September 22, 2004

• Coat the sign lovingly with KY jelly.
• Or better yet, DMSO + LSD
• Yeah, find yourself one of those "special" toads and rub its ass all over that there sign. It's gotta be kids. Surely no adult who's responsible enough to own his/her own home would pull this kind of crap. It's some kid whose family is Republican, and he thinks that this is a funny/acceptable opposition tactic. Much like the monosyllabic moron who put a piece of paper on my wife's windshield that said, "Kerry sucks! Bush rules! Vote for Bush!" Wow. You convinced me. My dad used to shove Democrat signs in his neighbor's yard (who is a Republican city councilman), but that was a practical joke between friends, and he always gave back the originals. And no, it's not acceptable.
• And on the other question: I have sublimated my visceral vandalistic urges into delivering yard signs for the DNC. Then, when night falls, I cover my naked body (strategically) with Kerry stickers and ride my bike through the rich parts of town while yodeling incisive political limericks. Stealing Bush signs is wrong. But it's not really stealing if you replace them with Kerry signs, is it? Not that I would ever do such a bad, wicked thing. Someone recently spray-painted swastikas on a number of Bush signs in a nearby neigborhood, which is so wide of the mark, it lacks even satirical value. Much better to "enhance" the signs with tiny rainbow flags, surely?
• I second the KY Jelly idea.
• yeah.. the idea of running around town removing Bush signs has appealed to me during brief moments of frustration. but although respect for the right of people to voice their opinions overruled those urges, out of respect for my right to voice my opinion, i'm definitely going to do some "enhancement" of some sort, in the vein of what spackle suggested above. there's got to be some kind of wake-up call that can reach these disaffected suburbanites!
• I say we show our patriotism by posting photos of spackle's strategically-placed stickers to this thread!
• Embryo, you may be interested to know that hundreds of these stickers have recently appeared, as if by magic, in a variety of public places in my town. MCT, ooh, fun! You go first.
• Then, when night falls, I cover my naked body (strategically) with Kerry stickers and ride my bike through the rich parts of town while yodeling incisive political limericks. So you're the bastard keeping me awake!
• Vandalism is never an acceptable aspect of "free speech," because to do so infringes on the free speech rights of others. The right to swing my fist around stops, after all, at the edge of your face. But yeah, kids. While there are adult supporters of both candidates who are not remotely above this sort of juvenilia, the likelihood is that it's kids. Pile up a stock of the signs, replace as needed. If it escalates, call the cops.
• I've toyed with the idea of collecting all of the Bush/Cheney signs in my neighborhood, then delivering them to the turncoat mayor of St. Paul, MN. and to think I voted for him...
• Put a camera on it, then sell the tape to your local news.
• So you're the bastard keeping me awake! There's no rest for the wicked! Bwahahah!
• Sadly, I am a bit too hirsute. Removal of said stickers would result in much wailing and gnashing of teeth.
• Well, yeah. That's where the KY jelly comes in.
• Okay, we should be having this conversation in the Russ Meyer thread.
• I like mwhybark's idea. It amazes me how badly I want to take a gun to those huge Bush/Cheney signs that I see (unfortunately more often than I see Kerry/Edwards signs). Whenever I drive by one, I imagine a multitude of violence I could do to these signs. Bush is really bad for my health. I have never had so many violent thoughts go through my head as I have had since he stole the office. It's been a real struggle to maintain positive thinking. I'm so tired.
• In my OH neighborhood, a couple of yards with Kerry signs have been trashed. (Sometimes literally, with trash thrown in the yard. Political statements at their best!) People have suggested putting video cameras in the front window, then prosecuting whomever gets filmed. I would also third (or fourth?) the K-Y suggestion, but I would also suggest something like Ben Gay or Vicks. That way, not only are the kids covered in hard-to-remove goo, but they are also minty, minty (eucalyptusy, eucalyptusy) fresh. On the off-chance that it's animals doing the damage, the smell should keep them away, too.
• It's getting awfully hard to be optimistic, true, but giving in to negative thoughts is not going to help things change for the better. Get out and do something positive! And don't forget to set the Bush signs on fire after you shoot 'em up.
• I'd say there is no 'off-chance' that it's animals doing the damage. It is animals doing the damage. Giving a bad name to actual animals.
• spackle, well, I went to go see "What the Bleep Do We Know".....Somehow that didn't help. Especially after I found out that it was all Ramtha induced. (Although, the ideas presented are still very valid, Ramtha or no) /off-topic.
• Someone ripped the Kerry sticker off my mother's car...why isn't someone making a line of signs & stickers that say, "Steal the election, not my signs! Kerry in '04"
• The most annoying substance I can think of is the glue used to lay down parquet floors. If that coats the sign then they'll have a disaster on their hands, literally. I'm not sure how long a light coat would stay stick, though. Personally I would put up six or eight signs as a trap and a symbol of defiance. The signs at each end would be connected by fishing line into the house where a tug knocks over something loud. Then when you hear it you can tear out of the house after them, at which point they'll be vandalizing the other signs, and scare the crap out of them. If you do this be sure you pass the line through a loop anchored to the ground near the sign, so that it pulls out more slack once disturbed, and keep the path low to the ground so cats, etc don't trip it. Are you seriously considering any of the above ideas, btw?
• Has anyone here ever voted based on people's lawn signs? I never understood the purpose.
• waaaaay back in 1974 my dad ran for alderman. his opponent, the longtime incumbent, was also the high school wrestling coach. all my dad's signs were torn down and destroyed as soon as they went up. meanwhile, the incumbent was getting drunk at parties, bragging that he had his wrestlers go out and destroy the signs. and, of course, he was re-elected.
• I say chill out. Crap like this happens all the time. It has been happening forever. The only thing I might do is either put 50 in my yard now or make a sign that says something like "Bush already stole the election, now he's stealing my signs!!"
• Has anyone here ever voted based on people's lawn signs? I had this discussion with mct not long ago, and I know I'm not likely to change any minds with my signs or bumper stickers or buttons or tattoos. However, what I'm hoping is that in my neighborhood (where Bush signs are the rule) there might be other closet Kerry supporters or those leaning toward him who might see they're not alone. As for what good it does, maybe not much. But it makes me feel good, and I do have the right.
• By the way, I like the Vaseline/Vick's Vap-o Rub idea. I think I may go with that one when I get the new sign. Slather the wire and the edges of the sign so that if he wants to tear it off or rip it up, there's minty-oleaginousness lying in wait for him. Thanks all. :) BTW, what's a scarecrow sprinkler set one back these days?
• Yeah, a little alarm strung to the sign would be the easiest. and a littl webcam too.
• Come to think of it, why not bury a large-ish battery and attach it to the sign, assuming the sign's got a metal wire? Grab a beer, turn the lights off, and wait for the fireworks...
• I thought of that, jimbecile, but I'm looking for humiliation, not debilitation. ;) Plus, I don't want to 'lectrocute any neighborhood cats.
• Scarecrow sprinklers seem to average around $50-$60 minimum.
• More stories from the political sign front. It amazes me how badly I want to take a gun to those huge Bush/Cheney signs that I see... Me too Darshon. And sometimes I wonder if Dems/lefties would be more successful if we employed the same dirty tactics used by our Republican counterparts. But then we do and I realize we're really, really bad at it.
• Here in Tennessee they often put signs in the grass median on the highways and I tend to run over Bush signs that are placed just inches from the road, though I haven't seen many yet this year. I wouldn't bother them in somone's yard but I consider them fair game if placed on public property. I only wish Kerry had more support here so I could run over his signs too. (I drive a Jeep and wouldn't recommend doing this in, say, a Honda Accord or anything.)
• But if someone comes into my yard and messes with my sign, that's trespassing and vandalism of private property. At least it should be. I thought the Reps were all about private property protection... ;)
• My yard sign motivation is similar to TenaciousP's: it's mostly just a morale booster for myself and like-minded people. An emblem of solidarity. But I also cherish the bonus side effect of displaying my opinion -- it reveals the extreme rightwingers among otherwise innocuous neighbors, acquaintances, etc. For much the same reasons, I wear t-shirts that say "treehugger" and "I love nerds" and "peace, y'all" and my car has stickers that say "war is a crime against humanity" and "evolve" so if people don't like those ideas, they can simply avoid me, and everybody wins! Or they can engage me in conversation, of course, as long as they understand that I am a wildly unpredictable ninja pirate monkey and my superhero power is the ability to dissolve human gonads with a single well-placed glare.
• I am a wildly unpredictable ninja pirate monkey and my superhero power is the ability to dissolve human gonads with a single well-placed glare. I'm not afraid of people with strong views, but since I do have a certain attachment to my gonads (literally), I'd breathe a bit easier if you'd get signs, shirts and stickers with that warning so I'd know to avoid you.
• Don't worry. You can recognize me at a distance by my incredible acrobatic flips, splintery peg-leg, and sexy prehensile tail.
• Destroying the signs of a candidate is stupid vandalism, but I have no problem with people who alter signs creatively to send a message not endorsed by the grinning head in the sign. We just went through a federal election, and there were only two signs in our (fairly upper class) neighbourhood promoting the Conservative candidate. I noticed that the local garbage collectors expressed their opinion by somehow failing to pick up the trash in front of two local houses. How coincidental, and, to me, very funny.
• you need to make a poop-moat, TP.
• I woke up this morning to discover all the John Kerry signs on our block had been stolen. I happen to live in a liberal pocket of a state that will unquestionably go Bush. The funny thing, is that one of my neighbors had a Brad Carson sign (he's a Dem running in a tight Senate race with Tom Coburn, the guy who called us all "crapheads") which they didn't steal.
• Another idiotic blow struck for conservatives everywhere! *buries face in hands, grieves for Republican party*
• *pats Fes on the back, hands him a Bloody Mary, reminds him that the Cards have clinched the Central*
• Update: not much new, but I did notice a prominently placed Bush/Cheney sign (which had stood with an absolute lack of irony at the turnoff into one of the poshest country clubs in my city) has also gone missing, leaving only the bare wire. I shouldn't be surprised if it was the same punk kids doing the other vandalism. Still, it's good to know the rain falls on the wicked as well as on the just. ;)
• http://www.angelfire.com/film/whoisstealingmysigns/