August 07, 2006

• Maybe I should have kept my "incindiary language" comment for here, instead of using it up on the Lebanon thread. Sometimes I think that requirements for reeeaaaly long engagements and no possibility of divorce would be a good thing. Back to Victorian times!
• Young women have a crystal-clear agenda: they want the career, the wardrobe, the smartly furnished house, the 4x4 and the cute kids they'll ferry in it to expensive schools. No man is going to get in their way; and the men they choose for themselves are pliant and feeble enough to facilitate that programme. He thinks this kind of woman has only been around since the 1990's?!? Granted, in former days the "career" may have been as a society hostess, but variations on this tyoe go back to the dawn of Western society.
• Damn, those were depressing. He certainly comes off an ass in both pieces, for sure. Yeesh.
• Unspeakable.
• wow, I haven't read "she said" yet, but I couldn't bring myself to finish "he said". I predict Nirpal will be served divorce papers some time soon...
• OMG, I can't finish her's either. He's an asshole and she's pathetically insecure... for those unmarried monkeys let me answer the question: no, not all marriages are like that. (and I am a dominant, opionated, intelligent woman whose husband is about as far from a passive, meek doormat as it could be possible to get.)
• mandyman> Since when did you start reading Unfogged? You weren't able to get your RDA of bphd at her own blog? :-D
• I almost feel like I should apologize for bumming everyone out.
• ZOMG, mackerel, babycakes! You posted in a thread! I was even going to tell you I had linked there, kk?
• Man, interesting links, but those are radical ends of a spectrum. The first reeks of maleism The second is insecure. But good reads.
• Yick. He's an ass, and she needs a big dose of confidence. How many women (and men) stay with partners like this just because they don't think they can do (or deserve) any better? No apologies necessary, mandyman. It *is* interesting, in a train wreck sort of way. *shudder*
• (runs screaming for the hills) I'm just gonna go be hermit for the rest of my life.
• On the bright side, that's two fewer losers in the dating pool.
• If my wife ever were to call me a homosexual in print, she would be lucky to just get divorce papers.
• You really can't box sexes like this. Women want this... Men are like that... Stereotyopes, and their attendant generalizations, are what get people in trouble in situations like these. The person seeing the other through the stereotype is not seeing the bigger picture, and is not taking into consideration that personalities are, in general, not always within predefined molds. Neither one of these people have a healthy attitude about relationships. I read them both, and thought, "I would never publish the intimate details about my relationship for all the world to read." I mean, how's a guy to win in that situation? On the other hand, he wrote in his article that he cheated on her, and he acted like he was entitled. Jerk.
• TypographicalError: The lady, &c.
• This marriage is soooo over.
• Better to take a writer's fee than pay for counselling I suppose.
• It's not that uncommon for a man to cultivate that kind of insecurity in his lover. It gives him control and security. I may be wrong, but I don't think her insecurity is an inherent personality trait of hers, but something she's acquired from being with him, and something she'll lose (mostly) once she gets rid of him.
• nunia has it right. both of these people aren't seeing the other person as a person, they are seeing their gender. It's messed.
• Double agreed with nunia, jb: gender stereotypes kind of miss the point of feminism and do the common and heinous mistake of redefining feminism as feminazism. But a problem in transexuality arises... are those who undergo gender reassignment sexist by their desire to be identified as a member of the opposite sex? Could one not, after all, enter that gender without surgery? Is drag ephemeral? When the curtains go down has the gender bender dissolved?
• InsolentChimp: I know that's a debate amongs trans communities. Some believe in a true, coherent gendered core -- what can be called an "essential" maleness or femaleness. This can be tactically useful because it is one way for non-trans people to understand and sympathize with the trans experience (the whole "man born in a woman's body" thing, I guess?) On the other hand, some members of the trans community insist upon the fluid nature of gender, and deny that any stable gendered identity exists (I mean, just look at how the definition of "femininity" has changed in the past 100 years). Some want to exist between and around traditional gender identities, but not within them, living with a more androgynous identity. This can be harder to justify to the "mainstream," because it can be harder for people who take traditional gender roles for granted (and most people do, to varying degrees) to understand or get behind. Of course, I'm way oversimplifying here. It's really hard to talk about a "trans point of view" just like it's really hard to generalize about any group of people. Hopefully I didn't say anything too far out of line here.
• I think feeling that there is maleness and femaleness is different from judging all males and females by unflattering stereotypes. I don't have a strong gender identity myself, but Dreadnought says he does. But that doesn't stop him from having female friends and thinking of them just as he would his male friends. It's the stereotype which is so corrosive. I was really angry listening to Women's Hour the other morning - there was a woman and a man both on complaining about the opposite sex. Not any particular member(s) of, but the whole sex. Which disgusted me. But then the guy started complaining specifically about how women never have any pockets - and that enraged me! He was acting like we choose to be pocketless - what?! I suffer all the time due to the evil pocketless nature of so much women's clothing - and he acts like we want this?! *rage rage RAGE!!!*
• I remember an interview with Carol Burnett where she said she had Bob Mackie put pockets in all the evening gowns she wore on her show, because she hated being pocketless.
• I wear BDUs specifically for the pockets. I have three pairs in my closet as I write this. I am a marsupial.
• the pocketless thing is a serious issue, especially for dressier clothing. I have lamented this for years and am always on the lookout for a solution that doesn't require a)that I travel sans lip balm (impossible) b)that maybe just this once I don't have to carry a stupid purse (and then my husband will ask to put all his extraneous gear in it too--MEN!) /har
• At any one time I have six or seven lip balms in my house, purse, car, pockets, etc. Furthermore, my husband is always putting his cumbersome crap in my purse. Medusa must are living in parallel.
• Medusa and I must are not this that something. English is none of my language.
• NUNIA!!!!!!!!!!!! I am a lip balm crack whore too!! I have a severe problem. I always keep about 8 in the house, stashed in various places, and never travel without at least 4 of them (stashed in various luggages in case one gets lost/stolen etc) we are obviously evil twins separated at birth!
• Hmmm... I just counted the lip balm/gloss population of my (not large) purse, and came up with six. I'd say we should start a support group, but I don't wanna stop. It's just too nice to have smooth, shiny lips that sometimes smell vaguely of strawberries.
• why stop? its legal, you can afford it and you're not hurting anyone (right?) for my lip-enslaved ladies: the best online lip balm store evar!!!
• from whom you can buy Labello, the best lip balm on earth
• I have a buncha lip balms, but I never think to use 'em. They've all still got those pristine flat tops.
• I can only wear the organic stuff from TJ's, because anything else makes my lips break out in cysts. *whines about colorless lips*
• ooh, fun store! Right now my favorite is this Clinique lip balm. Just a little bit of color, it's not sticky, and it makes my perenially chapped lips (legacy of playing french horn all those years?) happy shiny. Plus, I'm allergic to the fragrances in a lot of things, but I'm always pretty safe with Clinique stuff.
• Hmm...I think I'll look into that. Thanks meredithea!
• I have a bunch of lip-balms around the place too... but they're those macho-daredevil types... honest... The problem is, I hid them all and I have no idear where. Man, my lips are bleeding.
• i kicked the chapstick habit years ago. Okay, I just moved to a place that wasn't dry in winter.
• EIGHTY-FIVE BUCKS for the lip balm of the month club???!?!?!!! My lips will fall off first.
• nunia: Try asking the counter-person for a sample. I got two little tubes of the stuff that you can put on your key chain, and they lasted forever.
• I have to say, I'm curious now. What would your wife get if she called you a homosexual in print, Typographical Error? Fruit basket?
• The counter lady gave me tons of Dermablend samples when my burn scar was new. They lasted me until the scar faded.
• By fruit basket do you mean the form of genital exposure in which a man holds his junk inverted between his legs and performs a full moon, Monkey Haus?