March 01, 2004

Stalin gave Russia crabs and now Scandinavia's got them. Joseph Stalin introduced giant Pacific crabs to north-eastern Europe in the 1930s (the maniac!) but now the monster crustaceans are marching south along Norway's coast devouring everything in their path. Gah!

These enormous armoured bug-eyed bastards can weigh up to 11 kilograms (25lb), achieve a claw-span of almost one metre (3ft) and can break a swan's wing with a blow of their nose. But they taste soooo goood. I think us monkeys should get a boat or two together, float up there and eat these Norwegians some help. Where's the tartare sauce? More here. And here.

posted by Nostrildamus 20 years ago
  • You could write a novel on this. A really bad novel, obviously.
  • I'm now put in mind of the giant land-crab things that get Roland's fingers in the Dark Tower series. Snip, snip!
  • and can break a swan's wing with a blow of their nose Do you literally mean they can break a swan's wing by sneezing?
  • ... possibly ...
  • I'll send over my in-laws, who threaten the eastern seaboard's supply of crab and lobster. They'll quell this delicious scourge in no time. We had a vacation to North Carolina with them a few years back. They ate crab, clams and/or lobster for three out of four meals a day, every day, for a week and a half. These giant beasties will be offered no quarter before them.
  • I, for one, welcome our new crab ovelords!
  • who's to argue with nostrildamus on that?
  • ohh, I mean, about breaking wings by sneezing... too late to amend the joke I think.
  • Mmmm... crabs!
  • The swan's wing gag is a small Peter Cook & Dudley Moore reference. :)
  • Why don't they retool all their fishing industry to focus on crabs instead of the continued explotation of their other fishing resources? That way they won't help the crabs in their maniacal plan to destroy the norwegian maritimal ecology. Or better, let them sink some oil tankers there. That should take care of those damn commie-crabies.
  • those damn commie-crabies This is the Pacific red crab we're discussing, after all. Seriously, what you said, Zemat. Given the tastiness of the subject, it seems that they could happily overfish them into local extinction, giving the cod stocks a chance to recover while they're so distracted. We're certainly good at doing that to other tasty species.
  • Uh-oh. Scientists like to experiment on crab-eating monkeys, yet completely ignore monkey-eating crabs. /departs to buy lemons, butter, and a really good disguise
  • Stalin may have given Russia crabs... but Catherine the Great gave a horse the clap.
  • frozen-at-sea Pacific red king crab legs, 16-20oz, $16.50+ per lb. Won't be a problem for long.
  • Can we all pause for a moment to appreciate how ridiculously huge these crabs are? And I was just in a lecture about commies, so this is all very magical. I can share this information with my class.
  • I always knew Stalin had mysterious powers, but an army of crabs? Damn.