September 27, 2007

• I wish the articles had explained what a "smoker" is used to cook; even as a footnote.
• ...footnote. Zing!
• Maiden police said the man opened up the smoker and saw what he thought was a piece of driftwood wrapped in paper. Hey, the cops' sex lives are their own business.
• They're like Vestal Virgins.
• So is the smoker too icky to use now?
• So, the kid smoked his amputated leg as a way of preserving it, right? Not so that he could have lunch meat for a week, right?
• I woke up this morning with a bad hangover And my leg was missing again. This happens all the time. It's detachable. This comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble, or I can rent it out, when I don't need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning I can't for the life of me remember what I did with it. First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it. So I called up the place where the party was, they hadn't seen it either. I asked them to check the medicine cabinet 'cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes But not this time. So I told them if it pops up to let me know. I called a few people who were at the party, but they were no help either. I was starting to get desperate. I really don't like being without my leg for too long. It makes me feel like less of a man, and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak. After a few hours of searching the house, and calling everyone I could think of, I was starting to get very depressed, so I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast. Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place, where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my leg lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it. I had to buy it off him. He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen. I took it home, washed it off, and put it back on. I was happy again. Complete. People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, but I don't know. Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable leg.
• I bet that guy was hopping mad! I SAID, I BET HE WAS.... oh, never mind.
• *laughs like a drain* OMG kit that's hilarious! Bwahahaha! Hey everyone, kit told this great joke! Hahahahaha! heheehee *sniff* ah, kit, you should tell jokes more often.
• I don't get it.
• Something about beer?
• I recommend Stubb's BBQ sauce.
• Stubbs has the best corporate slogan ever: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm a cook."
• I seriously thought this was an onion article satirizing the anti-smoking brigade.
• I bet that other fella hasn't got a leg to stand on! Eh? EH??? I slay me.
• "I smoked my leg." "Wasn't it awfully hard to inhale?"
• Leg. The other, other white meat!
• - Need I say without overmuch emphasis that it is in the leg division that you are deficient. - The leg division? - Yes, the leg division, Mr. Spiggott. You are deficient in it to the tune of one. Your right leg I like. I like your right leg. A lovely leg for the role. That's what I said when I saw you come in. I said "A lovely leg for the role." I've got nothing against your right leg. The trouble is - neither have you.
• Guy found a gimp on the barbie.
• Eh? No idea what you're saying right now.
• I'd think he had one leg to stand on, really.
• Ha! Nickdanger FTW!
• Man, Nickdanger, that was a good one. kit sure could take some pointers from you.
• Agreed, Nick ftw. I'm still laughing.
• Who forgets that they left their leg in a smoker? Police said he would be driving the 35 miles to reclaim his leg. Let's hope our good friend the pirate is driving a speed boat and not a stick shift. Yar.
• Mmmmmmm, hickory smoked goodness. Try this rub: Original BBQ Rub--Spicy and Sweet. Ingredients: Chili Powder, Raw Sugar, Allspice, Salt, Cayenne Pepper, Black Pepper Blend. Use on Pork, Beef, Chicken or Fish. Don't forget to wrap your leg in bacon for that bacony good flavor.
• Thanks for the support everyone.
• No problem. We need more comedy around here. Or at least someone to occasionally pull our leg, huh?
• Sounds like an urban legend to me.
• *cries*
• *cries*?? Is that supposed to be some kind of joke?! You, sir, are worse than Hitler!!
• I don't know why he actually comments here anymore, really.
• FROSH
• There is no crying in Monkeyfilter!
• Math
• s
• Wait, no.
• LOL
• Touch me where I wee.
• Yknow, the more I think about it, the more I'm forced to wonder: If his leg was in the smoker, where was the ham?!?
• Makes me think of that One Legged Pig Joke.
• Thanks for the support everyone. I dunno. I think you be going out on a limb with that one.
• you'd... YOU'D!
• Heh. I liked the pig joke, Nugget.
• Hi brundlefly!
• From the article linked to here: "Officials said that it is not illegal to keep body parts as long as it is for religious purposes." What's the connection? Is it like a saintly relic or something?
• I still think it sounds like an urban leg-end.
• /collapse
• I have a haunch that anyone who would leave a leg in a smoker doesn't give a squat for other people's feelings. They probably puttee-d it in there for a joke, unfortunately, it didn't go off without a hitch as planned. I'm all for getting a toe-hold in the comedy industry, but I'm not a big supporter of scary stuff. That just socks. *heavy breathing from trying too hard
• /asplode
• *doesn't get it face*
• Kinda reminds me of Silas Wegg, in Our Mutual Friend. I suppose I should eventually go back and read the last few chapters. I just reached a point where I stopped caring.
• UPDATE: Custody battle over the fucking leg. "Shannon Whisnant found a dried human leg in a barbecue smoker. Now, he wants to keep it in hopes of fame and money." The story of the leg and how it came to be in the smoker is hereby discovered. It was not dried in the barbecue smoker. Oh no, that would be too logical for this story. The original owner, John Wood (who presumably now has a, heheh, wooden leg), had the limb removed after a rather dreadful plane crash. He requested to keep it for some reason, and hung it on a fence post in his front yard to dry. He then kept it in the smoker. For storage. As you do. I don't think I could make this shit up if I tried, bent off me' nut on pot & LSD. I mean I just wouldn't imagine anyone would want to keep their leg in a dried condition, let alone at all. I mean, wouldn't you put it in formaldehyde in a big jar or something? Drying it in your front yard? Storing it in a barbecue smoker? I would, I confess, imagine a rather different set of circumstances.
• Crazy humans.
• To be fair, there may be a market for arms and legs. Like the guy from Airport Plaza Jewelers. Be sure to watch the commercials -- Komedy with a Kapital K! (And not just because of the Buffalo accent!)
• Howcome the birds dinnit eat it?
• I SAID 'HOPPING MAD' etczzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
• Did someone hear something?
• Sorry - the tea was ready.
• One word. EBAY!