November 16, 2004

Hardee's is introducing a new burger with 1,420 calories and 107 grams of fat.
  • It's about time! I noticed a marked looseness in people's sweatpants at the Walmart last weekend.
  • That's approximately 3.5 times the amount of fat you're supposed to have per day.
  • As long as it kills lots of Americans, I don't care.
  • /shocked
  • Shouldn't surpise anyone... Let's see...we know alcohol is bad for ya, but we still manufacture and market alcoholic beverages... We know SUV's are unsafe...we still love 'em We know that George w.....oh wait, we don't want to go there... We realize that kids have a better future with a good education, but we underfund education.... Welcome to America home of the stupid free.
  • Yeah, how dare we give people the freedom to destroy themselves if they so choose! Anyone who eats this knows what they're getting into. I'm not interested in parenting random strangers.
  • I'm hungry now.
  • My only problem with this burger is that it's a crappy fast food burger. If you want a good giant burger, go to a real restaurant or make it yourself (I was serious about the needs more bacon).
  • you had me at hello.
  • We've yet to ask the important question regarding 2/3 lb fat burgers.... _____How does the christian right feel about them? Has there ever been a constitutional amendment regarding hamburgers?
  • The thing that gets me is, how people want to blame someone else for their weight problems. No one is making anyone buy these unhealthy foods. I don't know how anyone could say their weight problem stems from some inside plot, engineered by the fast food industry to make America fat. Not that anyone is suggesting that is the case, right?
  • He knows too much. He must be silenced.
  • No, but personal responsibility is not the whole story. Evidence is building that fatty food is addicting. Just as blaming addiction and the evils of the fast food industry is a easy-out solution, blaming lack of personal responsibility is an equally easy solution to a rather complex issue.
  • I'm with the good Doctor. There aren't many dishes that couldn't use a little more bacon, and I figure this burger is just about halfway to proper, baconly-speaking.
  • How does it taste? We need a monkey to go get one, and tell us.
  • And...if you DO go get one to do a taste test for us, type as you eat, you probably won't survive too long afterwards and we'll just have to send out another monkey....
  • I'm having another heart attack just looking at it.
  • I'm glad my wife isn't reading this. She's a food-a-holic. (mind you she exercises constantly & is thin as a rake - guilt, I suppose, is the best medicine for big fat asses) She'd go crazy over this and immediately want one. If I had a dollar for every time she's said "I've given up sugar!" I'd be a rich man. I'm immune to such things. Only cheese & beer can tempt me.
  • briank, what d'you mean *another* heart attack? You've had a heart attack? I'm sorry to hear that.
  • I'll take two of those an extra large fries... and a large DIET coke.
  • Villainizing foods does nothing to help the fucked up relationships that people have with eating and their bodies.
  • Does anyone else find this disturbingly similar to the recent shard filled donuts story arc in Dilbert? Although that sounds like the perfect dessert to chase down one of those heart stopper burgers.
  • Agreed - more bacon, no damn butter on the bun. If I wanted butter, I wouldn't be eating a burger. Shame the nearest Hardees to me is hours and hours away.
  • Considering my body as a seperate entity with which I have a "relationship" with through eating is an interesting concept. I would suppose that would demand that I see my psyche as seperate than my physical being. The question becomes, are mind/body relationships monogamous? Thread official hijacked into philosophical realms!
  • lol...oh Gosh. This will cut the death time of fast food eaters by, WHOA! Idiots. Hopefully there's a high concentration of these restaurants in the bible belt... that's god's way of stopping the hicks.
  • Find your nearest Hardee's... And a Picture of the monster burger be very afraid!
  • LarimdaME took the words right out of my mouth. Fingers, rather.
  • Aio, quantitas magna minutal est!
  • You're forgetting the American dieting fad... take off the buns and it's the perfect Atkins meal. Maybe that's why 40% of pollsters said they would eat it.
  • Geez, why don't we just sell them guns to shoot themse....oh wait, we do. I just had a great idea. I'll make millions. I'll open up a fast food restaurant called PatriotBurger. All the decor is red white and blue, flags everywhere. Serve freedom fries. Make sure the drive thru bay can fit hummers. With happy meals, give out anatomically correct toy soldiers and iraqis so the kids can reenact their favorite scenes from abu gharib. And the real gem, the MOTHER OF ALL BURGERS. Two 1/2 pound beef patties, bacon and cheese, fried onions, bbq sauce and mayo, on a low carb bun. Hot shit, I'm gonna be rich!
  • Wow, that's about half of the calories I need for a whole day! Too bad I'm a vegetarian. No, wait, not too bad at all.
  • It's just a hamburger.
  • The name Monster Burger has a tragic history. Great marketing guys!
  • If Hardee's is serious, let's strip off those two calorie-less sissy pieces of bread and replace them with creme-filled donuts. As Our Fearless Leader would say, Let's Roll.
  • Meh.... I'd definitely eat one. Looks pretty damn good. I sincerely doubt anyone will die after eating one of these sandwiches. C'mon people... live a little! When I was in college I ate nothing but McDonalds for 9 months (A single #2, the two cheeseburger meal) each and every day. Granted, it was the only meal I was eating, but combined with a multi-vitamin and a V8 or other juices, I was in good health. I, for one, welcome my ThickBurger overlords...
  • Boy, this sure would go down well with an ice-cold liquid donut.
  • Just visit IN-N-OUT Burger and order from the "secret menu" for the biggest freakin burger your colon can handle. As prevoiusly discussed umpteen times before. I even searched MeFi for the pictures of that kid eating a "20x20" but alas the web site is no longer hosted
  • Is the 4x4 designed for each chamber of the heart?
  • "I sincerely doubt anyone will die after eating one of these sandwiches." Nobody is suggesting anyone will die after eating just one. I think you may have misunderstood.
  • Maybe they'll all choke.
  • Considering my body as a seperate entity with which I have a "relationship" with through eating is an interesting concept. So if I'm in a "relationship" with my body and I take it out on a "date" to a restaurant, can I expect it to offer to pay the check for once?
  • I've tried to get my mind to do it by itself, but my body always pays for the check.
  • Not to derail further, but that's fantastic. People usually give me a "...you freak" reaction when I say that I don't consider my body and self separate and don't think I am anything more than what's visible. [insert long boring explanation here] I have NEVER heard anyone else say anything even vaguely similar. As you were.
  • Great! ...now I am hungry...
  • Wurwilf, you'd love to do acid with me.
  • So if I'm in a "relationship" with my body and I take it out on a "date" to a restaurant, can I expect it to offer to pay the check for once? Alex, you can order your body to pay for it AND expect your body to put out later. This is why we have trouble with relationships with others - we get spoiled by our relationships with ourselves. Life's too short to never eat any "bad" foods, but it's also too short to eat it all the time.
  • I've had worse things in my mouth.
  • Your foot? (I keed, I keed.)
  • I like how their stock has risen because of this. Apparently America's health craze isn't as pervasive as we'd thought. Then again, I live in California, and healthy's always been "in". Interesting that McDonald's got it's start here...
  • /glower
  • I think this burger is a play toward the (IMO) misguided "anti-carb" movement. In relative terms, there are very few carbs on this aside from the bun. Those Atkins people are thinking "ooooh, take the bun away and slap it on a couple lettuce leaves, and I can eat 6 of those a day" -- and believing it.
  • "I've had worse things in my mouth." I'm not even going there...
  • What we need is a hamburger that is so good that no one can resist the temptation, and so deadly that only one will kill you. Then we need to market it in only the red states...
  • Those lettuce leaf burgers are worth avoiding, if you feel your dry cleaning bill is not too low.
  • The words "Angus Beef" frighten me, as I tried one of those angus burgers at Burger King once and it was disgusting. It tasted to me like glorified salisbury steak...ugh.
  • Don't judge it by that, if that's all the Angus you've ever had. Get yourself a Black Angus steak at a decent butcher shop or supermarket. You'll realize the difference between that and the swill they scrape off the floor at BK before you even eat it.
  • 1400kC? Foo. That's only four bagels. That's nothing.
  • shawnj: Evidence is building that fatty food is addicting. really? 'cause i think we have a pill for that. aargh: i refuse to believe that "monster burger" story. no website that uses MS Comic Sans as the default font can be taken seriously. personally i like a bigger hamburger. the thin little patty you get at mcdonalds, etc. just isn't a burger. i do agree that you can make a better one at home, but can't blame hardees for going for market share with the monster thickburger. from what i've read, the original thickburgers were doing wonders for the struggling business when first introduced.
  • Let these people eat what they want, as long as they can't sue for it. I'm hoping that Hardies sells a bunch of these in the red states and that darwinian selection takes its toll.
  • ooops, skirk beat me to the punch.
  • The red states already eat biscuits 'n' gravy and chicken fried steak. The monster burger would be considered health food.
  • Did anyone else feel sorta sick just looking at this thing? I mean, I don't want to ban it or anything, and I like me a cheeseburger as much as (I thought) the next guy. But the whole bar-n-grill tendency to serve up SINGLE 1/3 pound patties is a bit much for me and this is... just... gross.
  • It's okay to sell a Monster Thickburger (aka, Death on a Bun) but the feds won't legalize marijuana? It just ain't fair, man.
  • Just think how many of these burgers they could sell if people could spark up a fattie beforehand!
  • On that note, I should point out that using your forehand be a real good way to spark up my fattie. Thanks.
  • 1400kC? Foo. That's only four bagels. That's nothing. or only seven Goo Goo Clusters.
  • Or almost a pound of Red Vines. Or 28 heads of lettuce.
  • A few facts for you to "chew on". Yes, the Hardee's chain is mostly in the Bible Belt, but the same parent company also owns Carls Jr. here in the Southwest (there's one a block from where I'm currently residing). Their premiere burger is the "Six Dollar Burger" (advertising hook: a burger you'd spend 6 bucks at Fuddruckers for 4-and-a-half), with a 1/2 pound patty and 900-1100 calories (depending if you want bacon on it). They were recently promoting a DOUBLE Six-Dollar Burger (interestingly not yet on their website's nutrition guide). The current Carl's ad features a "hot babe" (on the slender side) riding a mechanical bull while semi-sensuously biting into a Western Bacon Six Dollar Burger (1080 calories, 62 grams fat), but the Double Six-Dollar ad, titled "Size Matters" was a series of still pictures of Bush, Kerry and other political players, making gestures signifying 'size'. (Windows Media OR Quicktime, links may change the next time they put out a new ad) I just hope my knowledge of Carl's doesn't get me banned from Irv's...
  • from the ever-calm folks at Center for Science in the Public Interest... HARDEE'S MONSTER THICKBURGER MORE PORNO THAN EVER Statement of CSPI Executive Director Michael F. Jacobson We first labeled Hardee's Thickburger as "Food Porn" when it was some 200 calories smaller than the Monster version Hardee's is rolling out today. But if the old Thickburger was Food Porn, the new Monster Thickburger is the fast-food equivalent of a snuff film. At a time of rampant heart disease and obesity, it is the height of corporate irresponsibility for a major chain to peddle a 1,420-calorie sandwich. Eating one of these Thickburgers would be like eating two Big Macs or five McDonald's hamburgers. Add 600 calories worth of Hardee's fries and you get more than the 2,000 calories that many people should eat in a whole day. If Hardee's persists in marketing this junk, it should at least list calories right up on the menu board.
  • If you're ordering something called a Monster Thickburger you must have some idea of its caloric lethality. Besides, listing the calories would soon become white noise to those inclined to consume these things. It's not as if calorie listings on grocery items have served to thin the American waistline anyway.
  • As the major fast food places make efforts to improve their PR and get healthier, Hardee's decides to go the opposite way and satisfy the people who say, "It's fast food. I know it's bad. If I am going to eat it, then I want the real deal." Sort of like sugar-free ice cream. It is a marketing strategy, and probaby a pretty good one. They are not going after fifty percent of the market. They are going after ten or so percent of the market. If it does well, then expect to see the "McDeath" burger hot on its heels.
  • MMMMMMmmmm... McDeath..... Aaaaahhhhhhkkkkkkkkk... As long as the product is classified as food, restaurants should be able to peddle it. It's up to the consumer to patronize said establishment and/or order what they feel is appropriate for their diet. In fact, solely because of this FPP, I had the Bacon Cheddar Sky Scraper Burger from NYC burger for lunch today. 2 1/2 net wt. before cooking beef patties, with two thick slices of cheddar and four crispy strips of bacon, all topped off with Horseradish mayo. Complete with steak fries. Sure, it's 4:30 right now, and I feel slightly ill, but I'm having tofu for dinner, so fuck it.
  • I give you The 20X20 of DOOM!!! Seriously people, the problem with the world today is stupidity. I say we take the warning labels off of everything and let the rubes find out the hard way. Wait, no, I wasn't being serious at all.
  • God bless America... /wipes_tear
  • Disgusting. I feel like projectile vomiting all over the nearest Bush voter just looking at this stuff.
  • Considering that right now I'm eating peanut butter with a spoon, I don't feel I'm the one to question anybody's fat intake.
  • Interesting. Tastes differ: it makes me hungry.
  • The "old computer" thread has put me in a reminscing mood. Does anyone know of a place that still does burgers as they were perfected in the 1950s? Hamburger patties cooked to order on the "grill" of the times - big sheet of metal with burners underneath - which would melt the fat into a good sized pool. The buns were heated up next to the meat, and absorbed the fat and fried into a slight crispyness, so little was lost in processing. When the patties were turned over, a slice of cheese was placed on to melt and bubble and turn all gooey. Even the buns would be turned so that the outside would get a lovely sheen. The burger, in my part of the world, was completed with lettuce, tomato, onion, dill pickle slices (not those semi-sweet things that seem to be the norm today) and yellow mustard. Add a soda, made with Coke syrup and seltzer, with a hefty squeeze of lime juice, and you have my lunch for almost all my high school days. Those of us with, um, taste thought that the local "walkup", where the cooked patties were kept in a heated drawer till needed, was way below us. Only the dangerous kids hung out there, with their leather jackets and rumored chains in the hot rod trunks for use in gang battles. Even the girls got into physical fights! Back to my question. I keep wondering whether I'd still like those hamburgers, after all these years of moving away from red meat and stuff fried in animal fat. Would they taste as wonderful as they did then?
  • Mmmmmm, quadruuuple byyypass.
  • path - try the aforementioned In-N-Out burger, they use sponge-dough buns that they grill next to the burgers, and they are ever so tasty.
  • Thanks Freen that was exactly what I was looking for. This is my personal favorite in that whole series of pics.
  • If Hardee's is serious, let's strip off those two calorie-less sissy pieces of bread and replace them with creme-filled donuts. He ate the whole thing and, apparently, loved it. "Could you eat a hamburger between two Krispy Kreme donuts?" "Yes," he said. "I could too," One of them involves a creme-filled donut.
  • Or 28 heads of lettuce. *laughs fat ass off*
  • Oh, btw path, I can walk five minutes from here and buy a real handmade burger with all the shiznit.
  • Quite cheaply, too, which is sort of the point.
  • At a time of rampant heart disease and obesity, it is the height of corporate irresponsibility for a major chain to peddle a 1,420-calorie sandwich. I'm sorry, that's it: if anyone eats 12 of these a week not realizing that they're full of crud that's bad for you, and drops dead of a heart attack... natural selection, baby. People are stupid, but they're not that stupid. It's not that they don't realize it's bad for them. It's that they don't CARE. For every one idiot suing McDonald's for their own problems, there are millions of others downing these because they feel like it. And that is the market they target with this (OK, and Atkinsites). You're not their parents, and neither is the company. They can take responsibility for themselves. I'm done.
  • path, Nick's Hamburgers in Brookings, SD cooks 'em like that. Topped with onion slices, ketchup and hot dog relish (mustard and dill pickle relish mixed together). You watch 'em being made and eat 'em right there at the counter. No fries, but make sure you get a milkshake: chocolate, vanilla or strawberry. Spin around on the stool a few times to look at all the Pepsi memoribilia. (When I was a kid they had tons of Coca Cola stuff, but the owner got mad when Coke changed their formula back in the 80s, so he sold off everything and started collecting Pepsi instead.) And watch out for the cranky, cross-eyed waitress. This looked like an interesting link: ...celebrating the watering holes and provisioning points of the Great Plains of North America. These are local outposts in the defense of regional culture. (A high-falutin' way of saying "good eats".)
  • path - can't say from experience myself (not having been alive in the 50s) but my mother-in-law swears johnny rockets is pretty authentic. from what i've seen they make burgers the old way, when you order, on a big grill. you can stand there and watch them cook 'em up. they're good, come wrapped in a little wax paper sheet that is always translucent with grease. good fries, good milkshakes, and oddly enough the portions are more 50s than 90s sized... seems smallish, but then you eat it and realize you're full rather than stuffed. and for sheer size and audacity clyde's "big C" in st. ignace, MI is a huge whopping pile of messy beef cheese and toppings, don't think they've changed the way they cook them in the last 40 years. i've eaten one and lived to tell the tale.
  • rorycberger - I have tried In and Out, but I find that their product is pretty boring compared to the old fashioned stuff, or even the ones I cook at home these days.
  • And, for the rest of the suggestions - sounds like a road trip to me.
  • Path, I recommend Sonic's #2 burger or What-a-burger if either of these chains is near where you live. I haven't lived near either one for years, and I've been a vegetarian for years, but I'm still salivating while I type this.
  • Do these fat-clogged posts have anything to do with Winter?