April 01, 2004

idn fi dwid (upside down) Some Friday 4/1 fun. I wanted to post a meme about Republicanism Shown to be Genetic. But then I found out my true pimp name. Then I thought - why not mix the two together?? Monkeys and Gentlefriends, I give you: the Pimpublican Genetic Thread!

This is apparently an email that's circulating, I couldn't google up a site that wasn't a discussion forum: " Scientists in the current issue of the journal NURTURE announced the discovery that affiliation with the Republican Party is genetically determined. This caused uproar among traditionalists who believe it is a chosen lifestyle. Reports of the gene coding for political conservatism, discovered after a decades-long study of quintuplets in Orange County, CA, has sent shock waves through the medical, political, and golfing communities. Psychologists and psychoanalysts have long believed that Republicans' unnatural disregard for the poor and frequently unconstitutional tendencies resulted from dysfunctional family dynamics -- a remarkably high percentage of Republicans do have authoritarian domineering fathers and emotionally distant mothers who didn't teach them how to be kind and gentle. Biologists have long suspected that conservatism is inherited. "After all," said one author of the NURTURE article, "It's quite common for a Republican to have a brother or sister who is a Republican." The finding has been greeted with relief by Parents and Friends of Republicans (PFREP), who sometimes blame themselves for the political views of otherwise lovable children, family, and un-indicted co-conspirators. One mother, a longtime Democrat, wept and clapped her hands in ecstasy on hearing of the findings. "I just knew it was genetic," she said, seated with her two sons, both avowed Republicans. "My boys would never freely choose that lifestyle!" When asked what the Republican lifestyle was, she said, "You can just tell watching their conventions in Houston and San Diego on TV: the flaming xenophobia, flamboyant demagogy, disdain for anyone not rich, you know." Both sons had suspected their Republicanism from an early age but did not confirm it until they were in college, when they became convinced it wasn't just a phase they were going through. The NURTURE article offered no response to the suggestion that the high incidence of Republicanism among siblings could result from their sharing not only genes but also psychological and emotional attitude as products of the same parents and family dynamics. A remaining mystery is why many Democrats admit to having voted Republican at least once -- or often dream or fantasize about doing so. Polls show that three out of five adult Democrats have had a Republican experience, although most outgrow teenage experimentation with Republicanism. Some Republicans hail the findings as a step toward eliminating conservophobia. They argue that since Republicans didn't "choose" their lifestyle any more than someone "chooses" to have a ski-jump nose, they shouldn't be denied civil rights, which other minorities enjoy. If conservatism is not the result of stinginess or orneriness (typical stereotypes attributed to Republicans) but is something Republicans can't help, there's no reason why society shouldn't tolerate Republicans in the military or even high elected office -- provided they don't flaunt their political beliefs. For many Americans, the discovery opens a window on a different future. In a few years, gene therapy might eradicate Republicanism altogether. But should they be allowed to marry?"

  • That's President Pete Large, to you.
  • Magic Tickle M. Love thanks you.
  • Fine Ass David Love is in the howwwwwse.
  • Pimp Daddy B. Rockefeller *prints up new business cards immediately*
  • Big pimpin' thankz from Suede S. Jazz. That email is freaking hilarious.
  • cute! I wonder, though, at the reaction one might garner by replacing "republican" with "democrat" or "liberal" and applying the more common stereotypes - bad with numbers, pothead hippies, Trotskyites, overly-sensitive to criticism, shrillish, vegan, fart-lighters, vaguely silly in an unfunny way, luddite, terrible grammar, not very good knife-fighters, etc. Still funny, though :D -Pimp Daddy Fes Shmoove
  • Diamondtrim Adam Rock sez 'Why dontcha come get somma Daddy's medicine?'
  • Shmoove, I've had it up to here with you hatin' on us over-sensitive-to-criticism fart-lighters, you goddam pimp-troll. Yours sincerely, G. Digital R. Jazz
  • Ain't no bridge big enough to stay under, y'all! Schmoove out.
  • Yo, you gotta light? My fart went out when you did.
  • not very good knife-fighters Broken bottles are more my thing.
  • President M. Gates!!! DO NOT MESS WITH ME!!
  • ...unnatural disregard for the poor... D Magical Wacky Flex wants to know WOT KIND of dissin'?
  • Monkey Better Have My Banana by President Pete Large Monkey Better Have My Banana - Not some of my banana - Not half of my banana - But all my fruit Or Else I'm gonna post to her thread With my BOOT!
  • Eeek, eek! No Monkeybashi-ng!
  • Funk Master S. Quick in tha hizzouse yo.
  • I could swear I saw that Republicanism is genetic thing either here on MeFi, but I can't find it now. I remember it because I thought it was kind of stupid because it was effectively an attack on the assertion that homosexuality is genetic. Anybody want to help me find the link? Or maybe it just that I'm on crack. Yours truely, President P. Fresh
  • Is this it, mexican? This was some dodgy bit of science claiming that conservatism was a mental disorder.
  • No, it was either a FPP or burried somewhere in comments. Maybe I'll spend a little more time looking later tonight. It doesn't really help that I can't remember on which site I saw it.
  • I'd be interested, because I don't remember the last meme that's been email-only. Err, yo.