Sea sloths are new to me -- I'm in shock at the idea the critters didn't just sink like rocks.
They surely must have moved faster than extant sloths.
Fascinating link, homunculus, thanks.
Great link!
(wish it had more pictures, but great anyway)
Interesting. It reminded me of a story I heard when I was little of how the Chumash (the indigenous people of the California central coast) believe that dolphins evolved from people. Stranger things have happened, I suppose.
[this is good]
So, in another billion or so years, we'll have levitating sloths? They do seem to be moving upwards.
Space sloths, perhaps. Moon sloths? Astro-sloths?
Froth sloths - amazing...
i do so love xenarthrates (sloth, anteater, armadillo). didn't know any of them had become aquatic though... this is cool, thanks!
Thanks homunculus! Wonderful stuff as always.
So, in another billion or so years, we'll have levitating sloths? They do seem to be moving upwards. Space sloths, perhaps. Moon sloths? Astro-sloths?
:) It would be ironic in a zen/Douglas Adams sort of way. Here we are making life miserable for each other and the planet, meanwhile the sloths are quietly out-evolving us between naps.
OT, but Panda's Thumb has a funny discussion on their Bathroom Wall page. (#4077 For art connoisseurs)
I salute the dauntless spirit of the great ocean-faring sloths of yore, but don't forget that they are, alas, extinct. As Damon Runyon put it, the race is not always to the swift, but they are telling me that that is the way the smart money is moving.
Then again, Sloths are excellent swimmers. They can cross a river at speeds of 45 feet per minute doing a sloth-stroke. See for yourselves.
Large snakes and caiman stomachs have been found to contain sloths that did not make it downstream or across the river.
During the rainy season ... they often starve to death even though their bellies are filled with food.
...three-toed sloths stomach's have pouches which store batches of bulky food in different stages of fermentation.
Sounds uncomfortable.
Actually, this whole Iwanna-be-a-sloth deal needs some rethinking.
We are loathe
To dismiss the sloth --
Sea-sloths in particular
Don't seem so perpendicular.
This is fascinating.
It also reminds me of a book I have just read - City of Beasts by Isabel Allende, which is very good.
As every eager reader knows,
Allende, like Atwood,
Remains a poet
Though she writes prose.
She sells sea sloths by the sea shore.
They swam well in water,
But sloths wanted more.
Why and how did they end up in trees?
Who can account for the sloth's oddities?
Dripping wet and water-sleek are we,
As we writhe o'er the sands by the seething sea,
And who so wondrous, so wise, as we?
We'll fix our mighty minds on our collective sloth-destiny,
We'll evade the fate of the Great Auk and the lemmings-to-be!
We'll grow long claws, and compose papers in philosophy,
And invite no one over for sherry or tea!
For the quicker we think, the slower we move --
Upside down we meditate in every grove,
Moss covers the fur of our scrawny bodies,
In the air not one tree-sloth imbibes hot toddies.
Our modern sloth
Is never frantic,
And presumbably moves faster
Than the sloth that was aquatic.
Some fellows think that sloth
Should ideally rhyme with moth,
Or chicken broth, or Visigoth --
But I think the sloth
Is verse-subtle
And so should may rhyme
With both.
Arghhh!! I hate those hyper-cute happy sloth faces! They are evil, they can't hide their malevolent thoughts behind those fake enormous grins!
Aha! All is revealed! You can no longer fool us!
One glimpse of your hyper-cute happy face -- and we know!
In truth,, you are a secret sloth, Zemat, who thinks to mislead us with these attacks on slothdom!
Procrastination is futile! Confide your malevolent thoughts, tell us what bad joke lurks behind that incredible fake grin and the big brown eyes!
His coat is dappled o'er with moss,
His eyes are brown as chocolate sauce,
His face is round and solemn.
Stringy arms and legs haul him
Along an elevated jungle branch
Which would make a monkey blanch.
But he's slow. No one can tell if he's on the go
Or deep in thought or going with the slothy flow --
Not outwardly swift in any way that primates know.
Yet high above the sloth's home ground
He may be rapt in thoughts profound.
Giantgroundsloths seem to have occurred sometimes between the sea sloths and the modern tree-sloths.
It seems sloths couldn't settle on what they wanted to be, and kept changing their minds/survival strategies.
Mysterious creatures!
Bees, could I pursuade you to craft another sloth poem? Perhaps with the first lines:
Sloths just couldn't settle
on what they wanted to be.
Pretty please?
Dear BlueHorse, I will consider it, but at the moment I am in the hunting-and-gathering stage of discovering what, exactly, these sloths think they are up to.
Sloths just couldn't settle
On what they wanted to be
And the weather was hot
But the ocean was not
So they surfed the soft swells
Of the welcoming sea.
But the saltwater stung their tiny eyes,
And the sharks reduced their toes to three,
And their long tails were (but only briefly) quite a liability
So the sloths left the cruel sea behind
And went to the jungles to unwind
By climbing the vines of a mossy tree
Where sloths still dangle peacefully.
One paleolithic dawn, Sloth A said to Sloth B,
"Damn, but I'm tired of this eternal sea!
Nothing but fish for a fellow to follow,
And everything there is to taste is hellish salty when I swallow."
"Hey, me, too!" "Me, too!" "You tell 'em, Sloth A!"
"What are we waiting for? Guys, let's go away!"
And so they began tiptoeing out of the sea
Where they found they must function against earthbound gravity.
"This is too terrible!" "I feel heavy and fat!"
And Sloth B said, "Enough of this idle backchat!
We'll compromise, and try the marshes."
(Ah, sloths, like humans, can seem such total arses!)
I'm getting there, BlueHorse, at a slothlike pace
Ooo, nice! Wasn't there when I started to post --well-done, spackle!
Okay, I think it's pretty clear that beeswacky is a free spirit whose poetic muse cannot be coopted by azure equines. Which leaves the much-coveted role of "insanely suggestible sycophant" WIDE OPEN and, hoowhee baby, it's MINE NOW!
Soon sloths began to tire
Of floundering in the muck and mire;
In the swamp, they found it advantageous to stand higher.
So they grew, they grew enormously tall and stout --
Full twenty feet long from sloth-rump to sloth-snout.
Big as elephants. But it seems that way back when
All the creatures and birds of any acumen
Tried to overtop one another -- ('twas stylish post-paleo-strategy then).
Anyhow, eventually sloths lumbered onto what were then the plains,
Leaving their marshy homes to become wanderers again --
Not exactly swimming through a sea of grass,
Each ground sloth shook the earth as in search of food as it passed.
"This hustle and bustle are too much for me!" One day exclaimed -- you guessed it -- Sloth C.
/to be continued. Yes, I'm about to get there, BlueHorse.
I believe that post now comes with a tiara and decorated sash, spackle. I believe it may even have rhinestones on it!
also, nice poeme!
"I hate the plains!" "Let's leave, then!" "Yes, let's flee!"
Now rose the poignant cries of sloth disharmony.
"Not to the marsh -- the mud smells so bad!"
And indeed this telling argument made every sloth nod.
Sloth A by now was extinct, so was Sloth B,
So this meeting of necessity was led by the giant Sloth C,
Who rose to his full height of 18 feet and said,
"Our bones have grown so heavy, we'd sink to the bottom of the sea,
It seems clear we'll need to grow slimmer and trimmer
To avoid becoming some greedy shark's dinner."
After which up soke Sloth D, "Meanwhile, let's try something new, whatever it may be!
The marsh is out, the sea must wait, why don't we opt for a tree?"
Now sloths had gotten good at long-range planning,
So they thought, and they decided to try banning heavy bones and brawn
And bulk. Dawn by prehistoric dawn, they edged and shrunk by slow degrees
Away from the grassy savannahs, inching closer to the trees.
Yes -- closer to the trees where modern sloths all calmly ponder
Their future return to those wild blue seas waving way out yonder.
Ah, the things I do
For love of you,
My lovely BlueHorse!
Oh, sloths are sloths, and whales are whales,
And never seldom the twain shall meet,
While ears and claws and flukes and jaws
Are studied and found discrete.
The dolpin dare not doze too deeply,
lest he inhale a wave and drown.
The seal at sea must keep on swimming,
lest she sink like a stone.
Nor must the bird on her branch fall into deep sleep,
lest she topple off her throne.
Her desperate fluttering
would cause the other birds to fuss
and draw unfavorable attention
from a tree cat -- or wuss.
Most birds don't see too well at night --
collide with branches, break their beating wings
because the birdy way is to resort to flight.
Sloths, like seals, dolpins, or birds must also have learned to sleep
a sleep not too profound, a sort of sleep half-baked,.
Looking at tree-sloths, I wonder if they've ever really waked.
Beezers, some of this stuff really needs to be inked out on dead trees. You're in golden form lately.
Wolof, if you knew how many cartons of paper I've wasted already, you wouldn't suggest that.
howabout getting them all printed on a grain of rice? Y'know i think the record is something like 40,000 characters.
h-dogg what're ya tryin' to bum me out?
more wine!
Pete_best, there's plenty of whine to go 'round in most any thread. And cheese--lots of cheese. Yes, this is a cheesy place.
But the party sucks when the shrimp platter gets empty.
Do sloths eat popcorn cake?
It probably does not hit the sloth-spot.
Their favorite cake is marmalade,
which takes little time to bake.
But when sloths get around to eating a slice,
it no longer tastes very nice.
"Yuck, it tastes like glue!" "Look! Mine has gray fuzz!"
"This tastes like earwax!" a sad sloth wails,
for what the chef fixes sloths always fails
to do what (for speedier diners) it does.
And so sloth gourmets dine instead on uncooked snails.
at last! reunited
with sea-sloths --
I'm delighted
spackle wrote excellent poetry.
Wherever ye are, spackle, have a wonderful 2005!
In time, each critter evolves a strategy
and hands it on to the progeny.
Eyes will even now migrate across a fishy face,
to give us fine flat flounder or the plaice.
Way back, some gave up growing fur, or legs and paws,
but lampreys, early risers, never bothered to grow jaws,
and lampreys never got around to antibodies --
so we think of them as having quite odd bodies.
Svelte sleek whales, one step by tiny step they went,
and let their nose-holes wander back so nawadsays they vent
through holes placed at the back of their amazing heads --
whales passed such small improvements on to their calves or kids.
Tree sloths
have blondish, greenish hair;
they raise a crop
of algae there.
S-Santa? Is that you?
*hands over mouth, stomps feet in place*
The sloths rejoice!
Woot!
The Sloth
Theodore Roethke
In moving-slow he has no Peer.
You ask him something in his Ear,
He thinks about it for a Year;
And, then, before he says a Word
There, upside down (unlike a Bird),
He will assume that you have Heard-
A most Ex-as-per-at-ing Lug.
But should you call his manner Smug,
He'll sigh and give his Branch a Hug;
Then off again to Sleep he goes,
Still swaying gently by his Toes,
And you just know he knows he knows.
nice one GramMa! )))!
The sloth is not asleep
His flat out run is but a creep
And yet his heart is beating
For tho we scurry hot and juiced
He's got no meetings, got no use
For human-style barks and bleating
He'll be no mascot for football teams
His waking days are like his dreams
Filled with silence, breeze, and dreaming
If I were a sloth I would ponder
The nature of sloth and its wonder
For days on end I'd be yonder
Curled in the branches
Bracing my back on bended twigs
and leaves
ah me
Sloths ponder questions -
Organinze thoughts
But what they've learned
They tell us nots.
Totally inspired, Pete.
))) for the petes!!!
a sea sloth in a bath of brine
remains afloet, for much of its time
it spends on top of the bright blue sea
or in teasing the innocent manatee
the manatee is a friend of the whale
a pudgy fellow with a flippery tail
when the manatee becomes quite roth
he sends the whale to talk to the sloth
Gray whales swim five thousand miles and more
from the Bering sea to the Baja shore
In the southern sea they make new whales
then swim back north while telling their tales
The sea sloth is more of a homebody
as is the fat and happy manatee
Hurray for the sloth-singers, BlueHorse and islander!
I
admire your
poetic
works
they are warm
like
Sun
Petebest:
I
admire YOUR
poetic
works
they are joyful
and abandoned
like
your Pants.
Not many know
Of my same situation
In a sea-storm
Before civilization
On the border of land
With water all 'round
I clung to my perch
And rode out the sound
The branches then waved
The rain fell and lashed
But I ne'er moved an inch
To the tree I'm attached
No humans were present
And none passed away
But thankful for tree trunks
I'm still there today
petebests the sloths
live high in the trees
on green stuff and lichens
they feed as they please
their fur isn't shiny
it has little gloss
their coats are green-covered
with algae and moss
A sweetly angled nose
Three toes arranged
The sloth's a mage
So regal that you'da
Thought he's a Bhudda
Perhaps he is
How strange
Good links, especially that second one, Plegmund, thanks!
There once lived some poor megatheria,
Quite oblivious to all the hysteria.
Leisurely chewing on bark,
While Noah fashioned his ark
The rainwater soon flooded their area.
Dreaming sweetly of sunshine and daydreams;
Leafy salads, and hammocks, and ice creams,
The giant sloths missed the boat,
But didn’t bother to float,
Because Noah was too far upstream.
As the bees flew by in the sky,
They looked down on the sloths and cried,
"Did you learned the moral?
Don’t rest on your laurels!"
And the sloths' unhurried reply:
"We see no point in getting ahead.
Why not enjoy life, instead?
To quote John Maynard Keynes,
'The fact still remains...
In the long run, my friends,we're all dead.'"
)))!!!
I do so love that this thread lives on.
beeswacky, you are too kind. thank you.
))) indeed!
Heh. 'Tain't just me, Wedge! Enjoy the bananas!
Sloths don't yodel
They prefer these
Windy leaf sounds
of the windy leaf trees
They listen unhurried
And instrument-bound
Enjoying the movments
High over the ground
Sloth bears are endangered
By humans, less refined
Their trees are being cut down
Their grounds are being mined
If only humans learned
To live by making way
We'd all be fat and happy
And sleep throughout the day
Sea sloths lived so long ago
the sea's forgotten their agility
they could over-and-under the ancient waves
and loop-the-loop with alacrity.
Cetacean fans then just stood on the shore
and envied the sea sloths their je ne sais quoi.
The indelible impressions sloths left on their minds
made their arms turn to fins, while on their behinds
their tails turned to flukes. And on top of their heads
their nostrils appeared so now whales in seabeds
can snooze through the night with no fear of drowning
or falling down into sea-crevices yawning.
This was not done overnight, it took long eons and eons,
while there vanished from earth ground sloths, dragons, and fauns.
The New Year Sloth
Is much quicker to surface
There are many
In the trees above us
Bemused
And BeeWildered
The time shift abounding
The netherworld
Shifting somehow
Upon a bough
Now
Beelated kudos await
Happy New Year
Today
Is alive again
I see a sloth
A sloth I see
A waking dreamer
Beside the sea
From day to dream
Like A to B
The furry rhyme's
Inside of me
we'll sing of the whale
who sings under the sea
serenading his girl
with a deep melody
in a voice that resounds
so the echo rebounds
there's sound hierarchy
in what he sings to she
Shit, I just noticed the first link doesn't work anymore. Here it is.
I wonder what sweet love songs the sea sloths sang to their mates once upon a time.
sweet, bold sloth-lady, come with me!
we two will live adventurously
since what we knew simply won't do
we'll spurn savannah and the sea
for a brave new world found up a tree
song of the pre-proto-archeaosloths
we wallow
in the shallows
but we haven't any elbows
and we haven't any digits
we have to waggle our tails
and whenever we have the fidgets
we can't chew our fingernails
no, it's not a great existence
none of us now can swim a distance
but some day we'll move upon the land
for this is all a part of our pre-protoean master plan --
these finny stubs we're making do with
are the very sort of handicap we must soon escheweth!
so let's say goodbye to what's left of our necks
and get rid of these stiff scales growing down our backs!
Shows t' go ye,
a fish out of water
can do a lot more
than folks thought he oughter.
A sloth wades
In the shallows
For munchy bits
It allows
Time parades
Time follows
And damned if we remember.
nice Petes!
munchy bits
lunchy bits
now the sloths are
crunchy bits
Hunched over the bough
Of a brazil nut tree
The sloth
Aware
Fears not destiny or wind
And knows only all or
Brazil nuts
And sweet drooping days
Above the grunt and growling floor
Below
Why the Sloth Be the Model of Morality
I am loathe
to slander the sloth
as he wanders
he cannot philander
and neither can she
because by the time
such a notion occurs
before s/he can act on it
down goes that tree
With your kind permission, a bit of link-ku:
Baby Ice Age Sloth
extinct, furry, SUV-sized mammal
The bones were found
10 feet
away
from the first adult bones
Ribs are fragile
smack-dab on the bottom of the creek
When paired with the adult,
the juvenile
represents a one-of-a-kind find
sloth digs
and
research can be found
'sloths are making a dreadful mistake!
wherever we go, there's only heartache
we should curl up and die in the bed of this lake'
and thus to his mother the younger sloth spake
If it t'weren't for the foresight
And bravery
Of our little sloth big
as an SUV
There'd be nothing but sloths
As far as we see
sloths once noted for daring and foresight
have now retired to the tropic trees
leaving the world only traces like these
of former sloth glory and ancient sloth might
nowadays they mind their slothly Ps and Qs
knowing they have proven there's really no new news
there's no use telling a sloth to run
that's a feat that won't be done
for if and when ye are a sloth
ye learn to be a philosophe
once carried on a human shoulder
ye know ye won't become much older
on the shores of a vanished
Peruvian sea
brine-dwelling sloths became extinct
but not the manatee
o if my tears fall now
they'll inundate the poor sea-cow
but can't summon vanished sloths again
to go finning o'er that long-sunk plain
... ah, Plegmund!
never would I have thought
modern sloths could have a spat
or keepers be so gender-blind
as to neglect to peek
at captive sloth-behinds
and fail to note or seek
ass-tonishing truths like that
Wait, we evolved from skateboarders?
Blasphemy! Yer going to hell!
Creationists brains never evolved past blobs of unquestioning protoplasm. Now, THAT I can believe.
Of course it makes sense that Darwin was moving toward the idea of evolution before he hit the islands. Very few theories are born isolated in time and space.
...and The Origin of Species continues to exert an extraordinary influence—though, unfortunately, not many people actually read it.Time to remedy that right HERE and now!The Complete Works of Charles Darwin Online
Unfortunately, the above darwin-online.org.uk link is in frames.
*shudders at the absolute horror of unreadability*
Thanks, homunculus! I enjoyed this article immensely. Very well written.
His culinary experiences ... being part of his voracious tour of discovery...
This kind of care toward word choice, as well as the subtle humor in the article, always garners my admiration.
Well, it's a rainy morning, and reading Darwin's theory trumps any other activity.
I'd rather be a sloth
Than a prairie dog becauth
My chatter'd not too crisp
Cauth I chatter with a lisp
And often I will pauth
*blink*
petebest! I thought you'd all gone.
Holy cow! Ith's a petebetht!
petes!!
*clings to petebest's leg*
Yay!
*clenches shawl, extends trembling hand*
Pete, is that you?
Come to GramMa.
neverseldom the twain shall meet, While ears and claws and flukes and jaws Are studied and found discrete.