I'mjustlovin'allthewags jumping on the Dick Cheney Shoots Lawyer easy comedy bandwagon. And tonight, we get to see the same topic as handled by the master.
(Sweet Mothra, TIME MAGAZINE -- The Man WHOM Dick Cheney Shot. Fuck Almighty...)
Love how it was supressed for 18 hours while they lined up the alibis. The lawyer was "peppered a bit" although being airlifted to an ICU because the local hospital couldn't treat him suggests a different story.
I'm not saying they would stoop so low as to lie about something, I'm just stating the facts as I hear them.
By the way, Cheney's hunting trips with Scalia or his 417 trapped birds (nice shootin' there asswipe) are certainly a public relations coup. Y'know after the stolen election thing, they gotta do something, i guess.
Monkeyfilter: I'm just lovin' all the wags jumping on the Dick
Come on! It's funny when somebody as evil curmudgeonly as Cheney shoots someone, even if it IS an accident.
I shot the lawyer~~~~
But I did not shoot the DA~
Oh no~~~~~~~
*scrubs behind her ears*
After they're done with the caged bird shot, they're going to take him to the carnival for the Duck Pond Lucky Duck Pickup Game.
I think the juiciest tidbit out of all of this is that Cheney has to be followed wherever he goes by an ambulance on standby.
NEW YORK The more than 18-hour delay in news emerging that the Vice President of the United States had shot a man, sending him to an intensive care unit with his wounds, grew even more curious late Sunday. E&P has learned that the official confirmation of the shooting came about only after a local reporter in Corpus Christi, Texas, received a tip from the owner of the property where the shooting occured and called Vice President Cheney's office for confirmation.
I'm happy to report that "DICK SHOOTS IN FRIEND'S FACE" pretty much describes my weekend, too.
"Grampa, how did you get those scars on your face?"
"I was shot by the sitting Vice-President of the United States."
"You're cool, Grampa."
In Cheney's defense, if I was the sort of hunter that would participate in canned bird hunts and had accidently shot a 78-year old in the face, I'd want to keep it quiet, too. Such things are not exactly a testament to one's prodigious outdoor skills.
If I was the sort of hunter that would participate in canned bird hunts at all, I'd want to keep it quiet, regardless of whether my dumb ass actually shot someone. I'm not anywhere close to being Nanuck of the North, but that ain't huntin'.
Pete's link put it better than I:
My whole family has hunted for generations -- and gun safety was drilled into me from the time I was very small.
As was a strong conservation ethic, as in you don't just shoot something for the hell of it, but only for what you need to eat for your family. Period. So I have a substantial distaste for people who indiscriminately shoot an animal that was cage-raised for the sole purpose of allowing someone to just go out and blast the hell out of it as a recreational sport. That's just lazy and wrong -- and it's cheating in my book.
Yup.
I absolutely agree. Canned hunts are repugnant.
Shooting people *may* be repugnant, depending on the person you're shooting.
My first thought on hearing about this was, "But they are my PEOPLE! I LOVE them! -Pull."
(Nothing kills a gag like an explanation, but nobody I know seems to seems to get the reference... History of the World, Part 1: it's one of those immediately-pre-guillotine French kings professing his love for his subjects before launching a peasant into the air, clay-pigeon-fashion, and shooting him...)
Shooting people *may* be repugnant, depending on the person you're shooting
Like HuronBob. I shoot that guy in the head, like, at least once a month. But zombie killin's only for sport. Tainted meat, and all that.
Zombie killing like cockroach killing - you never get them all, and you end up leaving a mess after, but it's worse to let 'em run around getting into the cupboards.
Also: a 28-gauge? WTF? Regular old deuce-aught birder not fancy enough for ya, Sir Richard McCushionybottom?
It's so HEAVY. I used to shoot skeet with a 28 because a twenty was too heavy for me to use for very long.
Of course, I was twelve years old and probably weighed about ninety pounds.
oh, whoops, I didn't scroll up-wise.
I read further on and they sort of imply that Cheney's bum ticker and general level of related decrepitude forces him from using a grown-up's gun. Probably a good thing for the guy who got shot - if Cheney had a been using a proper 12-gauge at 30 yards, that dude might easily have an interesting new ventilation system.
That said, it seems that when one reaches a certain level of ill health, one ought to reconsider wandering around in the woods shooting at things at all. Not like he's an outdoorsman of any stripe, or is out there tp put pheasant on his table.
Also: OK, there's Cheney, there's the other guy - what's the Ambassador to Switzerland doing there? Not that women shouldn't hunt, but that's MY ambassadorship she's shirking there!
When in Rome... I s'pose, Fes.
So, you people seem to be less than interested in my head job. WHATEVER.
Your head job = SNOOZERS!
Oh god I wish I had a girlfriend.
pray to god; wish to genies.
You have to cultivate a Zen-like air of not-giving-a-shit. Women smell desperation on a man like funk off a wet dog. Do this: assume a lotus; prep with a few quick mantras; right your mind to the idea of a lifetime of pulling thine own pork; let the ignobility of that life melt away (note: refrain from pork-pulling during the righting-your-mind process, there'll be plenty of time for that later); achieve celebacy-nirvana. THEN hit the town of a night of carousing, and watch the candy wiggle into your lap.
Om, indeed.
Also: bathe... asceticism stinks after a while.
Wait, so Cheney shot some rich guy in the face with a sissy gun? And he cheats?!? That's just pathetic. And what's he gonna do with 417 dead birds? Feed the hungry?
Interesting that no one has thought to post that picnic penis picture yet. I'm kind of impressed. This place really is kinder and gentler than Metafilter.
Do this
No, I prefer to wallow in misery, and also some salsa.
Every article I saw over the weekend reported that Cheney "accidentally shot ...". WTF? Anyone else and the headlines would read "allegedly shot...". I mean, why are they already reporting it was "an accident"?
I'm tired of the waiting game. Let's play Hungry, Hungry Hippos.
My hippos already ate - wouldn't be fair.
No, I prefer to wallow in misery, and also some salsa.Jackinworld! (NSFW)
Fuck I hope that link works, because I'm not gonna preview it from work.
Well, let's just say it works because it brought me to this disgusting news story.
How does this ever sound like a good idea?
-Hey d'you two wanna join me for a wank over the girl that fell asleep in my dorm?
And the topper? They weren't tried for sexual assault, just indecency and gross misconduct! Adding enough insult to the injury?
And now back to your regularly disheveled programming...
Perhaps this is all a subtle hint for legislators to heed: 'If this is what we do with our hunting partners, imagine what we do to those that don't do as we wish...'
And, of course:
Monkeyfilter: a lifetime of pulling thine own porkMonkeyfilter: Om, indeed
Ah, and Quid: Kegels!
Fes speaks the truth (as usual). If you want to attract a girl, act like you already have one.
It goes further. It seems that if you want to attract girls, be married. Why, I keep seeing married guys around me, and beautiful, intelligent women swooning over them. While single, pork-pulling guys *COUGH* have to struggle for a date. I just can't understand it.
/bitter
That masturbation site is making me go blind.
And yes, sexual assault laws should cover bukkake. Don't know why they shouldn't.
What wankers.
'The vice president was concerned,' said Mary Matalin, a Cheney adviser who spoke with him yesterday morning. 'He felt badly, obviously. On the other hand, he was not careless or incautious or violate any of the [rules]. He didn't do anything he wasn't supposed to do.' "
Except shoot a guy in the face.
Just that.
What you one 'them libruls?
*sput*
Susan Page writes in USA Today that "there are few shootings on record by presidents or vice presidents. Vice President Aaron Burr killed Alexander Hamilton in a duel in 1804. In some ways, Cheney's accident is more reminiscent of occasions when President Ford drove golf balls into a crowd, beaning bystanders."
Oh yes. Very similar. Like when the golf balls exploded and tore off a piece of the bystander's face, neck and chest.
Almost the same thing, really.
Yes, interesting times indeed. Reality is becoming so bizarre, the only options are trying to laugh at it, or stocking up on tinfoil. Alufoil, at the very least.
I don't know what all the yelling and screaming was about. It was consensual, wasn't it?
Art imitates life in some sort of temporal paradox, eh, Flagpole?
Wow Flagpole, that was fascinating stuff. At least 3 things I didn't know including Funeralgate, The widow's links to covert surveillance, and dressing up in duck hunting gear for an Auschwitz memorial service.
What circles they run in eh?
Wouldn't call that 'art', more like 'a fantastic rant'...
...hopefully. Sheeez.
Ok, so we have struck bad fiction from the big book o' art.
(I thought it was 'outsider' art...)
Spokesman: Priority was treating victim, not telling public
Nice to know that our government is not capable of walking and chewing gum at the same time. They seriously couldn't have Scott McLellan make an announcement because they were worrying about taking care of the victim? Was Scotty in the OR taking birdshot out of the guy's face himself? Are we that seriously understaffed?
Spokesman: Priority was seeing what they could/had to spin, not spinning blind.
Y'know every so often Shrubya will let someting truthful slip out, but McClellan is always 100% bullshit.
Awesome title for the thread, btw.
is there anything that a member of the current US administration can do that ISN'T a total embarrassment? i mean other than quit?
Top Ten Dick Cheney Excuses via
10. "Heart palpitation caused trigger finger to spasm"
9. "Wanted to get the Iraq mess off the front page"
8. "Not enough Jim Beam"
7. "Trying to stop the spread of bird flu"
6. "I love to shoot people"
5. "Guy was making cracks about my lesbian daughter"
4. "I thought the guy was trying to go 'gay cowboy' on me"
3. "Excuse? I hit him, didn't I?"
2. "Until Democrats approve medicare reform, we have to make some tough choices for the elderly"
1. "Made a bet with Gretzky's wife"
CNN.com breaking news:
BREAKING NEWS Man shot and wounded by Vice President Cheney suffers "minor heart attack" after birdshot becomes lodged in his heart, hospital spokesman says.
The world gets more surreal by the second.
Ask yourself: who benefits? Motive. Opportunity. Follow the money. And then the question asks itself: where was Cheney when Werner Herzog was shot?
Hey, maybe they can share a room in the cardiac ward!
Ask yourself: who benefits? Motive. Opportunity. Follow the money. And then the question asks itself: where was Cheney when Werner Herzog was shot?
You know Fes, I had not connected this to the Werzog shooting, but now that you mention it, the timing IS suspect.
Of course, the Werzog would have taken the gun, shoved it up Cheney's ass, and pulled the trigger till it went "click." So it's just as well he ventilated the old man.
Oh, don't you worry. If Cheney shot Werzog, Werzog will get him back. Werzog will change himself into a giant quail, pull the sun down from the sky, and then shoot him in the face.
JFK reference . . . 6.5
Big Lebowski ref. . 8.1
Total . . . . . . . . . 7.3
It just might be enough to hold off the Germans . . .
"Hey, maybe they can share a room in the cardiac ward!"
Maybe the guy can use Cheney's 'Buy 10, Get 1 Free' card.
Not that I wish the guy ill, but I for one would welcome Dick having to face Manslaughter charges. Just sayin'. But get well, buddy. Seriously. Nobody's trying to silence you.
*cough*
Clicky Dick goes down for manslaughter and there's nothing stopping a full court Congressional bum rush to slap the 'peach on that smirking clod of a POTUS.
Or, y'know, that's one thing that could happen.
Monkeyfilter: Clicky Dick goes down for manslaughter
When I first read this I thought the delay was b/c of the administration just going into secrecy mode by default, never wanting to let ANYTHING out--but the more I read about it, the more I'm thinking there's cover-up here--specifically, Cheney was drunk. I presume operating a firearm while drunk would be a stiffer penalty than just an "accident." Since obviously at the beginning they didn't think the guy would actually die.
Not that he has yet, or should. But hey, you go hunting with the Veep, you takes your chances.
Okay, bad taste. Sorry. Really, I hope he gets well.
But to my point--that would explain the 18 hour wait between BANG and the "police interview." They made a point of saying "alcohol was not a factor," but how could they tell at that point? Cuz Cheney told them it wasn't?
I was also thinking this would be a big flare-up and then subside, like everything else. After all, if the American public can't get worked up over secret energy policy meetings involving OilCo execs, then an obvious accident won't rile them, eh? But now I'm thinking this is just the sort of stupid thing that could snowball and do some serious damage. Whether the guy dies or not.
Which I hope he won't. Really.
Call me cynic, but I can't see something like that happening. Not in this administration.
If the poor guy dies, they'll discover some surveillance video proving he jumped in front of Cheney's gun as he shot or soemthing. Because he was having tax and sexual problems and wanted to commit suicide, smearing the V.P. in the process.
He's a liberal plant. A suicide...er, shotgun fodder...
Autopsy will reveal that he swalled a pound of pellets before the hunting trip hoping to maximize his chance of getting that heart attack.
Tricky liberal BASTARDS.
The thing that I can't get my head wrapped around - even sober, with his varied cornucopia of health issues, how steady can the man's hands be? If he's too sick to respond to national emergencies, and needs an ambulace standing by, should he really be operating firearms?
Well, that's why they had him hunting wingless, flightless quail-tards. Didn't want 'em to spook and give him his fifth coronary of the week.
So now you have to wonder if an ambulance follows Cheney around 24/7 because he's going to have another heart attack, or because they're sure he's going to hurt someone else eventually.
Yeah, I do seem to recall that the Dicker was too sick to crawl out of bed and open his eyes during Hurricane Katrina and its aftermath.
"Go fuck yourself."
--MC Clicky Dick
Heh...The Daily Show totally won the late night joke contest with this graphic:
He was only "peppered" and got 3 days in the ICU and a heart attack. It's a good thing he wasn't a salted.
Thanks, I'll be here all week
posted by jefbla at 12:58 PM PST on February 14
heh.
Hey, rocket88, I called that in the FPP. But you're right.
And so was I, but no one likes an Itoldyouso
so i heard on the radio that cheney openly admits he was hunting quayle when he hit this other guy!
Cheney Shoots Man, Administration Screws UsLast month, it was announced that Exxon's profit in 2005 was a staggering $36.13 billion -- bigger than the economies of 125 of the 184 countries ranked by the World Bank.
Says the NYT: "New projections, buried in the Interior Department's just-published budget plan, anticipate that the government will let companies pump about $65 billion worth of oil and natural gas from federal territory over the next five years without paying any royalties to the government."
Corporate giveaways, just like ol' Dick wants.
Cheney, sick of getting heart attacks, decided to *give* one for a change.
OK, let me just shotgun this one...
MonkeyFilter: I don't know what all the yelling and screaming was about. It was consensual, wasn't it?
He's just finally taking action against trial lawyers.
good one GramMa
Wow H-dogg that's faskinatin'.
"My idea for an ad campaign next year is, 'Corruption, Cronyism, Incompetence,' " Lucas told the applauding Democrats. "'It's Your Country. Vote.'"
sweet.
An article at MSNBC's Website was edited to remove references to alcohol, that may have been available at a picnic, which preceded the accidental shooting of a 78-year-old lawyer by Vice President Cheney last Saturday, RAW STORY has learned.
*glug* *glug* - click click - thump?
Vice President Dick Cheney, who was forced to leave Yale University because his penchant for late-night beer drinking exceeded his devotion to his studies, and who is one of the small number of Americans who can count two drunk driving busts on his driving record, may have been doing more than hunting quail on the day that he shot a Texas lawyer in the face.
Pure speculation, of course, but I'm sure the White House will be extremely honest and forthcoming with any relevant details very quickly.
Any word yet on that unidentified female who was with him AND who wasn't Lynne Cheney?
I love how this is quickly becoming the GOP's Chappaquiddick.
[INSERT JOKE ABOUT QUID'S CHAPPED DICK HERE]
OK!
Er...Quid has a chapped Dick. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Aah. Enter one Pamela Willeford.
Kinda disappointed. You kinda expect mistresses of the rich and powerful to be young, eager floozies, but Willeford -- she's like, old and accomplished.
Can't imagine her wielding a cigar at all. Bullwhip, maybe.
You kinda expect mistresses of the rich and powerful to be young, eager floozies...
...like Camilla Parker-Bowles.
Was Cheney Hiding His Lewinsky?
Maybe he was, Milhouse . . . maybe he was . . .
Camilla -- you don't think they're actually capable of sex, do you? He just wanted to be her tampon. Anyone with a sexual imagination that retarded -- you have to wonder.
Meanwhile, back on the ranch...
Armstrong not a witness as she claimed she was, also misleads on drinking. From a source less impartial than I'd like, but whatever.
(Sweet Mothra, am I missing Hunter Thompson right now...)
Y'know why this thing's getting more press than a gay male prostitute entering the White House 160 times without anyone questioning why he was there?
Because the Vice President possibly got drunk and shot someone in the face.
Dicky-cent. VP-Unit fo' life, yo.
Boooooooo TAY!
> Pamela Willeford
ye gods, david bowie's back in drag and dating dick cheney!
She has eyes of different colors?
Well, she will when Dicky's through with her.
If she has eyes left at all, that is...
Well, look. As a woman of the older persuasion, I can tell you that we gain power from life experience, just as men do, but we reach our sexual peak later in life, so we can be more imaginative than the young chickies, especially when it comes to extramarital relations. If she is his mistress, he may have made a good choice.
You go, girl.
Older women, the best kept secret!
I for one would like to let that secret out of the bag, to provide inspiration for all the 22 year old boys I am trying to seduce :D
I...
better shut up my mouth.
we can be more imaginative than the young chickies, especially when it comes to extramarital relations.
Well, color me intrigued!
I for one would like to let that secret out of the bag, to provide inspiration for all the 22 year old boys I am trying to seduce :D
Um, this usually requires little more inspiration than a six-pack and the question "Would you like to come home with me and have lots of filthy sex?" If you offered to play Halo 2 with them afterward and cook them dinner, they'd ask you to marry them.
Just sayin'. Wasn't so long ago I was that age.
*goes off to buy six-pack and X-box*
*remembers, with fondness and gratitude, older women*
*touches himself*
Actually in Camilla's case I think it may have been *swallow* troo luuurve. Sure, a bizarre, twisted, "I'm going to marry the 19-year-old my family picked and carry on with you on the side for decades, are you OK with that, honey" kind of true love...
*swallow* troo luuurve
I hear that!
And in other news . . .
According to Clinton Whitehouse aide Sidney Blumenthal, Katherine Armstrong (the woman who "broke" the story for Dick) is the daughter of Tobin Armstrong who financed Karl Rove's political consulting business. Kathareine's mom hired Dick to sit on the board of Halliburton.
In other words, Dick and Karl owe their huge fortunes to this family.
Just interesting. (Salon, reg. req.)
The Armstrong family's Republican connections have continued and strengthened down to the latest generation of Bushes. Gov. George W. Bush appointed Anne a regent of Texas A&M University and Katharine a commission member of the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department, the agency that filed the report on the Cheney shooting. At Tobin's funeral last year, Cheney delivered the eulogy.
While the incident continues to unfold, the Bush administration is pressing a new budget in which oil companies would receive what is called "royalty relief," allowing them to pump about $65 billion of oil and natural gas from federal land over the next five years without paying any royalties to the government, costing the U.S. Treasury about $7 billion. For Texas royalty like the Armstrongs, it would amount to a windfall profit.
The curiosities surrounding the vice president's accident have created a contemporary version of "The Rules of the Game" with a Texas twist. In Jean Renoir's 1939 film, politicians and aristocrats mingle at a country house in France over a long weekend, during which a merciless hunt ends with a tragic shooting. Appearing on the eve of World War II, "The Rules of the Game" depicted a hypocritical, ruthless and decadent ruling class that made its own rules and led a society to the edge of catastrophe.
Aw, you just ruined the atmosphere with your interruptions, petebest.
Hey, I'm only trying to point out what I feel are interesting items to this news story that simply don't *BLAM!*
Uh oh.
Flaggy? You ok?
*guzzles whiskey & coke to calm nerves*
Jay Leno: "So it turns out Dick Cheney's gang weren't even walking through the woods hunting. They were in a car. He was in a car. They drive along, they get out of the car, he shoots a friend in the face and then they get back in the car and they go hide for 18 hours. That's not hunting, that's an episode of 'The Sopranos.' "
Media's Aim Misses Real Cheney Misdeeds
The upshot is with the press getting all pissy (finally) over being given the finger by Dick-N-Thugz, they're missing the Plame leak angle.
Y'know - get pissy about something that matters.
Read this one before Wikipedia takes it down. Apologies in advance if the link is already dead.
And I thought it was sitting not standing...
Y'know - get pissy about something that matters.
Get over it. Justify your censorship however you like.
Actually, I agree. It would have been nice if the media had put 1/1000th of the effort into investigating the other crap he's pulled. I loved this quote from the article:
"McClellan was peppered with pointed questions and sharp asides..."
hehe i missed that.
Yeah, it would have been nice to see, "Cheney accidentally shot a guy (gets your attention). Last year he did (insert catalog of evil corruotion here)." You can bet that's what they'd do if it was a Hollywood celebrity.
200 pellets in a 1.5' radius? Ow.
And who is "Bo" Hubert?
He's Bret and Bart Hubert's English cousin.
"Yesterday, we learned that one of the BBs penetrated the elderly gentleman's hunting vest, shirt, skin, muscle, rib cartilage, and possibly bone, coming to rest in his heart."
Actually, I believe the doctors said it migrated to his heart. I believe that that's not uncommon.
Still a good article, though.
I know this is AOL, but it's the best (or worst) picture I've seen so far.
Ick.
Holy shit, look at the one just above his right eye. One lucky son of a bitch.
Ay caramba. And he's "deeply sorry for all the trouble" Dicky has faced over the past week...
And for a lawyer to say that -- he must owe somebody (Dick, the Armstrongs) an AWFUL LOT.
I was thinking myself that he's very lucky to still have two eyes.
"I loves Dick Cheney. I would take a bullet in the face for that man."
Or 50.
Waiter: And would Madame like some freshly ground pepper on her salad?
Lynne Cheney: Yes, please, I'd like it peppered pretty good...
BLAM!!!
in wisconsin, the dept of natural resources has placed realistic, bulletproof ROBOTIC DEER around the state to bust the poachers that pull over on the highway to shoot at deer from their pickup trucks (which is dangerous and very frowned upon). as i understand it, the road that cheney and co. were driving on was part of the ranch property... but that's lame, too, and cheney is still a sociopathic coward.
now, imagine what will happen once these ROBOTIC DEER become sentient and use their wireless networking capabilities to form a destructive hive mind hell bent on world domination. what will we do? shoot them? THEY ARE BULLETPROOF! they will gore and trample you and everyone you love using the collective, distributed brain power of DEERNET 1.0 to swarm and destroy entire cities. how would we outsmart a DECENTRALIZED UNGULATE SUPERCOMPUTER?
answer: we send a one mancyborg army in defeat them all: dick "the dick" cheney. Lon, move over... there's a new, scarier monster in town!
CYBORG CHENEY VS. DEERNET 1.0 could be the premier pay-per-view event of the decade!
When Mr. Minda said Cheney has more power than any VP in US history, I never thought something like that order put in place in March 2003 was behind it. Amazing.
From the Dickxecutive Order referenced in the article,
Sec. 1.7. Classification Prohibitions and Limitations. (a) In no case shall information be classified in order to:
(1) conceal violations of law, inefficiency, or administrative error;
(2) prevent embarrassment to a person, organization, or agency;
(3) restrain competition; or
(4) prevent or delay the release of information that does not require protection in the interest of the national security.
Well, that's certainly clear enough. Impeachment!
Secret Service agents say Cheney was drunk when he shot lawyerSecret Service agents guarding Vice President Dick Cheney when he shot Texas lawyer Harry Whittington on a hunting outing two weeks ago say Cheney was "clearly inebriated" at the time of the shooting.
Agents observed several members of the hunting party, including the Vice President, consuming alcohol before and during the hunting expedition, the report notes, and Cheney exhibited "visible signs" of impairment, including slurred speech and erratic actions.
. . .
Secret Service officials also took possession of all tests on Whittington's blood at the hospitals where he was treated for his wounds. When asked if a blood alcohol test had been performed on Whittington, the doctors who treated him at Christus Spohn Hospital Memorial in Corpus Christi or the hospital in Kingsville refused to answer. One admits privately he was ordered by the Secret Service to "never discuss the case with the press."
It's a sure bet that is a private doctor who treated the victim of Cheney's reckless and drunken actions can't talk to the public then any evidence that shows the Vice President drunk as a skunk will never see the light of day.
Well, it's not like he strangled a stripper, people!
VPs don't shoot people -- alchol does!
=al co hol
Al Kohaul? Yeah, I used to go huntin' wit de guy . . .
Maybe the (Philip K.) Dick robot has been commandeered to relace the fleshly Dick when the cyborg heart finally breaks down.
Wait...is that alcohol report true? And we haven't seen any of it in the US news reports?
Damn that liberal media!
(Maybe it's al-Koholaeda. Or al-KoolAidia, even.)
Oh I'm sure the story will break in the mainstream press aaaaaany minute now.
*creaky rocking chair noises*
yup.
Well, you know, if they say it's true that what they say is true, then it's gotta be true...
occam's razor tells us that when some yokel perforates his friend with a lady's shotgun while hunting, and doesnt want to talk to the cops about it for ~24 hours, it is likely the result of hunters DRINKING TOO MUCH DR PEPPER.
see? "DR PEPPER" ⇒ "PEPPERED A BIT"
that, or "peppered" is the new "inebriated"
Ahhh c'maah GramM*hic* GramMa! Havfadrig wid us!
*hic* We got scotch and there's a beer in th-*BLAM!*
. . .
Ohh poop!
*covers up illegal act*
*laughs maniacally for getting away with it*
Anyone wanna help me settle a bet? I need to find the texas law that says it's illegal to get drunk and shoot someone in the face with a shotgun.
My opponent claims that it was an accident and therefore is not illegal.
Anyone? Anyone? Beuller?
"My opponent claims that it was an accident and therefore is not illegal."
If the Vice-President does it, it is not illegal. At this point of history, anyway.
I was wondering this:
If an evil guy (Dick Cheney) was off doing an evil thing (killing small animals for the sole purpose of deriving personal pleasure) and simultaneously doing a stupid thing (drinking) which resulted in a near death experience for an innocent bystander (shooting an old man in the face)...What would have happened 8 years ago?
A boring guy (Al Gore) doing a boring thing (devoting much of his private life to studying the effect of greenhouse gasses on the planet) and simultaneously doing a brilliant thing (inventing the internet) would have resulted in... what?
This?
People, people, focus! I need those statutes please. In pdf format where possible.
*clap* *clap*
Is that some sorta sammich? Peanut Butter/Dill Pickles/Fluff?
Flufferdillerbutter?
pete-
IANAL,BIPOOTV
(assuming that cheney hasnt violated any federal laws...) if i were the DA, i would consider prosecuting any of these:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grievous_bodily_harm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battery_%28crime%29
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Actual_bodily_harm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mayhem_%28crime%29
and if you dont already, you should understand:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Recklessness_%28criminal%29
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lesser_included_offenses
here's a catch-all:
http://criminal.findlaw.com/crimes/a-z/disorderly_conduct.html
motive, intent, and implied consent seem mostly irrelevant in this instance. however, youll have to just google the specific texas statues yourself, mr lazypants. now, will anyone ever press charges against vaderpalpatine cheney? of course we'd all love to see that fascist motherfucker get his ass frogmarched to prison, but how bloody likely is that? he's also a war criminal, war profiteer, etc... which all, disturbingly, makes "nearly killing a guy by means of dumbshittery" look like a traffic violation.
Yeah, that's the argument I'm having (and thanks for the links!) It's "He's getting away with a crime!" versus "What's the crime in getting drunk and shooting someone in the face accidentally . . in Texas?"
Top Ten Reasons Dick Cheney Won't Resign
10. Trying to fix up Condi Rice with his daughter
9. Turns out when you shoot somebody, if you're not vice president, you gotta do time
8. Bush leaves at two every day and then it's margaritas and Fritos
7. Set the solitare high score on his office computer
6. Wants to see if he can help Bush get his approval rating under ten
5. Too hard to give up Vice Presidential Discount at D.C. area Sam Goody stores
4. Wants to stay on the job until every country in the world hates us
3. Extra-zappy White House defibrillators
2. Undisclosed location has foosball and whores
1. Why quit when things are going so well?
via
Bird attacks Cheney plane
Sources said Cheney's bodyguards then held the duck down as Cheney blasted it repeatedly with a shotgun. He was heard to be saying "Mwhyaa! Myaaah!"
evilcurmudgeonly as Cheney shoots someone, even if it IS an accident.mancyborg army in defeat them all: dick "the dick" cheney. Lon, move over... there's a new, scarier monster in town! CYBORG CHENEY VS. DEERNET 1.0 could be the premier pay-per-view event of the decade!vaderpalpatinecheney? of course we'd all love to see that fascist motherfucker get his ass frogmarched to prison, but how bloody likely is that? he's also a war criminal, war profiteer, etc... which all, disturbingly, makes "nearly killing a guy by means of dumbshittery" look like a traffic violation.