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September 15, 2006

Curious George: What the hey? No link, just following instructions. Deer in the headlights, etc.

So my daughter had a homework assignment that has me perplexed. Oh, and it doesn't matter if we see your guesses -- we already blew it. But I'm still scratching my head -- what did I miss? The way I'm wording it is massively non-PC, but it's her recount of the teacher's narrative:

People in India wanted a bathroom, and they called the Peace Corps and they asked if a plumber could come out to build them a bathroom. And so two months passed and the Peace Corps person comes to build them a bathroom. They greeted the man and took him to the village.

He had to wait a couple weeks, because he wanted to get used to the village and work with the locals. Then, he built the bathrooms, men and womens, and taught everyone how to use and clean them properly, and they understood. The elders told the man they would sign the approval papers now, but he said to wait until his assignment was up and then he explored India. 6 months passed and he told the elders he was ready to sign the papers.

But the elders said no, because the women and children were no longer using the bathrooms. They refused.

Why? That's what the question is. Apparently this teacher has some familiarity with the culture in question, but he has insisted the reason is obvious.

Subsequent info: The women found something in the "forest." My initial guess was "who has to clean these bathrooms?" I was thinking the women and kids realized they would be responsible, and quit using theirs, but I was wrong.

The children in my kid's class are supposed to use the Socratic question and answer technique to determine whether or not their hypothesis is right, but I must be stumbling right over something. It's been one of those weeks. Am I the victim of yet another thirdburban myth?

Oh man, I've heard this story before probably in a grade 11 psych class, but I don't recall the answer. Yeah, it is something quite obvious when you finally hear the answer.

Have you tried Google?

I know very, very little about Indian culture, but a quick google tells me that, in toilets there, people generally squat, don't use toilet paper, and wash themselves with water after using the toilet. Most toilets are cleaned by spraying down with water which runs into a drain in one corner of the room.

Obviously it's relevant that the men are still using the toilets. Why? Because they stand up to pee?

So are these bathroom bathrooms, or toilet bathrooms?

Can you just clarify that by "bathroom" you mean a latrine with flush toilets? As opposed to, say, a shower block for people to wash themselves in?

What were they using before the bathrooms came?

And is this puzzle specific to Indian culture, or could it be about water-closets being introduced to any culture?

It's interesting that the kids quit, along with the women, which rules out some menstruation-related taboo, I think.

Were the lines too long for the women?

My first thought was they filled the bogs up, thus declined to use them further, but cynnbad says they were taught how to use & clean them properly, & they grokked. So they presumably understood that they had to flush them after use.

I am not used to this kind of puzzle, I never encountered this stuff at highschool.

Of course the reason is obvious: they stopped using the restroom to piss off parents of high-school kids who would some day try to intuit their reasons for not using the restroom.

Duh.

All the time the dude wastes at the beginning of the story can't possibly be irrelevant, though I don't know how it ties in with finding something in the forest.

Did the septic tank back up in the forest?

The women found something in the "forest."

No toilet paper. Men are really fucking filthy bastards.

No, dued. Nudie books. haven't you ever found the cache of nudie mags in the woods? Fucking world-wide phenomenon.

just who the fuck leaves those things out there, anyway?

I, personally, would like to thank that person who stashed their Penthouse magazines in the woods for our boy scout troop to discover. Such a treasured memory.

And no, I don't know what the answer is. I used to get off on logic puzzles like this, but then I discovered all those Penthouses. Now, I just think those puzzles and lame and/or annoying.

just who the fuck leaves those things out there, anyway?

Porgnomes!

hang on, hang on, we're derailing. Monkeybashi says we have to stop doing it.

But... I just invented a word.

Aw, fuck it, all right.

Porgnomes are daid,
Poor Porgnomes are daid,
The woods are now too peaceful and serene,
They're all laid out to rest
With some shots of naked breasts,
Our magazines have never been so clean!

The Tracicraken didn't say we should stay on topic, she said RRAAAWWW! as she ripped another poor sailor limb-from-limb, and then sank again beneath the dark ocean waves, making for her cavernous underwater liar from which she will rise again like an unholy terror to obliterate those puny mortals who dare to oppose her thassalocracy, and no self-linking. But why you think we should take instructions from a giant ten-limbed sea monster I'll never understand.

OK back to the puzzle. All of those months and weeks of waiting must be a clue...so I'm guessing that after all those months winter came (I know India is hot, but maybe the village is in the mountains?) and the porcelain toilets were too cold to sit on?

Don't make me fucking google it. I will be so pissed.

Is "forest" in quotes for a reason? Kelly DeForrest?

"Dammit Jim this is a forest not a fucking toilet!"

/angry_bug-eyed_glare

Because the women and children saw a tiger in the forest and were scared shitless?

I tried googling this at 3:30 am when I woke up in the middle of the night. No joy, but then I was half awake.

So, using the Socratic method involves asking questions. Here are mine:

What is different between the men and women/children? My one thought was something to do with the one teaching them how to do it being the same sex as the ones who kept using the bathrooms.

Next question, "Why would a man teaching them make a difference?" I got stopped on that one.

So I went on to another line of questions. "What is alike between the women and children?" They're probably all using the same bathroom, both boy and girl children, as the women, but I got stumped there.

Next was "Why are there papers that have to be signed, and it's important enough for the narrator to mention?" (Also, I don't get why the first part says the elders were to sign, but then it says the installer came back in six months and he was ready to sign.) I had nothing there either.

Then I went back to sleep.

Maybe if we all put out our questions, it'll jog another monkey's train of thought.

(P.S. How old are these kids? Would the teacher expect them to think of something to do with anatomy, like men have a penis and pee differently, or women menstruate, or would that be too young for them? Thinking along the lines of which questions are totally irrelevant.)

Make that too old for them. Didn't get enough sleep last night.

We're assuming that the women and the children stopped using the toilets for the same reason. This is not necessarily the case.

The children stopped using them because they're dirty little fuckers who like nothing better than to poop and pee in a field or forest. I have several young nephews and nieces, and whenever they get into a wide open space, out comes the waste. It's disturbing.

The women stopped because of the thing they found in the forest. This is, naturally, the legendary Bidet of Vishnu, which was so much better than the toilets this lazy-ass tourist knocked together that they decided, yo, fuck that.

The men still use them because it's closer to their houses and they can't be arsed to walk into the forest. You're lucky they're not just hanging it out the window anymore.

***

Seriously, though, maybe the question should be "Why are the men STILL using the toilets?"

We're assuming that the women and the children stopped using the toilets for the same reason. This is not necessarily the case.

The children stopped using them because they're dirty little fuckers who like nothing better than to poop and pee in a field or forest. I have several young nephews and nieces, and whenever they get into a wide open space, out comes the waste. It's disturbing.

The women stopped because of the thing they found in the forest. This is, naturally, the legendary Bidet of Vishnu, which was so much better than the toilets this lazy-ass tourist knocked together that they decided, yo, fuck that.

The men still use them because it's closer to their houses and they can't be arsed to walk into the forest. You're lucky they're not just hanging it out the window anymore.

***

Seriously, though, maybe the question should be "Why are the men STILL using the toilets?"

Double post wahey! Haven't done one of those in AGES. Urf.

Also, why is it significant that he waited a couple weeks to get used to the village? Or did the author throw a bunch of useless information in there to throw us off the track?

Holy impossible-to-Google, Batman! My google-fu fails me on this. "Socratic method Indian bathrooms peace corps problem" gets me the sweet f.a.

Just asked two of my colleagues from India, they both replied the same, "why do they need to approve it?" Hmmmm....

The women and childre, while walking in the forest, found the builder's abandoned copy of The American Buliding Contractor's Manual, or, How to Use Cheap Substandard Plumbing Equipment Instead of the Expensive Stuff You Wrote on the Invoice and Pocket the Difference in Your Tax-free Offshore Account.

It's entirely possible that the teacher is using specific wording to allow the students to solve the puzzle, if you are simply recounting the story to us, it may be impossbible to solve, if indeed the teacher was reading from a script.

And, Porgnomes is the funniest thing I have heard in a good while.

I've tried googling 100 different ways. Bah.

Another craptacular post!

Perhaps they are sitzpinklers on principle, like the Germans.

"the teacher is using specific wording to allow the students to solve the puzzle, if you are simply recounting the story to us, it may be impossbible to solve.."

Very insightful. Particularly since (no offence, cynn) cynnbad can be a bit of a word-salad master. Also smelly.

It's true, it's like this particular Googlequest has gone down a bathroom hole in an Indian forest without approval.

Very frustrating.

Puzzles with simple, obvious answers, that I cann't simply and obviously ascertain, piss me off.

"There are snakes in the motherfucken toilets!"

I've googled about Indian culture and hygeine 18 different ways, but the obvious thing isn't. And what's in the forest? Waste? Tigers? Shade? I did notice that all the time spent in the story gets pretty close to 9 months....

I did run across an article about the history of toilet hygeine in India, something I never thought I'd be reading when I got up this morning.

I'm sure people are wondering about the variety of search terms we're all using to find their websites today. "Toilets and Village and Socratic Method" has got to raise a few eyebrows.

By the way, Socratic Method involves a little bit of direction in the questioning session. Where the heck is cynnbad?

Methinks India-specific stuff is a red herring. If the answer is "simple" and "obvious," that implies no special knowledge needed.

It still astonishes me that people crap and piss into perfectly clean water.
But I’d have to say it’s the social component. Given that the toilets are labeled ‘men’ and ‘women’ where do the kids go? Women do most of the child rearing. (A woman wouldn’t go into a men’s bathroom with a boy child, nor bring him into a women’s bathroom - cultural dilemma.)
Bodily functions are more public however in many other cultures - so there’s your solution. You don’t need to go into the bathroom to fufill those functions. So they found a ditch or maybe a stream nearby and simply went there.

/your dilemma reminds me of the joke with the kid who came home from school because he got in trouble in math class and his dad asked him why and the kid said “because the teacher asked me what 9x5 is” and the father said “what the hell did you say?” and the kid said “45, but then she asked me what 5x9 is” and the father said “well, what’s the fucking difference?” and the kid said: “yeah, that’s what I said.”

He didn't build children's facilities so they go out to the woods chaperoned by their mothers, who just do their thing out there?

I suspect there's a lot of arbitrary stuff(The time it takes for the guy to get there and build the toilets, etc) and the Indian cultural thing feels like a red herring to me too.

BTW, any teacher who doesn't bloody explain to his students why they got the damn question wrong isn't worth two spits and a tit.

Ghosts?

Oh, and it doesn't matter if we see your guesses -- we already blew it

This would have been the best Curious George ever if cnnisbad said: "Oh BTW, I don't wanna see your answers":

Curious George: WTF? - wait don't answer that

Curious George: 5

The answer is 5.

Actually, lll has a good guess. Maybe he showed the men and women, didn't show children?

This is driving me bonkers.

The big problem here is that cynnbad has apparently actually managed to successfully reproduce. This is very frightening for our species at large, and the reality of the situation probably has the whole Third World backed-up and looking for the big packet of Ex-Lax in ex post facto panic.

A possible red herring: it doesn't actually say that the men were still using the bathrooms. Also, would the onset (or cessation) of the monsoon season be relevant?

Maybe all the men died of dysentery. Or kidney failre from holding it too long.

Maybe there WERE no more women and children.

WHA-OOOOoooOOOooOOOooOOOOOooooh! Think that's scary, kids?

Mothra takes as well as giveth.

maybe he was just the plumber, now they need a carpenter to build around the toilet.

Maybe he forgot the toilet paper. (men use their hands)

Maybe someone covered the toilet in cellophane.

"There are snakes in the motherfucken toilets!"

Late, but I declare glammajamma the winner.

Also, somebody said something that got me thinking--okay, so the toilets say "men" and "women," so the kids can't go, cuz there's none that says "kids." And the women don't like peeing or pooping to an audience, and "women" implies plural poopage and pissage. So they're out. Men don't care, as you can always find two or three guys pissing in the crik simulatenously, at least where I live.

If those guys don't leave my house soon, I'm totally calling the cops.

The answer has to have something to do with a basic cultural misunderstanding of the use of toilets--the villagers didn't have them before, so they've somehow got the wrong idea about how they work. We're supposed to try to look at the toilet like we've never seen one before and understand how strange it could be to someone used to vacating a different way.

Gah! Can't step outside own head/culture. Failure as a human being!

Maybe the answer is just, "Cuz the toilets stink."

the villagers didn't have them before, so they've somehow got the wrong idea about how they work.

Nope. Read the text again. He shows them how to use and clean the bathrooms.

MonkeyFilter: implies plural poopage and pissage

What the fuck, mct? All you can be is a fucking naysayer? Come in here and pull people down who are actually trying to help fucking SOLVE a problem instead of just sitting on our corn-chip fed haunches and pointing out the perceived shortcomings of others? Huh? Is that it? Is that how you get your jollies? Well try this mystery on for size, tough guy: what has two thumbs and a t-shirt that says "MCT is a Tool of an Even Bigger Sort Than His Name Would Lead You to Believe"? Huh? Figure that one out, can you? Huh? Big shot? Huh?

The word "forest" is in quotes, implying that it's not literally referring to a forest. It's a euphamism for vagina. Obviously.

*lounges upon Throne of Smug Condescension"

1) there has to be something more to the "oh the women found soemthing in the forest"

2) if they are supposed to answer the question by using the Socratic method, then perhaps there is no real answer and maybe the test is who can come up with the BEST answer. Part of teh socratic method is asking each other questions and attempting to find contradictions in teh other person's argument. So the person who has the best -- not necessarilly the correct -- reasoning wins.

I assumed "Socratic Method" was being used very loosely to mean "ask questions to get the info you need."

In which case we really need your kid's teacher in here, cynnbad.

Ooh Ooh!! What's in the forest? Monkeys. Obviously the women realized that the monkeys did their stuff au naturel, and since there is a common ancestor, why should they act differently? The men, on the other hand, are all creationists who didn't clean the toilets, and expected those evolutionist women to do it instead.

** I originally was going somewhere with that, but clearly got lost. **

"The elders told the man they would sign the approval papers now, but he said to wait until his assignment was up and then he explored India. 6 months passed and he told the elders he was ready to sign the papers. But the elders said no, because the women and children were no longer using the bathrooms. They refused."

..he said to wait until his assignment was up and then he explored India."

What was his assignment?
His assignment was to build a bathroom.

He had not completed his assignment (building the bathrooms) so the women and children refused to use it/the bathrooms, which may have been adequate (though unfinished) for the men to use, but not for the women and children.





jeraboam, are you saying his assignment was in their butts?

Porgnomes

Porg = 'Persons of Restricted Growth' - To whit, Gnomes!



"Butts" notwithstanding! ;-)
Gluteus Maximus. Large water containers?
Butt-ocks(en). Either/or?

...what's this about 'headlights'?

cynnbad, you ARE going to post the answer here when your kid comes home with it, right? Because otherwise we'd have to get snippy.

It is imperative that this NOT be posted on metatalk. If it is and those smart asses come up with the answer I'll be really pissed.

(next Monday at school)
"Man I am sorry guys, I completely forgot a crucial portion of that riddle...."

My answer:
He built urinals.
The women got tired of trying to sit on them, and the kids were too short.

The story is full of red-herrings.

*casts vote for Zanshin*

I, too, vote for Zanshin's answer.

My only hesitation is that the OP claims he taught "everyone" how to use the bathrooms. If this an accurate report, then it doesn't quite work well. However, it's possible the teacher didn't say this exactly.

Thats it! No real world re-enactments. Without some hands on practical exercises the book learning failed them.

Why would he build just urinals?

'cause only women poop? (Cue Alice Cooper).

There is no spoon.

No men bury their feces so they cant be tracked by the Jabberwocky!

'cause only women poop? (Cue Alice Cooper).

Curse you.

If it were true, there wouldn't be a shirt that says they don't.

He only built urinals because he's a man. Dammit, I don't know. I DON'T KNOW!

This is beyond beautiful, guys. Signed releases notwithstanding, this post has now become part of the suggested curriculum of the Denver Public School System. And oh, yes, this is teh education. Thanks!

I am a girl, and I poop!

/proud pooper, dammit!

Cynnbad, if you don't cough up the answer and quickly, I swear to whatever god you find holy, I will come to your house and coat you and it, your kids, your cat, and every possession you own with a smooth even coat of the hottest, smelliest curry I can find.

You will not like it.

A cobra. They found a cobra hanging out in the women's dunny.

Hey look, it's obvious that I'm right. So, just give me the prize now -- I'll take it in cash please.

Oh, and can I put this on my resume?

Seeing as the instructor was a man he probably forgot to remind the men to put the bloody toilet seats down after they'd used them and the women and children got sick of it.

You have no idea how much time I spent on Google last night (about 24 hours ago) trying to find the answer. I had threads like "India toilet village elders women children lateral thinking" and STILL was getting too many hits and nothing that even sounded close to the answer.

But I think the urinals thing sounds good.

(Mmm, urine! Wait, does the urinal hypothesis address The Thing the women found in The Forest?)

Wait a second second:

But the elders said no, because the women and children were no longer using the bathrooms. They refused.

Why? That's what the question is.


So is the question "Why, given that the women and children were no longer using the bathrooms, have the elders decided not to sign the papers?" or is the question what it appeared to be to begin with? ("Why did the women and children stop using the bathrooms?") "They refused" in this instance could refer to EITHER the women and children re the bathrooms or the elders re the papers (why would they refuse to sign based on the actions of the women and children?)

I'm not saying it's not what it's appeared to be, just that cynnbad's wording actually leaves that open to question.

Also, nowhere in this story does it explain why it is important that elders sign some papers re toilets that have already been built, esp given that the toilets seem to be provided by charity. Is the Peace Corps really concerned that they're satisfied with the toilets? Are there consequences for the builder if there aren't? And when is this story set, that there are no plumbers in India that do not have to be provided by the Peace Corps? =/

This is starting to read like a script for one of those "the whole town is paranoid" episodes of The Twilight Zone.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

verbminx might be on to something there - why do they need someone from the Peace Corps to build their toilet? Why not a common-or-garden charity, if they really can't build toilets themselves? Is there a war on?

I am a girl, and I poop!

Yeah, but I wish you would flush afterward. Sheesh!

*holds nose, lowers handle*

I'm thinking what they found in the forest is the outlet sewage pipe.

women can use urinals

What they found in the forest was a golden toilet. It was made of the purest of all gold and the handle was encrusted withn the finest diamonds known to man. Once their asses touched the golden toilet nothing else could match that feeling.

This, my freinds, is the reason they refuse to use ordinary toilets.

I want to make it known that this has been now driving me mad for nearly 48 hours. I think it's high time cynnbad gave us the name and address of this teacher. I can be on a plane to anywhere in the US in less than 24 hours. I'll find him, make him talk by any means possible, and then maybe sleep.

Oh, and maybe they found out in the forest that the trees were being cut down to make toilet paper. As Tracicle pointed out, men don't always use paper, so maybe the men didn't care?

Of course, if nobody uses paper and they use water and hands, that's not it. Unless this Peace Corps dude made them use western style toilets and paper.

Damn!

The bidet scared the crap out of them!


scares the crap out of me

I wikipediad bidet, because I didn't know if I was spelling it right, and I got this:

"Although using a bidet may include touching the genitalia and the anus with the hands..."

sorry not that!
This:
"These bidet-cum-toilets are becoming increasingly popular in countries like India, where use of just dry toilet paper to clean the perianal area is considered dirty and unhygenic; however, the nozzle is controlled with an external tap within the reach of the hand. Traditionally, local style squatting toilets have been more common in India and are more convenient to most Indians, especially of the lower generation. But with the rise of westernization, western style pots have started becoming more common, and the most convenient way to wash the perianal area with these pots is simply to attach a bidet nozzle."

Is it a clue?!?
where are those meddling kids when you need them. Velma would have figured this shit out a while ago!

No definitive answer, but evidently this is a "coming of age" question that is posed to these seventh graders every year. The older students are sworn to secrecy, and secret it is. My daughter is mortified that I have posted this; you all are outside the circle of trust, I suppose. I say screw it; ask me to help with homework, and all bets are off.

First thing I do once you get this answer, cynnbad, is googlebomb to this thread so that future generations of seventh-graders and their parents aren't forced into this cruel mental torture.

It's probably some sort of bathroom koan.

This may be relevant: maybe it's one of those things where you're supposed to assume gender when it's not mentioned. I'm wondering if the 'elders' are all women, and the village consists solely of women and children. Perhaps all the men are dead and neatly stacked in the forest?

fish tick, that may be so... but would it be relevant to the answer and why the women and children won't use the toilets? i don't think it would be, but maybe i'm missing something.

they like to poop on the bodies of the dead men in the forest?

No definitive answer, but evidently this is a "coming of age" question...

It's about mentruation?


Actually, this damn riddle's messed my brain up so much that that could be a plausible explanation.

108 comments and none of them is the answer? Ok, from now on, I'm skipping to the end of the thread first.

I suspect that the story has lost something or been somehow garbled on its way from the classroom to MoFi and it is not possible to infer the correct answer from the narration as presented.
The women and children are party poopers.

Maybe there aren't any men because they've all gone off to fight in whatever conflict the Peace Corps dude is there for? Still not sure why that's relevant to toilets though...

The women and children are party poopers.

islander has it. Obviously, for women and children in this culture, defecation is a collective festivity only possible out in the forest, not cooped up in the white mans's prissy cubicles.

The older students are sworn to secrecy, and secret it is.

I will find those fuckers and beat the answer out of them. Names and addresses, please.

*rallies behind mct*

The answer to this problem is obviously a good ass beating.

... for the sadistic teacher who likes to do this to his students, their families, and the internet communities thereof. ;)

WITCH HUNT!

ps - six.oh.six is holding out on us ("Oh man, I've heard this story before probably in a grade 11 psych class, but I don't recall the answer.") - sodium pentathol as a memory jog?

(I am really joking. No monkeys or the teachers of monkeys' children were harmed in the making of this post. I'd just reaaaaally like to know the answer!)

No definitive answer, but evidently this is a "coming of age" question that is posed to these seventh graders every year. The older students are sworn to secrecy, and secret it is.

Are you fucking kidding me? Pay one of them a dollar, for shit's sake.

Sworn to secrecy. As if.

Thats it brother, someone is gettin an ass whooooopin.

OK, Cynnbad. You win. Whatever mindgame you're trying to pull, you win. I, for one, give up.

You can post the answer or not. I no longer really give a damn either way. I'll check back one last time to see if you've posted it.

If not, never again. If so, yay and all - we've got the answer.

Enjoy your week.

Dude. It's only Monday.

After-school miracles don't happen on the weekend.

Did . . . did that post just say "cum toilet"??

*shakes head, stares at coffee*

But the elders said no, because the women and children were no longer using the bathrooms. They refused.

Why? That's what the question is.Why did they refuse to sign the papers?



Well, because the women and children stopped using the restrooms.

Holy hell, I think I did it.

The question is not "why did they stop using the toilets", it's why did they refuse to sign.

Wait...holy shit, I think monkeyhumper may be right.

The word "toilet" never appears in the question. The pace corps dude built bathrooms...it doesn't say he installed toilets.

Dances, flings poo, EEP EEP EEP!

Ok, rocket. Let me edit my post to say:

The question is not "why did they stop using the BATHROOMS", it's why did they refuse to sign.

Sorry for the GIGANTIC slip. I hope this generation and the next can overcome the shame and humiliation that I used the word "toilets" to describe the entire restroom. Er...bathroom. BATHROOM.

Why did they refuse to sign the papers?

That phrase also doesn't appear in the original post.
If it's some kind of trick question based on the wording and phrasing of the problem, then we'll never get it based on the sketchy second or third-hand re-telling that cynnbad provided.

I didn't point out the 'toilet' thing to slam your answer...it was an unrelated stab at a solution.

*pretends not to be interested in the solution to the stupid thing anyway*

Don't try to fix it now, Rocket. I've already been taken out of my parents will and my wife is on the verge of divorce. The divorce thing is PROBABLY your fault. Thanks a lot.


::cue sounds of me weeping::

[q] Why? That's what the question is. Why did they refuse to sign the papers? [a] Well, because the women and children stopped using the restrooms.

If that's the "answer," I think beatings are the least of what is deserved.

So we are agreed the teacher will be drawn and quartered?
Why do I assume this teacher is a dude?

/sounds of loud boos & raspberries from the Antipodes

glama: (from intro) but he has insisted the reason is obvious.

Izza dood.

Nice conspiracy against me you have built up nunia.

*adds nunia's name to list*

Bastinado all 'round for the teacher and the silent, complicit former students.

My seventh-grade science teacher used to pull the "How Long is a Chinese Man" riddle on new students every year.

"How Long is a Chinese Man"
10 centimeters

it's pretty obvious: the women and children found better bathrooms in the forest. ones with toilets that wash and dry and talc you when you're done. these better bathrooms were a gift from an advanced civilization.

or they found the end of the effluent pipe.
or they found the webcam monitoring station the plumber had installed.

10 centimeters
Ouch!

All things are coming together. Pretty soon toilets, string theory and quantum physics will reveal the nature of bowel movements in India.


*adds nunia's name to list*


*hopes this means she can get past the bouncer now*

monkeyhumper, i had the same idea. As cynnbad posted it, the question is very vaguely worded. We don't know what "why?" refers to.

But even if the simple question is "Why did the elders refuse to sign the paper?" - we've already been told the "because," and it doesn't explain anything (why would they refuse to sign the papers on that basis?) - it doesn't take into account the extra clues about the forest and coming-of-age. So I think even if that were actually the question, there would be an answer for the answer: "Why? Because the women and children stopped using the toilets, because _____________."

But we may never be able to get this without the firsthand version.

Has anything like this ever appeared on Grey Labyrinth?

OK, I'm warming up the Monkeymobile. We're gonna find this so-called teacher. One of you get the tar and rope, somebody get the turpentine, and we'll need some sammiches.

Lots of sammiches.

I am down, as long as we have sammiches.

Knuckle sammiches?

I am right there, as long as you don't mind one double post out of ten or so. I thought today's was magnificently egregious.

Speaking as an aesthete, Wolof, your effort today was a singular affront. Bravo, my friend.

Shotgun!

well? what the fuck is the answer?

Yeah!

arr!

Come on cynnbad. Buy her some toy she wants. Take her out for ice cream. Slip a roofie in her drink. We won't ask you how you did it. Just find out what the answer is, and tell us.

Get her in an arm lock and she'll talk.

Could it be the social aspect? Guys at urinals can talk freely, but women in stalls less so. But if the women meet in the forest, they can chat.

Or maybe there's something here?

What?

Guys talk at urinals? When did this start? How can this movement be crushed?

Heh. "Movement."

I said they could. Maybe somewhere on the planet they do.

There's no answer. It's almost certainly a farty little grammatical trick, along the same lines as the hoary old chestnut "Where do they bury the survivors?" and barely sufficient to mildly amuse 7th graders. This sort of pseudo-intellectual skidmark passes for clever amongst a certain segment of the population who, very similarly, take sneering glee in responding "well, CAN you??" when children ask to go to the restroom. Which is to say, complete and utter fuckos. If I were King, these pitiful specimens would be forced to suck a buffalo's ass while, in response to the occasional lash, they'd be required to ask "Can I suck a little more buffalo ass?", to which someone would reply, "I dunno, CAN you?" at which point they'd be forced to reapply their fetid, blubbery lips back upon the buffalo's fragrant, weedy ass to continue sucking until they explode.

Long live King Fes!

You had me at pseudo-intellectual skidmark.

I think Fes is feeling stupid right now.

Overcompensate much, bitchcakes?

I told you I hated puzzles.

I'm still holding on to my urinals answer. Until someone comes up with something better, we should just accept the brilliant-simplicity I offer.
I'm sleeping at night, how about you?

Spiders*. There are spiders in the bathrooms, and all the women are arachnophobic. But in the forest, other things eat the spiders so they feel safer.

*(or substitute any other kind of little critter that might deter usage of the facility.)


Are there lights in the bathroom?
Is the facility just a hole in the ground that you squat over?
Do the village women go in pairs?

Why do you have to talk to me while I
am standing at the urinal trying to pee?
I think unspoken bathroom courtesy
demands your silence, and averted eye.

Can this not wait? What urgent piece of news
could overrule such common etiquette?
Good Lord, man, concentrate! Or else you'll wet
your shirt tail, to say nothing of your shoes.

I do not mean offense--what I mean is,
Give me some peace! Look only toward your feet.
I do not wish to speak while I excrete!
I do not talk while holding my penis!

I cannot think of any situation
In which I'd mix my piss and conversation.

Guys talk at urinals?

I always imagined guys exchanging recipes at urinals.

Recipes of urinal cakes, maybe?

MonkeyFilter: This sort of pseudo-intellectual skidmark passes for clever amongst a certain segment of the population

I'm still saying that since it was an exersize in the Socratic method, there is no way to know the answer without discussing it with soemone who already knows it. It isn't a brainteaser, but an exersize in argumentation.

Monkeyfilter: these pitiful specimens would be forced to suck a buffalo's ass while, in response to the occasional lash, they'd be required to ask "Can I suck a little more buffalo ass?", to which someone would reply, "I dunno, CAN you?" at which point they'd be forced to reapply their fetid, blubbery lips back upon the buffalo's fragrant, weedy ass to continue sucking until they explode.

*wipes a tear*

Holy crap, I got the answer! It is so obvious, and you all are way off base. I got it off a website. It is so clear after it is explained. Man it is so nice to get that off my shoulders.

*jumps on a billy goat and rides off into the sunset*


Ha Ha suckers!

I think that I shall never see
A lovelier poem about pee-pee.
In Verse's kingdom, no sonnet'll
Rival that of TenaciousPettle!

Despite your fiendish attempts, I have scfewed u[ nmy and am messed i[.

To pee or not pee, that is the question.

glammajamma, you're a big meanie. ;)

Thanks, TUM. Obviously the subject is a personal pet pee-ve.

Cynnbad...we're losing signal...repeat last message.
*frantically adjusts fine-tuning dial*

Told you so.

MonkeyFilter: I got the answer! It is so obvious, and you all are way off base. I got it off a website.

The signs on the bathroom were some of those cryptic ones that force the users to guess if they're "blorts" or "flumps"? It just became easier to go outside.

Come to think of it, are the men using the women's washroom, (the universal symbol could be interpreted as a man in front of a urinal if both men and women wore skirt-like garments), and the women can't use the urinals in the men's?

They stopped because there was a monster in there.

Confusing signage

They ran out of toilet paper.

(And ate the children.)

Oooooooh, sludgie, I think you may have someting there. The men would go through less paper than the women.

All the men were rapists and paedophiles, and used the bathrooms to ambush the women and children so the women and kids were forced to stay outside to be safe? And what the women found was the secret manual outlining the men's cunning plan?

Sorry for the messed up post. In an unrelated effort, I have managed to destroy my network, plus screw up my keyboard. That is because I am a moron, plain and simple. Never fear; I have retreated to the last place that I have not yet tried to remove Yahoo spam from: my laptop. I shall keep you posted! Looks promising -- maybe a Skull and Bones kind of rite of passage.

Incidentally, my daughter told me these other seventh graders were coming up with some really sick theories, e.g. the local police force was kidnapping and raping women and children. Here I am trying to logically come up with a simple solution, such as plumbing backups and whatnot. Sad, in a sense.

And yes, thanks jccalhoun, it appeared to be structured as a lesson in basic argument and simple logic. The formulation of straightforward questions which lead to elimination or inclusion seems to elude these kids.

Of course, the whole damn thing eluded me too, which really pisses me off. I am a victim of a pre-teen conspiracy. The answer MUST involve an I-Pod.

He played Paris Hilton's new album in the bathrooms.

It's true, the idea behind the Socratic method, is that it is a teaching tool. The first question one would ask in this story is "Why what? Why did the women and children stop using the bathroom, or why did the elders refuse to sign the paper." Of course the latter the answer is obvious where the first is not. That may be what the teacher means, but that would be retarded and would win him a suck on the previously mentioned buffalo's ass!

The Peace Corps gave the contract to a government sub-contractor. The elders wanted to sign the contract right away, because they thought the job was done. The plumber didn't want to sign, otherwise he'd have to go home immediately. If he didn't sign, he'd have an exotic vacation on someone else's dime. (Not unlike Haliburton) When he came back, the elders wouldn't sign because at least the women's bathroom didn't work anymore due to faulty work. (Not unlike Haliburton)

Have there been recriminations yet? Wake me when there's a comeuppance.

MonkeyFilter: Forcing users to guess if they're "blorts" or "flumps".

MonkeyFilter: Wake me when there's a comeuppance.

*fills pete's hand with tar and feathers, and tickles his nose*

RIP urinalpoop.org

So what is the answer? Pleeeeease...

I think we've been abandoned!

*hand*staple*forehead*

Seriously, I now have just this thread bookmarked to visit every day, just in case I miss the answer.

Well, I had almost managed to put this in the back of my mind and pretend to forget about it, with the help of a lot of alcohol and zen chanting, but now I'm back all over it.

Thanks a lot!

Maybe the women were using the men's bathroom?

If it's coming-of-age related, I assume it relates fairly directly to either the physical differences between males and females, or to sexuality, depending on the age of cynnbad's daughter.

This one's still alive? Thought it would be solved by now. No matter, here's the answer:

1. The people of this tribe breed like rabbits. Fertile women give birth to one child per year.
2. The timeable described in the plumber's story lasts just about 9 months, as I believe was already mentioned..
3. While the plumber is out of town on his little vacation, more and more of the gals are poppin' babies. The little tykes are a mess, so the stream that the women found in the forest makes for a better clean-up area. Since the moms are already out in the forest, they pee and poop in the stream, too. So do the other little tykes who are hanging around with Ma.
4. The men are out hunting. The boys who are old enough to leave Mama's side go with Dad to learn. The girls who are old enough to leave mom go get knocked-up at the big party at Steve's house, and 'round an 'round goes the circle game.

The End.

Suck a little Buffalo ass!!!!

(does that mean he agrees? does not agree? wants me to toss some buffalo salad? Help!)

It means that you should

a) Suck the ass of a little buffalo
b) Suck the ass of any buffalo, but only for a little while or in a little quantity
c) Suck the ass of Buffalo, NY, either the smaller version of the city or only in a little quantity

Whether or not he agrees is not the question.

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.

/shakes fist

I'm from Buffalo, NY. Leave my ass alone.

*shuffles off*

HOT-Chaaaa!

Was there ever an "official" answer?

Cynnbad, please don't leave us hanging!

I'll let you know as soon as I do. Something tells me I'm going to slap my head. Or it's some arcane weird thing I don't even want to know about.

It may just be time to post this to Ask Mefi. With tears and rending and ashes and stuff.

I want to stop caring about this, BUT I CAN'T!!!!

If in the unlikely event an "answer" to this comes down the pike, I will go out on a limb and predict that the primary emotion every participant in this thread feels upon learning the answer will be "disappointment," with brief periods of resentment, indignation, foolishness and a sincere, compelling desire to strangle cynnbad's kid's teacher with his own entrails.

Excuse me, can I strangle you with your own entrails, you silly-ass piece of crap?
-I dunno, CAN you?

Or we will form a lynch party to go after cynnbad, because he misrepresented the problem. Nothing personal cyn.

I plan to be vaguely peckish as well.

I feel much as my colleague glamapajama does, only with more malice and murderous rage.

*hands glama the torch and the corn knife, quid the garotte, and slips three fat homemade shells full of rock salt and wood screws into the Remington*

FRAGRANT. WEEDY. ASS.

I wonder how much it would cost to take this teacher to a small village in India and dunk his/her head into whatever the locals are using for a public restroom?

Surprise, at first. Then deep anger and resentment.

I predict that my reaction will be to say, "WTF, that is so fucking stupid" (I will actually say the letters "w, t, f", in the way that I often say "lol" when I think something is funny), and then I will begin looking for a buffalo.

A GREAT GNASHING OF TEETHS

A GREAT SHAGGING OF SHEEPS

A GREAT WAGGING OF LEEKS

A GREAT FRAGGING OF GEEKS

A GREAT SAGGING OF PEAKS

A GREAT GAGGING OF BEAKS

A GREAT BAGGING OF TEAKS!

A GRATE CLASHING OF PEEPS

INGRATE FARTING AND SQUEAKS!

A GRAPE-SMASHING WITH FEETS

A GRAVID FERRET WITH TEATS

A GREAT BUTTY WITH BEETS

A GREAT STRUTTING OF PETES

AS QUICK AS BOILED ASPARAGUS.

Quicker than greased Keats.

Fast as a cat to the teats

Quicker than ironing pleats.

Licker of ironic meats.

Hate to break the momentum, but is there a damn answer?

Hate to make a commotion, but is there a glam dancer?

Great to make a question, but is there some danger?

Hate to entertain the notion, but is Pete the Great DePantser?

Dates can make a confection, but is a jam fancier?

Once I had an erection, it made my pants pantsy-er.

The best part of this thread is the last part.

You know what would be even better than the last part of this thread?

A FUCKING ANSWER.


Aaaaaargh!

There is no answer.

And so we dance.

#42 Recrimimation Road
Toothgnash Crossing, NY

bDear Cynnbad, Jr.’s "Teacher":

Please consider this missive a formal complaint against you, yourself, your heirs and assigns,
your pets, the twinkle in your Daddy’s eye, and the school district that has shown such abysmal
judgment in hiring you.

Perhaps you have not considered the ramifications of your latest “educational” project,
specifically, the Conundrum of the Rural Indian Toilets®. Perhaps you have not considered the
thousands, nay, thousands of suffering hominids across the planet (Earth, to be precise) whose
brains you have cruelly broken against the rocks of your smug pretension to intellectualism and
your insane perversion of the Socratic method.

You, Sir or Madam, are a very, very, very, very naughty person indeed. Nuts to you. I am
sending copies of this letter to the Peace Corps, the Indian Consulate, and that nice, handsome
Pierce Brosnan fellow.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Virago Jeremiad

Mr. Bashi Von Tricycle
Editor-In-Briefs
Monkeyfilter, New Zealand

Dearest Mr. Von Tricycle:

I realize that I owe my considerable salary in large part to the adoring public, to whom I am but a humble superstar and daring thespian. However, I have been receiving continued and off-colour posts from one Mrs. V. Jeremiad Unpanterperson. These simply must stop.

While I remain a staunch defender of civil liberties and communicative freedoms, I do not find pleasant that my wife, my children, and my many courtesans have all been privy to the lewd yammerings of this writer, and as it is via your questionable business enterprise that this corrspondence commenced, I think it is you that should promptly see to it that this ribald behavior is severed with due haste.

I thank you, to my very dimpled chin.

Pierce Brosnan
Thicket-in-the-Meadowshire,
Wot, Wot Then,
England

UNIVERSE, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??!?!?!

There is an answer.

The women and children were alcoholic. They all abandoned their breadmaking machines. They all had a midget horse that would not have sex with its wife. They wore odd plastic footwear.

And we're back to talking about Crocs.

(Hey, wait. Maybe crocodiles had taken up residence in the loo. That has to be the answer.)

The only answer is there is no answer.

Yet ...

To be continued ... if we are all unlucky

We need an answer here, people...

If my own Indian-food experiences can be applied, I'd guess that the bathrooms were built too close to each other, and the women and children couldn't handle the smell.

MSG killed the outhouse.

Scenario I
a) Toilets are holes,
b) a hole is nothing,
-----
c) therefore, toilets are nothing.

Scenario II
a) A tree not falling in the woods creates no sounds,
b) no sounds are nothing,
c) there are non-falling trees in the woods,
----
d) therefore, there is nothing in the woods.

Scenario III
a) Nothing can not be used, (5 times fast)
b) toilets are nothing,
----
c) therefore, toilets can not be used.

Scenario IV
a) Toilets are nothing,
b) there is nothing in the woods,
----
c) therefore, there are toilets in the woods.

I am the everlovin' motherfuckin' watchin'-'em-squirm teacher.

*runs shrieking from the tulgey wood*

Sillygistic!

Ve beleef in nossing, Lebowski.

OK, summary of what seem to me like the most plausible answers so far:

1. The women and children found some kind of upsetting sewage outlet in the forest.
2. The women ran out of TP sooner, because me use less and were able to use the urinal as a kind of bidet (more popular in India than a standard Western setup)
3. There was some kind of privacy issue wrapped up in stalls vs. urinals, either from men having less of a taboo about seeing each other in that state, or from women not wanting to be isolated when they do their business
4. Weather/seasons/monsoon rains affected the toilets, either making them too cold to sit on or flooding the septic tank
5. Issues with mothers taking children of both genders in with them, or ambiguity of which one kids should use
6. Women and children going out in the woods where it’s more convenient for children’s play and bathing, especially the babies who were born during the builder’s travels
7. The toilets stopped working, but the urinals in the men’s room didn’t
8. The door signs were ambiguous (native dress perhaps contributing to that)

cynnbad has played us all. He/she be sittin' at home just laughin' at us right now.

DAMN YOU EVIL CYNNBAD

Has anyone thought of emailing said absent brain-teaser?

I plan on sending an email as soon as I get back from exploring India.

The women found something in the "forest."

In the philosophy of Forest Gump, you should eat chocolate, because life is like it. Converting to Gumpism, the people started eating chocolate and now they are all constipated. Hence they found something in the "Forest," or more specifically the teachings of Forest. Since it took me so long to solve this issue, all those Gump converts are now dead, from constipation.
This is why I have a degree in Anthropology and you monkeys are still trying to master that whole piece of grass in the termite mound produces goodies gimmick.

"Life... is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for. Unreturnable, because all you get back is another box of chocolates. You're stuck with this undefinable whipped-mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there's nothing else left to eat. Sure, once in a while, there's a peanut butter cup, or an English toffee. But they're gone too fast, the taste is fleeting. So you end up with nothing but broken bits, filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts, and if you're desperate enough to eat those, all you've got left... is an empty box... filled with useless, brown paper wrappers."

Me ta phor.

All the women and children died in the six months the plumber was gone.

What's a meta for?

Measuring a henway.

I've never heard of a henway. Why don't you explain it to me?

It's how those fucking chickens keep finding me.

*rimshot*

As a part-time school teacher of 11 and 12 year-olds, I would just like to say this: I WANT A FUCKING ANSWER TO THIS FUCKING QUESTION RIGHT FUCKING NOW!

henwise but cockfoolish?

MoFi needs a hammafer.

henway or cockblock?

What's a MoFi, fishtick???

I'm waiting...

WE PROMISE NOT TO TELL ANY SEVENTH-GRADERS, EVEN IF WE KNEW ANY, WHICH WE DON'T, AND BY THE TIME TRYCICLE'S KIDS ARE OLD ENOUGH FOR THE SEVENTH GRADE SHE'LL HAVE FORGOTTEN IT AND WE REALLY REALLY NEED TO KNOW WHAT'S UP WITH THE DING-DANG BATHROOMS ALREADY

Apparently, a clue.

I Googled a bit and found that white is the color of purity in Hinduism and is also the color Hindu women wear for mourning. It's a stretch to see either as the catalyst. If using the toilets would besmirch the purity of the porcelain, why wouldn't men react the same way? The "mourning" element is key, I'm not sure how you get from wearing a color to not wanting to sit on it.

Could it be that women and children are not allowed to sit while men are standing?

This is a huge troll.

Maybe because white is the color of purity, women and children don't want to put their dirty asses on it, whereas the men don't actually have to touch it?

Is then the something they saw in the forest a redwhite herring?

In the forest, they saw Mark Foley. The women and children henceforth refused to put their rear ends down on anything white.

The men have to touch it to poo, don't they?

You know why he isn't answering? He fucked up the delivery.

She.

May be the face I can't forget
A trace of pleasure I regret
May be my treasure or the price I have to pay
She may be the song that Solomon sings
May be the chill that autumn brings
May be a hounded tearful things
Within the measure of the day.

the conculsion


cynnbad pulls
our legs
and o'er our eyes
drapes
cotton wools

oops! hemhem

a conculsion is a caustic emulsion that might be hurled with vigour at the author of this thread

And the answer is...

A: What do you think?

All you children are so special! Each one of you has the right answer! Here's a smiley in spelling for Newton! And a butterfly in math for Mathilda! And, Fauntleroy, though your essay writing only gets a hummingbird, your cadence of speech smiles like an angel's casual indiscretions! And extra exclamation points for everyone!!!!!!! Happiness, children! Happiness!

for the solution, I think we have to look to the time-honoured Indian tradition of plastering feces against the wall of the house and letting it dry, then using the dehydrated poop-cake as fuel for the cooking fire.

So if all that marvelous free fuel gets flushed down the john, what will the household cook the curry with?

Let the poo-fires burn -
Yea tho eekage come to this thread
E'er now
Inchimpulate
And spent.

Solved! It's toilet phobia.

Toilet. Phobia.

"The National Phobics Society estimates at least four million Britons are affected - but the true number could be many more."

What the hell is the matter with you people???

If you ate blood pudding wouldn't you have an aversion to having a bowel movement.

Plus their flushing levers are on the wrong side.

This is all part of a psychological experiment to gauge our reactions to a "puzzle" that has the answers withheld.

FRAGRANT. WEEDY. ASS.

Dude, I totally just saw a post by cynnbad on the thread about BlueHorse's horse-related injuries.

Totally holding out on us.

And don't think that the fact that you have perpetually perky nipples is going to make us forget this.

at least, not without photos

Hey! What kinda progress we making here? Don't think for a second I am letting this go. I don't condone torture, but I may make an exception here.

Dammit!

We condone torture in Canada, send her here.

So, it’s because the toilet paper is white then? (As per Path) And men don’t need to wipe when they pee?

I think Men Don't Need To Wipe When They Pee would make an excellent title for a prime time drama series.

Next week, on Men Don't Need To Wipe When They Pee: Julian's domination of the leftmost urinal is challenged by Marco. Steve and Freddie use the stalls. Santos goes no wipe, commando-style, and his common-law wife hires a laundry service.

It seems cynnbad is not going to give us the answer, for whatever reason - whether it is not known or it's just too inane. I think it's time to concede.
Now go and wipe yourselves like decent folk do.

cynnbad make monkeys sad.

I'm telling you, there is no answer. We're part of some psych class project. This is a term paper.

The ass what is fragrant and weedy upon you.

Useless information from the World Toilet Organization (WTO)

Yes, I'm still trying to find something about this on the blasted webs!

Still no answer?

Cynnbad: I'm sure we could round up a posse with appropriate torches and farm implements and "convince" the teacher to tell us.

Violence is not the answer. It's AN answer. Pretty damn effective, too.

That there's not even a followup strikes me as profoundly weird after . . . 315 comments.

Fine by me, just sayin'. The compulsives among us are chewing the drywall out of the ceiling.

I let this question go sometime in November.

Okay compulsives, we seem to have an answer. I think. Um. Check comment #49.

So the women and children stopped using the toilets because they were waiting for a clearer view of C/2006 P1?

Alright, now I'm really confused.

I think tracicle's comment should have pointed to comment #49 here. Though it's no less confusing.

*kicks thread repeatedly*

I call no way. Cynnbad's just saying that to get us off her back.

The problem says that the women and children "no longer" use the bathrooms. So they all got colostomies between the time the bathrooms were built and they started using them and the present?

And what did they find in the forest, their HMO plan? What a clusterfuck.

The solution is total crap.

And what did they find in the forest

Ah, it must have been the colostomy bag composte pit!

*gives thread an additional kick*

May your colostomy bag be full of fragrant weeds, says I.

Kittens!Baby ducks "flying" for the first time, to the soothing sounds of David Attenborough's voice!

Ha ha! Feline gene-splicing needed, STAT!

I'm sorry but for the good of MonkeyFilter - we must sacrifice cynnbad to the Internet Deities. It's the only way.

Sharpen the knives and prepare the anointments!

colostomy bag composte

You mean colostompost?

Look! Pandas with lunchboxes!

Oops, sorry about that link. I thought I'd hit copy before paste, but evidently not. Do not post when extremely fatigued.

Maybe the guy who came to build the bathrooms was really a doctor, but he didn't have a license to practice in the country. So he goes in under the ruse of being a bathroom builder, gives these people their much-needed colostomies, and everyone's happy!

Makes me wonder what kind of community needs colostomies for every woman and child.

I'm telling you: these fundamentalist religions are going TOO FAR!

They found some toxic chemical boluses in the woods, mistook them for soothing suppositories, and as a result metastisized ever last colon among them. They didn't tell the men of the village about it because a) it's against cultural tradition for grown men to take deliveries at the rear and b) they secretly wished fiery hemmoroids on them for their wanton cruelty and hogging of the TV remotes. If only they'd known, it would be the men's toilets unused.

Or, it's a crock.

*shoots thread to put everyone out of misery

It was the only thing to do, really.

*removes hat for moment of silence*

Because the women discovered a British-era gravesite in the forest, and realized that the marble headstones had been used to make the bathroom floor?

Over the boundary walls the crumbling domes and columns of the extravagant mausoleums that the British built to their own memories rise above a thick jungle of marijuana plants, peepul bushes and mango trees...

In New Delhi several major cemeteries have already been subsumed into the city's sprawl, with the marble stones carted off to make bathroom floors, while the plots themselves are built on.


Sorry! This viral thread attacked me today.

The tenuous relationship between the living and the dead is fascinating. I remember getting chills down my spine when I saw the old gravestones edging the flowerbeds in Postman's Park in London.

/me cries

Ah HA! What a clever solution - why, I cannot believe that I was so wrong about this particular "riddle"! Upon learning the answer, I am filled with both wonder and amusement, and I will surely regale all whom I encounter today with this entertaining and thought-provoking mental exercise.

NATO soldiers refuse to share toilets with Afghans.

Personally, I prefer the so-called squat-hole. Therefore, I wholeheartedly agree with -

Why not redesign the interior of the existing portables to that of a squat-hole toilet?

I’m admittedly not an engineer, but such a proposal would not require rocket science. By simply demonstrating that we acknowledge and respect their ablution customs, we would be extending a common courtesy and restoring some dignity to the Afghans.


Nice play, fish tick!

MonkeyFilter: the so-called squat-hole

Why is this thread still here? Why hasn't it been ejected into the aether of . . . not here?

Flushed away, as it were.

Death, war, taxes, and the toilet thread.

>set scottishburr /on

"It's crap!"

>exit

Let's never speak of this again.

*kicks thread*

Rumour (scroll down a bit) has it we may have an answer soon........

For the love of.... NOOOOOOO!!!

My daughter finally reports an answer — but I think it’s weird and bogus.

Just now reports an answer?? Did it really take that long? Did they wait until the last day of class to infuriate all of the parents??

*bashes head on desk*

No answer. Psych project. Term paper.

FRAGRANT WEEDY ASS.

I don;t care how weird or bogus it is. I need to close this chapter of my life!

WHO DARES DISTURB THIS DEAD THREAD?!

Go gently peoples cynnbad is merely the deliverer of the knowledge... let's not scare anyone off...

*patiently waits*

IMPATIENTLY WAITS!!!!

I FINALLY JUST STARTED SLEEPING AGAIN!

Why do I always have the feeling that this entire thread is a sick, twisted joke? I read cynnbad's "answer", but it doesn't seem to satiate my need for an obvious answer that makes me exclaim, "of course!"

And what are wingers? And does the teacher really have a restraining order?

It's a soap opera in the making, I tell you! Lara, are you awake??

Wake up, Lara! Wake up!

I don't want to be alone...

From the blog:

#

26. cynnbad | June 14th, 2007 at 3:47 pm

No, seriously, I’m not a troll. I have been doing battle with wingers lateley, and have been out of touch, My daughter finally told me the answer to the big potty question, concerning some minority folk in the boondocks, who refused to use bathrooms. According to this teacher, who I think has a restraining order against me because I keep challenging him, it’s a social thing. The women quit usung private bathrooms so they could hang out by the river and sociialize. Who the hell does that? What kind of PC crap is this? Who goes to the goddamn crapper to chitchat? Why hang out by a river, for God’s sake? I only hope hope this post takes, because I have been trying to get trhough to you guys for days now. I am that inept.

Oy vey.

So, the thing that the women found in the forest was the river?

Gosh, of course! It all makes sense now. Amazing how obvious these things are once you know them.

I couldn't comment until the tranquilizers kicked in. Now I feel I can respond in a civilized, adult, coherent manner.

WHAT?!!!!!!!!!!!!

The women quit usung private bathrooms so they could hang out by the river and sociialize.

Yes, yes.... but what about the children? The children preferred to hang at river's edge inside the forest and "socialize" rather than using the bathroom? Or they were stuck trailing behind the women caregivers, so had no other choice? And what if one needed to go REALLY bad, they still refused to use the private bathroom and ran to the river instead? Bah. And why had they never known of the river before?

*calls for the teacher's head*

River=constant flushing sound

Running water makes me want to pee, too.

Also, what was stopping the women from socializing in the bathrooms? Were the stalls sound-proof so they couldn't talk back and forth from within them? Could they not chat at the sinks? Do they just really, really like watching each other urinate?

Request that this post be deleted. And not "pretend deleted" either; proper deleted, then stomped on, then rolled up into a ball, then shredded, then burned such that it can never appear in the sidebar again.

Second!

this teacher, who I think has a restraining order against me because I keep challenging him

Clearly we have a gigantic MORON teaching cynnbad's daughter. I fear for the future of our country.

After burning, can we drench the ashes in nitric acid, irradiate it with U232, then pee on it?

Nuke it from orbit?

Just ban everyone who participated in this thread.

Hey, you just participated!

Maybe we could get some sort of collective hypnosis to forget?

I'm not sure it needs to be nuked. If we just don't comment on it any more it'll disappear from collective memory.

I'd suggest that any further opinions find a home on Tracicle's blog.

>>If we just don't comment on it any more it'll disappear from collective memory.

That's like saying "don't press your tongue against that sore on the roof of your mouth and it'll heal up faster." You know it's true, but just try not doing it.

And it's hypothetical, btw. The sore thing.

*does not have herpes*

Don't think about a hippopotamus

Don't think about a hippopotamus

Don't think about a hippopotamus

hippopotamus

Catch a case of hot soup, did we, Tenacious?

Poor little thread! It may be a monster but it's still our baby.

Awww, when you put it that way...

Hey, the little bastard bit me!

The little bastard needs changing.

It's your turn, Ralph! The thread-wipes are in the diaper bag.

Monkeyfilter: *does not have herpes*

If we can have Daisy May, then we can have, What the hey?!

*lights the thread's eternal flame*

it's elimination as socialization, and it's why my daughter will be in private school, as it were.

Sorry to drag you guys through this. But I think it was kinda fun in a ginchy way.

MonkeyFilter: Kinda fun in a ginchy way.

Well, Cynnbad.

You. Were. Wrong.

this link was useful for me, I thought I'd share:

Urban Dictionary definition for 'ginchy'.=

I thought some of the guesses were pretty damn creative, too.

Neither ginchy
nor groovy
nor dank
nor rad.

Neither phat
nor fab
nor sick
nor bad.

Well, I've started urinating in the hallway at work. The stalls just don't allow a decent conversation.

*puts on his rubbers*

We'll need more like a Hazmat suit, I fear.

*is really scared that es el Queso is going to do something pre-verted with this thread that will give him it a social disease

If you want to wade thru the River Lara without 'em on, GramMa, all the more power to you!

Not me, Queso!

When I post to this thread, I use a Hazmat suit, a fume hood, and bio-impermeable rubber sheet as well as a robotic arm to type on a disposable keyboard. All waste is disposed of according to OSHA mandated procedures.

The stream of consciousness in this thread is dirtier than the Love Canal.

Coincidentally, my phone number that one year in college when I lived in a sorority was 863-LOVE.

get me i'm givin' out wings, Punch a hole and sink this sorry ship. Truly sorry, guys.

No one blames you, cynnbad.

We will require, however, the name and address of your child's teacher.

ahem

No, we don't blame you at all, cynnbad. It's not your fault this guy is evil incarnate.

Me, I prefer the Extra Spicy Chillee Ugum's Otter Bile.

Otter Bile, you say? I hear Chille Ugum makes the BEST Otter Bile!

Rats, misspelled Chillee Ugum. If only we had a preview button.

Oh, Otter Bile!

... So can we keep this crap thread going ad infinitum? If that's the case, now my daughter wants an Iphone. I'm one of those anguished single parents who has spoiled the hell out of their kid.

Is this worth opposing an intensive marketing campaign designed to cost me thousands of dollars and dolors.

How do I counter this, given the unfortunate fact that only my daughter can program any of our electronics, and I am worthless?

Fucking iphones. I don't care if they are pretty good phones, there's no reason my local newspaper needs to carry a front page headline on them.

Oh, and cynnbad, don't buy her an iphone. If you want, you can let her earn it somehow. I don't know, some long term household or community project, at the end of which she'll get it. She could even keep track of her progress toward the goal. That way she doesn't come out feeling like she's entitled to things just by virtue of being her, but rather that she's capable of acquiring things through contributing to the good of the family/community.

I am of the opinion that there are few things on this earth valued at $600 that should be given to a child. A telephone does not appear on that list. Not even a really really good one. She'll live without it, and she'll treasure it more when she earns the money to buy it for herself. Besides which, by the time she can buy one for herself, it'll probably only cost her half that.

How do you counter it? By saying no.

My $0.02US.

Here's what I don't get, Nickddanger. She and her friends feel entitled to the latest technology. And that tracks with what they are being taught at school. It also extends to whatever the next big thing is. It all plays off one another; it's a symbiotic relationship.

Thank you guys; keep it coming. She pays no attention to me and we both could use a good kick in the ass.

MCT's right, cynnbad - you gotta say no. She'll hate you. Probably call you all sorts of names, slag you behind your back, etc. BUT we parents have to admit that it is not our job to be our kids FRIEND. It's our job to be our kid's parent. And that means teaching them that they are NOT entitled. Because if we don't teach these things, and other things of equal importance that are also hard for them to swallow? They will become the sorts of adults we don't like.

It's sometimes hard for us to get past the idea that, sometimes, our kids don't like us very much. It can be a hard thing - but sometimes it is a necessary thing, and part of the price of enjoying all those things that grownups enjoy is having to do hard but necessary things once in a while.

Make her a deal - she saves up enough for the phone, you'll pay the the first year's worth of service, then halfsies after that.

Here's what I don't get, Nickddanger. She and her friends feel entitled to the latest technology. And that tracks with what they are being taught at school.

I do sympathize, because as an adult I usually feel the same way. When something totally awesome comes out I spend at least one guilty moment despising everyone who can afford it and one shameful one trying to figure out if there's some bill I could avoid paying in order to get it. You're right that there are all kinds of voices telling us that we're nothing if we don't have it. Add to that a child's basic insecurity, the odd, insular, up-is-down microcosm of school, and the general stress of being in a body that's constantly changing, and it's a crap situation all around.

But I am eternally grateful for the fact that my parents were strict about that kind of thing. Because as an adult, those moments pass. I try to let my mother know how much I appreciate her being "mean" to me when I was a kid, and hopefully Little Cynnbad will do the same.

I will haul out this old tale: When I was about 18, my father cut me the same deal that his father had offered him at that age: he would buy me my first car, but I had to pay the insurance. It was a sweet deal for the dads, as they could buy something quite used (mine turned out to be a Ford Maverick) for far less than what a year's worth of insurance for an 18-year old male driver would cost. I accepted the deal, learned something about responsibility, and remain grateful.

iPhone, schmiPhone!

Why propagate disillusionment? At the end of the day, iPhone is just another thin chunk of metal/plastic/glass. Why do people continue to believe that obtaining these objects will fill their lives with happiness? Here in NYC, people have already been "camping" out for the past couple of days so they can get their precious iPhone on Friday. Perhaps it's all just a symptom of how shallow our lives have become. My children are too young to desire such wonders of technology. When that day does come, my plan is to shuttle them off for a summer excursion to the slums of Mexico City, for example. I think that would have a far-greater benefit to their lives than supplying them with an overpriced gadget that will be worthless in a matter of years. And if they complain, they'll just have to learn to deal with it.

/parenting rant
/iPhone rant

Not directed to you personally, cynnbad!

Cynnbad, let's face facts. If you don't get your kid the iPhone, you're basically a child abuser who should be in prison. Please stop taking your aggression out on an innocent, defenceless child like some kind of murderous pedophile.

Here you go cynnbad, this will make you feel better about refusing your daughter an iPhone:

Teen Girl Gets Lexus for Birthday, Flips Out Because it's the Wrong Color

Jeez, parents just don't understand.

Life is so unfair.

That's the sort of delightfulness that starts, cynnbad, with an iPhone in junior high.

I would love to see what that mom did off camera. IF it was me, after that display that girl would be riding the bus until she moved out.

Why should she get an iPhone? I was 15 once, and I'm pretty darn sure your 15-year old daughter hasn't done anything for you lately. Hell, she probably hasn't cleaned her room like you asked her to, and she probably NEVER does a load of laundry, and you probably had to ask her 3 times to unload the dishwasher and she STILL gave you all kinds of attitude about it. What's worse, I bet she's picking out a Lexus RIGHT NOW.

At least we're ready to do your bidding - which is kick your ass. Repeatedly. Sometimes without asking us to do it. Because cynnbad, that's monkeys helping monkeys, and we excel at helping. Or cockpunching, I forget which one it is this week.

So, I'd like an iPhone, please. And when she asks on Friday where her iPhone is, you can tell her that you let me borrow it. Forever. Or until she cleans her room without asking, and keeps it clean for a year, without any help (or reminders) from you.

Bet she'll save up $600 and buy it herself. What do you think?

Monkeyfilter: We excel at helping. Or cockpunching.

They're $600?!?! Holy shit!

(The Mom in that Lexus video needs some of your guys' advice.)

They're $600?!?! Holy shit!

But it means you need never be away from DiceWars again...

But it means you need never be away from DiceWars again...

Or this thread...

Oh, it would be nice to have a 24/7 hotline to this thread.

*checks purse lining for loose change*

$600! Amazing! The first car I owned, I bought with my own money, and it cost me $650 for the car, a tank of gas, a carton of oil, and an air freshener.

I worked my fingers to the bone for that car, and no parental units were around to provide.


I drove that sucker till I was twenty-two. Used to go into the station for a fill-up on a tank of oil and a quart of gas.

Ah, good times.

Iphones are not necessary items. Food three times a day, a change or two of clothes, and a place out of the rain to sleep. Now THAT'S necessary.

Why don't you kids GEDDOUTANDGEDDAJOB,DAMMIT!!!

Thanks, guys. I am a guilt-ridden, ad-infested, credit-laden goof. Keep posting; she needs to see the messdage coming from adults WHO AREN'T MORONS!!!! Which is what I've apparently become since I have a teenaged child.

Good news: You'll start being smart again when she hits her early 20s. My parents suffered the same affliction. ;)

Oh, but she's entitled. BECAUSE OF THE TECHNOLOGY!!

I had the same thing with vaginas in college. It, ah...it didn't work.

You couldn't raise the $600, mct?

What?

aorry, I guess I missed a very significant beat here.

just a funny about a sense of entitlement with the ladies colliding with not having earned the lovin', etc, similar to your kid's sense of entitlement to something she hasn't earned. Then Flagpole had to go and one-up me. Noise that can safely be ignored.

Owning an IPhone will make you a better American.

Better than the poor people who will never ... ever... be able to afford one.

(Capitalism. Building success on the backs of the underclasses)

Oh, but she's entitled. BECAUSE OF THE TECHNOLOGY!!

Seriously, she can have it if she's works for it. Hell, you could even sit down with her and negotiate. Could be a good experience for both of you. But don't just buy it for her. The nice thing is, you have the power in this situation since she obviously doesn't have $600 to get it herself. Unfortunately, she has a reasonable expectation that you will just give it to her (reasonable because it's happened before, right?) and will undoubtedly inflict some kind of teenage drama/sulk/tantrum when she doesn't get her way. But that'll blow over, especially if you show her that she has the ability to earn this toy. The important thing is that you don't just cave in to her inevitable manipulations, but rather allow a path to acquiring the iphone through her own contributions.

Disclaimer: I don't have kids, and thus have no fucking idea what I'm talking about.

It's true! He has no idea!

Maybe we could set up some kind of rotation for smacking around other Monkeys' kids. That way, the parents could still look like the nice guys. A quick, discreet text message could bring a white van full of paddle-wielding strangers right to your door.

And I'll provide the alternate service of hugging and petting your children for you. I'm not allowed within 100 metres of primary schools anymore, so just leave your kids at home one day and I'll come around and work my magic.

I'm prepared to paddle any hot mothers who subscribe to this serves. Quid'll watch the kids in the meantime.

Gah service

The thought of paddlin' makes me lose focus

If anyone is insulted my MCT's blatant misogyny, I'll go round his place and paddle him for a fee of one (1) prepubescent child.

OK, how about this: I'll stop making pedophile "jokes" and give myself a thorough whipping in return for three boy scouts or five girl guides.

If someone will paddle quidnunc with a girl scout, then I will apologize to all the hot mothers that I've paddled.

Quid's a pedophile now? I thought he was a mere pederast...

If someone will paddle mct with quid, I will pay cash money to watch.

I will wear a girl scout uniform if that tips the deal.

Please post pics.

of Lara in a girl scout uniform...not mct & quid

Disclaimer: I don't have kids, and thus have no fucking idea what I'm talking about.

It's true! He has no idea!


But Mr. Danger has butt-ton loads of common sense, unlike most of you other idjuts.

smacking around other Monkeys' kids. That way, the parents could still look like the nice guys.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Don't you know that parents are completely evil and moronic and can never, ever be right about ANYTHING? And their friends are stupid, too. And the whole world's stupid. And nobody understands. And if I can't have an IPhone, I'm going to DIE. And everybody else has one.

You suck.

Are we there yet?

You should have sent her to wait in line at some Apple Store, charging a fee. Work ethic and all that... and she would have been among her peers.
But it's too late now.

I saw people doing that today. I was surprised by how much contempt I felt for them.

My daughter has read this entire thread and she is more put off by the internet than the iphone. Especially old farts on the internet. Somehow, that backfired, and apparently grating old farts are banned on the iphone, because they "can't handle it." I give up; I just can't break even here. I'm wearing pajamas and talking to birds for the rest of the summer.

Birds know where it's at.

Oh, and quidnunc, if you're still here: what a scary bunch of shit you guys have endured! My thoughts are with you!

Sorry, Tracy, I know I have taken this whole thing crazily off track.

Well I'm not an old fart and I grew up in a single Mum household. I got my first job at 14, and if I wanted something I saved and bought it myself.

Besides it's foolish to get the first generation of any Apple product. Wait until the third and it will be better and cheaper anyway.

Cynnbad: relax already! There is no breaking even. Your family is not a democracy. You rule. Despotically, tyrannically, in Stalinesque grandeur. There is no fight you do not win, no argument in which you do not get the last word.

End of story.

My daughter has read this entire thread and she is more put off by the internet than the iphone. Especially old farts on the internet.

And the beauty of it is, she will eventually BE an old fart on the internet. Sooner then she thinks.
Read this and shudder, baby!

...grating old farts are banned on the iphone
What was that number again?

Tell her she better think twice about electronic devices.

Monkeyfilter: Especially old farts on the internet.

quidnunc, if you're still here: what a scary bunch of shit you guys have endured!

Rumours of our plurality have been greatly exaggerated.

Somehow, that backfired

Of course it did. That's because we're not saying that she should have one. If we did, no doubt she'd be praising the eternal wisdom of your internet friends. Such is the mind of a teenager.

I do not look forward to parenting during those years.

Ick, snark unhelpful, sorry. The point I'm trying to make is that Fes is correct. Reasoning on stuff like this usually won't get you anywhere with her until she's well into her twenties for the simple fact that she's going to be ruled by hormones and emotion and burning wants until then. She doesn't yet know how to let reason guide her actions rather than forcing it to be a whore to her desires (a trick most of us learn at a very young age -- you should see my 3-yr-old nephew try to argue with his mother that big boys indeed do like to poop in their pants).

It may still get you nowhere even after that point, but paying your own way usually changes your perspective, and in the meantime, there's a reason why families are not democracies. The wintry freshness of enlightened despotism was made for such things.

I told cynnbad to buy the phone. I just want any teenage girls out there to remember: quid's got your back.

Now bring me some boy scouts, I soon must feast again on the life-essence of the innocent.

quid's got your back.

That's why they locked you up the first time, quifnonce.

It's the tenderest cut, MCT, and I don't hear you complainin' when you're-a chowin' down on some baby back ribs.

Now: dib-dib-dib, Brown Owl, and fetch me some fresh Mowglis.

Besides it's foolish to get the first generation of any Apple product. Wait until the third and it will be better and cheaper anyway.

Amen. Only noobs enjoy being paying beta-testers.
Just look at the 1st gen. ipod and at the current batch. Imagine how clunky this one will look when the 2008 version is unveiled.

unfortunately knowing what's wrong with the iphone != not wanting an iphone.
*sighs*.

I don't get it. Is it the whining? The door-slamming? The "You-don't-understand" and "I-hate-you" that's bothering you? Hey, she's 14, you're going to hear more of it and more of it until your hide is as calloused as a baboon's butt left foot. Especially the "I-hate-you" part.

There's a word that parents of teenagers frequently use. It's NO! (said with exclamation point.) There are other words used on occasion. A few of them are: "Don't let the bedroom door hit you on the way in when you sulk." and "What are you going to do around here to earn it?" or the ever popular: "Get a job."

You'll soon be able to ignore the sniveling and read your paper oblivious to the drama.

Note to teenager: Yes, I am evil. Yes, I am hateful. Yes, I raised four, and as unlikely as it seems, they all survived unwarped. They all have laughed at the histrionics of their pubescent selves.

Oh, and any eight-year-old off the street should be willing and able to program your electronics for 20 bucks. Just catch the ones without gang colors on their way to church, that way they won't be programing the haul down in their "crib."

People, people, people, ALWAYS know how to program your own machines. Here's a basic rule: if you can't control it, don't buy it.

It's just too risky and annoying otherwise.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sure, Roryk, next you'll be telling us if we can't control it, don't give birth to it!!

Monkeyfilter: Read this and shudder, baby.

I, for one, am a fan of GramMa's "small text, to-the-point" comments.

*realizes that I must be approaching fartdom*

This thread is worse than a bad acid trip

*stands, waves lights in both hands to guide SMT down runway to approaching fartdom

Why are the walls breathing?

So mrs roryk tells me that iPhones in the U.S. are tied to AT&T exclusively. Is this modifiable? How long before it's hacked?

I'm sure someone will come up with a way to hack the phone open. But yeah, that'll have to happen before you can use it on another network.

Well I hacked open a few boy scouts this weekend, a phone couldn't be much more difficult.

The iPhone has a SIM bracket, but: (1) getting access to it involves, what appears to be, cutting and twisting some of the plastic casing, and (2) it is probably locked in software or non-volatile storage, which will have to be reverse engineered. In short, don't expect the hacks to be out for a while.

Nope. You can get the SIM card out easily. There's a small hole in the top, push in hard with a paperclip, and out it comes.

As seen here.

The battery? SOLDERED to the logic board. Friendliness to the customer is not always Apple's #1 priority, evidently.

What.
The.
Fuck.
Apple?!

Yeah, I had a bad feeling about this iPhone, among other objections. But of course, my dad, who denied his own children everything but burlap and razor wire, has stepped in and done an end run, so now she has an iPhone.

"Hey! It's a grandpa's job! And she's so good with that new techno stuff! She'll have fun!"

Of course, she's now a walking crime victim. I thought I had given up awhile ago, but I didn't realize that capitulation isn't complete until you have a teener.

Oh, I should qualify: a teener with a grandfather who responds to teary late-night entreaties.

Whoawhoawhoa -- she went over your head?

That's a paddlin'.

If I were you I'd sit grandpa down and have a long goddamn talk with him. That shit would not fly in my house.

oh, maaaaaaaaaan. That's like a couple of different sorts of affront there.

my dad, who denied his own children everything but burlap and razor wire, has stepped in and done an end run, so now she has an iPhone

What is it with grandparents? As soon as they have grandkids, it's like someone swaps out their brains for something only vaguely brain-like.

I hear the latest craze among the kids is not to use the iPhones to talk privately but to get together and socialize with their iPhones hanging out.

Ah, grandparents. Yes, the little monsters make them go crazy.
Well, if your daughter runs away and joins the cult you can blame it on them.

I...I just...wow.

If my father or father-in-law had pulled that on me, I'd have made a phone call immediately: "You have 30 minutes to come pick this phone up, or it's going between the jaws of my bench vise and you'll be stuck with a two year contract on a phone that doesn't work. Have you lost your mind?"

There's that sense of teenage entitlement being validated again. I'm with mct; this would never, in any reality, be acceptable in my house.

> The battery? SOLDERED to the logic board.

That's definitely a paddling.

Cynnbad, one way that everyone could learn a valuable lesson from this is if you appropriate the iPhone for yourself. So granddad gets to pay for the service for you for two years; teenage daughter learns never to go behind your back; and you get an iPhone.

Wow.

What roryk said.

You have to nuke that sense of entitlement from orbit. It's the only way.

Hey! It's a grandpa's job!

Whoa there, back it up mister!! Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!?!? The whole story is disturbing. Grandpa just effectively erased your parental authority. What's to stop your daughter from getting her way every time by side-stepping you and going direct to grandpa? I hate to give anyone parenting advice, but I'm inclined to suggest that you put a stop to this now before you have much more serious problems down the road, just off in the distance...

And I might add, the title of this thread is still appropriate!

Can you return an iPhone? Or does Apple not believe in such plebian nonsense as post-sales returns?

If not, there's always ebay. Add whatever you get for it to her college fund.

I say you make her bury it in a time capsule, to be dug up in 25 years when she has her own kids, for a bit of perspective.

I actually did have to sit my parents down and tell them to cool it with the gifts they were giving my son. (He's only 7, but he want want wanted this $100 lego set, and as a matter of principle I'd said no; then I found out my folks had bought it for him for xmas.) That was ugly, ugly, ugly. Not only was I getting the hate and the recriminations and the heartbreakingly hostile looks from my 7 year old, I was also getting the "Oh but honey, he's just a kid" and the "We want him to enjoy it WHILE WE'RE STILL AROUND TO SEE IT" and the "Well, I'm SORRY YOU THINK YOUR FATHER AND I WERE SUCH BAD PARENTS" from the other side. But I stuck in there, even though the stress of it gave me the first and only migraine I've ever had in my life and my folks didn't talk to me for a bout a week.

I'd like to think I won that point, but a couple weeks later the 7 year old was hating me for something else completely unrelated, and hadn't seemed to learn any lesson at all. Which is to say, you can't win. So don't worry if they feel deprived, the little fuckers.

*loves his children, really

Oh, and btw-- MonkeyFilter: ruled by hormones and emotion and burning wants

That was recently; the topic of a conversation I had with a friend long ago. We were talking about a third party who was incredibly sensitive to any kind of criticism, and who was also getting married. I said I hoped she didn't have children before she got more used to hearing negative things, because children constantly tell their parents they hate them. The girl I was talking to said she had never done that to her parents. I didn't believe eher then, and looking back I still don't. UNless she was mute as a child, and even then she'd have managed to scrawl it on a wall in her own blood or somehting. It's what they do.

I say you bury her in a time capsule, to be dug up when she's 25. It's the only way.

I didn't believe her then, and looking back I still don't.

It may be my failing memory, but I don't ever recall saying that to my parents either. I may have when I was little, and I was certainly an annoying teenager (how's that for redundant?), but I never gave my parents nearly that level of shit in high school. But in my case, that was because my brother was such a colossal prick at the time (he's a swell guy now) and gave my parents such intense, neverending hell that my mom actually broke out in hives on multiple occasions. When I saw all that going on, I figured the poor bastards would be ever-so-grateful to have an agreeable son in the house.

And oh boy, were they. I didn't hear the word "no" too terribly often, and I was never, ever grounded. Not even when I got my girlfriend home an hour and a half past curfew on the weakest excuse ever.

*grins, twirls moustache ominously*

It's different for dudes. I would never have uttered the words "I hate you" to my parents' face, because moments later I would have found myself airborne in all the most attention-concentrating ways. I made the mistake of raising a clenched fist to my father ONCE, and I was glad to have lived to regret it. I certainly did not make that mistake again.

I don't ever recall saying that to my parents either. I may have when I was little,

When they're little is what I was talking about.

I never got to that level of confrontation with my parents either. They could drive me up the wall, but I pretty much knew what they would and wouldn't agree to, and they had (still have)a powerful relationship with denial, so I pretty much just went my own way and didn't ask for/tell them anything unless I had to. Worked out just fine.

Plus the asshole older brother thing. Even in high school I understood he was putting them through hell they didn't deserve, and however much they annoyed me, no way did I want to pile on to that.

Of course I also had a paper route for years to pay for any expensive gadgets I wanted, and walked 10 miles through the snow uphill both ways to school in July, etc.

Oh, dear. This does not bode well. In my Official Capacity as The GranMa, I do not approve of this. Not good for the child's respect with regard to the parental units.

Even if the folks had waited and then given the iPhone for a birthday or Christmas, that would be understandable and much better than this going behind dad's back at the little wench's bidding. Or offering to pay half, with the understanding that dad's going to be aware of the deal, and she'd need to work for the rest by doing chores for them. Way to teach the child how to lie by omission, manipulate people, and to ignore the word "NO"

So now when Dad says, "No drugs!" Kiddy says, "WTF does he know, anyway. I don't have to listen to him. I want my way, and I'm entitled, because I always get/got it."

Please explain to them that it's not the phone, it's the idea of her being deceitful and going behind your back. Is that what they want, a deceitful grand-daughter that does not respect her parent's decisions? Of course, they'll twist it to how much they love her, and how much they want her to be happy, yadda yadda, but your counter is to explain that they should then be spending time with her and teaching her moral responsibility, as opposed to taking the easy way out and pandering to her materialistic desires. DON'T let her just keep the phone with no repercussions. This is a situation in which there needs to be a lot of discussion about right and wrong behavior, and what are the rules of the house.

Nope, as a parent and a grand-parent, I say this should be discussed with both your parents and your daughter. And if you can't get through to either of them, you better hunker down for a shitty child-raising experience. If you let this one slide, I'm pretty sure you can kiss any real authority goodbye.

Or just send her to Grand-'rents to raise. Let them deal with the fallout.

MonkeyFilter: Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!?!?

Well done with the tagline, TP

*volunteers to take the iPhone if it needs a home*

This is the problem, and I'll be honest, My daughter was the product of a surprise pregnancy. I almost gave her up; she knows this. Therefore, because she has no father in her future (I have prevented it, and she knows and agrees), my family has launched some kind of Little Orphan Annie campaign.

So we have the girl with nothing that must have everything; if I can't offer it, my family will. I can stop it but it't easier to let it roll. I want to explain to her that this indulgence is all about shame and its mitigation, but I don't have the guts.

Otherwise, we have a fine relationship.

Forgive the wordiness that follows.

Far be it from my amateur ass to presume to instruct an actual parent on parenting. That is not my intent here, but I would offer just a few thoughts:

I can stop it but it't easier to let it roll.

Of course it is. And I've known enough parents to know that sometimes you just choose the path of least resistance. But there is a line here that your father has crossed, a significant one in which he has not only not backed you up as a parent, but has actively worked to undermine your authority. That was not his intent, but it is nevertheless the primary effect of his actions. He traded your authority for the all-too-temporary adoration of his granddaughter, and in my humble, he needs to be (however gently) called out on the carpet for this. I'd be willing to bet you my unborn son that he'd have flipped his lid if his parents had tried a similar move with you when you were a child.

I want to explain to her that this indulgence is all about shame and its mitigation, but I don't have the guts.

I daresay it wouldn't really matter if you did explain it to her. As I remarked above, reason is not the dominant force in her life and won't be for at least another decade, if ever at all.

That doesn't of course mean that you shouldn't give a teenager reasons. You should. But ultimately, in my extremely limited experience with them, the only thing that works when they've locked their desires onto something is simply saying "no." Tell them why not, but ultimately the answer is because you're her mother and your word is law.

The people who should be hearing your reasons are your parents. Their sympathy for your daughter and their desire to make up for what they perceive as lacking in her life is indeed laudable, and I'd recommend that you underscore that when talking to them, but you've heard what the road to hell is paved with, right?

They're acting out of a desire to do her good and protect her from suffering and deprivation. Siddhartha Gautama's family did the same, but it wasn't until he went into the world and experienced real life that he began the path to manhood. Heaping shiny things on him did him no good, and it will do your daughter no good.

Families are in my experience as much about healthy boundaries as they are about open hearts and minds. Again, this is my opinion only and should be afforded no more weight than you see fit, but I would ask you to consider that whatever unpleasantness you suffer by insisting that your rules and judgments concerning your daughter be respected as the Word of the Lord by all other members of your family will save you dozens upon dozens of unpleasant moments in the years to come.

Oh, and this:

I almost gave her up

Is another way of saying "I kept her and shouldered the responsibility of raising her."

Word.

Seconding Word.

It's a quorum.

Well I disagree with all of you bulb-headed jackanapes. Why? Well, mostly it's habitual attention-seeking behaviour as a compensatory mechanism for my own lonely and unfulfilling home life, but partly it's because you people are cerebral microbes with little appreciable "spunk" or "pizzazz".

Anyway, let's just look clearly at what's happened here: #1 - cynnbadette learned that she can't push Mommy into buying her an expensive bauble. That's a GOOD thing. #2 - cynnbadette also learned that older people often have a different point of view to that of the previous generation. THAT is also a valuable learning experience. #3 - she gets a new phone, putting her at the cutting edge of an information economy that is creating JOBS JOBS JOBS in an otherwise volatile labour market. #4 - despite being up against a seemingly impenetrable barrier to achieving her goals, she found a way to triumph against the odds. Isn't THAT what America is all about? Isn't FREEDOM such a core and precious value that you have to temporarily lose to fully appreciate? – and doesn’t its just restoration mark the sweetest triumphs?

My succinct analysis clearly shows that cynnbadette has scored 4 out of 4 on an introductory course in the prestigious "University of Life". So why don't you malice-throbbers stop drooling hate-juice from every bulging pore and instead join with me in shouting "Huzzah!" to a little lady whose coming of age story should be celebrated via a Hollywood blockbuster coming soon to a cinema near you - I'm thinking "Phone Alone!" starring movieland's sweetheart Lindsay Lohan (and with myself playing the kindly Grandfather, "Pops").

So call me, Spielberg - you amateurish putz.

I second MCT - the fact that despite having good reason to do so, you chose to keep and raise her is something to feel good about.

At a very early age I heard the story of how, when my mother found herself unexpectedly expecting me, the first thing her mother did was to remind her of the recent Roe vs. Wade decision. Knowing in hindsight what my parents' marriage was like, I don't think I'd have blamed her if she'd chosen not to go through with the pregnancy. The fact that she did, and that Grandma supported her decision to do so, make me feel better about my birth, not worse.

MCT, hillbillyswamp, be sure you print out and save this thread for frequent reference once littleclasstool gets here. Believe me, your powers of reasoning and logic are functioning right now at a much higher level than they will be when he's standing there with an escaped albino cobra in one hand and five 9-volt batteries duct-taped together in the other hand, trying to decide which one to stick his tongue to.

Indeed. I know I can't conceive of it yet, but I've seen enough parenting in action to know that it does happen, which is why I tried to stress that the above should be taken only as the opinions of a n00b who got plenty of sleep last night.

Well, not last night, grumble grumble production support on-call phone.

This incident and a few others with children I've witnessed recently reminded me very much of something Bill Cosby said ca. 1980: "Parents are not interested in justice. They just want quiet."

Oh contraire, TP. Our child will be perfect. We will not let him watch TV or listen to anything but Tom Waits and Beethoven until he's 21. He will say "yes ma'am" and "yes sir" and read classic works of literature in his spare time and mow the lawn and unload the dishwasher WITHOUT BEING ASKED.

Whoops! Sorry, I had pictured you as dad not mom.

My daughter was the product of a surprise pregnancy. I almost gave her up; she knows this.

Good! Your daughter knows that you're human, and have made mistakes, and are now older and wiser. Your daughter knows that you made a conscious, loving, HARD decision, alone, to have an infant and raise her to the best of your ability by yourself. She should feel doubly loved, knowing that you chose to have her despite being in an ideal situation.

Therefore, because she has no father in her future (I have prevented it, and she knows and agrees), my family has launched some kind of Little Orphan Annie campaign.

Some fathers sperm donors are toxic. You are a single parent. Your daughter is NOT an orphan. So what if she doesn't have a daddy! She has a mom that works double hard to be both daddy and mommy to her, and mom ought to get double the respect because of it.

My youngest grand-baby doesn't have a daddy by the choice of her mom, either. Same thing, surprise baby, hard decision, guy that turned out to be wrongwrongwrong, and who now is in prison with no parental rights. It's sad, but even sadder is two parents who fight constantly and are selfishly concerned with only themselves, or drink/do drugs, or a dad that is an abuser, or...pick your scenario. In this world, you’re lucky if you have a strong, loving mom.

My other grand-babies have a divorcee dad who buys big, expensive toys, but pays about 1/3 of his child support sporadically, doesn't show up when he says he will, twists the kids emotionally by playing mind games or saying things like, "It's your mom's fault I can't be with you" even though she bends over backwards to give him any weekend he asks for. His latest trick is to tell the oldest girl she's his only "real" daughter. He also told this nine-year old that her mom is responsible for the breakup of his second marriage, and that's why she can't see her 2 little (step)brothers anymore.

So we have the girl with nothing that must have everything;
Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

Has NOTHING? NOTHING? She has a mom who loves her. She has a mom that is concerned with teaching her right from wrong. She has a mom that doesn't want her to be in the same position her mom was in at her conception. (And no, Quid, I don't mean horizontal.) She has a roof over her head, a nice place of her own to sleep, plenty of good food on the table, lots of pretty clothes to wear, the chance at a good education, and many, many friends (yah so what if they have iPhones and she doesn’t.) And I repeat, she has a mom that loves her. Even if she didn’t have half of the above, she still has a mom that loves her. She obviously has G-parents who love her and have the financial wherewithal to provide her with many of the good things in life, too. And she has a mom that loves her.

Let me reiterate what I said before: If your parents want to gift your daughter, they need to take back the iPhone and spend $600 worth of time with her. Play board games, talk, make cookies, for crap’s sake, even if they have to go shopping, at least it’s TIME, not money that they’re giving her. The hardest gift to give, and the most important to kids, is the gift of your attention and time.


I want to explain to her that this indulgence is all about shame and its mitigation, but I don't have the guts.
Whoa! Where is the shame in this?
Is it you that’s ashamed? Why? For having sex? Getting knocked up? Deciding to keep the baby? Considering an abortion? Not having one? Because you didn’t provide the perfect daddy?

Is it your parents that are ashamed? If so, why?

In my perfect little world, there is no premarital sex, everyone is married and has planned pregnancies, there is no need to contemplate abortion, children are born with instruction manuals, there is never any divorce, everyone has a wonderful Leave-it-to Beaver daddy and June for a mom, we all have free iPhones, never make mistakes, and aren’t ashamed of anything.

Shame is a useful emotion that makes you realize you’ve done something that you shouldn’t have. Shame pushes you to do what’s right. Any past shame should have been dealt with by now and put aside, as it’s no longer useful. Wallowing in past shame is….shameful. Current shame would be caused by not doing what’s right in the current situation. If you have anything to be ashamed of, it would be that you know what the right thing to do is in the current situation, and you don’t want to do it. Why not do the right thing? Don’t care enough? Lazy? Afraid? It takes effort and energy and strength to raise kids. Believe me, doing the hard stuff early pays off. When you take the easy way out, it will bite you in the butt later. I speak from experience.

If you’re daughter is this already this old, and you still feel that you have to mitigate past shame regarding her conception and birth by allowing her everything she wants, then get thee hence to a counselor, for your sake and for hers.

People do a LOT of things wrong when they raise their kids, even people who are strong, good people. What makes it work for the rest of us who aren’t as strong and as good a parent as we ought to be is love and continually picking up and marching on to try again when we fail.

Otherwise, we have a fine relationship.
I’m not sure if I want this to be sarcasm on your part or not. If it is sarcasm, you know there is a problem, if it’s not, then you just may be kidding yourself.

Sweetie, she’s your daughter. You have the right to raise her without interference. That means you can tell anybody to butt out, including parents and strangers on the internet.

*hugs to cynnbad*

you people are cerebral microbes with little appreciable "spunk"

Hey, HEY!

Ah, and after a meeting last week, where a client's young relative was present and we barely could talk until she was removed from the room, and an email from my sister about an accident a neighbour's toddler endured and that she had to help with, my decision to postpone gene transfer indefinitely stays solid... does that make a bad person?

No more, last post unless asked.

All my kids said they would have rather been beaten than to listen to mom talk lecture harangue.

"OK, OK, OK" Just SHUT UP, ALREADY.

*wants to bake cookies with BlueHorse*

Am I the only one who finds the cynnbad tale a bit too... truthy?

Flagpole, if it makes you a bad person, I'm one too. Take all of your reasons, and add genetic problems I don't want to pass on, and you've got my reasons not to reproduce. I don't think that makes us bad people.

Unless I can have quid's baby; then I'd reconsider

the chance at a good education

Aside from that one teacher with the rural Indian bathroom riddles. ;-)

Come on, people, the writing stuff upside down meme was bad enough. Now we do super small?

Yes.



....

¡oooʍ ¡buıxıɯ-ǝɯǝɯ ɹoɟ ʎɐɹɹnɥ

I hate you.

MonkeyFilter: selfishly concerned with only themselves, or drink/do drugs.

With 12 small tags, Lara wins. And damn you, es el Queso!!

Yay!

What's my prize?

The bill for my new reading glasses?

DVD Jon presents

a way to activate a brand new unactivated iPhone without giving any of your money or personal information to AT&T NSA. The iPhone does not have phone capability, but the iPod and WiFi work.
Some sort of loopback to a localhost that enables the machine. If I'd forked out 600 bucks for a phone, I think I'd like to be able to make and receive voice calls.

I predict it'll be cracked by the end of the month.

Cracked.

Er... literally.

This is IT!!

OK, yer GramMa was so wrong! I do I do I. do. want. An iphone

Check it out--commercial starts at 25 seconds
in

So LOL versatile.

This Metafilter thread just gave me an epiphany. The Indians were used to squatting toilets, and maybe tried to squat on top of the Western style sitting toilets. It's barely possible to do so, but I'm guessing it's way harder for women and children, since they have shorter legs.

What do you guys think?

Uh...ignore me. I just realised tracicle et al. have already brought this point up. Sorry!

why in god's name has this thread been revived???? AAAAAAHHHHH!!!

Please! Please!

It has been almost a month since I've purged my mind of this thread. Doomed for another week or two now!

*squats on thread*

*rinses it off*

Yeah, we'd better can it if we don't want to get bogged down.

We all just lost The Game.

I hate you.

Hi Fellas! Whatcha doin'? Puzzlin' over a ol' brain-teaser eh? Heh heh.

Oof!

nononononomoreindianterletkoansnonono

India to host World Toilet Summit.

WHO DARES DISTURB THE PEACEFUL DEATH SLUMBER OF THIS THREAD ON ALL HALLOWS EVE?

(Actually, interesting link.)

This thread ate my brains, and it's still hungry.

Cuz I'm stoopid, see

And nowhere else on teh internets would that link have been more appropriate!

I thought I was still dreaming when I heard that on the radio this morning.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

A Halloween curse I place on all of you who dare to read my comment below:

On your deathbed, your last thought shall be:

BUT WHAT DID THE WOMEN FIND IN THE FOREST?

A-A-AwroooooOOOOOOOoooOOOooOOOOOOoooooOOOO!!!

Think that's scary, kids?

It's Dr. Tongue's 3D House of Indian Bathrooms!

*cries*

ZoMBiE ThREaD!! AAaAgH...

May you die the thousand deaths and rot in the forest for bringing this thread back to the sidebar!

I HAD BAD DREEMZ LAST NITE AND I BLAIM THIS THRED!!!!!

No, you just ate too many leftover Rockets.

I am not a leftover.

Were the toilets Howie Mandell style $5,000 jobbies that sprinkles your tushie pie with gold flakes and warm Listerine?

If so, I think I have the answer.

No I don't.

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BRING BACK THIS THREAD?!?

SWEET MOTHRA, WHY?!?


Neddy, please bring out the 10 TON BANHAMMER TM...

LET IT DIE PLEASE DEAR GOD I WILL THROTTLE YOU WITH MY SOCKS

Sssssssssshhhhh guys!! If we're very very quiet the thread will go away again and never return and we won't remember it and we all live happily ever after sssshhhhhhh

*cries*

I KNOW WHY THEY DIDN'T USE THE TOILETS!!

Howie Mandell style $5,000 jobbies that sprinkles your tushie pie with gold flakes and warm Listerine

The Listerine, IT BURNS

I SMITE THIS THREAD

Seeing this thread on the sidebar gives me the same feeling I get when I see my ex-wife's name in the "From" field of my email inbox.

OH HOLY CRAP I KNEW THE ANSWER TO THIS ONE. I am so sorry I never noticed this thread the first time 'round. *bows head in shame*

I heard it when it was presented to my Anthropology 101 class at the beginning of the quarter, back in my college years.

As I recall, the women objected to the stalls in the women's room, which they felt were too isolating. Also, they usually made one trip to the river per day - to gather water, bathe, socialize, and use "the facilities" all in one whack. It was hard to wash clothes properly in the little sinks, or some such.

I don't remember which country it supposedly took place in. I rather suspect it's an anthropology teacher-specific urban legend. It was told as an anecdote regarding cultural perspective; it wasn't presented as a logic riddle.

(For some reason, I remember the anecdote as being about the Yanomami. Not that I can find a damned smidgen of it online, of course.)

This Will Not Do.

I think this legend is probably a variation on what Snopes calls "Floor Show."

P.S. Serves you all right for having this conversation in September 2006. A month during which I had no internet at home, had just moved into a new place, and had to commute 2 hours to work each way. Poor Mofi didn't get much of my attention that month.

*Kills mechagrue

*Reluctantly leads police to this thread, and to Lara's confession. Sells rights to the Enquirer and Dr. Phil.*

*sob*

I knew I shouldn't have picked up that cat this afternoon.

*applies yellow "CRIME SCENE - DO NOT CROSS" tape around thread*

Move along folks...nothing to see here.

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing, you chowderhead.

Where am I, and what is Garfield doing here?

I WILL KILL ALL OF YOU WITH A SHOVEL

mechagrue, I am just incredibly relieved to finally have an answer to that godawful question.

FWIW, we never had this particular story in Cultural Anthro 101; but of course we did have the Nacirema. I wonder if there's a checklist for Cultural Anth lecturers.

Best thread ever.

Careful, HW. My spree might not be over with yet.

Respectfully request that this thread be closed now and forever and ever, amen.

Send it to join thread #1.

It's like a Chapter in the Big Monkey Book has finally closed.

Glory be to the toilets,
And to the kids and Indian mothers, too.
As the pooed in the beginning,
They now and ever shall poo.
Thread without end, amen, amen.

A la tuhuelpa legria Nacirema
Que tuhuelce paralla legria cosabuena
A la tuhuelpa legria Nacirema, hey, Nacirema!

Women’s Needs, Women’s Action: Toilet Development in Urban and Rural
Communities of India
(pdf)

Well, I thought I'd sleep better last night for knowing. Didn't work.

BlueHorse, thank you.

I promise I guffawed until tears made my left eye shine in the cold electric hum of my office light.

The Listerine, it burns.

Joy.

*looks around for stake to pierce thread's heart*

Ummm...

Oh, I am so sorry for this... but...

WHAT DID THEY FIND IN THE FOREST????

*CRIES*

THEY FOUND THE WOMEN ALL AT THE RIVER WASHING PEEING AND SOCIALIZING!!! THAT MADE THEM REALIZE WHY THE TOOLETS WEREN'T BEING USED!!

And then they put blue scented cakes in the river.

It burns

Why, thank you, monkey- nnnnnnhhh, humper.

My, what an interesting name you have.

Hey, you guys, I checked this guy's profile. He says he wears paper briefs. D'ya think he might be a prevert or something?

Oh, us, why, nothing at all, Mr. ... Humper. We're merely chatting.

Here, have a cookie blue-scented cake while you're waiting.

          _________
        .'.-------,'.
      .'.'         '.'.
     |.'  _ ___ _ __ '.|
     ||  (_' | / \|_) ||
     ||  ,_) | \_/|   ||
     ||               ||
     ||    THREAD     ||
     |'.   CLOSED    .'|
      '.'.         .'.'
        '.'-------'.' 
          ¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯

::chomp chomp chomp::

d'ya have another cake? this one is a tad salty.

Won't you come home, Daisy May, won't you come home
I post the whole night long
I'll do the rantin', honey,
I'll link YouT00bz,
I know this thread's too looooonnng

So this is what happens when one steps away from MoFi for a good period of time?

*fondly recalls all of the vile otter bile that was splattered upon cynnbad*

Mr. Tea! How's the face doin'?

Wassup, shug?

If I ever go away for a while, I'll make sure to return in a bathroom thread.

Welcome back, SMT!

The face is much better - - I look human again!
I was half-tempted to cover myself in Elephant Man fashion for a while...

The bathroom thread is where it's at.

*winks at Koko*

Holy Shit, what a ride. Checcked the thread on a whim. Lotta time elapsed; but now I'll even more more bizarre questions for you.

Sorry, I HAVE even more blah blah blah.

Glad to see you back,cynnbad. And, weird questions are always welcome.

Wait a minute...

I thought the Evil Monkeys murdered you in your sleep. Something about revenge for this thread...

Evil? Not me. No one I know here. Move along now. Nothing to see. Ignore the body, he's just resting

Oh, I'll have some posers. My life seems to be trending that way.

Incidentally, I love you guys. I can't hang as often as I would like, but y'all are whip smart and cool as all hell. Keep it up; I feel another kooky question coming on.

Yes, I should die, and I will do so promptly,

sorry, ignore it.

You certainly can't die till you give us a lifetime of questions we can't answer. So, I guess you just have to deal.

*taps fingers*

I'm waiting... where's the kooky question?

Here are some unanswerable puzzles with annoyingly unsatisfactory answers.

Unanswerable because they don't ask any questions?

Sorry, Pleg. Those are not kooky enough. Where is the KOOK?

SMT: The first one's got a dwarf with an umbrella--how much kooker do you want to get?

I always see this thread appear on the sidebar with mingled apprehension and a form of awe.

I've just read the whole thing through again from the beginning, and have come to the conclusion that the entire thread is an extended Zen koan, created by the Universe without conscious interference by any monkey, in order to bring us to enlightenment. The Infinite has spoken through us. The secrets of Being are contained herein. The answer is that there is no answer, and there is no Self to get annoyed by the fact that there is no answer because we have gone beyond the concept of self-hood. We are the answer. We are at peace. Om.
Now, if someone can distill the thread into a self-help book and get it on Oprah, we've got it made.

Give us another one, Cynn!

Not to mention, the link Pleg gave us has Siamese twins, corpses, and an albatross. SMT, if you can't get kinky kooky with that, you're not the Monkey I think you are.

Pleg, I knew you were a prevert, but this link is over the top, even for Cynnbad!

...in order to bring us to enlightenment.

Wait -- enlightenment comes by way of the toilet? What?

*is moved by mothie's aura*

*steeples fingers, hums OMMMMMM*

It's kind of like "what's the sound of one hand clapping" but it actually has an answer that will drive you mad.

Thank God these threads aren't numbered - LOLerz.

OMMMMMM
NOMMMMMM
NOMMMMMM

I just rediscovered this thread... whew.

I still think my answer was the best.

/bump

*attempts to recall group email stating that this thread is a PITA*

Mmhhhh, Pita...

Naan, not pita. This is India, after all.

Of course they wouldn't sign a piece of paper. They were wiping their tushes with paper.

Make that 631 comments for the Indian toilets thread now. But, It's Palin is still ahead.

Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!

It takes nearly two months to "cleanse" oneself of this thread. Then, invariably, someone just has to bring the pain back to the sidebar...

It takes nearly two months to "cleanse" oneself of this thread. Then, invariably, someone just has to bring the pain back to the sidebar...
Like you!

Do not fear the toilet thread! Embrace it for all of it's wonderfullness! Enter the forest and face your fears!

633

Yes! Let us bow before the porcelain god!

JOIN ME IN THE TOILET ZOMBIE THREAD RESURRECTION MOVEMENT.


DRAINSSssssssssss

NOM, NOM, NOM, EWW! UGH! BLEUGH!

NOT. AGAIN.

*begins battering monkeyhumper and roryk with a plunger*

THREAD THAT WILL.NOT.DIE.

What is the matter with you people?? Don't make me go post to Daisy_May...

Coming up on four years, nary an answer.

ARGH

*attempts to wad thread into ball*

Oh, wait!

Monkeyhumper, mothninja!! OMG! Both of you at once. Like a reunion.
If this thread is what it takes to flush you guys out of the water closet, then bring on the plungers!!

How ya' been, guys?



*tosses TP all over the thread in celebration*

Oops. Now who's going to clean this up?

If I'd known there would be such revelry, I would have flushed myself out sooner.

I will never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever stop wondering.

Oh no you di'int. Sometimes I forget this thread exists. And then it reappears. AND THEN I DON'T SLEEP.

This is an evil post.

Why won't you let it die?

Can someone give me a blow-by-blow of the last several years' worth of comments? kthx

OK, traic, here goes...
1) Does a bear shit in the woods?
2) We don't know.
3) And there was much gnashing of teeth.

And the gnashing was the most interesting part, of course.

This whole thread reminds me of Amy Tan's novel, Saving Fish from Drowning, which is also based on automatic writing from the ghost world, or in this case an old thread. But not only. She also writes the horror of the American tourist using the Burmese Vagina Shrine for a urinal and mistaking its finely wrought glyphs for grafitti... Now to come full circle, the puzzle posed here, as to why the women and children avoided the westernized lavatories, it could be that they didn't want to violate our shrines?

...Men, on the other hand, just can't help themselves?

You'd think I would use my magical time machine to stamp out the plague or something. You know, stash the recipe for Purell in the glove box or something. I'd be an effing HERO.

You'd be wrong. I'd use it to go back and torture the teacher until he talks.

No one ever said I used resources wisely.

I hereby declare this link to be the official bane of curious toilet monkeys everywhere.

Look! Still no answer!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-- *stops* *blinks*
fish tick? fish tick! yay! *hugs*

... what were we talking about again?

Daisies in May, I think?

OK, this headline was on the front page of the BBC news today: India woman leaves home for lack of toilet

I almost fell off my chair.

Sadly it does not answer the Question.

*sings* Daiiisy Daaaiiisy give me your answer, do...

Bill Gates should read this thread.

^I've used this physically low-down level of porcelain toilet as already designed in Taiwan. Yes, it's healthier, for sure. In Beelzebub's Tales to His Grandson Gurdjieff made a whole chapter out of what happens if you ignore the most natural call of Nature, saying that the Atlantean culture went down because toilets became too comfortable - finally ending in a bed-like position and universal constipation... But to use these healthier Taiwanese or Gates sponsored toilets you have to take your pants off completely, hang them on a hook and hope for the best... Maybe first we should go back to wearing kilts?

From mothninja's article:

"The programme aims to eradicate the practice of open defecation, which is common in rural and poor urban areas of India."

Just... poopin' out in the woods, eh? I did that once. It was calm and refreshing.

The "obvious answer" the teacher was looking for must be related to woods pooping. The children go where the mother goes, and the mother would rather stick to "traditional woodsy poopie time" than the new practice of cleaning the men's AND the women's bathrooms.

Are there threads that have gone longer than this? Surely not.

*Done*

Are there threads that have gone longer than this? Surely not.

Oh my word yes, yes there are. Meet Daisy_May, Turkmenbashi, and a panda.
Not to mention the multi-thread game that is never going to end...

I do <3 this place.

I have nothing to add here.

I'll keep trying to think of something.

Darling monkeyhumper, this whole thread was a 'nothing to add here.'

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