June 02, 2004

Hen + Zambian Man + flagrante delicto = Suicide - A man commits suicide after having sex with hen.

To be more accurate, he committed suicide after being caught having sex with a hen. This is terrible cruelty to animals! Note final line of article: "The hen was slaughtered after the incident." Then cooked & eaten. Tasted very nice, too! No extra salt needed.

posted by Nostrildamus 20 years ago
  • Honestly, I've yet to meet a hen that was good looking enough to have sex with.
  • True, Fes, but many of them are excellent conversationalists.
  • Oh, you know how those hens are, always strutting around, sticking out their breasts, taunting you, teasing, offering you a little glimpse of tailfeather. And we're expected to believe that "cluck" means "cluck?" Has somebody looked into this hen's sexual history? Probably she wanted it.
  • That's right -- blame the victim.
  • That "hen" as you call her had a name (Penny), was a member of MENSA, attended church regularly (C of E, natch), was an avatar of self-improvement (often quoted "Peck's Bad Boy" and Jung's "Fear of Frying" to friends), and was Really Well Liked. Such a senseless death; cut down before her Golden years...
  • Dizzy, you have unwittingly just written my future obituary. Heh. She had some nice thighs, too, I hear...
  • She loved a big plate of marigold petals for a light lunch, and wore itsy--bitsy white gloves when guests called. She is survived by Rhode Island Red, her companion for the last 4 moons. Her children have been eaten in finer restaurants across the City.
  • I'm betting my favorite sheep this story turns out to be fake. Like that "ten stoopid africans died after diving into well to save cellphone" things that makes the rounds about once a year. I'll be watching Snopes. (In spirit, anyway)
  • "Ernest, I told you to pluck the chicken!" Her children have been eaten in finer restaurants across the City. LOLSOJAOM* *Laughing Out Loud Spewing Orange Juice All Over Monitor Dizzy, I think you have created a new meme: Unhuman Obituaries. I expect to see your theme blog up within the week (you can copy The Blog of Death). And you'll be starring on a show on Animal Planet by the end of the year...
  • I guess he really had a thing for chicks.
  • Do you see what you've done, Subservient Chicken?
  • You know, I don't think I really appreciated a good pun until I started hanging out here. You guys are poisoning my mind.
  • This thread is a thing of beauty, round of applause!
  • Penny's funeral was terribly under-attended, most likely because her gravesite was across the road...
  • Do you see what you've done, Subservient Chicken? Myeh, I typed in "Lure a man to his doom with your avian wiles" and he just kinda stood round for a bit looking uncomfortable.
  • Wendell-- from your mouth to God's ear, my friend...
  • Dizzy, honest to God, you are my new hero. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Bananas and cockpunch are on me tonight.
  • I remember there was a case in Spain where this chap got killed by a falling boulder while he was doing it with a chicken. He was in a cave at the time. Hence the boulder.
  • These guys who do it with hens... talk about your breast men... "Ernest, I told you to pluck the chicken!"
  • Alnedra - I imagine her cries of outrage & terror bringing down an avalanche.
  • Friend of mine was working as Clerk of the Court when a chicken-rooter was brought up before the judge. (Apparently his wife had had enough of it, so she put him in.) Most of the others waiting for sentencing were stoners who'd been caught with a bit of dope, or people in for traffic offences. When the charge was read out, they laughed. When the statement was read out, they howled. When sentence was pronounced, they screamed.