January 07, 2004

• Oh and the body (after something about "Viagra" - whatever that is) says: semiramis eavesdropped fill amputate casino fluke bootstrapping croon cambridge instead parvenu sextuple coven jilt rhetorician dhabi cress paso flea flash capital measure inflammatory diehard sideway contend edit patti rockland argonaut conifer filmdom dissertation dully abolition debility detest coeditor goshawk gladden napkin fleece chancy creamy hot congenial ohm cram heighten blenheim marshland hyaline melodic afterward bremen goodyear ia decrement doorway appalachia proffer plastic salad innuendo biometrika aristotelian excellent fuchs homozygous bitumen carlyle emil gogo cornwall carbondale gig fran cringe israel reproach interject maintain hemp nip ligament immediacy bart dulcet chancy boatload fanny hong crook modal irrepressible den bullfrog chromatic bullock d'oeuvre anent apiece centipede conant quarrelsome nichrome aurelius committeeman brighton christy imprison consensus bestirring bandwagon knobby floodgate eastman disdain nectareous oilseed aileron astoria pluperfect hirsch carborundum fame hazelnut hooligan amy cognizable codeposit configuration herewith bloodstain backside greasy aching desk bound rodeo hydrology equivocate absentminded fmc heusen monastic doublet indescribable butternut accumulate embodiment atlantes sherwin lachesis sage filtrate mastodon hardbake barnet saute morphophonemic adele forty extent northernmost filipino hideout arrange hearten leland cricket forfeiture harriman anise knox inhalation persuasive contrast eliminate churchillian bathos creed cromwellian bullock riddance narcissist plop equate scuttle finitary lookup intercom affect apologetic eavesdropped augment grotesque gold blvd rebelled intervene halocarbon marginal haiku aventine individual heinrich brunswick haul bandstand capture fly conspicuous humpback bingham cloth consonant painstaking blame mellow hideout minestrone bonaventure misogynist repel hove bib hoover quicklime pitfall goff people divisional improvisate ethylene ancient holocene collegian artery gabriel angela impede bialystok mcdougall pantheon dope lutheran shea ella humility followeth communion sixtieth ewe icosahedral christ leighton foursquare hark bobolink noel sequoia ampex cane elephant bayda hone breadboard epigram beset demonic cohesive gallop barclay figure abbott And the best part is, it says "haiku" in there- which I didn't see before posting . . . coincidence?? Doubtful.
• I've been a big fan of surreal poetry for a long time and I save some of my favorite surreal spams. (Full text minus e-mail address and other contact info): (1) amanuensis haircloth repentant carpentry shallot uvulae erosion (2) hearty soliloquies abracadabra gorilla edgeways colloquial ancestor These things are exsistential pleasure to me. Not to mention the fact that "Carpentry Shallot" and "Uvulae Erosion" would be great names for rock bands.
• i've been meaning to see someone about my uvulae erosion. Must be too much plastic salad. Discombobulated ficas endorsement.
• Well, my art-rock collective doesn't have to think up any more lyrics any more...
• See? That's exactly what I'm talking about. The phrase "discombobulated ficas endorsement" nearly pushes me into a state of mind-numbing euphoria. Why are you looking at me like that?
• My spam filter is depressingly effective.
• I'm already planning the Immaculate Barracuda T-shirt. C'mon, say you wouldn't want one. Rich! Rich I tells ya!
• Heh just got this one in the ol' inbox: Subj: misapplication of christs Oy!
• Our lady of the immaculate barracuda Today's onslaught brought me an undeclared psychic shopper who, presumably, was secretly shopping for the "X
• You can really annoy Blue
• If you can still find any of them.
• You can, but they are masquerading as parents with thinning hair and thickening waistlines these days.
• I can't resist. Two songs by (old of course) BOC: SHE'S AS BEAUTIFUL AS A FOOT. MISTRESS OF THE SALMON SALT. And don't get me started on 7 Screaming Diz-busters.
• Spamku very much.
• bless you!
• Some combinations set off the imagination: what would it be like to confront a "cognitive rascal" or a "calculable godparent," or to be mired in an "amorous swamp"? [NY Times, reg. req'd]
• is this the end of the Golden Age of Spamku??
• Hello, Oh, be sure that I understand, Captain Blood laughed. He was followers seized the lad. What was the lady's name? Will ye never forget it? Captain Blood, 1922 Egad. My spam is evolving into prose. Spam stories, anyone?
• Subject: As sleep of counterclockwise upstream *sniff* aww . . that's beautiful . .
• Crackers and cheese - jerusalemwrongdo! Give me a break scarborough quip!!
• Subject: Re: you turnoff my accuracy kebob Turn it back on! Turn it wiffle glip b'znr7&&&&&!
• Subject: No believe as advance wanton boy, ain't that the truth?
• Subject: My fly to schizophrenic No I didn't!
• I work for a dot com, and of course we see spamku like a mofo. Today's favorite: "If paint it is a friend, these why does he not show himself?" continued Jane. "Wouldn't it be well to call out to him, and Clayton. cosmetic surgery "Whom do you mean?" suffer surgery it, application and set out upon our prospect return journey toward the U-boat.
• Subject: probe supranational turnip Step right up! Step right up! Your supernational turnip probing awaits!
• Subject: And wakeup as inglorious *ahem* mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-miiiii *ahem* . . . And wakeup as inglorious For past foibles and loss Alone and human Tossed from heaven For want of all she was
• And this morning's gem so far... chinchilla you atlas me, morton . oxonian you whore me, n . dyke you minnow me, chrome . proxy you midge me, toot orate lagrangian schoolwork . kruger you terre me, sulk keynote pasture demagogue . olfactory you vocate me, apatite
• Chinchilla you swine! Your atlasing must desist! I've no use for your coating desire in my enlistment- Schoolwork requires a toot orate But dyke - and chrome proxy Too late! I am minnowed, whored, A sulky keynote My demagogue pasture abounds Olfactory vocations resounding apatite? Bon.
• Bravo, petebest. Bravo.
• ah, gratsi, gratsi Subject: Be accept it wolfhound argument Be accepted wolfhound argument Your pungent yowls allow The gibbous love you call away Lays shadows to your paws somehow Fresh wind supply your gifted snoot The stubbled fields stretch out To crack beneath your panting steps At last for homeward bound
• Subject: Rapt Fabliaux Sounds like my new band name. ...Now all I need is a band...
• *applauds wildly* )))!!! Hosannas! Always the bests, petes! And nice work, rollbiz!
• Subject: Or translate a german naval I don't sprechen Sie Deutsches Or care to grovel So I must eschew The German novel The Florida orange On my August table Was nacht ein Germanic But a Florida navel But now I'm so opted To show cognate He-man From aether-y roots To the Teutonic Seaman!
• Subject: On try do visionary *cue strings, spotlight* On tryyyy do Visionary, Little friend, Don't let the scary woooorrrrrlld Abide - Just look insiiiiiiide For what ye seek, ye fiiiiiiiiind And soon your merry works Are so viIIISION . . AAArrrryyyyyyyyy!! . . . In . . siiiiiiiiiiide *strings fade, lights dim*
• Subject: Re: And drive do groupie tycoon And drive DO! Groupie tycoon You always Glide To the horizon of beautiful womanly love Rich Beautiful womanly love Hence! Get thee! And your women Three For the hour is nigh Again To drive
• I 'd just like to point out that Spamku is an anagram of Kamus P. Coincidence? I think not! Also, my favorite: decaffeinated corpse
• A friend of mine made this from an email she recieved in error Which is not quite spam, but its lovely, anyway (she stole the comic, also, from elsewhere)
• Subject: An run at cognitive soapsuds In the chair At the table Outside Breeze snaps, withers Gray dome White ceiling I'm experiencing I'm thinking An run at cognitive soapsuds.
• Subject: and Smitty besmirch And Smitty, besmirch No one School days troubled youth Hallway poet Denied
• an ode to penis patches copied verbatim meter by me

  I was surprised to get your test package in the mail, but I thought what the heck, I have nothing to lose! I'm SO glad I did, these patches are awesome! After the first week I could feel it working, I got so hard, so fast! After the 3rd week I felt like a pornstar, performing for hours with my partner. After 6 weeks, I'd gained amazing size! I've included a pic attached to the email of my new enormous penis, thanks to this incredible little patch!" Jeff D. Miami, FL

• brilliant, roryk! Subject: Verge, may cowslip weasel *ahem* Virgil, how long we known another? Long these prairie days A cowboy's a man first, and tough Confused by women's ways But April's a-gone, turned into a lamb And working slip-footed bovines pays, Verge, may cowslip we sell And we'll enjoy these big sky days. --"Lefty" Skinwhistle, wrangler/poet
• Where the cowslip, there slip I.
• Webtoonist Kris Straub also has a musical side, and he's taken this concept a step further by recording Music to Spam To.
• Wow, this thread is alive and kicking. Or, in SpamSubjectLine-ese: w0wx! uR THEADZ Li53 STRONG aNd KICKAPOO!
• The poetry of earth is never dead.... -- John Keats
• And that includes this spamku thread.
• SAD TO HAVE SHORT D1CCK, BIGGER 2" NOW  by Ellan Andria studied reply pride? rich am not? slow thus why, is allow explain being. raise whom sugar wrong promised we. similar night am back already,
• I want more! that seemed truncated. What about the sugar? Did the night end? Where are we back to? So many unanswered (and possibly unanswerable) questions.
• a bayda ! solitaire and conifer. some diabolic ! liquidus the marvelous, try davit ! anachronistic it's apostle some admiration and cohosh it burch. polity in memory and rapacious. but on glutamate some gasify. (The last line kills me. I sure as hell gasify after some monosodium glutamate.)
• shuffle not oatmeal may wyoming and disembowel or antipodean be invitation or bloodshot try destiny the befit on meanwhile may debugging try. Damn. *cough* Okay here goes. Shuffle not, oatmeal Your grains godspeed to Wyoming, maybe Help to shuffle The waste and toxins Down, down, down Through the Earth To China Or thereabouts Where coders are working Day, night, and coffeetime with itchy eyes Driven to find the bugs Demand ing They be stopped
• continuing the short dick series:

  SAD TO HAVE SHORT D1CCK, BIGGER 2" NOW AT LOW filled     by Gaye Sybil drew latter studied raise latter. he already wife evening, promised bought respect? find slow slow love end appearance? carefully immediate arms use drew. again anything wife. pretty music use sugar. raise we anything back. already parents window am? next friends window. pretty drew beautiful we out,

  analysis: the opening lines concern a poker player, perhaps down on his luck. his wife is waiting for him while he plays. he's previously promised that he would win her respect for his gambling ability, gaining her renewed passion in the process. he'll risk his entire stake to please her. the final line is more pensive, posing the questions are we windows to our parents? and, as life progresses, do we become windows to our friends? the poem ends with a victory for the gambler and his departure for home with his wife.
• *applause*
• Name of Rito de los Frijoles is applied. It meanders on, hugging the ...volcanic walls of the gorges Alamitos. I deeply wonder at the dual quality of his intellect. Obviously Rito is torn between his penis and his intellect, and Alamita has a bad yeast infection.
• i'm not quite sure that this one was selling: Hagreed zcoercion by Nanimal when bellhop what report not thespian the clint that occlusive a drudge in quagmire was committable as cowboy and centenary that mayhem but sleety on wintertime it's corinth as coarse not platitude may abbas in coleus as crankcase not indemnify a naval that accommodate what carbondale or lvov as franklin it's dublin and dawson not deformation as climax not equivocate as thallium some fivefold in texture it's doubleday but seminal but elton it's chimpanzee was yawn on statuette not horse in conduct it aloe not backlash it disambiguate was abyssinia the eagle the bistable it confidential it's spoof as dayton it's ova what fibrous some prefecture as crotchety not custer what alewife may blossom a genotype not johann that paul may breadboard but arginine some chesapeake on stage
• some fantastically surreal prose coming my way recently: A satellite, an earring, and a dust bunny are what made America great! The deficit makes love to the oil filter. A senator from the squid wisely learns a hard lesson from a skyscraper related to the reactor. If a corporation seeks a ball bearing, then the canyon inside another steam engine hesitates. Indeed, a revered sandwich figures out the polygon. Most people believe that a food stamp beyond a bottle of beer assimilates the purple roller coaster, but they need to remember how hesitantly a salad dressing defined by a fire hydrant sweeps the floor. Furthermore, a dirt-encrusted carpet tack reads a magazine, and a pine cone inexorably makes love to the tuba player. For example, another thoroughly snooty canyon indicates that a pit viper makes a truce with the ravishing tomato. Another blotched plaintiff goes to sleep, and a CEO panics; however, a precise cyprus mulch lazily recognizes a pickup truck. Another nation reads a magazine, or the carelessly statesmanlike tripod bestows great honor upon the food stamp. stuff about vibrating penis ring redacted When the tabloid inside a fairy laughs out loud, the salad dressing beams with joy. Sometimes some overripe wedding dress ruminates, but a sandwich always seeks a sheriff! A single-handledly dreamlike line dancer has a change of heart about a greedily shabby ski lodge. Any hydrogen atom can make love to the fraction, but it takes a real freight train to give lectures on morality to the globule. stuff about vibrating penis ring redacted A turn signal over a particle accelerator is load bearing. Indeed, an obsequious satellite negotiates a prenuptial agreement with an oil filter. A light bulb near a chain saw, a shabby spider, and a paper napkin are what made America great! Sometimes the parking lot defined by a stovepipe trembles, but an industrial complex around a buzzard always bestows great honor upon a short order cook! Furthermore, an elusive polar bear laughs out loud, and an almost skinny grizzly bear hardly seeks a scooby snack for an insurance agent.
• spamku was a racehorse I rejoice he's not mine at sprinting and staying he always did fine but he's hard to please in matters of haying he only wants fescue or else he keeps neighing he wouldn't eat his oats in a timely fashion so his stamina grew low and he couldn't keep dashin' aha! said the vet with a lift of his brows he must visit the dentist or eat like the cows so they floated and polished and shined up each tooth and taught him to drink gin with a hint of vermouth