You are logged in as Anonymous.

410769 members

November 02, 2005

How the Death Star Works

What a wonderful smell you've discovered.

I was hoping for a driver's manual.

Where is the McDonalds?

So Luke Skywalker killed a million fucking people at the end of Star Wars and everyone cheered.

Yes, bernockle, but it's important to stress that these were British people.

What a minute - I thought episode 2 showed that the stormtroopers were all cloned from a New Zealander.....

ok that's it I'm getting off the interwebs before they take away my license....WAIT not what...and that was after previewing

Where is the McDonalds?

Next to the day care center.

I thought episode 2 showed that the stormtroopers were all cloned from a New Zealander.....

I thought Dooku grew them in the caverns of Isengard.

But the Death Star is no moon.

Hey, I thought HowStuffWorks was a serious site... does this mean we can expect articles on that photo machine from Blade Runner, that weird helmet from Videodrome or the Orb of Orgasmatron from The Sleeper?


Although the Stormtroopers began as clones, as the Empire expanded, non-clone recruits were also taken from planets within the Empire. They would undergo a process of training and indoctrination, building upon their already exceptional loyalty to the Emperor, until they would function in almost identical manner to that of the original clone troopers.

Yeaaaaaaaaah.. that's from the expanded universe shit, though. That stuff isn't written by Lucas and riddled with plot holes, errors and whatnot. I think it's pretty clear that Lucas wanted the Stormies to be considered clones. There was even an article with the rundown on it published in '79 saying flat out that they were all clones. That got overlooked by a lot of people, but I had the magazine it was in, and I remember a scan of it being posted on a few years ago.

That explains why they were all so fucking useless, and followed orders so easily.

Anyway, I think that we should try to shrug that kind of nerdy obsessiveness off.. :)

(paging Wedge to this thread.. )

I find your lack of faith disturbing.

When Luke and Han walk through the Death Star wearing Stormtrooper uniforms and have an obvious considerable difference in height, no one they pass bats an eye. One would think that the clones might all be the same height.

Lucas doesn't like the idea of his heroes killing people. He does the Han/Greedo thing. He makes the bad guys robots in the first movie. He makes them clones in the second and third movies. He tries to convince us that they were clones in 4-6.

Whereas the fanboys and girls freakin LOVE the idea of the heroes killing people.

Shoot 'em in the face, Chewey! THE FACE!!!!

"Aren't you a little short for a storm trooper?"

And why would you clone useless imbeciles who can't shoot straight?

Hey man, make enough copies of something and you're bound to lose some of the finer details along the way.

"Lucas doesn't like the idea of his heroes killing people."

Lots of people get killed in the prequels. LOTS. Lucas doesn't like showing it *on screen*. I dunno if you noticed the mayhem in EpII. Beheading and so forth.

"He makes the bad guys robots in the first movie."

The bad guys were the Sith & Trade Fed, *and* robots. Darth Maul got cut in half. Ky00t aliens were incinerated in the pod race. Fish were eaten. :)

"He tries to convince us that they were clones in 4-6."

He stated they were clones in 1979. Just because the half-assed expanded universe authors didn't pick this up is not Lucas' error. Plus, what Nickdanger said. Leia's comment makes more sense in light of a clone situation.

EpIII had LOTS of killing. The Jedi, Anakin going apeshit in the Trade Fed HQ, etc. Not to mention the torso of Anakin CATCHING FIRE HELLO?? That was outrageous.

Lucas changing Han's shot on Greedo was a bad call from one perspective, but then when you weigh it up with the known behaviour of Han in the later part of the same movie and the sequels, as character continuity, it makes more sense. The shoot-first Han is somewhat incompatible with the Han that comes back for some reason to help Luke at the Yavin battle.

Good god, I wish Darth Eric were here.

Why would you clone imbeciles who can't shoot straight? Well, actually they *can* shoot straight, except when aiming at the heroes. I tend to think this has to do with the fact that the heroes have to survive if there's to be a movie. :D

Yes, what MsVader said. It's like when you make a copy of a cassette several times, it degrades. Remember, the Empire is using 70's analogue technology.

Okay. So why was it that Luke and Han went unnoticed by Death Star personnel when they were standing at obviously different heights in the uniforms?

But the fact that Han should be such a badass and then have a change of heart having come into contact with the Rebels, now THAT'S a charachter arc...


Right. Would that not be the difference between a round character and a flat character?

That's what I'm saying! I like the fact that he could shoot first! If only he'd have gone for the face. Han, THE FACE!!!!

Shut up you nerds.

I'd shoot YOU in the face, that's fer sure.

Kanucktard scum

wh4t3v3r, TK421.

If Lucas doesn't like the killing, who was populating Alderaan when it was blasted out of the heavens? Or is it OK for the baddies to kill people? And if so, why the double standard? Baddies get all the fun.

I think we're also ignoring the obvious topic of discussion. What films were being shown in the Death Star cinemas?

Luke Water for Chocolate?

One would think that the clones might all be the same height.

They start out the same height. But, say, if an anvil fell on one he might get shorter. Or if one got caught up in a giant cog or something he might get stretched taller. You just can't plan for the kind of things that might happen on a death star.

Fucking anvils.

The Last Emperor?

Cool Hand Luke?

TIE me up! TIE me down!?

Debbie Does Dagobah?

Darth of a Salesman?

The Fortune Wookie?

Lando the Living Dead

Ewok in the Clouds

The Jagged Wedge

umm... Yoda Tengo?


The Palpatine Rabbit

The Emperor's New Groove.

As I Leia Dying

Twin Peaks: FirEwok With Me?

Star Wars

woah that'd be weird, eh?

The Maltesenium Falcon?

Allright, that was a stretch.

more coffee, Capt.

Citizen Kenobi

Oola and Jar Jar's Excellent Adventure

Eternal Sunshine of the Midichlorian Mind

Private Benkenobi?

Nope. Not there yet.

Breakfast AT-AT Tiffany's?

Weekend AT-AT Bernies?

Definitely more coffee. Which isn't to say that Weekend at Bernie's couldn't have been improved with a couple of AT-ATs.

The Adventures of Rin Tauntaun?

OK, I'll stop.

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water.... Jawas!

petebest wins
(inasmuch as I can be the arbitor of such things)

Only imperial stormtroopers can be so precise. Unless they're aiming at the good guys.

What was that about the Magnesium Falcon?

Star Wars
woah that'd be weird, eh?

And they show the original, 'Solo shoots first' version!


This has been showing up everywhere. Isn't this just some form of viral advertising?


Of course. You did get your check, didn't you, artforms?

And, a last one: Kitfistos on a Plane!

Let me qualify my answer: Yes, of course it's viral marketing, but it's that rare variety that's also entertaining to read. Besides, I think Star Wars marketing hit super-saturation a long time ago, all it's producing now is backlash.

Oooooo! Here's one marked Frickin' Laser Beams.

Can I push this button? Huh? Can I? Can I?

« Older Sperm Donors (Not) Anonymous | Drunk Monkey Newer »

To post comments to a thread you must login or create a profile.