July 24, 2006
Geekin' with Steve Steve "Malak" Sumner takes us on a tour of the high points of sci-fi/fantasy geek culture, including Art Critique, Feminism, and the all important Bad Ass Star Wars Characters.
A little something for our 13 year old selves.
From Steve's Fantasy Art Critique:
In this one the barbarian is Conan and Conan is looking buffer than ever. He is so buff that even his horse is buff. Look at that, I don't even think a horse has pectorals but that one does...
The horse is sort of jumping like it's going to punch someone and Conan has that awesome sword, but he also has an axe in case he has to like kill so many lizardmen that he needs another weapon. Like if his sword blows out on him halfway through a horde of giant cats or something. Conan also has bagged another super-hot babe. She looks sort of like Vampirella but her dress isn't complicated enough. She has a really hot butt and I bet her boobs are good too but I can't tell for sure. Conan is going to rampage on her at some point in the book, you can be sure, and like when you read that part where Conan is pushing her around and kissing her boobs you can flip the book around and remind yourself how hot it really can get.
I rate this picture a solid 8 out of 10. It's not over-the-top awesome, but it doesn't need to be because if Conan was awesome all the time he would seem less awesome when he was being awesome.
And yep, those are Something Awful links. Probably the funniest Something Awful links I've read in a long time.
There are so many errors in that man's star wars knowledge that I don't know where to start. And where are the robots? The robots are the most awesome things in Star Wars. I mean, I dug the cantina aliens too, but the robots sold it. Especially the bug eyed one in the sandcrawler/black death star droid.
/still by the grace of Eris my computer functions.
This is the least best thing on the disinterestnet. It's so unfunny it must've been written by Steely Dan! The way he writes makes him sound like someone of very little sophistication or education indeed - I simply do not understand why he would seriously discuss such low-culture works as "star wars". I would prefer a review of some important art in art galleries or suchlike.
Quidnunc, you make me so mad sometimes that I wish tracicle would just hurry up and ban Berek!
IN THE TIME BEFORE THE OCEANS HAD DRUNK ATLANTIS
IN A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY
BEREK THE BERBERKIAN RULED WITH HIS LASER BATTLE AXE
AND ALL TREMBLED BEFORE HIM
NO-ONE WOULD CHALLENGE HIS AWFUL POWERS
SAVE FOR THE BRAVEST LITTLE ANDROID IN THE GALAXY
TRACIBOT THE ADMINISTERIAN
VERSE
Berek was a Berberkian
He was tough and evil and mean
His slaves had to work and workian
In the dung mines of Thorgaleen
He was nine foot tall, and made of brass,
His laser battle axe could maim!
And none would dare usurp his throne
'Til to our kingdom, tracibot came
CHORUS
Tracibot, oh-oh tracibot!
To injustice she was contrarian -
Tracibot, take your placibot,
Tracibot the Administerian!
Super secret bonus link!!! Steve's Art and Philosophy Workshop: Painting an Owlbear.
I know a bot, tracy is her name, she can ban you so hard.
Er... take two... I know a bot, tracy is her name, she can ban you so hard
> I know a bot, tracy is her name
thumpin'
That "column" hurt English.
You know the guy that invented Conan had a thing for his mother, right? Shot himself when she died.
Explains everything, really.
Was his mom hot?
First of all, I don't like to use gay as a pejorative term, because I think that's racist and second of all, fantasy is not gay.
This man is brilliant.
Man vs. Himself
Man vs. Man
Man vs. Society
Man vs. Nature
Hot Chick vs. Hot Chick
Is this the the guy who wrote Real Ultimate Power.
It's so unfunny it must've been written by Steely Dan!
I hearby proclaim that the term "Steely Dan" will be used henceforth as a means of describing writing that is intended to be funny, but is in fact pathetic and might very well be a cry for help.
So let it be written.
So let it be done.
Henceforth I shall forever more be known as Steely Dan.
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