February 14, 2007

• 
• Happy Valentine's Day from the sexiest man alive.
• Here's what I got each of you for Valentine's Day.
• No one has sent me an anonymous crush email yet. I have therefore concluded there is no love left in the world. /jumps
• Oh damn, too late. I loved that Simian XX.
• Cupid has not forsaken us after all, he's just forgotten his password! Silly cherub! As soon as he's up and running, you can send your secret crushes through him, because obviously you don't trust me with them! Harumph!
• This one goes out to all the guys:
• I love you, Simian XX! Roses are red, Violets are funky, But I am an ape, And she is a monkey.
• Kicking off the anonymous valentines with a hearty shout out and big kisses to : Gomichild Alnedra Melinika varj Bees Pallas Athena TUM middleclasstool Skrik roryk Fes muteboy quidnunc flashboy GramMa coriolisdave fractalid layne, lady layne Pez pmdboi Bone kitfisto livii fish tick Capt Renault the petes_best collective Numbers 1 and 2 and (of course) Koko! Snuggly pandas all round!
• *cries*
• Special emergency flowers and chocolate for my darling darling!
• Roses are magenta Violets are cyan My color correction's off But for these monkeys I'm die-an! petes bests Fes dng Fish Tick roryk Alnedra quidnunc Capt. Renault gomichild Chyren darling nunia Lara kitfisto muteboy Plegmund mothninja RalphTheDog middleclasstool tracicle The Underpants Monster beeswacky Bluehorse Bone xenmate
• LordSludge has a secret admirer. I love that phrase, "secret admirer." Not like I'm picturing him covered in chocolate syrup or anything. Hoo boy. Mmm. Chocolate Sludge ...
• And to all the ladies:
• The biggest crush I've ever had was on daisy_may. She was a fine captivating soul, and left me quite heartbroken in the end. After dealing with the torment, I fell head-over-heels for Doris. To my dismay, she had a problem with the color of my skin. Which leads me to 2007. I'm quite smitten. Please don't disappoint me, nunia. Not to mention: bernockle Medusa homunculus Plegmund Koko Capt. Renault Abiezer_Coppe
• koko (what a coincidence) gomichild mothninja lara pleggers quidders kitfisto-ers pallas athena middleclasstool tracicle medusa jb dreadnought layne alnedra pmdboi TUM capt renault beeswacky space kitty nickdanger roryk xenmate verbminx islander flagpole bluehorse I love you all with equal contempt. Only joking! Or am I?
• Roses are Republicans Violets are Democrats! I hereby proclaim affection For the following Monkeybrats! rocket88 sugarmilktea Abiezer_Coppe HawthorneWingo Skrik Wolof path Pallas Athena Medusa bernockle Mickey Kimberly StoryBored f8xmulder surlyboi Nickdanger islander Flagpole jb
• I will sex all of you right now. With my sex organ.
• I heart Chyren--he sends me with his fantastic photos-with-captions!
• You're all fine interesting folks and I am grateful to you all* for the amusement and education that you provide. *except Chyren who doesn't send me his fantastic photos-with-captions
• Oh, and cheer up, muteboy. It'll get better.
• i have a crush on you. yes, you.
• Thanks but I just wanna be friends.
• I feel no need to be coy. let's see...who are my munkeyluvs of the moment? nunia TUM mothninja are some of the girlmunks that I luvz all my boy monkeycrushes have existed for a while (you know who you are pete MCT kit I could go on...) and of course, my love springs eternal (much like everyone else's, apparently) for that lil fucker, The Quidnunc Kid. come on quiddy, have my lovechild :D
• Okay, I'll spill the beans. I have a secret simian crush on Capt. Renault. There, I said it! HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
• Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #0000FF, All my base are belong to you.
• eh, haven't had a valentine in 37 years, why start now. Y'all mean more to me than my spleen tho.
• Happy Valentine's Day! viewing the above post constitutes agreement of the following: this comment does not in any way promote or endorse the totally made-up holiday of "Valentine's Day" nor does it imply due process for $3.49 cards with Snoopy on them although it is likely that one was purchased just because. Taxes and fees may apply, offer not valid in any state except denial, check with your doctor before beginning any program of self-aggrandization and just be you baby, you big lug ya, who's the greatest? Hah? Yeahhh you are okay then.
• Who's this anonogirlmonkey I'm gonna have to fight for Capt. Renault? I still have dreams of a double date with Kit and the Cap. There, I said it.
• *sniff*
• I saw this yesterday and it gave me a laugh: May those who love us,    Love us. And those who don't love us, May God turn their hearts. And if he doesn't turn    their hearts, May he turn their ankles. So we will know them by    their limping.
• *gives TenaciousPettle a hug*
• Lara, can I watch???
• Kinky!
• You and me both, Larababy, yyou and me both...
• giggle!
• I still dream of being able to suck myself off. When I can do that, I'll be my Valentine.
• I'll be your Valentine, Skrik. Just let me find some gloves...
• Oh -- and a special Double Valentine for Pallas Athena and Speedlime. That means we have to do it together.
• I'll get some practice with Kit and Lara first, work out the kinks. Unless you like the kinks... Please tell me you like the kinks.
• This one goes out to all the lurkers: Roses are red Violets are blue You can see me But I can't see you
• I loves everyone! *runs around, madly kissing everyone* *wipes monitor in disgust*
• Mandyman. Too bad if you're not around anymore. You seem just like the intelligent, beautiful woman I've been chasing all my life. Medusa. Hottest monkey around. The Underpants Monster. More fun than pants full of monkeys. Gomichild. Makeup or not, you're beautiful, girl. And to all the rest of witty, hairy, raucous primates on this place. Ah, except Quid, Kit and the Capt. I hate those three stinky apes.
• First business -- Monkey Valentines for members departed, in the hopes that they can be drawn back by the promise of Hot Monkey Lovin'... moneyjane Fes Neddy Others momentarily forgotten, but not unloved Second business -- Monkey Valentines for members male, in the strictest of Platonicity... Quiddy Pleggy Squiddy roryk the Very Multiple Petes Best Northern Exposed Rocket Dreadnought the Tool fuyugare fimbulvetr Third business -- Monkey Valentines for the members fairer, in the hopes of gettin' it AWN rumpy-pumpy-like... Koko Space Kitty Medusa Mothy TUM Lara Mickey livii Nunia, Nunia, Nunia kimberly jb Gomi Gomi's Docs Fourth business -- Monkey Valentines for members superior... #1 Fifth Business -- a novel by Robertson Davies... Kit. Dear, dear kit. Me love you long time -- now come on over, and give Daddy some sugar! And a supernumerary Valentine's for fish tick, whom I have no idea how to sex. But I'm sure I can, given the chance. Oh, please, give me the chance... I swear, it won't be THAT bad!
• Is it wrong for me to be adding myself onto these lists?
• Sending one out to Gomi and her super-snazzy go-go boots. I could pledge my life to keeping them sparkling white and clean.
• I look very sexy in my red lace maternity undies. Just, you know, sayin.'
• Creepy valentines. Offered supernumerarically. And no, Capt, you can't. Bleh.
• I will sex hillbillyswamp right now. With quidnunc's sex organ.
• You've done quite enough damage with your own organ, young man!
• yeah, watch out hillbillyswamp or MCT might make you double pregnant!
• *puts on sleezy red lace teddy and 5-inch heels, sprays perfume, picks up umbrella, prepares to rub up against thread **stops suddenly **goes back, inserts false teeth Me love you long time, Monkeys!
• Aw shucks, Captain, yer makin' me blush! I dunno about PA, though, she's pretty shameless. And yes, I like the kinks-- so leave some Kit for me, eh? *evil grin*
• *has a minor Harold and Maude moment*
• um, koko, koko, koko, koko and simian xx, simian xx. and the rest of them gomichild, pallas athena, tenaciouspettle, nunia, lara, mothninja, alnedra, mickey, bluehorse, middleclasstool, dxlifer, fishtick, darling kitfisto, medusa, capt renault, chy, tracicle, petes bests, nickdanger, meredithea, abiezer_coppe, rocket88, beeswacky, islander, homunculus, sugramilktea, TUM, sexyrobot, flagpole, layne-lady-layne, storeybored, [mr]chip and koko.
• yeah yeah!! what she said :D
• *puts on Docs and runs around the MoFi handing out red roses*
• Please don't disappoint me, nunia. Bring it on, oddly-colored mystery monkey boy. I have what you need right here. *snaps whip* Nunia, Nunia, Nunia Yes, all three of us are working overtime to bring you to your knees all for the benefit of science. Lemming see here... I'd like to give a shout-out to all my girls in the hizz-ouse: (in no particular order)

  • Medusa...my NorCal Sistah. Feel the lerve!
  • TUM...the best set of panties on the block.
  • Gomi...who, for whatever reason, lusts after men with zero body fat.
  • Lara...who I would vote off the island on Survivor, because she'd kick my ass with her cool moves and take all the money and the clothing endorsements.
  • Melinika...who haunts the dark halls of the mofi all spooky-like.
  • Pallas Athena...who seems to have more class than I can detect with my available technology.
  • GramMa...who seems to turn everything I say into taglines.
  • Where are you, Neddy?
  • Koko...a ball of nails with a sweet candy coating.
  • Fish Tick...who subtly reminds us to behave.
  • Mothninja...whose secret death grip is a warm hug.

  To all the men I've loved before...

  • The Capt...who I would so hunt down like a dog and beat into submission if I were a single lass. My money's on Lara.
  • Quid...who is far too good looking that I am blinded for several hours after seeing his image. But do not be fooled by his physical endowments. I have it on good authority that he is responsible for the civil unrest in the guinea pig factions of Peru.
  • Roryk...because he's just fucking cool, that's why.
  • My Lord Sludge...who made me LOL so hard once that I farted. Yes, really.
  • The Petes_Best...who I suspect all work for a bomb unit somewhere, due to their ability to diffuse many tense moments with fantastic bathroom humor.
  • Bone...who welcomed me with open arms (we need to do lunch, dude).
  • Damn, I miss Chyren.
  • Homunculus...who plucks the wheat from the chaff so I don't need to.
  • SMT...because he reminds me of the kid who lived next door to me when I was growing up. I used to kick that kid's ass, but he was grateful for the physical contact. I'm sure now you see the connection.
  • Skrik...because I'm neck-deep in his personal drama, and I can't wait to see what happens next.
  • ...and that Ralph guy who looks like an unwashed puppet. The teacher made me give him a Valentine because it's the "nice thing to do." Whatever. He keeps putting gum in my hair.

  And the mighty Tracicle, without whom I would not know these lovely primate freaks. If I missed anyone, it's because I didn't get your payment this month.
• Wow, thanks to folkses for the Valentines, I would never have expected it! *Sincere sniff* (Y'all know I am a guy with an accidentally gender-ambiguous nick, right? And that I ain't gonna spread for no roses? However, I am a total slut for tulips.) My crushes know who they are... they have court documents to prove it!
• Of course, Tracicle gets the biggest smooches and love of all, for letting us play in her backyard!
• **looks forward to doin' it with the Capt. and speedlime** ... by "do it" you meant "get pizza," right? Right...?
• And big huge embarassing amounts of monkey-love to everyone, and I mean EVERYONE. Your voices light up my internets.
• OOOOK!
• MonkeyFilter: turn everything I say into taglines MonkeyCupidFilter: I have therefore concluded there is no love left in the world. Snuggly pandas all round! I love you all with equal contempt. I will sex all of you right now. I feel no need to be coy. Come on quiddy, have my lovechild Kinky! I still dream of being able to suck myself off. Please tell me you like the kinks. ...the promise of Hot Monkey Lovin'... I swear, it won't be THAT bad! Bring it on, oddly-colored mystery monkey boy.
• I feel oddly asexual reading some of these comments. Have I declared my undying crush on sexyrobot lately? I should also probably say something here about the fabulous and eternally-patient #2, without whom none of you would have no crushes on none of youse others.
• Love you all. all at once, c'mon it'll be fun Extra love for tracicle and #2 for the site
• *sidles in like the prodigal cat* Much much love to all monkeys, especially our 'Bashi and #2.
• squee!
• Look, I'm totally up for kinky, lacy maternity pants sex with all of you. OK? Let's do it till it squeaks!
• Hi Neddy!!
• Monkeyfilter: offer not valid in any state except denial
• 
• 
• I used to kick that kid's ass, but he was grateful for the physical contact. I'm sure now you see the connection. I see the light. *drops to knees* Likewise, you remind me of the girl who's grandparents lived across the street from mine when I was a little guy. She liked to hit/pinch/bite me, but one time she took me out back behind the house and showed me her fuzzy peach [well, that's what she called it anyways].
• /faints
• Clear violation of the I'll-show-you-mine-if-you-show-me-yours protocol. Did you squeal on her?
• No squealing. I was dumbfounded for a few days. Have never been able to break the connection between fruit... ahh, never mind! *flees thread*
• *hands out hugs and lovely chocolate cookies all around*
• My next sock puppet account will be "Fuzzy Peach".
• MonkeyFilter: I'm totally up for kinky, lacy maternity pants sex I totally lubs you, ya buncha preverts.
• *hands GranMa a red construction paper and doily Valentine smeared with errant paste stains, runs out of room embarrassed*
• Monkeyfilter: that's what she called it anyways And thanks all monkeys for the intertubery shows of affection
• Hearts all.
• Awwww, I have a secret admirer. That's cute. (As opposed to my stalker. Which isn't cute.)
• I made you a vaneltime too, Gramma, but I ate it. Paste is good.
• Mmmmmmmm, paste! Glad everyone had a chance for something sweet and sticky this Valentine's day!
• Well...sticky, anyway.
• Awww all this monkey lovin' and caring...
• Awwwwwwww!
• Mmmmmm, tasty bits!
• Roses are red Violets are blue This lame-o Valentine Goes to you and you and you. Not you.
• Roses are two five five, three, six two Violets are one three eight, four three, two two six But between me and you It's easier in hex. Roses = #FF033E Violets = #8A2BE2 If you're ∂ to me I'll ∩ with you
• #FF033E? What is this, equivocation? #FF0000, surely?
• Special valentine's wishes to all- except the guys- 'cause I'M NOT GAY! I wouldn't want to single any of the ladies out for fear of offending but I will say that there is a special place in my heart for Tracicle who ROCKS! You other ladies rock too, but Mrs. Kamus reads MofI once in a while and let's just say, I haven't saved up enough for the scrotum re-attachment surgery- OK?
• MoFi has the best gals. Virtual roses to all of you.
• > #FF033E? What is this, equivocation? It's defined as "American Rose"
• Violets are violet, Roses are yellow, Hugs to the ladies, Big kiss to the fellows.
• Happy Valentine's Day! Mr. meredithea gave me a bunch of chocolate covered strawberries. If you were here I'd give you one! (ha HA!) Bit sugared up and caffeinated...
• I want to fuck each and every one of you.
• SMOOCHES
• Happy Valentine's Day to you all from the bottom of my bitter, lonely heart! /sneaks up on meredithea and steals a strawberry
• Mofi's are the nicest, You're better than most. I just wish your writing Used a little more ghost.
• You've done it now...
• MonkeyFilter: I haven't saved up enough for the scrotum re-attachment surgery Ahhhhhhhh, the Filter. You never disappoint. T
• Roses are red, I like violets the most, dammit RtD The BOOK IS THE GHOST.
• *blows kisses to kamus*
• *throws Valentines liberally around the filter*
• Bashi, that was the best vaneltimes poeme ever!
• *late valentine-style love to all*