PLEASE take my Jesus plates.
I have a set of 6 "Faces of Jesus Collector's Plates" and I believe they are ruining my life.
WARNING: contains Craigslist
EAT CHEESE CHRACKERS OFF THEM: SO HEARD ON THE WIND!
or at least a cheese sandwich...
OR AT LEAST A SANDWICH, THE HERALD ANGELS SING!
Orange nipples are knocking.
I wonder if pr0n Star plates would, y'know, do the opposite.
Certainly help you eat everything up...
MAN STANDING ON TOILET EAT ON JESUS.
I wonder if pr0n Star plates would, y'know, do the opposite.
I think bowls would be more appropriate for that set.
They are a little creepy-looking, but it would be pretty cool to use 'em at a dinner party.
Maybe they're really pictures of the Prophet Muhammud (Hard to tell him and the Nazarene apart sometimes) and that's why she'd having the bad luck. Maybe we should set fire to her embassy.
(At least she's not celi-bent.
I'd break 'em.
I am offering to end her celibacy -- and she can keep the plates.
"Hard to tell him and the Nazarene apart sometimes..."
Hippy that looks happy/kindly/nailed to a tree: Jesus
Guy that looks angry, with a turban: Muhammud but you never see pictures of him (check papers for details on this)
So my advice is: plump for Jesus.
This was on Craigslist Austin a few weeks ago, and it was taken down after a few days. So it's probably not freal. Still funny though.
I dunno Chyren. He looks pretty much like most hippies I know.
I wonder if posting an image of Mohammed in a thread will become a new take on Godwin.
Oh My Allah; they're burning the Kiwi embassy!
Al-Ghodwoun?
The Danish are burning their own embassy!
"Waiter, there's a face of Jesus in my soup."
"Looks like he's doing the backstroke."
"...had a bird poop on my head..."
Birds pooping on your head is Good Luck, not Bad. FACT. Same with stepping into poop by accident. FACT.
This woman doesn't have the first idea about what comprises Good Luck and Bad Luck. I'm sure there are Mediums or Feng Shui people she can hire to direct her to better fortune. At the very least, if it's certain that the Jesus plates are causing her Bad Luck, no doubt that can be reversed by either smashing them, or burying them. (Not sure about Holy Water...)
The Cap'n's actually right about the birdshit thing. The superstition goes back (IIRC) about fifteen hundred years on mainland China, which is believed to be the earliest appearance of this very old but somewhat obscure belief.
There's considerable disagreement on this among religious scholars (who enjoy arguing this as a sort of hobby problem), but the mainstream consensus seems to be that it has its origins in the mythical Fu bird, which was believed to be so sacred that the least part of it, even its droppings, would convey blessings upon those who came in contact.
Thus the origin of the ancient wisdom:
If the Fu shits, wear it.
My bridesmaid had a bird poop on her head during our wedding. We're still together but she has had terrible luck in relationships. Maybe the luck only applies to the witnesses of the fly-by pooping.
Oh, hang on, there's someone at the door...a bunch of guys with beards and tea-towels on their heads...I'll be right e87dy7hhviNOCARRIER----
tracicle, with your last breath could you please give me the suras you run this place with and the naughty jinn for Chy. Thanks.
So -- we're unsupervised now?
Or does the Fifteen Minute Rule apply to Admins as well?
If so, you will get horrible karma. Jesus doesn't play around.
Of course. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.
Stepping on poop is good luck? Mmh. Not if you're wearing threaded hiking boots, and you're on your way to work. Not if you notice this just as you're in the building's entrance, and can barely manage to scrape excesss poop on curb. Not if remaining poop, lodged securely in the threads, begins to STINK like a diarrheic monkey's butt as you sit at your workstation. Not if you end up cleaning them up with cardboard and a borrowed cleaning brush in the bathroom, just enough so you can go to the shoestore two blocks away without having people there faint. Not if later that day, as you leave the office, notice that beautiful girl from the nearby diplomatic office that you have a crush on, and (again) can't rack up the nerve to finally talk to her due to the stinking shoes in the plastic bag you're carrying.
No, I don't think so.
Word. If you have poop on you, you are not lucky. You can spin it any way you want with a lot of glass-half-full pop-psychology claptrap, but it is as the esteemed Flagpole observes: poop is the antithesis of luck.
Bullshit.
Being crapped-on, or stepping in crap -- it's a bad event. Stains, stinks, whatever. It's precisely because it's a bad event that it's Good Luck. You've been given a whack of bad Karma at that one instant, so in order for Karma to balance out, it needs to send good things your way for a while to make up for it.
FACT.
How do I know it's not BAD luck due to the karmic wheel coming around on me for something I did in the past? Poop events don't come with explantory labels, you know.
Man, stupid puns are wasted on you fuckers.
Fes -- if you want to get crapped on and not at least get some Good Luck out of it, you be my guest.
I don't want to get crapped on at all!
There's also this old folk belief about not conforting oneself after accidentally hitting something: 'don't massage your elbow! You'll find (or) there's some money coming to you soon!'
Mind you, I've had some hard knocks al over my body and never won the lottery or found a single bill on the street. Mh.
Monkeyfilter: I don't want to get crapped on at all!
She should leave them on the doorstep of her local church. Like a baby.
Ah but Flagpole, what if - hm? - this diplomatic woman seduces and marries you, has kids, and then leaves with the Roman attache to have you support two children and a mortgage you can't afford and years later you find out she's blogged the whole thing? Whom are we to say what the universe has meted out? Can not the dog shit also help as well as hinder? eh? hm??
*sits back in the sauna, meditates on the Torah*
Oh and MCT, that pun was the worst in a long time! For this, get out of here you should! Oy!
Ah, but some lowly dog crap isn't gonna stop me from foolishly going out and ruining my life, I tell you!
*goes out for stalking lunch*
Jeeze, what part of "FACT" are you people missing?
In my country, when you want to break up with a girl, you just say "I break with thee! I break with thee! I break with thee!" and then you throw dog poop on her shoes.
And then, my brother and I go to the swinging singles club, and look for the girls with the dog poop on their shoes!
I loved the shaggy dog, mct.
That's why Mothra is so cool! He doesn't even mind if you post a picture of him humping a tower!
Six faces? Where's the missing seventh? There's your problem. She needs to embark on an exciting quest full of hairsbreadth escapes and cliffhangers, and then when the evil mastermind is thwarted and the Seventh Face is restored, it will all end happily.
I stood in shit right before an important interview. Was a bit upset, but still got the job. After that, whenever a colleague had an interview, I had to draw some poo for them to stand on for luck.
Did this work? You decide...
Did this work? You decide...
Well, that depends, what job are we interviewing them for?
Dr. Scholl's product tester.
If a German shits on you it is good and your porn career is sure to skyrocket.
*Found this in a fortune cookie at Der Happy Wang Bratwurst Hutzen*
That Fu shits joke is awesome. You totally had me.
stalkinglunch*