrived at the station, she was the only one in handcuffs, and she was PISSED OFF. Don't mess with little old ladies and their canaries. A duck in the US state of Florida has survived gunshot wounds and a two-day stint in a refrigerator. Rasputin the duck. Man alive, how did I miss this? Surely there's a mine of really bad puns in there? rashootin' the duck?
• Ducks Meet the Culture Wars
• Happy Dead Duck Day, Everyone!
• The Bizarre and Fascinating Nature of Duck Sex
• What has been seen, cannot be unseen. Ha! I see your ducks and raise you platypus sex.
• We study them, they study us (nsfw.)