January 07, 2004
Spamku Subject: immaculate barracuda plaza bang infeasible. Spam text has become more coherent and more random lately it seems. Instead of the subject being "Buy Some Crap0xtwnrpz~" it's something chaotic and begs to be made sense of.
Besides, how can you not love "immaculate barracuda"?? I'm thinking of changing my MoFi login . . .
Oh and the body (after something about "Viagra" - whatever that is) says:
semiramis eavesdropped fill amputate casino fluke bootstrapping croon cambridge instead parvenu sextuple coven jilt rhetorician dhabi cress paso flea flash capital measure inflammatory diehard sideway contend edit patti
rockland argonaut conifer filmdom dissertation dully abolition debility detest coeditor goshawk gladden napkin fleece chancy creamy hot congenial ohm cram heighten blenheim marshland hyaline melodic afterward bremen goodyear ia
decrement doorway appalachia proffer plastic salad innuendo biometrika aristotelian excellent fuchs homozygous bitumen carlyle emil gogo cornwall carbondale gig fran cringe israel reproach interject maintain hemp nip ligament immediacy bart dulcet chancy boatload fanny
hong crook modal irrepressible den bullfrog chromatic bullock d'oeuvre anent apiece centipede
conant quarrelsome nichrome aurelius committeeman brighton christy imprison consensus bestirring bandwagon knobby floodgate eastman disdain nectareous oilseed aileron astoria pluperfect hirsch carborundum fame hazelnut hooligan amy cognizable codeposit configuration herewith bloodstain
backside greasy aching desk bound rodeo hydrology equivocate absentminded fmc heusen monastic doublet indescribable butternut accumulate embodiment atlantes sherwin lachesis sage filtrate mastodon hardbake barnet saute morphophonemic adele forty extent northernmost filipino hideout arrange hearten leland
cricket forfeiture harriman anise knox inhalation persuasive contrast eliminate churchillian bathos creed cromwellian bullock riddance narcissist plop equate scuttle finitary lookup intercom affect apologetic eavesdropped augment grotesque gold blvd
rebelled intervene halocarbon marginal haiku aventine individual heinrich brunswick haul bandstand capture fly conspicuous humpback bingham cloth consonant painstaking blame mellow hideout minestrone bonaventure misogynist repel hove
bib hoover quicklime pitfall goff people divisional improvisate ethylene ancient holocene collegian artery gabriel angela impede bialystok mcdougall pantheon dope lutheran shea ella humility followeth
communion sixtieth ewe icosahedral christ leighton foursquare hark bobolink noel sequoia ampex cane elephant bayda hone breadboard epigram beset demonic cohesive gallop barclay figure abbott
And the best part is, it says "haiku" in there- which I didn't see before posting . . . coincidence?? Doubtful.
I've been a big fan of surreal poetry for a long time and I save some of my favorite surreal spams. (Full text minus e-mail address and other contact info):
(1)
amanuensis haircloth repentant carpentry shallot
uvulae erosion
(2)
hearty soliloquies abracadabra gorilla edgeways
colloquial ancestor
These things are exsistential pleasure to me. Not to mention the fact that "Carpentry Shallot" and "Uvulae Erosion" would be great names for rock bands.
i've been meaning to see someone about my uvulae erosion. Must be too much plastic salad. Discombobulated ficas endorsement.
Well, my art-rock collective doesn't have to think up any more lyrics any more...
See? That's exactly what I'm talking about. The phrase "discombobulated ficas endorsement" nearly pushes me into a state of mind-numbing euphoria.
Why are you looking at me like that?
My spam filter is depressingly effective.
I'm already planning the Immaculate Barracuda T-shirt. C'mon, say you wouldn't want one.
Rich! Rich I tells ya!
Heh just got this one in the ol' inbox:
Subj: misapplication of christs
Oy!
Our lady of the immaculate barracuda
Today's onslaught brought me an undeclared psychic shopper who, presumably, was secretly shopping for the "Xänäx" of the subject line (itself a band name, like Motörhead or Blue Öyster Cult)
You can really annoy Blue Öyster Cult fans by pronouncing the umlaut.
If you can still find any of them.
You can, but they are masquerading as parents with thinning hair and thickening waistlines these days.
I can't resist.
Two songs by (old of course) BOC:
SHE'S AS BEAUTIFUL AS A FOOT.
MISTRESS OF THE SALMON SALT.
And don't get me started on 7 Screaming Diz-busters.
Spamku very much.
bless you!
Some combinations set off the imagination: what would it be like to confront a "cognitive rascal" or a "calculable godparent," or to be mired in an "amorous swamp"? [NY Times, reg. req'd]
is this the end of the Golden Age of Spamku??
Hello,
Oh, be sure that I understand, Captain Blood laughed. He was
followers seized the lad.
What was the lady's name?
Will ye never forget it?
Captain Blood, 1922
Egad. My spam is evolving into prose. Spam stories, anyone?
Subject: As sleep of counterclockwise upstream
*sniff* aww . . that's beautiful . .
Crackers and cheese - jerusalemwrongdo! Give me a break scarborough quip!!
Subject: Re: you turnoff my accuracy kebob
Turn it back on! Turn it wiffle glip b'znr7&&&&&!
Subject: No believe as advance wanton
boy, ain't that the truth?
Subject: My fly to schizophrenic
No I didn't!
I work for a dot com, and of course we see spamku like a mofo. Today's favorite:
"If paint it is a friend, these why does he not show himself?" continued
Jane. "Wouldn't it be well to call out to him, and Clayton. cosmetic surgery
"Whom do you mean?" suffer surgery
it, application and set out upon our prospect return journey toward the
U-boat.
Subject: probe supranational turnip
Step right up! Step right up! Your supernational turnip probing awaits!
Subject: And wakeup as inglorious
*ahem* mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-miiiii *ahem*
. . . And wakeup as inglorious
For past foibles and loss
Alone and human
Tossed from heaven
For want of all she was
And this morning's gem so far...
<drumroll>
chinchilla you atlas me, morton . oxonian you whore me, n . dyke you minnow me, chrome .
proxy you midge me, toot orate lagrangian schoolwork . kruger you terre me, sulk keynote pasture demagogue . olfactory you vocate me, apatite
Chinchilla you swine!
Your atlasing must desist!
I've no use for your coating
desire in my enlistment-
Schoolwork requires a toot orate
But dyke - and chrome proxy
Too late!
I am minnowed, whored,
A sulky keynote
My demagogue pasture abounds
Olfactory vocations resounding
apatite?
Bon.
Bravo, petebest. Bravo.
ah, gratsi, gratsi
Subject: Be accept it wolfhound argument
Be accepted wolfhound argument
Your pungent yowls allow
The gibbous love you call away
Lays shadows to your paws somehow
Fresh wind supply your gifted snoot
The stubbled fields stretch out
To crack beneath your panting steps
At last for homeward bound
Subject: Rapt Fabliaux
Sounds like my new band name.
...Now all I need is a band...
*applauds wildly*
)))!!!
Hosannas!
Always the bests, petes! And nice work, rollbiz!
Subject: Or translate a german naval
I don't sprechen Sie Deutsches
Or care to grovel
So I must eschew
The German novel
The Florida orange
On my August table
Was nacht ein Germanic
But a Florida navel
But now I'm so opted
To show cognate He-man
From aether-y roots
To the Teutonic Seaman!
Subject: On try do visionary
*cue strings, spotlight*
On tryyyy do Visionary,
Little friend,
Don't let the scary woooorrrrrlld
Abide -
Just look insiiiiiiide
For what ye seek, ye fiiiiiiiiind
And soon your merry works
Are so viIIISION . . AAArrrryyyyyyyyy!!
. . .
In . . siiiiiiiiiiide
*strings fade, lights dim*
Subject: Re: And drive do groupie tycoon
And drive
DO!
Groupie tycoon
You always
Glide
To the horizon of beautiful womanly love
Rich
Beautiful womanly love
Hence!
Get thee!
And your women
Three
For the hour is nigh
Again
To drive
I 'd just like to point out that Spamku is an anagram of Kamus P.
Coincidence? I think not!
Also, my favorite: decaffeinated corpse
A friend of mine made this from an email she recieved in error
Which is not quite spam, but its lovely, anyway (she stole the comic, also, from elsewhere)
Subject: An run at cognitive soapsuds
In the chair
At the table
Outside
Breeze snaps, withers
Gray dome
White ceiling
I'm experiencing
I'm thinking
An run at cognitive soapsuds.
Subject: and Smitty besmirch
And Smitty, besmirch
No one
School days troubled youth
Hallway poet
Denied
an ode to penis patches copied verbatim meter by me
I was surprised to get
your test package in the mail,
but I thought what the heck,
I have nothing to lose!
I'm SO glad I did,
these patches are awesome!
After the first week
I could feel it working,
I got so hard, so fast!
After the 3rd week
I felt like a pornstar,
performing for hours
with my partner.
After 6 weeks,
I'd gained amazing size!
I've included a pic
attached to the email
of my new enormous penis,
thanks to this incredible
little patch!" Jeff D. Miami, FL
brilliant, roryk!
Subject: Verge, may cowslip weasel
*ahem*
Virgil, how long we known another?
Long these prairie days
A cowboy's a man first, and tough
Confused by women's ways
But April's a-gone, turned into a lamb
And working slip-footed bovines pays,
Verge, may cowslip we sell
And we'll enjoy these big sky days.
--"Lefty" Skinwhistle, wrangler/poet
Where the cowslip, there slip I.
Webtoonist Kris Straub also has a musical side, and he's taken this concept a step further by recording Music to Spam To.
Wow, this thread is alive and kicking.
Or, in SpamSubjectLine-ese:
w0wx! uR THEADZ Li53 STRONG aNd KICKAPOO!
The poetry of earth is never dead....
-- John Keats
And that includes this spamku thread.
SAD TO HAVE SHORT D1CCK, BIGGER 2" NOW by Ellan Andria
studied reply pride?
rich am not?
slow thus why,
is allow explain being.
raise whom sugar wrong promised we.
similar night am back already,
I want more! that seemed truncated. What about the sugar? Did the night end? Where are we back to? So many unanswered (and possibly unanswerable) questions.
a bayda ! solitaire and conifer.
some diabolic ! liquidus the marvelous, try davit ! anachronistic it's apostle some admiration and cohosh it burch.
polity in memory and rapacious.
but on glutamate some gasify.
(The last line kills me. I sure as hell gasify after some monosodium glutamate.)
shuffle not oatmeal may wyoming and disembowel or antipodean be invitation or bloodshot try destiny the befit on meanwhile may debugging try.
Damn. *cough* Okay here goes.
Shuffle not, oatmeal
Your grains godspeed to
Wyoming, maybe
Help to shuffle
The waste and toxins
Down, down, down
Through the Earth
To China
Or thereabouts
Where coders are working
Day, night, and coffeetime
with itchy eyes
Driven to find the bugs
Demand ing
They be stopped
continuing the short dick series:
SAD TO HAVE SHORT D1CCK, BIGGER 2" NOW AT LOW filled by Gaye Sybilanalysis: the opening lines concern a poker player, perhaps down on his luck. his wife is waiting for him while he plays. he's previously promised that he would win her respect for his gambling ability, gaining her renewed passion in the process. he'll risk his entire stake to please her.
drew latter studied raise latter.
he already wife evening, promised bought respect?
find slow slow love end appearance? carefully immediate arms use drew. again anything wife.
pretty music use sugar. raise we anything back.
already parents window am? next friends window. pretty drew beautiful we out,
the final line is more pensive, posing the questions are we windows to our parents? and, as life progresses, do we become windows to our friends?
the poem ends with a victory for the gambler and his departure for home with his wife.
*applause*
Name of Rito de los Frijoles is applied. It meanders on, hugging the
...volcanic walls of the gorges Alamitos. I deeply wonder at the dual quality of his intellect.
Obviously Rito is torn between his penis and his intellect, and Alamita has a bad yeast infection.
i'm not quite sure that this one was selling:
Hagreed zcoercion by Nanimal
when bellhop what report not thespian
the clint that occlusive a drudge
in quagmire was committable as cowboy
and centenary that mayhem
but sleety on wintertime
it's corinth as coarse
not platitude may abbas
in coleus as crankcase
not indemnify a naval
that accommodate what carbondale
or lvov as franklin
it's dublin and dawson
not deformation as climax
not equivocate as thallium
some fivefold in texture
it's doubleday but seminal but elton
it's chimpanzee was yawn
on statuette not horse in conduct
it aloe not backlash
it disambiguate was abyssinia
the eagle the bistable
it confidential
it's spoof as dayton
it's ova what fibrous
some prefecture as crotchety
not custer
what alewife may blossom a genotype
not johann that paul may breadboard
but arginine some chesapeake on stage
some fantastically surreal prose coming my way recently:
A satellite, an earring, and a dust bunny are what made America great! The deficit makes love to the oil filter. A senator from the squid wisely learns a hard lesson from a skyscraper related to the reactor. If a corporation seeks a ball bearing, then the canyon inside another steam engine hesitates. Indeed, a revered sandwich figures out the polygon.
Most people believe that a food stamp beyond a bottle of beer assimilates the purple roller coaster, but they need to remember how hesitantly a salad dressing defined by a fire hydrant sweeps the floor. Furthermore, a dirt-encrusted carpet tack reads a magazine, and a pine cone inexorably makes love to the tuba player. For example, another thoroughly snooty canyon indicates that a pit viper makes a truce with the ravishing tomato. Another blotched plaintiff goes to sleep, and a CEO panics; however, a precise cyprus mulch lazily recognizes a pickup truck. Another nation reads a magazine, or the carelessly statesmanlike tripod bestows great honor upon the food stamp.
stuff about vibrating penis ring redacted
When the tabloid inside a fairy laughs out loud, the salad dressing beams with joy. Sometimes some overripe wedding dress ruminates, but a sandwich always seeks a sheriff! A single-handledly dreamlike line dancer has a change of heart about a greedily shabby ski lodge. Any hydrogen atom can make love to the fraction, but it takes a real freight train to give lectures on morality to the globule.
stuff about vibrating penis ring redacted
A turn signal over a particle accelerator is load bearing. Indeed, an obsequious satellite negotiates a prenuptial agreement with an oil filter. A light bulb near a chain saw, a shabby spider, and a paper napkin are what made America great! Sometimes the parking lot defined by a stovepipe trembles, but an industrial complex around a buzzard always bestows great honor upon a short order cook! Furthermore, an elusive polar bear laughs out loud, and an almost skinny grizzly bear hardly seeks a scooby snack for an insurance agent.
spamku was a racehorse
I rejoice he's not mine
at sprinting and staying
he always did fine
but he's hard to please
in matters of haying
he only wants fescue
or else he keeps neighing
he wouldn't eat his oats
in a timely fashion
so his stamina grew low
and he couldn't keep dashin'
aha! said the vet
with a lift of his brows
he must visit the dentist
or eat like the cows
so they floated and polished
and shined up each tooth
and taught him to drink gin
with a hint of vermouth
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