October 21, 2005

• 2) Gently scrambled eggs. 3) Milkshake mixer.
• I would use it to mix a cocktail so I could post good and drunk.
• 4) attach to timer, insert, and use as alarm clock.
• 5) Insert, active, into random traveler's bag at airport to attract attention of "throwers". "Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor, but every once in a while..."
• 6) Electric Guitar noises - slide and FX (the motor does things to the pickups)
• 7) Use under your RISK game board to simulate a major earthquake.
• You've started your Xmas shopping early?
• If you had two, you could race them, see which one gets to the other end of the table first. Take bets.
• (9
• 10) The manly thing to do is break open to get the rechargeables inside, then put them in your power tools.
• 11. At the end, mail it back. In clear packaging.
• 11A. Mail it C.O.D.
• 12) Attach toothbrush for that fresh breath scent.
• How about this, fool? We are waiting for a major hurricane; do you give a rat's ass? Guess not......
• Buy puppy or kitten, put vibrator under its sleeping pillow at night to gently soothe to sleep.
• Okay, no more jokes until cynnbad's had her hurricane.
• It makes a great kid's toy! Or you could 'mod' it; empty contents and fit iPod innards inside it. Great conversation piece. Love cooking? A small rolling pin for those pasty doughs. I'd sterilize it thoroughly first. Actually, I'd chuck it into a ziploc and toss it away... or maybe put it as a mantelpiece... well, it would depend on the specifics of the breakup.
• i'm sure there's tablets for that.
• Hey, Medusa, when are you having your next hurricane? Inquiring minds, etc.
• 15) Glue it to a broomstick then.. oh! never mind.
• 16) Tune vibrator to emergency locator beacon frequency - use in case you're trapped in a hurricane ... OK, that was wrong ... but it felt so good!
• InsolentChimp: I read that as "fish breath scent"...
• Monkeyfilter: I read that as "fish breath scent"... Sludge: same page.
• Good luck, cynnbad! Give it a boot towards the open ocean, wouldja? We're expecting it in Atlantic Canada next week.
• cynnbad: Resist the media hype. We had Rita fever for 4 days in Houston, and the relentless yapping alarm of the news media caused people to die from anxiety. I kid you not. If there was only some way a monkey could send you something to help you relax, even for a few minutes...
• I'm¨not going to say it, but it would be a great No. 17.
• Aw, come on, Skrik! or should I be saying "thank you"?
• It has to do with hurricane relief efforts, one presumes. Hmph.
• 17) For temporary relief of hurricane media hype related anxiety.
• 18) Attach a diaphragm (no, not that kind) and some plastic tubing for a reliable DIY fish aquarium air pump. Because it's an homage to an ex, preferably you would want some algae eaters in the tank...
• 19) Etch-a-Sketch eraser.
• Buy puppy or kitten, put vibrator under its sleeping pillow at night to gently soothe to sleep. I just sort of did this with my baby kitten. She was playing with the vibrator and trying to chew it. Not cool. So while she was nibbling I turned it on and she instantaneously dematerialized and reappeared against the bedroom wall several feet away. Little surprise. It was a Hitachi and those things are registered on the Richter Scale. 20) Keep miso soup from separating while it sits long enough to cool to a safely drinkable temperature.
• 15) Glue it to a broomstick then... 21) ...use it to consolidate very small poured-concrete projects.
• 22) Wear it in your pants and be as sexy as your vice-president.
• Churning butter should be at the top of the list
• All I have had left behind have been a couple toothbrushes a few times. . . 23) All right. We put it away. We keep it hidden. We never speak of it again. No one knows it's here, do they?
• 24) Hood ornament. For bonus cool points, have a switch on the dashboard that activates it.
• 25) Toy Jackhammer for the kiddies.
• She was playing with the vibrator and trying to chew it. Not cool. Oh boy. I get all queasy when a friend's kitty or puppy wants to lick me; thinking about a sex toy left around so pets can get to it, it makes me feel ill...
• 26) Stick it up your arse for instant prostatic relief.
• But you should turn it on, first. The dildo, not the arse. Although that wouldn't hurt, now, would it?
• 26) Give it to the new girlfriend, and tell her it's a serial-monogamistic heirloom. Take it back when you break up.
• 28) Take it out before posting to MoFi.
• 27) was a secret.
• Absentmindedly answer knock at door while holding vibrator in hands. Horrifed and rapid departure of 2 earnest ladies from the local chapter of Jehovah's Witnesses.
• OR two new converts! *bow chicka bow!*
• Apologies Cynnbad but I totally forgot about the hurricane. My attention had been diverted. And Shrik, my arse has gone into spasm at the very thought of your suggestion. Flagpole, I am no cook, however I shall try making pastry dough because the rolling pin idea really appeals!
• /yeast_infection_joke *runs*
• Tie to head, wear as ponytail.
• 30) Pestle
• 31) Halloween costume: attach to forehead ("strap-on" harness helpful here) and go forth as a magical unicorn! EVERYBODY loves unicorns. OR 32) Speaking of Halloween: what little ghost wouldn't be thrilled to find this treat in their goodie bag after a long night of haunting? (sterilize and wipe off all fingerprints first). PS Cynnbad, good luck...
• kinnakeet, bonus points for the unicorn idea, that one is good, really good. once in tosca bar in north beach (sf) a buncha suits were smoking their disgusting cigars. I happened to have a vibrator in my bag, the type thats shaped just like a cigar holder, so I took it out and "smoked" it for a while. It was VERY tempting to go to their table and ask for a light, but my balls arent' QUITE that large!
• Monkeyfilter: I happened to have a vibrator in my bag
• *ding!*
• Well done, Flag! ...go forth as a magical unicorn! Shouldn't that have been "magical" unicorn?
• Invite your friends over for a karaoki night. Hand them the microphone. You know it's on when it's vibrating.
• Unicorn idea is a hoot! I'm going to the local (pub) with Unicorn attachment this very evening. Many thanks Kinnakeet, that's even better than casually licking my eyebrows, as is my usual wont! Harness: Duct tape, that'll do it!
• You might look like a bit of a dickhead.
• BooooOOOOooooo
• 34) Fill with bees, turn on and throw into schoolyard.
• Why would anyone do that to bees?
• HEY YOU KIDS! Dang it, leave Bees alone. Don't you know if you get him all riled up he's going to start humming and buzzing just like that thing you got in your hand.... EWWUU, drop that thing back in the gutter where you got it! Now go warsh your hands.