May 20, 2004

• two words: arsenic steaks.
• Rather than poison the poor dogs, consider talking to the neighbors again one last time. "Say, y'know, I think those are your dogs, and darned if they aren't keeping us from working and sleeping." If they still insist on lying, you have 2 options. 1. Humane Society; do you think these dogs are being neglected? Is it cold at night, do they have sufficient food, water, shelter? If no, the Humane Society will step in. If yes, 2. Call the cops. These will result in your having a not-so-nice relationship with your neighbors, but if they're lying to you and careless about their pets, well, fuck 'em.
• Shoot them. If that doesn't work, shoot the dogs.
• sutureself - I have no words to address how asinine your comment is. boo-radly: This dog likely is suffering from separation anxiety and sadly there is little that you can do if your neighbor is not willing to take responsibility. I think you've got the right idea, but it may not matter. Animal Control is mainly concerned with instances of neglect and if the animal is well cared for in other respects this is kind of a loophole. I'd contact Animal Control now and explain the situation and ask them for helpful hints and suggestions. If they can't offer you advice contact the police, as Koko suggests. On preview, Skrik, see above, re: asinine
• I agree with Koko here. It doesn't seem that they are all that interested in maintaining good neighbor relations here. You might want to call the humane society to see what your options are (they may know, or may be able to point you to someone who does). I don't know about your neighborhood, but the cops aren't very interested in neighbor disputes in mine, so that probably should be a last resort.
• I'm also with IgnorantSlut here. There are no words for people who think that harming animals for the idiocy of their owners is a viable option, even in jest.
• Take the dogs in. Chain them up in your back yard and feed them. When the neighbor comes over to find out why you stole their dogs say, "But you said they weren't your dogs!"
• boo: here's some stuff from a google search. I found barkingdogs.net.
• jccalhoun is on to something there ... When you call the Humane Society, tell them the "owners" refuse to acknowledge ownership. Press the case for neglect; if the HS pays a visit, and your neighbors insist they're not their dogs, the HS can take them and put them up for adoption to BETTER homes.
• they said they weren't their dogs? egad. i'd try one more visit, nicely stating that the dogs are really REALLY bothering you, and if the situation isn't taken care of, you will be forced to get the city involved. keep your cool even if they react badly. then, if it still happens, call the police. and keep calling until something is done. do you have a homeowner's association? that'd be another good resource.
• are you saying there's no room for dark humour
• Start documenting the situation. The log is a good idea. Take photographs of them barking, using a camera that stamps time and date on shots. That way, when the neighbor denies the situation, you can reply, "I know, there really are a lot of dogs in the neighborhood, and I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this time they're yours. I took these pictures so you could see what's happening while you're away." Try to spin it as a let's-solve-this-together problem.
• Kimberly; you're talking rubbish, everything is potentially funny. Learn to differentiate the real from the imagined.
• As a responsible dog owner I am sad to hear of owners who won't be honest about their animals to their neighbors. Seperation anxiety is a real possiblity. IgnorantSlut has the right of it, call the animal control people for advice. Also I agree with koko & IgnorantSlut, killing or causing harm to someones animals is dead wrong. If the owners are not caring for the animals as they should, then going through proper channels is the only decent way to deal with it, not killing or causing harm to the animals.
• Fine, biffa. We'll wait for you to request advice to a real problem, then offer a stupid semi-"Funny" answer. And then we'll see how you take it.
• I've seen several reports that Prozac works on dogs with separation ainxiety. But the log and recordings -3133+-ly put on DVD, ne c'est pas? - is a great idea. And I'm with Iggy and Kimberly. Jokes about your deceased relative in a bag are funny - leave the dogs alone.
• Fine, biffa. We'll wait for you to request advice to a real problem, then offer a stupid semi-"Funny" answer. And then we'll see how you take it. /piles on
• IgSlu is right about Animal Control- if you call them, they will come out and look at the dogs, and if they aren't starving or otherwise obviously neglected, they will go away, and then your neighbors will be annoyed. (But calling to ask for advice is a good idea.) If you want to remain civil and cordial with the neighbors, consider if you can, in a civil and cordial way, go ring their doorbell when their dogs are barking, and say that you can see from your bedroom that the dogs are on about something, could they please check on their dogs and make sure they are okay. Even if it means getting up and dressed after you've gone to bed. Do that once, and then after that, call the cops, because if they don't give a shit about having good relations with you as a neighbor, there's no need to be a doormat about it. on preview, pretty much what everyone else has already said.
• I think koko is OTM here. I would also consider asking other people in the neighborhood (like the OTHER next door, next door neighbors) if they're having similar problems.
• Give them a copy of How to be Your Dog's Best Friend by the Monks of New Skete. (They advocate allowing your dog to sleep in the same room with their owner, as it gives the dog a long contact period with the owner's scent, encouraging a better bond.) There's lots of stuff in there about separation anxiety too.
• thanks for the advice (except for the poisoning and shooting). igslu's barkingdog.net link points out why I'm still entertaining the idea of being civil to my neighbors: People who keep barking dogs tend to be disturbed -- sometimes deeply disturbed. When you begin pushing the buttons of that kind of person, you never know what will happen. I don't want to get all pushy with someone if there's a chance they're gonna slice up my car tires, or my cats.
• wow, iggy, that is indeed an awesome link re: barking dogs. i love the internet, i'm convinced it contains answers to all of life's questions!
• Oh, and when we did go over there to ask about it, it was a bit after eleven at night, after a few hours of this treatment.
• Let me just say, boo, I feel your pain. My neighbors leave their dog out at night in a pen just below my window. At 6 a.m., when the first few folks in the neighborhood start leaving for work, the dog starts barking and does not stop. Which is a problem for me because I get home late and go to work late and this seriously interrupts my last hour or two of sleep. Oh, and I live in the...how you say? GHETTO. So I really am not keen about confronting the neighbors on this, which at least boo has done. People have been shot on my block for lesser quibbles. Anyhow, IS, thanks for the barkingdogs.net link. I'll be checking it out.
• I think HS is a good idea, seriously -- check with your neighbors again. If they still insist that the dogs aren't theirs, then say, "Well, I guess I'll have the Humane Society come get them, if they don't belong to anybody." If they claim ownership, you've got an upper hand: you've just caught them lying. If they still deny ownership, call HS.
• I apologise for my comment re shooting the dog owners -- we shouldn't kill people, no matter how much they beg for it. My advice on shooting the dogs stands. A world without recreational dogs would be a better place. I'm hoping Tracicle is a cat person, too.
• Boo, it's very likely that your neighbors aren't so much disturbed, as just unaware of how to get their dogs to stop barking. Maybe they never owned dogs before, maybe they are the sort of folks who don't believe that "lower" forms of animals can have feelings such as separation anxiety. From your post it doesn't sound so much like they were saying that the dogs weren't theirs, as they were trying to get you to believe that it wasn't their dogs that were barking. Consider, if they aren't too wacked out, of asking them to come over to your home for a minute when the dogs are barking, escorting them to the room from which they can see them barking, and presenting the irrefutable proof. Then talk to them about different ways they can solve this problem. Let them know that it's important to you because of the burden it presents (can't sleep, can't work - are they at all aware of your daytime schedule, or do they think that you are not home when they are not home?) Honestly, there's no need for bad blood here. Most folks are just too embarrassed to admit when they don't know how to solve a problem, and end up making it worse by not admitting it. So many problems could be solved if folks would just talk honestly with one another. That all being said, if they don't take your suggestions or if it continues to be a problem, let them know that you will have to report the problem, and then do so. As said above, no need to be a doormat here.
• By the way, I didn't see anything in the OP that talked about the neighbours denying ownership. I did read something about them denying that their dogs were those responsible for the ruckus.
• Boo: adopt two bigger, fiercer dogs, and let them do your bidding. Also, make sure the dogs you adopt can shoot bees out of their mouths when they bark.
• OT Skrik, don't you dare apologise, not even in jest. While suture's comment was a bit of a let-down in terms of funny, yours was a properly constructed, classically formed joke. You even managed to incorporate good comic timing, which is terribly hard to do in print. Jokes are permitted; that is a right we must defend... /OT. I may not know how to deal with problem neighbours, but I sure as hell can analyse comedy to death.
• I see the light. Poison the pets. ha ha ha ha. Funny stuff. Apparently it's all about perspective. *cough* Now, Simpsons quotes about dogs with bees in their mouths, that's funny.
• You were right the first time, Skrik. Shoot the owners. Then-- torture them. (You can be a cat person w/o disliking dogs.)
• Skrik's comment was the shooting one. I giggled. It's the unexpected realisation that what you thought the subject of the sentence was (the dogs) was not actually the subject of the sentence (which was the dog's owners). Classic comic formulation, as I say - and the reason it's funny is nothing to do with the inate hilarity of killing, it's the sudden flip to a greater degree of emotional exaggeration than you were prepared for. Analyse to death, I say, analyse until you think you'll never find anything funny again! I mean, come on, there are plenty of words for people who joke about such things. Many of them are nice words. There are also words for people who do such things, and those words are not nice. Don't make me get my thesaurus... :-)
• Anyone who has had to sit awake at 6:30 in the morning having had to listen to their downstairs neighbor's dog bark for THIRTEEN STRAIGHT HOURS and has not, at least briefly, considered murder, has something wrong with their brain.
• (oh, and boo, PBS2 let us know how this all works out.)
• (oh, and i just made up "PBS2." isn't it cool?)
• (You can be a cat person w/o disliking dogs.) I'm sure some can, but I can't.
• boo_radley, do your neighbors rent or own their property? If they rent you can try contacting their landlord. But I'm guessing they're the owners. Good luck and keep us posted.
• I thought the only thing wrong with sutureself's joke was that it was a wee bit obvious. (And he got there before me.) I joke (and fantasize at times) about shooting the Bridge & Tunnel kids stopping at the bodega across the street from us at 3:30 a.m., screaming at each other whie they piss on the dumpster, and crank bad dance music out the open doors of their BMWs. Sounds like these dogs are AS annoying, if not worse. The reason it's funny (to me) is because it's so far outside the realm of what you WOULD do. It's just a joke.
• I was thinking "PBS2"? Man, cable has everything! Then I deciphered your actual meaning.
• Let's avoid derailing the thread and stick to the topic. Remember that Curious George posts are like AskMe: responses should be useful advice. One thing I was thinking is that the owners of the dogs are probably as frustrated and sleep-deprived as you are, boo. Maybe you can find a way -- once they admit it's their dogs and you've gotten advice from Animal Control -- to sit down with them and find a solution. If I were them I'd be dying to get the problem fixed. Also, speak to your other neighbours who are likely also kept awake by the dogs. If the owners continue to ignore the problem, you can go to Animal Control as a group and have more impact. When I was at uni I answered phones for the city council and many after-hours calls were about barking dogs. The council's animal control centre just kept logs of calls. If enough people complained about the same dog, they'd go around there and have words with the owner. Maybe if nothing is done soon, you and your neighbours could gang up on Animal Control. I also have a barking dog next door, but since he doesn't bark more than one night a week (I think he gets freaked out by the hedgehogs roaming around), there's nothing we can do. (I'm a dog and cat person, but since hubby doesn't like dogs we're getting a cat.)
• omg tracicle! plz trap a hedgehog for me and send it in the mail! i promise i'll take good care of mr. prickly-pants! /derail
• Can't believe y'all don't know 'bout this tried and true and humane method.
• Trap the dogs. Kill them. Paint your fence pinkish-purple and spray paint "woof woof" on their side it. Have the neighbors arrested at their work the day after the eventual confrontation occurs. The law is on your side.
• Boo, it sounds like you're more concerned about dealing with the neighbor than solving separation anxiety issues for the dogs, and if it's someone who's denied that their dogs are barking, you've got trouble. Do the dogs wear collars? Perhaps they're just strays that they took pity on and don't really want to deal with them anymore. A stray cat hangs out on our balcony and we give it food about once a week, but it's by no means our cat. I'd try one more time of talking politely with your neighbor in person, once the dog is barking that evening. Find out what they mean by "not our dogs" and offer to call Animal Control if they're strays. But only one person at a time - both you & your wife at the door might seem like you're ganging up on them. If they do own the dogs, call Animal Control, Humane Society and the police to see what your options are. You may luck out and live in an area that enforces fines and penalties for noise violations like this. Also, talk to your other neighbors and find out if they're willing to support your cause. I sense a good documentary in what you're about to experience.
• Fine, biffa. We'll wait for you to request advice to a real problem, then offer a stupid semi-"Funny" answer. And then we'll see how you take it. If it's funny I'll laugh, if it's not I won't. Do you have a spycam in my office? If not I guess you won't see.
• nax, if I could I'd send you this hedgehog. ;)
• And for gods sake whatever you do, don't make the mistake (like I did) of going to barkingdogs.com instead of .net. I am now convinced there is pure evil in this world. Why God why?
• link
• ...weird.
• boo, I agree with the posters that say they probably don't know _how_ to stop the barking. I used to have dogs that barked - barked when I was out, not when I was in. First I heard about it was from the Noise Abatement Police - I wish my neighbors had been able to let me know, but they for whatever reason, felt it neccessary to go straight to a legal recourse - I was just oblivious to there being a problem. Apparently it had been driving my neighbor nuts for months. So - Once we knew they were barking (2 hounds) what could we do about it? Well, we tried leaving the TV on, (nope) The radio (nope), the door open so they could go outside (nope), tiptoeing out so they didnt know we left (nope), toys (nope), food(nope), letting them upstairs to sleep on the bed (a real treat) in fact we tried everything. Meanwhile, the neighbor wouldnt talk to us. Despite our best efforts to either get feedback on what may be working or not - they just pursued the noise complaint and had 'noise recording meters' fixed on their walls to record sound levels - in their mind the only solution was for us to be forcibly made to remove the dogs. As these were rescue anaimals on their third home, this pretty much meant having them destroyed - which is a tough thing to be faced with. We moved house before it got to 'breaking point' but the last day we were in our old place, loading up the removal truck, our neighbors finally mustured up the courage to talk to us face to face. Except that they were so frustrated and angry, that the minute they started to speak it just came out as stream of insults, abuse and crap. I just told them to fuck off - it was all I could do - but I cant really blame them for feeling the way they did.. In the new house, the dogs didnt seem to have the same problem. Sure they barked occasionally - particularly when other dogs in the 'hood started up. We had neighbors that were home all day - and were quite adamant that it wasnt an issue. If we hadn't have moved - I dunno what we would have done. If the state my neighbors worked themselves into (or rather my dogs worked thenm into) is anything to go by, I feel your pain. so, my advice - try not to get mad at your neighbor (it will get him defensive) try and offer solutions - don't just dump the problem on him (he might not know what to do) and lastly dont expect an instant solution and be prepared to tell him if things he's doing are working - or not. You might also try getting to know the dog. You might help its general feelings of security if it has separation anxiety. Of course, if your neighbor is a complete jerk - and it sounds like he may be - your only option is da law and you should use it. Just be aware that it might mean your jerk neighbor loosing his dog - which aint going to make the neighborhood barbeque much fun. Still, if you have a jerk neighbor they probably arent much to write home about now :-) Good luck.
• oooh. Long note.
• I'm always ASTOUNDED that there are actually some people totally oblivious to their dog's continual barking. Never mind the neighbors comfort, I HATE it when mine go off--as all dogs do occasionally. A warning "woof" when someone is at the door or if one of the horses gets out when a grandkid leaves the gate open is wonderful, and elicts praise, but yark yarking more than a minute gets them a major scolding. If these dogs bark when your neighbors are at home, I'm not sure you can educate them or get them to have any consideration for your situation. Trying to cue in the clueless is often futile. Good luck. Plz keep the Monkeys posted.
• sutureself - I have no words to address how asinine your comment is. nor i for the ignorance shown in yours, kimberly. for 2.5 years i have lived directly over a dolt whose overly large, nasty-dispositioned overagressive beast barks at the slightest sound, and who lunges viciously at the screen, roaring in anger each time i or anyone walk past his window on the sidewalk, or his deck. many are the days i've dreamed of serving him a Prestone™ T-Bone® or two. it's not for no reason that i love most cats.
• Quonset, a real cat person would enjoy driving that dog into apoplexy. I see no ignorance in the line that Kimberly, ahem, didn't write.
• Update: The wife went over and asked them about it. When they (again) denied their dog, she took a picture out of her back pocked and said that they had something loose running around their yard -- maybe through some loose fence on another side of their backyard, and would you like us to call animal control for you?
• Priceless. )))))))))) Did they respond with gaping mouths or more weaseling?
• Can't believe they'd deny it again. They seem to be less-than-nice neighbours. Or too wussy to deal with the fallout their dogs are causing on the neighbourhood.
• why not, it works for Bush. /skips_gaily_by
• ), pete_best!
• it's hard to stand the sight of two dog's dead under a sky so blue. you have to stop the blood to your head to fit the breath in front of you.
• a rattlesnake caught in a wheel well; strawberry in an ostrich throat.
• I only read 75% of the comments so I hope this wasn't already suggested, but film the dog(s) barking and mail the tape to your neighbor. Make sure the tape is boldly titled: Not Your Dogs Don't forget to add a witty subtitle. If that does help then I'd go with the asinine arsenic steaks. Ass. Arse.
• I meant, if that doesn't help then go with the steaks (asinine arsenic ones).
• Oh, let's not dredge that up again.
• c'mon, boo, spill it. What happened with the neighbor's dogs? Inquiring minds want to know....
• I'm not going to tell anyone the absolutely easy and nigh-untraceable way to kill a dog using all-legal ingredients. /ex-postman
• Aspirin?
• No.
• Machine gun?
• Duct tape?
• Machine-gunned duck stuffed with aspirin and wrapped in duct tape?
• See how I taunt those who seek knowledge? Not nice, is it? *scratches lower back of large ugly dog, dog's leg begins piston movement*
• Deep, deep French kiss?
• You can kill a dog with excessive back-scratching??? *looks at own hands in horror* PF is starting to gross me out.
• No offense PF. But please, no kissing when we meet. Maybe we can shake hands. With gloves on. Or biohazard suits.
• biohazard suits Kin-kay, ned. I'm startin to laiike yuuu... *eyes dart back and forth in head*
• PF, I think your technique might work... If you manage to kiss the barking beast before it tores your face apart.
• I don't know if I ever followed up 'in the right way', but their dogs are much more calm now -- I think they have doggie things to do in the backyard now. Their barking is a lot less high pitched frantic yelping and more fun dog kind of barking.
• Case in point.
• Glad to hear that, boo! For the terminally curious, was it just a tincture of time, did you make friends with the dogs/neighbors, or did the dogs just settle?
• I'm betting that boo doesn't answer the question.
• Perhaps the dog fell in love, after being kissed.
• *smooch*
• You made my chronothingy hurt!
• yap yap yap
• Monkeyfilter: a lot less high pitched frantic yelping and more fun dog kind of barking.