October 09, 2004

In Asia, elephants are losing out against man. Some people are trying to help them, though. I think it would be nice if we could offer some elephants a new home in North America.
posted by homunculus 19 years ago
  • Lovely post!! The idea of moving elephants to the southwest of the US is interesting in a lot of ways. Would they be able to turn desert into savannahs? And would that be a good thing, since the current ecology is pretty complex? But, the first time a wandering elephant accidently took out a SUV on interstate 10 (the southernmost route from California to the east cost, for those of you who haven't driven it) I'd guess that the rest of them would no longer be free range. Does anyone have any idea what the effect of transplanting them to Central/South America would be? I'd love for them to survive in all their glory, just not certain where there's a place for them outside of their current habitats, such as they are.
  • "There are thought to be just 35,000 to 50,000 left in the wild, down from more than 100,000 a century ago and compared to 600,000 of their larger and larger-eared African cousins. A subspecies in Borneo numbers little more than 1,000 animals."
    This breaks my heart. They can stay at my place. I'll set up the roll-away bed. Also, if they come here, maybe they can join a gym
  • We mean to go see the elephant gymnasium, built for an elephant who's a lazy one, an indolent elephant, most probbly Asian; keep her on the treadmill till our eyes are glazin' -- 'tis one ele' of a way to spend our vacation.
  • Hey beeswacky, nice balloon!
  • I love elephants.
  • Darshon - me too. I'd like to meet one someday.
  • Thanks for a most elephancy post, homunculus!
  • I love elephants. I will now picture Darshon as the kid in the costume.
  • I think transplanting anything anywhere is a bad idea, mainly because an organism doesnt exist in isolation: it is firmly tied to the ecology it evolved in. There could be innumerable unexpected consequences, and sooner or later lead to a clash between say, humans and elephants again. It makes more sense to me to put more money into preservation of habitats in the native countries. I know that the Forest Department in India is chronically undermanned and could do with some more money to deal with the problem. But I also know that the issue is not simple at any level. For example, in a sanctuary in SouthIndia, where I used to work, the Govt. decided to evacuate villagers living on the periphery into more urbanised areas to prevent, among other things, the elephant-man conflict, but this issue is quite problematic because the villagers/tribals don't really want to move. So the problem is bad enough even in protected areas, but worse when you consider that elephants are regularly killed by trains in unprotected areas. Still, moving them to North America can be feasible only if done as a rigorously controlled experiment, which means that it would amount to something like a zoological park.
  • and yeah: great post, homunculus
  • related tangentially: the Savanna Elephant Vocalization Project
  • I WANT AN ELEPHANT! Whoooo! Elephants YEAH! I'm willing to give an elephant a home, but youze guyz need to come over and help me shovel. /realist
  • It makes more sense to me to put more money into preservation of habitats in the native countries. Me too. I just fear that in the long run the Asian elephant is doomed, mainly because of human population growth and shrinking habitat. Creating an elephant population in the US is crazy and totally impractical, but I still love the idea.
  • But hopefully I'm being too pessemistic about the Asian elephants. There are a lot of smart people working very hard to protect them.
  • Eleblog
  • I love elephants just as much as the next monkey, but introducing elephants into any area of North America would be disastrous. Just because the fossils of one creature look like the bones of another does not mean they have much in common ecologically. Even genetic relationships are deceiving (anyone want to give up their apartment and live like a chimp? mmmm, termites!) Those who advocate bringing genetic cousins of animals who use to exist in N.A. during the Pleistocene do not realize that these environments have changed drastically since that time and in doing so would de a great disservice to both the animal and the habitat they were let loose in. I do my field work in the Mojave desert which I’m going to assume is where people would most likely drop a herd of elephants in N.A. It has been a testing ground for smaller herbivores, so why not? Let’s look at what cows burros and horses (all exotic) have done to the landscape of the desert southwest. 1.They’ve changed the vegetation dynamics in the southwest – native species are being forced out by exotic grasses. 2. Exotic grasses sound pretty, but they have actually changed the fire regimes in many areas. Before a bolt of lightening would hit a Joshua Tree, the tree would go in flames and that would be it. Now because exotic grasses connect trees, shrubs and bushes, bolts of lightening routinely take down hundreds of acres. Hundreds of acres which were the homes to ground squirrels, tortoises, packrats, rattlesnakes, and cute little cottontail bunnies. 3. And speaking of desert tortoises … Cows, horses and burros and lets not forget military tanks crush their boroughs and the shells of young tortoises. I’ve been fortunate enough to be in the company of a desert tortoise that has been on this world longer than most of us are likely to be, and it was an incredible event. They are very special creatures on the verge of being wiped out by the effects of man and exotic animals, by introducing herbivorous megafauna such as elephants there is no way tortoises could even be in the race. We aren’t doing anything to help the world if we are knocking out one animal for another. Lets work hard, very hard on conservation.
  • Oryx living on the White Sands Missile Range Hey elephants, my house has a spare bedroom but only one bath. Hope you don't mind sharing. And help yourself to the peanut butter in the fridge.
  • A22lamia is correct. We've mucked about with the environment in a most unfortunate way. I only hope the elephants et al can survive us. I hope WE can survive us.
  • Don't care so much where we put the elephants, just so we KEEP the elephants, and don't let them die out. Elephants loom. Seem rather intimidating beasts if you are a small kid bent on feeding them peanuts, but every elephant I have met over the years has been a charming and gentle creatures, including the African ones, who are even better at looming than the Indian ones. Mankind needs to be more inventive. We have not applied ourselves as we might to developing nimble, dextrous noses.
  • charming and gentle creatures well, you haven't yet been chased by one, have you :). Absolute fear, I tell y'all, absolute fear.
  • I am happy to say I have not, but having been chased by a gaggle of most disagreeable geese when very small, I know precisely what you mean. Caught me, too, the bastards.
  • My sister was in Africa a few months ago and got loomed over by an elephant in the bush. She was greatly impressed. Awed, even.
  • Well, your sister is pretty damn hot, dude.
  • Diving under depreciated elephants.
  • Hey pete.
  • Perhaps elephants think egalitarian? 'sup kid? Where you been at?
  • WILL YOU STOP THAT!
  • I have a lovely elephant tattoo on the back of my neck. Thanks, homunculus, at least you will think of me as the kid instead of the guy with the mask! ;>
  • Meh? Anthropoids start kidding.
  • Keep inclining drowsy dromedaries into new geographies.
  • Gleefull elephants outmaneuver gasping rangers and photographers hustled into elephant seraglios.
  • Snakes are prehensile all over. But the snakes I know are not made of cutlery.
  • They say that alcohol wreaks havoc with prehensility.
  • If and when an elephant gets drunk I don't want to be around. A man could easily get pancaked when an elephant falls to the ground, and you can't say, "Buddy let me have your keys, I'll drive you home," or coax him into singing Sweet Adeline with you just onc more time before the elephant cops arrive to shut the whole place down.
  • Elephant-sized lampshades are very rarely seen when a pachyderm gets silly they're few and far between. It's hard for some to comprehend such raucous derring-do, when an elephant gets tipsy does he see a pinkish you?
  • Heh! )))!
  • bees and fish get many bananas! )))))
  • thick eyelashes, brim full of tears: old bones recall old times no, we're not the only ones to hold past joys in mind
  • beeswacky, you made me cry. Again.
  • Ye have such a winsome way with words, dear tick!
  • Between the Meeting Delilah story and bee's poesy, I'm completely destroyed. I even got mad at Watson for abandoning Delilah when he understood her so well. Especially since she had protected him from the (caged) lion.
  • Sad. So is the prospect of them starving because of overcrowding. Birth control for elephants? Is this a possibility?
  • Well, Bees, one Scottish elephantologist is experimenting with using cans imprinted with red-and-white labels as birth control. Slap a lid on when the elephant is done: Campbell's Cream of Elephant Soup. I worked way too hard on that one--my excuse is no coffee I'm sure the technology could be found to implant fertility control similiar to that being experimented with in US mustang herds. Trouble is the expense and logistics are difficult. Seeing as how elephants reproduce fairly slowly (two year gestation period) I say we leave the elephants alone, and pass out lots of PEOPLE reproductive control. Faster, cheaper, easier to administer.
  • Birth control for elephants? Is this a possibility? How about giant plastic eyeglasses with scotch tape on the trunk peice?
  • i think it would be hard to get the female elephants to take the little pill at the same time every day. and you don't know how deep an elephant blushes when it has to buy condoms. sorry, someone had to do it.
  • Wiley elephants re-invent the heist so these clever creatures devised road-agentry as a way of elephant subsistance, and thus far elephants have met with no serious resistance.
  • When elephants weep...
  • Hero elephants. /shining eyes
  • I would like an elephant. /true
  • So would I. I would call him Stampy.
  • Elephants are my favorite large animal. My second are rhinoceroseseses
  • My second would be hippopotatomussen. It's their tiny, hairy ears that get me. That, and their Real Ultimate Power.
  • Elephant poo makes paper, too! second section, after Designer Letter Papers.
  • or, a a link to Ellie Poo itself.
  • Hippopotamussim are too unfriendly. They are very angry all the time & like to kill you. Even on land, they will chase you. Rhinos, on the other hand, once enclosed in a fenced off area, immediately become docile. This is 100% true and no one knows why. My best Rhino friend is Memphis the white rhino at Perth Zoo who often comes up to the fence when you call him. He will then drool on you with mucus, but loves having his snout stroked. I adore him. One time he was lying down in the sand, my wife & I were talking to him, then he farted, his pooched-out butt hole volcano like, sending up a cloud of sand. It cascaded the area in a smell not unlike a garbage dumpster full of rotting vegetables. Once out of the immediate vicinity, I think we laughed for about 5 minutes till our stomach muscles ached. I consider it a friendly gesture from him. I think he was too relaxed lying there, so he sent us a rhino email via sphincter.
  • The purpose of hippopotamoose is to flip rafts and kill African explorers. I'm going to the zoo today in Seattle, where it's probably too damned cold for any of the African megafauna. We'll stay inside with the tiger kittens.
  • A Note of Caution Wot hippopotamussen typically do is to waggle their tails whenever they poo so the stuff flies all over their part of the zoo.
  • Hipporangutans, red in hue have faces much like me and you Their forearms long, their back legs thick they sometimes run, but not so quick.
  • In addition to the tigers, we also visited the orangs, who had retreated indoors away from the ice in their outdoor compound. One of them was squatting on a barrel, sitting on its end, that she had dragged next to the glass so she could study visitors. We showed her the contents of my wife's purse, with which she wasn't too thrilled -- too much Seattle grey and black in the palette. (She had a great "right, show me something else" humanlike hand gesture down. Smart ape.) She liked my green shirt, though. Next time I'll wear a bright tie-dye underneath, and maybe bring a purse of my own. Was too cold to loiter for long, and we had to get back to work, anyway....
  • A tail behind, a trunk in front, Complete the usual ekephant; The tail in front, the trunk behind, Is what you very seldom find. If you for specimens should hunt With trunks behind and tails in front, That hunt would occupy you long; The force of habit is so strong. -- A. E. Housman, "The Elephant or, The Force of Habit"
  • I never realized ther were fores elephants. Thank you, homunculus, as depressing as the news is.
  • Elephant Emily Rosko Nickel-gray or computer consoled, not white or a failure as one might think when it appears on the return mailing address label sent by the African Wildlife Foundation, which urges, “Spread the word about the peril.” (Dense plantings of shrubbery provide safe areas.) Too large an idol to hide from the rest, it takes residence in one’s brain as the serene center aimed for in classical Hindu meditation. Several lifetimes are required to untangle the self. Said to inhabit certain remarkable capacities (such as insensitivity to heat or cold, and though ears are key to ventilation, passage through the Pyrenees is not an option) it walks noiselessly despite bulk. A dutiful mourner with its own funeral march, herds fifteen to thirty can’t bring back the mammoth, though several in Siberia were found wholly preserved in ice. The fashion now is to save, use the ground tusk powder only in dire situations. Ticks, as the red-billed oxpecker suggests, can bring down a good dog though not when the bird is perched on the elephant’s high back. Just as, to boost a career, having one sit on one’s desk is good luck.
  • After lunch, an elephant sat on my desk and propped one big foot on my files with his wrinked face covered in smiles I was sure that my sanity stood at high risk So as the desk tilted my spirit quite wilted -- wall-to-to folders spilled over the floor yellowing papers, reject letters galore while the elephant laughed amid all this uproar 'Twas the last time I quaffed sixteen cocktails or more
  • Today I woke up thinking we need to hear more about elephants! Bring it on, bees. Ode to the Elephant by Pablo Neruda translated from the Spanish by Ilan Stavans Thick, pristine beast, Saint Elephant, sacred animal of perennial forests, sheer strength, fine and balanced leather of global saddle-makers, compact, satin-finished ivory, serene like the moon’s flesh, with minuscule eyes to see—and not be seen— and a singing trunk, a blowing horn, hose of the creature rejoicing in its own freshness, shaking machine and forest telephone, this is how the elephant passes by, tranquil, parading his ancient façade, his costume made of wrinkled trees, his pants falling down, and his teeny tail. Make no mistake: this gentle, huge jungle beast is not a clown but a father, a priest of green light, an earthly progenitor, ancient and whole. Bountiful in its tantalizing avarice, made of skin and fornication, the elephant kingdom grew accustomed to the rain. But then came a universal war, bringing silence with salt and blood. The scaly forms of lizard-lion, mountain-fish, magisterial Cyclops fell away, decayed, fresh ferment on the marsh, a treasure for torrid flies and cruel beetles. The elephant awakened from its dethroned fear, but almost vegetative, a dark tower in the olive firmament, his lineage nurtured by sweet leaves, honey and rock water. Thus he wandered through the forest, in weighty peace, sensitive to the humidity of the universe, decorated with the clearest commands of the dew, enormous, sad and tender, until they found him and turned him into a circus beast, wrapped in human smells, unable to breathe through his restless trunk, without earth for his earthly feet. I saw him coming in that day. I remember his agony. I saw the damned creature entering the Kraal, in the jungle of Ceylon. Drums and fire had changed his path of dew, and he was surrounded. Like an immense king he arrived, caught between howl and silence. He understood nothing. His kingdom was a prison, yet the sun was still the sun, palpitating free light, and the world was still verdant. Slowly, the elephant touched the stockade and chose me from everyone else. I don’t know why. Maybe it wasn’t so, could not have been, but he looked at me between the stakes with his secret eyes. His eyes still pain me, a prisoner’s eyes, the immense king captive in his own jungle. That’s why I invoke your gaze today, elephant, lost between the hard stakes and the leaves. In your honor, pristine beast, I lift the collar of my ode so you may walk through the world again. My unfaithful poetry was unable to defend you then. Now I bring you back through memory, along with the stockade caging your animal honor, measured only by your height, and those gentle eyes, deprived forever of all they had once loved. if posted before, sorry, but it really is good enough to post twice
  • w00t! Elephantastic, BlueHorse!
  • I find the elephant is much maligned by folk who are impressed mewrely by his tusks or his size and don't notice the patience and kindness he shows to people and other elephant guys
  • =merely
  • I went to the site and the little flash headline said "'Streaker' Honeybees Direct Swarm". I'm just sayin'.
  • too early in the year at least in this hemisphere for a Swarm, which is as close to a rave as a honeybee knows
  • The Natural History of Elephants Milton Acorn From: Dig Up My Heart: Selected Poems 1952-83. Toronto: McClelland and Stewart, 1983. p.111. In the elephant's five-pound brain The whole world's both table and shithouse Where he wanders seeking viandes, exchanging great farts For compliments. The rumble of his belly Is like the contortions of a crumpling planetary system. Long has he roved, his tongue longing to press the juices From the ultimate berry, large as But tenderer and sweeter than a watermelon; And he leaves such signs in his wake that pygmies have fallen And drowned in his great fragrant marshes of turds. In the elephant's five-pound brain The wind is diverted by the draughts of his breath, Rivers are sweet gulps, and the ocean After a certain distance is too deep for wading. The earth is trivial, it has the shakes And must be severely tested, else It'll crumble into unsteppable clumps and scatter off Leaving the great beast bellowing among the stars. In the elephant's five-pound brain Dwarves have an incredible vicious sincerity, A persistent will to undo things. The beast cannot grasp The convolutions of destructqon, always his mind Turns to other things - the vastness of green And of frangibility of forest. If only once he could descend To trivialities he'd sweep the whole earth clean of his tormentors In one sneeze so mighty as to be observed from Mars. In the elephant's five-pound brain Sun and moon are the pieces in a delightfully complex ballgame That have to do with him...never does he doubt The sky has opened and rain and thunder descend For his special ministration. He dreams of mastodons And mammoths and still his pride beats Like the heart of the world, he knows he could reach To the end of space if he stood still and imagined the effort. In the elephant's five-pound brain Poems are composed as a silent substitute for laughter, His thoughts while resting in the shade Are long and solemn as novels and he knows his companions By names differing for each quality of morning. Noon and evening are ruminated on and each overlaid With the taste of night. He loves his horny perambulating hide As other tribes love their houses, and remembers He's left flakes of skin and his smell As a sign and permanent stamp on wherever he has been. In the elephant's five-pound brain The entire Oxford dictionary'ld be too small To contain all the concepts which after all are too weighty Each individually ever to be mentioned; Thus of course the beast has no language Only an eternal pondering hesitation. In the elephant's five-pound brain The pliable trunk's a continuous diversion That in his great innocence he never thinks of as perverse, The pieces of the world are handled with such a thrilling Tenderness that all his hours Are consummated and exhausted with love. Not slow to mate every female bull and baby Is blessed with a gesture grandly gracious and felt lovely Down to the sensitive great elephant toenails. And when his more urgent pricking member Stabs him on its horrifying season he becomes A blundering mass of bewilderment .... No thought But twenty tons of lust he fishes madly for whales And spiders for copulation. Sperm falls in great gouts And the whole forest is sticky, colonies of ants Are nourished for generations on dried elephant semen. In the elephant's five-pound brain Death is accorded no belief and old friends Are continually expected, patience Is longer than the lives of glaciers and the centuries Are rattled like toy drums. A life is planned Like a brushstroke on the canvas of eternity, And the beginning of a damnation is handled With great thought as to its middle and its end.
  • The Natural History of Elephants Milton Acorn From: Dig Up My Heart: Selected Poems 1952-83. Toronto: McClelland and Stewart, 1983. p.111. In the elephant's five-pound brain The whole world's both table and shithouse Where he wanders seeking viandes, exchanging great farts For compliments. The rumble of his belly Is like the contortions of a crumpling planetary system. Long has he roved, his tongue longing to press the juices From the ultimate berry, large as But tenderer and sweeter than a watermelon; And he leaves such signs in his wake that pygmies have fallen And drowned in his great fragrant marshes of turds. In the elephant's five-pound brain The wind is diverted by the draughts of his breath, Rivers are sweet gulps, and the ocean After a certain distance is too deep for wading. The earth is trivial, it has the shakes And must be severely tested, else It'll crumble into unsteppable clumps and scatter off Leaving the great beast bellowing among the stars. In the elephant's five-pound brain Dwarves have an incredible vicious sincerity, A persistent will to undo things. The beast cannot grasp The convolutions of destructqon, always his mind Turns to other things - the vastness of green And of frangibility of forest. If only once he could descend To trivialities he'd sweep the whole earth clean of his tormentors In one sneeze so mighty as to be observed from Mars. In the elephant's five-pound brain Sun and moon are the pieces in a delightfully complex ballgame That have to do with him...never does he doubt The sky has opened and rain and thunder descend For his special ministration. He dreams of mastodons And mammoths and still his pride beats Like the heart of the world, he knows he could reach To the end of space if he stood still and imagined the effort. In the elephant's five-pound brain Poems are composed as a silent substitute for laughter, His thoughts while resting in the shade Are long and solemn as novels and he knows his companions By names differing for each quality of morning. Noon and evening are ruminated on and each overlaid With the taste of night. He loves his horny perambulating hide As other tribes love their houses, and remembers He's left flakes of skin and his smell As a sign and permanent stamp on wherever he has been. In the elephant's five-pound brain The entire Oxford dictionary'ld be too small To contain all the concepts which after all are too weighty Each individually ever to be mentioned; Thus of course the beast has no language Only an eternal pondering hesitation. In the elephant's five-pound brain The pliable trunk's a continuous diversion That in his great innocence he never thinks of as perverse, The pieces of the world are handled with such a thrilling Tenderness that all his hours Are consummated and exhausted with love. Not slow to mate every female bull and baby Is blessed with a gesture grandly gracious and felt lovely Down to the sensitive great elephant toenails. And when his more urgent pricking member Stabs him on its horrifying season he becomes A blundering mass of bewilderment .... No thought But twenty tons of lust he fishes madly for whales And spiders for copulation. Sperm falls in great gouts And the whole forest is sticky, colonies of ants Are nourished for generations on dried elephant semen. In the elephant's five-pound brain Death is accorded no belief and old friends Are continually expected, patience Is longer than the lives of glaciers and the centuries Are rattled like toy drums. A life is planned Like a brushstroke on the canvas of eternity, And the beginning of a damnation is handled With great thought as to its middle and its end.
  • aye, that bears repeating an end rhyme, or don't say I didn't warn ye, now! mammoth and mastodon long ago wandered on will elephants go, too? when folk contemplate the elephants' probable fate they dwell on the fact there are now just a few despite tears or the ballyhoo the same end waits for all -- the redwood tree, the chickadee the elephant, the gnu or do ye expect finis be written differently just for me and you?
  • *salutes Dame Daphne*
  • Ever wonder what animals won't be around for your grandchildren to admire? Elephants are on my list. Otters, too.
  • Perhaps with this weather change and the pandemics predicted, we won't be around with any grandchildren to miss the animals that are missing.
  • More. That's no way to treat an elephant.
  • I think Tony Jaa has singlehandedely brought excitement back to Asian action movies. Too bad Tom Yum Goong was pretty mediocre ... except for the scene where Tony, from a standing position, jumps straight up and kicks out a streetlight over his head. Freaking awesome. And the movie did have some cool elephants!
  • elephantasy amuses me but when an elephant is pink it makes me think such unaccustomed labour hurts my head and makes me wish I'd stayed sober instead
  • An elephant nose And does not forget A rascal A friend A cause to trumpet A lumbering thunder Don't get him upset, Or ye may to recall it With no small regret.
  • don't trample me under with trump-petting thunder let ele-fancy go dancing through my aching head
  • GOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIGGGHHHH!!!
  • think I'd relish an elephant serenade followed by a brief siesta then we could stroll to the river to bathe provided there are no mosquitoes to pester
  • If I could play For an elephant A spritely tune On my clarinet I'd play some Duke And them for he the Elephant Walk Of Hank Mancini
  • Not "them" - then! @#%! lousy stupid fingers . . . make clarinet go now!
  • The first elephant to find its way in there must have been quite an explorer.
  • as far as 150 meters into the pitch darkness the world smells dank stone unexpectedly presses my flanks I grope forward nose-first daring darkness to do its worst there are no stars in here with me I've just my fear for company
  • Way cool elephants underground. Makes ya want to reconsider that whole elephant's graveyard myth.
  • spooky. Was toying with the idea of typing out the worst joke in the world at the current bad jokes thread ... and the (total lack of) punchline is all about the elephants graveyard ...
  • Far as I know (not as far as ye can throw an elephant), Marburg's associated with bats, isn't it? *ominous organ wheezes* And bats like caves. Elephants and bats ... oh, my.
  • Now THAT'S scary. *thinking about a tourist poking about the cave and getting on an airplane to New Yawk
  • I think I may have seen the film already. Only it was aboiut bubonic plague.
  • Gah! i went where i wasn't wanted
  • If I saw an elephant In my bed I think I'd mind For everywhere His hugeness went There went his big behind I'd try to sleep But 6 a.m. He'd start With all his trumpeting And 3 a.m. would be The worst With his Snoring and His bumpeting
  • Heh! if an elephant got wedged inside a cave would there be any way for other elephants to save him/her? would the stuck one's tail get pulled? (though he might be bullied, she is never cowed) an elephant is always happiest in a crowd alone and stuck fast is a terrible fix to be in but an elephant explorer has to be tough and very brave and take it (ow!) upon the chin
  • *thinking about a tourist poking about the cave and getting on an airplane
    i can tentatively recommend a book called the hot zone, which describes in gory detail the plane trip (to nairobi) by one person who contracted marburg soon after visiting the cave. the recommendation is tentative because, although well-written, the book is somewhat shocking in its explicit detail of the virus's effects.     ))) to pete and bees for the poems.
  • Sound out the oliphant! Bring Charlemagne! Save the huge beasts from going insane! You rats-have-rights people Can never be tamed! More caring! Respect! As if all life's the same!
  • Animal madness By John Armstrong When elephants fly off to India, And crickets come out to bat, We use hedgehogs just like velcro And rabbits can smell a rat. When tigers wash their stripes off And look like mucky dogs, Kangaroos are knitting jumpers With the mists of London fogs. When cats are catching hippos And eating them up in trees, And sheep are chasing sheepdogs And honey is making bees. When ants are fighting rhinos And hyenas are deep in sadness Worry not, my little tot, It's just an animal madness. I miss me some elephant posts.
  • Bamboo is very bonded with WPZ keepers and prefers people over elephants. And I prefer elephants over people. However, when that one elephant stole that election and invaded another elephant country for no reason other than to get peanuts out of it and test some wacko elephant political theories without even thinking what would happen - okay, I didn't prefer that elephant. But most of 'em are way cool. *trumpets*
  • Elephant Dormitory Russell Edson An elephant went to bed and pulled a crazy quilt up under its tusks. But just as the great gray head began filling with the gray wrinkles of sleep it was awakened by the thud of its tail falling out of bed. Would you get my tail? said the elephant to another elephant also tucked up under a crazy quilt. I was just in the gray wrinkles of my sleep, sighed the other elephant. But I can't sleep without my tail, said the first elephant, I like it stuck just above my anus; I feel more secure that way, that it holds my anus from drifting out to heaven.
  • Heh. In reality, however, elephant sleeps standing up (scroll down to elephant facts, second item). They tread softly when they come. They can weigh up to seven tons. They stand taller than any living bird. They always eat their vegetables. They fan their ears to cool down. They don't use words, they use deep sounds. When they sprint they're slower than a running horse. They live in herds of mothers, aunts, and sisters. They like to play in the water, but are less agile than the otter.
  • It's sad, but the fact is that the age of free roaming large animals, at least on land, is over and there's not a damn thing, short of human extinction, that can be done about it.
  • Actually, there are a number of things that might be done, the most obvious of which is to limit or reduce human populations. Not a popular choice, and certainly not a politically expedient one, mind you. It boils down to no one willing to look objectively at this issue, because no one wants to give up their chance at reproduction. But if humanity doesn't choose to do this, or if we can't find expanshion in space, people are going eventually to die because disease will accompany overcrowding. We are not much different from lab rats and other animals whose behaviour alters once their population exceeds a certain limit. The social order which obtains under less crowded conditions among rats breaks down completely under conditions of severe overcrowding. Rats will turn in their desperation to cannibalism and exhibit other maladaptive strategies. I expect so will we. A truth no one wants to hear: resources like food, water, and uncrowded spaces in which to live really are limited. We should try thinking about the future now, and plan ahead instead of following the usual human pattern of waiting until a situation's critical and then reacting without necesarily doing so in a sensible fashion. But fat chance. /voice whinging in the wilderness
  • expanshion ... Good grief! believe I've attained a new low in misspelling
  • Auctully, the age of big animals passed a century or so ago. Non-nomadic human populations don't mix well with large roaming animals. They will continue to exist, but in controlled zoo or preserve settings only. You know, something that people forget is that humans are part of nature too. And as we change the environment and remove some animals from it, others adapt to the new environment. Look at the way deer have adapted to urban settings.
  • Actually the age of big animals was the age of dinosaurs. Right now, we are the big unchecked animal that will crowd all the others out. If we don't wise up.
  • 'tis the voice of the cock roach I've heard him declare hey, I'll take over once you 've stripped this planet bare
  • expanshun diskussion expletive derided competitive beings on planets divided of verdant savannah and splashtical bog my trunkified bretheren my animal song
  • Bees, you must have been in my same ecology class. (I was the one in the very front that used to doodle while I listened)
  • *ponders elephantoms*
  • ...resources like food, water, and uncrowded spaces in which to live really are limited. But, but, but...Bush told us there was LOTS of oil! expanshion ... Good grief! believe I've attained a new low in misspelling Bees, darling, there are no new depths to which you can stoop. TUM, Path, Bees--how did we miss this one?!?!?!! Eletelephony By Laura E. Richards Once there was an elephant, Who tried to use the telephant- No! no! I mean an elephone Who tried to use the telephone- (Dear me! I am not certain quite That even now I've got it right.) Howe'er it was, he got his trunk Entangled in the telephunk; The more he tried to get it free, The louder buzzed the telephee- (I fear I'd better drop the song Of elephop and telephong!)
  • OMG, BlueHorse, I've been looking all over for that! Thank you!
  • *... elephantods*
  • What's the difference between an elephant and a grape? Their color. What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming? Here come the elephants. What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming? Here come the grapes. She was colorblind!
  • The Elephant When people call this best to mind, The marvel more and more At such a little tail behind, So large a trunk before. -- Hilaire Belloc
  • Why do elephants have wrinkles? Have you ever tried to iron an elephant? Q: Why is an elephant big, grey, and wrinkly? A: Because, if it was small, white and smooth it would be an Aspirin. What's grey and not there? No elephants. What is convenient and weighs 20,000 pounds? An elephant six-pack. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a kangaroo? Big holes all over Australia. What kind of elephants live at the North Pole? Cold ones. Where do elephants with skincare problems go? Pachydermatologists.
  • A man was on a first date with a woman at a restaurant. As they were sitting and talking, an elephant’s trunk comes up from under the table near the man and grabs a roll. "What the hell was that?" said the woman. "Well, " said the man, "I lost my penis in an accident and the doctor transplanted an elephant’s trunk in it’s place." "That’s incredible" said the woman, "Can I see it?" "A little later," said the man, "I don’t think my asshole can take another roll right now."
  • Why is an elephany called a pach-yderm? Becasue he has a trunk!
  • How did the Elephant catch himself from falling off of a cliff? Wrapped his tail around a twig! What happened when the Elephant sat on the clock? Time stopped WHY did the lifeguard make tose elephants get out of the pool? THEY WOULDN’T KEEP THEIR TRUNKS UP!!
  • What do Elephants do between two and four in the afternoon? They jump out of trees. Why are the pygmies so short? They went into the jungle between two and four in the afternoon.
  • Aanabhrandhanmar Means 'Mad About Elephants' Forget trying to pronounce it. What matters is that in southern India, thousands are afflicted. And who wouldn't be? Children play with them in courtyards, slap their gray skin with cupfuls of water, shoo flies with paper pompoms. When the head of the household leaves for business, his elephant weeps fat tears of joy when he returns. Their baths of husk and stone last four hours, every wrinkle rubbed and patted with cinnamon oil. At festival, silk caps and gold tassels drape their broad heads. Brides still wear rings of its stiff tail hair, part of their dowry to avoid evil eye. A man with blue sandals told me that elephants are cousins to the clouds— that they belonged to Lord Indra, king of the gods, that elephants were his carriage in the wind—that they once had wings. --Aimee Nezhukumatathil
  • Heh! when they left a mark on Happy's face she tried to rub away each trace for she could see that elephant is really me
  • The test results suggest elephants — or at least Happy — are self-aware. The men in lab coats Are brittle of mind In skeptical notions of the animal kind Go Happy! be proud You're a good lookin' guy You know you're a you You don't have to know why
  • Homunuculus: Did you email the link to Happy? All my elephant friends say it's more fun to see yourself on video than in the mirror.
  • Blue: Happy has been blocking my emails ever since I sent her that video of the elephant humping a rhino. I thought she'd be into it...
  • Hawt!
  • long ago, shaggy and tusked, they walked and shook the Farallon plain to find these just-right rocks would scratch a mammoth itch again
  • Let's erect a giant barbed-wire fence on the border to keep out foreigners! Um, foreign elephants, that is. And until we build that fence, we'll just chase them off with hot curry. Yum.
  • oooohhh, teh petrified squeeeeeee
  • I suppose Hank's going to say it tastes better than pumpkin.
  • Fuck you, hypothetical Hank comment, pumpkin's good.
  • Well you should see Hypothetical Hank He's so good-looking but He looks like a woman Well you should see him in drag dressed in his polythene bag Yes you should see Hypothetical Hank Fap fap fap
  • Apple
  • long long ago far south of Durango a ponderous dance or elephandango
  • er ... elephandance?
  • I wandered lonely as a bee then had an elepiphany
  • my sidebar is haunted by elephantoms
  • Irrelevant never forgets. Irreverent never regrets. An elf ant never fur gets.
  • Elf aunts, Foop? With fur-gnome-in-hall memories. As in: -- Wodehouse meets Tolkien?
  • Youze guys reminded me of pomes the sibs and I would chant when we waz kidlets. The elephant has a trunk for a nose, And up and down is the way it goes If you repeat them very loud and often enough you can make your mother's hair grey. Elephants walking along the trails Are holding hands by holding tails. Trunks and tails are handy things, When elephants walk in circus rings. Elephants work and elephants play. And elephants walk and feel so gay. And when they walk it never fails They're holding hands by holding tails.
  • L F Ant
  • at the beginning of time the gods address the elephant elephant we'll make you clever and mammiferous your behaviour will be wise and decorous as a bonus we shall create you ponderous and when provoked you'll be cantankerous
  • Mammiferous???
  • Means mammalian. Root is mamma = the milk-secreting organ in mammals..
  • o elephant I want to shout I love your trunk the groping way it feels about your ears so wide they can conceal those deep-grooved gullies in your hide
  • The Elephant Poem by Wayne Hepburn Elephants are lovely guys, They're good and true and tell no lies. They don't take more than they can eat, And always watch where they put their feet. They don't play with electric wires; I never have heard of them starting fires. They live healthily, they don't smoke An Elephant is a kindly bloke. Elephants take care of their young, And rarely speak with angry tongue. When in school, they do not cheat, They walk in lines which are quite neat. They don't beat up on smaller folks, Don't care if they're the butt of jokes. They don't fret, what wear today, Look simply splendid all in gray. Super strong yet very nice, They're really not afraid of mice. I've tried and tried but I just can't Find anything better than the Elephant.
  • Aye, few things seem better than the elephant.