March 09, 2006

Anonymous George: Transgendered, Can't Find Work Hi, folks, fellow simians. I was intersexed at birth and was surgically "corrected" and pronounced a boy. Unfortunately for me, I'm actually a girl, and am just getting around to correcting this problem at age 29-30. I've been on female hormones for almost exactly a year, and have been living full-time in my true gender for about 8 months. I look pretty "convincing" already except perhaps for my jawline and my sparse (but darkish) facial hair. I pass. Not perfectly, but great considering how little I've done. I'm in the States.

The problem is, I came to this town last summer, just after going "full time", to see my brother and now-fiancè to talk to them about the changes. (I only discovered I was intersexed well *after* I decided to correct my gender.) Only 45 minutes away on the way back home, I was in an accident on a county road, and had a huge panic attack and left the scene. Oops, misdemeanor. Long story short, I am now on two years probation which will end prematurely in November if I pay the ~$500 fine off by then, and probation can't be transferred out of state so I have to live here. With no license until sometime later this year. My (slight) transgendered appearance and voice, probation, lack of car, and the general job situation are making it very difficult to get employment, as well as a male legal name and sex, and a somewhat sparse employment history. I can't go back to part-time because I'm not very convincing pretending to be male anymore, and that would be *extremely* painful anyway, especially cutting my hair. My fiancè can drive me *some* places, but she has a rather inflexible job where I can't be hired because of our relationship. Public transportation here is horrible, and I don't know the area very well. My gender therapist is a good 700 miles away, back home. So I'm wondering, what would be the best way for me to get employment in this situation? I "pass" much better without facial hair but I can't afford electrolysis or laser anymore because I don't have a job to begin with. Plucking helps but takes hours, and I still have shadow because I'm practically translucent and very dark-haired. Makeup doesn't cover it perfectly, not even Dermablend. My fiancè buys me food and drives me around, but I still *need* cash. Help!

posted by Simian XX 18 years ago
  • How many times are we going to have to listen to this tired, old story?
  • I'm moving into Ralph's world as it's apparently a lot more interesting than mine.
  • I'm sorry, maybe I'm just in a crabby mood. My left-most penis is acting up again, and I haven't had a good benzene enema in weeks. Pardon my snark.
  • Might be helpful to know your skillset to answer this, anonymous. But if you look for places that have generally have more "left-leaning" staffs (bookshops, music shops, etc.) you'll probably have better luck finding acceptance of who you are and the changes you're undergoing. Office jobs are going to be an uphill battle, by and large. And for a store or office job, you'll have to rely on public transportation or get a lift. Yeesh, this is a tough one. I can't imagine finding out the truth after you've come to terms with who you are and what you want to be. Seems like that little nugget might have smoothed the path a little bit. But hang in there. At least one monkey's pulling for you.
  • Telephone work. That'll do it. Phone sk33lz are easy to master with enough patience.
  • Two. Although I have no advice - at least not for Simian XY (I have some for Ralph, which includes a bucket of water, his head, and a simple counting game).
  • Best thing seems like it would be some sort of job where working at home would be the norm - again, not sure of your skillset, but telemarketing, freelance IT consulting or web design, copy editing or digital to paper transcription (I've used indie contractors for both those last ones, paid them through paypal, worked splendidly) etc. Since appearance seems to be the determining factor here, second choice would be jobs where you are out of the house but do not have much interaction with people. The only one I can think of off the top of my bean is "milkman" (it's been a loooooong day, forgive me) but you get the idea - night shift, or early early shift, deep-deep-deep the lonely old warehouse jobs, that sort of thing. Lastly, MCT's recommendation of jobs with friendly faces would be an option.
  • (on preview: this repeats a bit of what's been said already) Wow, that's a full plate! You've got a lot of moxie to have gotten this far. Ditto on phone work (some can be done from home), freelance stuff like typing resumes or taking a % cut to help people sell stuff on ebay, dogwalker/petsitter/housesitter... these are all things that you can string together to make some cash and can be done with a basic skill set. Know some folks who need their houses cleaned? Is there any kind of local support group for gays/lesbians/transgendered folk? They might be able to give you some local leads. I don't know what kind of place you're in, if there's a local college where you could post flyers/tutor something, etc. Also, is it possible that there's an online forum specifically for transgendered support? Not that you shouldn't turn to your fellow monkeys (I'm glad you asked us!), but it seems like a more specific group would have the experience to help you more than we could. oh, here's a silly sideline that might work: start an anonymous blog detailing your experience and see if you can get some decent ads on it (stuff that you'd support--I'm not talking about blogwhoring). You've got a compelling story that other folks would like to hear about, I'll bet! Best of luck in whatever you do dear Simian!
  • (in addition to what's been suggested) are there any friendly coffee shops, restaurants, diners in the area? could you try bicycle courier work (this can pay okay wages if you're prepared to put the hours in)? is there a college nearby? any chance of subbing on some admin work during the vacation period?
  • Way to be an asshole, Ralph.
  • I thought it was funny.
  • Was intended as funny. I guess I'm just as assholic as Chyren. An accomplishment.
  • and btw, Wolof, I own an african grey and a blue fronted amazon, so we have a shoutout! Let's dance!
  • My skills are mainly low-level IT and design based. I can troubleshoot, build, and maintain PC workstations, install networks, etc. I've also done a bit of half-decent web/graphic design and image editing. I don't have these on paper, though, except maybe a small portfolio and a couple references. And, well, I'm stuck in mideastern Wisconsin for now, if that helps. Thanks all. =)
  • I know that it's going to be hard, Simian XX. The bank where I work had a temp that was transgendered, and she was let go after the female employees had a fit that she was using the ladies room (she was pre op and still very male in appearance, but still I felt they were way over the top). Anyway, I third (fourth, fifth?) that a traditional place like where I work is going to be the worst place to go. It's infuriating to me that this is so. I had a plum online job at one point working as a community rep for a big video game company. Never saw my employers, they never saw me. I worked from home and made a nice second salary. It was a matter of having networked and met the right people. (Not naming companies, but I did once get to play an online game with Will Wright. Awesome for a geek girl like me!) I lost it when they outsourced, and I've never found anything as good, but I haven't looked very hard. An internet job not only lets you not worry about social interaction, but lets you work in your jammies! It couldn't hurt to poke around the 'nets and see what pops up. I also second telemarketing. The main thing that I worry about is that you should never feel that you have to hide yourself, or that you don't fit/belong anywhere you want to be. But you might have an easier transition if you start out somewhere with less stress. I got nothin' on the transportation front, because I rely on public transportation. Can you advertise for a car pool? Maybe on something like craigslist if it's in your town... I guess don't have much good advice, but you should always know there are a bunch of monkeys here who are behind you.
  • *takes Ralph's shovel away*
  • So you're a LaCrosse dresser?
  • /collapse
  • (don't mean to be badgering you...)
  • Oh, wait, you said eastern. So foolish of me. I owe you a Sheboygan bratwurst.
  • Ebay doesn't care what you look like. Sell crap. Hit the estate sales and thrift stores.
  • Ralph - bad dog, no biscuit. Simian XX - a good friend of mine turned to telephone marketing when she was out of work, basically working for a company which did surveys of business practices. I don't know how much she made though and my impression was that it could be frustrating. I only mention it as an option to consider, not as a recommendation since I'm not sure she really enjoyed it. You mention that you have some web design expertise - it's possible that you could bid for some jobs on one of those online consulting/work-for-hire places. Here's a short AskMe thread about work at home IT jobs with some relevant advice. Here's another one, and another one. Here's a thread about how to find web design freelancers, which might help you find the people who you're looking for. Hope the links are helpful to you and good luck!
  • http://www.alpineaccess.com/external/index.html
  • but great considering how little I've done. Well, then do more. If it's going to take very little effort to be "convincing" then spend that effort and be "convincing". That seems like the path of leat resistance, and the path that you most want anyways. Unless you think you were lying to us when you said "I'm actually a girl", it wouldn't be lying to check that box on an application. As for your name, it would half to be pretty damn masculine for an interviewer to have the guts to ask why you have a man's name. After you are hired, you'll likely have to show ID (and probably have it photocopied). If the ID says "M" and they notice and bring it up (which may be quite likely, it's hard to say), tell them "yeah, that address used to be correct, also" or something similiar. Maybe "yeah, that and my address are old on there. I've supplied you with new, correct information on my application." These steps are also imprtant once you get your license reinstated. Make sure when you get it, make sure the gender is updated correctly.
  • As for your name, it would half to be pretty damn masculine for an interviewer to have the guts to ask why you have a man's name. He has a point. Also, I've known a few women who had men's names. I went to art school with a woman named Scott. Just say your parents were hippies or something, and laugh it off. Also, what about bleaching your facial hair, or shaving really close/putting Nair on every day? I would think making the extra effort to pass would be far preferable to taking a backward step. Also, take this opportunity to get your resume into shape. Best of luck to you.
  • I've certainly been in the "miles away from the nearest decent job with no car" situation in my time. It's pretty horrible.
  • The name thing is a valid point. I wait on an extremely feminine woman named "Mike" every week. I've noted the unusualness of her name, but never even thought to ask her if she used to be male.
  • Avoid the telemarketing jobs if at all possible because they are psychologically draining. Contract work in design, writing, editing is generally a good gig.
  • Something to think about once you get a little money coming in - many state universities now have a distance learning branch. If you can get some qualifications that way it may increse your future opportunities. Depending on how long you've been in the state you may qualify for financial aid or loans.
  • Actually, Koko, scratch that last comment I mailed you, and thanks for the anonymity. Folks, I'm Simian XX. Thanks to everyone with ideas or condolences! The blog and/or eBay sound good for starters. Mr. Knickerbocker: Like I mentioned, I pluck my facial hair (with my fiancè's help). I also shave what I may have missed, and put corrective makeup on. The dark hair remaining under the surface of my pasty skin *still* often shows through slightly on my upper lip. Everyone: By "having done so little", I'm referring to only having a single year on the hormones and a few months electrolysis (last year) under my belt. That's not much. It's a lack of surgeries and other really expensive transitional steps I'm referring to, not a lack of interest in my appearance. Heh. I pass decently well, to about 90-95% of strangers. I just don't stand up to scrutiny, yet. Here in the States, legal name and sex is important, but you're not required to specify gender on an application, and I don't. To become legally female, I must have a signed doctor's note that I have been found to have made "irreversible changes" to my anatomy. Which usually means sexual reassignment surgery. That costs about $15000. Being intersexed doesn't count, I don't think. A legal name change will cost me about US $500. Ralph: I'm not a LaCrosse dresser, I'm a Tranny Apple(ton). Oh ho. Underpants: Another thing I was looking at. I just need money for the training itself. Actually I'm trying to get back to school for a pharmacy degree. I was going to try and get a pharm tech certiticate and work a bit first. Thanks again! I'm still listening, and I feel a little more hopeful now. =)
  • Can't really suggest anything not already covered, but I'll be a-rootin' for you. It's going to be frustrating and hard, but you're a monkey and monkeys is tough. Monkey Stuy, do or die!
  • I don't know about there, but pharmacies around here are begging for techs, so that may be a great thing to pursue as far as quick employability.
  • You might try a combination of waxing/bleaching on your upper lip instead of plucking. Waxing is painful but it gets the tiny hairs that are hard to see/get with the tweezers, and all the pain is over with at once. Are there any kind of tech support or customer service call centers where you are? Your skillset would work well at one of those.
  • Two words: Call center. There are more trans working in call centers than probably every other job in this continent combined. When I did tech support, there was at least one transgendered person there *at all time*, and a high water mark of four at one point. (and in fact, I watched a friend of mine there turn into a girl over the course of a few months. The first time she showed up with breasts was pretty memorable.) And failing that, are there any sex shops nearby? For pretty obvious reasons, they're not going to discriminate over things like this - and will usually take absolutely anyone willing to work there.
  • Hi, nil! I know that it can be very difficult to have your sex legally changed (a friend of mine has tried a couple of times and been denied because she doesn't want surgery. She feels the demand for surgery is essentialist and classist, and I agree). However, being born intersex and assigned the incorrect gender might get you around those rules. You had gender reassignment surgery against your will, and I'm thinking a lawyer could help you argue that, or that the doc just messed up in the first place (making it more of a clerical error?)... but this is another discussion for another time. As for appearance issues, have you thought about using sunless tanner? This may help you hide any hair shadow, and the "sunless" part will keep you from the dangerous parts of tanning. It's a thought (get a decent brand, though, so you don't end up orange... and test it on an inconspicuous part of you first). Honestly, I've known lots of women with facial hair issues, so there are lots of possible solutions out there. I think getting your pharmacy tech certification is a great idea. In the mean time, ideas like call centers or more lefty jobs are good ideas. A friend of mine made really good money doing phone sex as well, but in the end she wasn't really cut out for the job. Still it's something to think about.
  • Call center is an OK idea, but they can be stressful and soul-destroying, depending on what sort of call center they are (ex: you don't want to have to make outcalls). Consider medical transcription: you can be trained for this by mail in 4 months, and work at home. Also look for a book called The Work-At-Home Sourcebook, and completely ignore its first half. Although, to be fair, it's mostly going to tell you to... become a medical transcriptionist; that seems to be where most of the WAH jobs are.
  • All call centers will eventually suck your soul out. But it wouldn't be all that bad for the limited amount of time that nil is talking about. I worked tech support in one too, and while there weren't any obvious transgender people working when I was there, there were a ton who's appearances were far more eccentric than how nil describes herself, and it wasn't an issue.
  • Hey, anonymonkey - if you want to do some online training to bolster your skill set, I can sign you up for courses for free - they're not all that, but you can do them from home and might bolster your portfolio for IT based work that you can do from home. My email is in my profile. Get that koko broad to contact me if you want, and we can take it from there. You can do things like technical web development, CLAIT, European Computer Driving Licence (I know you're in the US, but Windows is Windows, right?), Technical Microsoft etc. May or may not be of use, but the offer's there. Good luck matey.
  • A call center wouldn't be too bad for a few months. I'm willing to take just about anything legal at this point. An adult bookstore almost sounds entertaining, haha. I don't think my appearance is really an issue, and my voice isn't too bad. Here's me without shadow. I almost wonder if it isn't more just having a male name and being on probation. Hrm. Nymous George? Cheers and thanks, all!! I do feel tons better. kitfisto: Wow, I'll mail you tomorrow. =)
  • NP.
  • I don't have anything to add but "good luck"! We're with you.
  • I'm sorry, I don't have any ideas for you except that left-leaning jobs would work out much better than traditional, corporate ones. If you're near a university, that might also be an option. Good luck and know that many monkeys here will keep you in their thoughts. Please let us know how you're doing. (((MONKEY HUGS)))
  • I talked to a friend who lived in Wisconsin, and she said a couple of trans friends of hers got the drivers licences changed by pretending to have lost theirs, and then just checking the "F" box and pretending like nothing was unusual. It worked for them, and could work for you, when the time comes to get your license reinstated. At any rate, good luck! And don't forget you have lots o' monkey support (monkey love sounds a little... lewd... :) )
  • Wish I could help. You sound smart and capable. So I made you a MySpace page, complete with that foxy pic. (i am so kidding!) Best of luck; you'll make out fine I bet.
  • appleton is nice, but the fox river valley is still pretty 'republican', as i'm sure you already know. (i guess beansnappers is out of the question, eh?) can you move to madison? even milwaukee would be better. iirc madison's discrimination laws are much more LGBT-friendly. plus, no one here would bat an eyelash. a few years ago, the madison city council was debating whether to reimburse people on welfare for 'gender'-reassignment surgeries. i'll be on the lookout for any opportunities that might suit you, though i'm sure somebody over at madison.craigslist.com (or somesuch) could be more helpful. cheers
  • Oooh! I actually have something useful to add! Sign on with a temp agency. Be clear about the transportation issue, but only let them in on the gender thing if you want it known. Let them worry about finding jobs for you that are accessible. You'd be amazed at the completely random jobs that are out there that you'd never know existed. A friend of mine ended up getting a temp job walking around the city with a GPS unit and making note of the coordinates of every street corner. It took months and was good pay for just walking around.
  • Phone sex. Wow, what an amazing story. How weird it must have been for you to find out things about yourself you probably should have been told many, many years ago. I applaud your courage and determination. Keep your head up and keep your confindence at all times. I certainly wish you all the best in your efforts!
  • Mereditha: Hmm, never heard of that one. I've heard of the "M/F typo" method, but that requires serious passing. So who knows? =) Cynnbad: Heh! =P Thanks, I think I will too. Wedge: Definitely. I'll be glad to return to Columbus, OH... eesh. Madison is a distant possibility, but I won't be here long, so I dunno. yentruoc: Hm, guess maybe that *is* worth a try. I was too worried about the trans-portation issue. (D'oh.)
  • nil, I'm afraid I don't have anything concretely useful to say beyond what's been said already, but wanted to wish you luck anyway. Good luck!
  • Any luck yet?
  • *passes on more best wishes*
  • More best wishes from me too.
  • *has a little thing for teh moth*
  • Who doesn't?
  • Control yourselves! Unhand that maiden!
  • I, too, am curious as to how things are going for you, nil. Any updates?
  • Thanks! Just had an interview for a job as office assistant at a local thrift store a few hours ago, actually. I may have even gotten it. Also, a shameless plug: I'm trying to promote my new weblog. =)
  • good luck!
  • Good luck nil! Keep us informed!
  • Good going! Thrift stores are teh fun.
  • W00T!!11!
  • Sincere supportive comment!!! I suck at this.
  • Look.. why don't you just stop dressing like a goddam faggot??
  • *snort* Says the guy in the giant pink bunny outfit!
  • Chy's a furry? y'know it kinda makes sense now.
  • I like you, Chyren. *hugs*
  • This is a self portrait I took today:
  • Gah!
  • *faints*
  • Eek!
  • Bah! That's not Chy. Chy's shorter. And skinnier. And pasty white from lack of sunshine and healthy salads.
  • Mommy! Is is that you, Mommy?
  • *pfft* he's not wearing the bunny outfit...
  • *imagines that fake Chy with a bunny outfit* Gaaaahhhh. You've just killed whatever furry proclivities I eh, *might* have had.
  • Actually, that is the real Chy. I have proof!
  • Oh, horse buggery.
  • 'pon my word, sah! People have no sense of propriety anymore. Why, back in the horse-and-bugger days, such effrontery wouldn't have been stood for.