December 19, 2004

• And, is this somehow related?
• To quote Lili Von Schtupp: "Oh, it's twue, it's twue...it's weawy twue!"
• Yes they are real, and yes it is disturbing.
• From what I recall in Germany in the 1970s I don't remember anything like this offhand... our house certainly did not have them. "Mein Gott, zwei kilogram!"
• MeFi beat us to this one.... figures, they usually have their heads in the toilet there.. :) (just kidding, don't beat up the monkeys!) Mefi toilet link (just sounds right, doesn't it?) But, even better is the love toilet
• It is true and just as nasty as the link suggests. I visited an ex who was living in Frankfurt and her explination also matched the link's. If there any Americans who can still afford a trip to Europe and looking for tips on dealing with this situation, the secret is to build a little toilet paper palette before you sit. Worst case scenario, you can grab a corner and cleanly pull the whole payload into the drainage port. You still end up getting more intimate with the excrement than you would like, but your really can't count on the water pressure being enough.
• Every German home that I've ever been in has a toilet brush next to the throne which is there for the express purpose of erasing unsightly bowl skidmarks or nudging your "product" off the shelf if it refuses to dislodge.
• Pretty common in the Netherlands, too. I prefer them with a small puddle of water as a landing zone. No smear, no splash and hardly ever a floater.
• I'm surprised somebody hasn't mentioned the odd duality of Japanese toilets.
• Interesting. Because of its very hard motivation to hold balance, ancient japanese toilet perfectly fit for studying ki-power managing issues.
• Ya see, I never got the bad rap that the French get all the time in American culture, especially when the Germans are around. They gave us the holocaust, German food, weird ass toilets, Nazism and WWII in Europe. Seriously though, both wonderful cultures with rich gifts to the world, it just seems like the Germans would make for an easier target for xenophobes.
• The Bathroom Diaries probably deserves its own FPP, but it's relevant here because of all of its horror stories about foreign toilets.
• We can't knock on post-ww2 germans because we essentially remade the country in our own image, and since WW2, germans have had essentially no sense of national pride or patriotism. Contrast that to our stereotype of snooty french, and it's easy to see why modern krauts make a rather lousy target. My own complaint with german toilets was primarily the smell, since it just sits there in the open air unless you flush it down immediately. It was occasionally annoying to see drawings brainwashed young boys had made of "don't stand so that you don't spray" (which rhymes in german), but mostly if you aim correctly it provided less splashback than most american toilets. In terms of poop-splashback, which frankly annoys me more than getting a bit on the rim, they were much better.
• Dr. Robotnik's "duality" link is scary. I have to agree with Quinn-san: Tom Quinn, a Californian who does play-by-play analysis of sumo matches on Japanese television, said he has a high-tech toilet at home but wishes he had a plain old American one. "I don't like anything startling in the bathroom," he said. "I don't want rocket controls on my toilet."
• can't...resist... Monkeyfilter: I don't like anything startling in the bathroom.
• I remember staying in a monastery in Wertzburg and being terrified about wha twe called 'The Inspection Shelf'. Similarly Japanese toilets are equally frightening.
• Oh, you guys give me the shits!
• I tried describing these toilets to friends back in the States after a long stay in Germany, and most thought I was making it up. For me, the smell is the biggest difference. Did someone say anal-retentive?
• Are any monkeys in Germany able to call the toilet manufacturers and see why they like this design?
• rolypolyman, this has been a feature of German toilets for many years. I believe it owes its provenance to the belief that ill-health manifests itself in malformed, discoloured or very smelly poo, which is widespread in Germany. At the risk of a self-link, see a wee discussion of same. Unfortunately the link to the work of Alan Dundes doesn't work, but he's the man who devoted a whole volume to the investigation of scatology in German folk culture.
• Argh, different URLs but the same target. Sorry 'bout that. Er, crap.
• Holy crap! No pun intended. I thought all along that the "inspection shelf" concept was just part of the joke!
• Too True. I toured a dance show from Toronto to Erlangen ( near Nuremberg) in 1995 and noticed this right away. They fed us on lunch bags with an apple, a mars bar and a meat bun and a cheese bun. Considering I spent the rest of what little money I had on Wheat Beer IWeiss] you can imagine how bad it had gotten after 10 days. Unbearable. I didn't know there was a water shortage in Europe. Just sitting there on the shelf ! Ugh. Wash it all away..!
• Also, just to clarify, I meant that the belief in the manifestations of ill-health is widespread, not malformed, discoloured or very smelly poo. Heh.
• *knocks Germany off to-visit list* Actually, I've passed through Germany a couple of times, but luckily I never had to face one of these toilets. My opinion is that if you have good knees, a squatty is best because of the no-contact factor.
• It certainly comes out quicker and easier in a squat. It's the natural position for poo!
• MonkeyFilter: natural position for pop
• gah, poo
• These toilets have serious watermanagement challenges. The little dyke that seperates the puddle from the pit should have the right height. Too low means not enough puddle, so you'll get stains, but too high gives a splash-problem. The ideal dyke height also is relative to the flushing power. With as little flushing water as possible the human waste should be lifted over the dyke and shot into the pit with enough speed to pass the S-turn underneath the toilet.
• Same things in Holland. There, you face an additional problem -- the toilets are usually placed in a far-too-small room. Thus, if you enter standing, there's no possibility of changing your mind and getting some extra work done. You would have to leave the room and come back in. Best way to handle these abominations is to build the little shit-raft mentioned upthread. Then try to maintain consciousness -- the smallness of the room concentrates the smell even further. Another problem exists in the quality of the toilet paper. Dutch toilets are bad enough, but German toilet paper is horrendous. It's simply brown paper towels. To sandpaper your ass to cleanliness, I suppose. Ye gods!
• damn, i lived there for a summer and never encountered such a strange beast as these toilets. is this something primarily in the former west, then?
• I encountered a few of the squatty type of toilets in Argentina on a visit there. Made for practically no wiping. I wouldn't want to do it drunk, tho...
• i can't believe we're talking about german toilets AGAIN! it was weird enough the first time. yes, german toilets have a shelf, yes, at some point in time or perhaps even still, germans used the shelf to examine their poop.
• and since WW2, germans have had essentially no sense of national pride or patriotism. Are you sure?
• Like said before, we have those toilets in the Netherlands too. A lot. It prevents "fluid" from being catapulted upwards, when "solids" plunge downwards... Oh, and don't worry, the stuff usually washes off quite well. :-) Ugh, I can't believe I am talking about toilets...