April 08, 2004
Tech support haikus
- "Last January, the ISP I used to work for gave us an ultimatum-- in order to move customers through the phone que faster, (never mind that the average wait time was over 45 minutes) we were all to limit our after call notes to three lines or less."
Can't get to newsgroup
alt.binaries.sex.star-trek
Sad little monkey.
More favorites:
Type "Earthlink dot net"
"Numeric, or spell it out?"
"That has no numbers!"
Downloading netscape
screen says "out of hard disk space"
"Is this my problem?"
"Hey! What's going on?"
"The internet is broken."
"Oh, I'll try later."
Can you please explain,
what does SMTP mean?
Send Me Tons of Porn.
PC Load Letter?
What in the fuck does that mean??
Piece of shit printer!
"I live in the South
Inbred rednecks are online
Y'all run for your lives"
Hot tea, meet keyboard.
Hard drive getting full.
All your space are belong to
Quake 3. What you say!
Hee.
Sweet. I love haiku(s).
Obligatory
These are not really haiku
MonkeyFilter post
I don't agree with everything this guy says, but he does make a decent distinction between haiku, which are highly stylized in content (and aren't necessarily 5-7-5), and the more relaxed senryu. Although it should be said that haiku poets break these rules as often as other poets break their own sets of rules.
With that said, I still like these.
Pissed about holding.
"Get me your supervisor!"
"Ok sir, please hold."
This is hilarious stuff. My favorite?
"I get too much SPAM"
"I know, I sent all of it."
I'm in trouble now.
Wow. That guy needs a nap. Seriously. Talk about sucking all the fun out of poetry.
And I'm surprised that someone who is so adamant about correct haiku usage didn't even bring up the concept of moras instead of syllables.
I heart this:
Frontpage, Dreamweaver.
A web tech craves not these things.
Just view the source, Luke.
As usual, most
of the trouble is between
the chair and keyboard.
Why is it that some
people continually
have PC problems
While across the cube
an equally numbskulled drone
seem impervious?
I have a theory:
these infernal machines don't
have silicon guts
but trapped low inside
a tiny demon thinks in
Visual Basic.
Propitiate him
and his deathly Blue Screen will
be rare as rubies.
Placate the Demon
not, and your network drives will
always come unstuck
Your printers? Always
vomiting page after page
of hieroglyphics
And your corrupted
data will ever, deftly,
miss the backup tape.
um. wow. Fes, that's amazing.
Never ending call
forgot to type his login.
I want to die now.
I'm . . . I'm pretty sure I wrote that. I definitely lived it.
*smiles, assumes lotus,
gently levitates, eyes glow
with unearthly light*
Just a conduit
for the triple intersect
of Tao, Law and Muse.
I should invite that guy allusion links to to participate in the primitive online haiku contest I am currently holding.
"Help, I can't log in."
"Turn off the Caps Lock, retard."
"Thanks. That did the trick."
Well, to give some perspective, I found the article linked from Seth Schoen, who wrote an epic poem composed of senryu stanzas, describing how the DVD unscrambler DeCSS works.
Also, here's a fun little Python programme that finds haiku in a given body of text.
Holy maracas
this is great! Thank you shotsy,
Fes and boo_radley.
I was scanning my
collection last night to see
what I might include.
I'd like to play. Read
this this morning, been thinking
of good songs all day.
Thou art in, Sirrah!
Prithee, waken thy disk burner
that thou mayest rock!
My iMac smells like
Kevin Bacon. Is he in
my Superdrive? Punk.
My shift key's sticky.
I spilled my coffee on it.
Could that be the cause?
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